And the bloodshed that followed
by Yuu-chi
Summary: New student, Allen Walker, is an enigma wrapped in a mystery covered in a shroud of danger. Kanda really should just call it quits, but as questions mount and the unseen threats loom, he finds that he's already in too deep. Nobody ever said highschool was supposed to be easy, but Kanda's fairly certain they're probably doing it wrong.
1. New student, Allen Walker

**Chapter one – New student, Allen Walker**

There were times when one simply can't be late. They just can't. Upon pain of death and the whole lot, they just _can't._

This – Kanda thought sourly as he tried to ignore the milling fangirls – was one of those times.

He _had _planned to get here early to better make his way to his desk without the aid of violence and his trademark death glare, but the gods seemed to have been conspiring against him and had managed to magnificently foil his plot. Magnificently. With style.

An unexpected issue with the dorms had led too much of Kanda's precious time being pointlessly wasted this morning. Time that could have been better spent idling at his desk so as to avoid his rabid fans. He'd rather not have wasted it being lectured for something _that wasn't even his damn fault!_

Kanda had known for a fact that he was in Seika dorm. He had _always_ been and had presumed, rather justly, he'd like to add, that he always would be. A letter from the school shortly before the start of the New Year had confirmed that.

And that was why he was infuriated to learn that he'd been shifted from the comfort of Seika dorm without so much as being consulting. _A fabulous way to start the school year, _Kanda thought bitterly, _is to show up at the dorm only to be sent to another fucking one on the opposite side of campus! _

And it was simply on one of the headmasters vexatious whims no less! Apparently Headmaster Komui had decided that Seika dorm would better benefit from being changed into a senior-only dorm. Why, Kanda had no fucking idea. He never understood anything that went on in that moron's head.

His morning had been shaping up rather badly as it was, but that hadn't been it. There just _had _to be a fucking icing on the _fucking cake._

He'd be getting a shit-for-brains roommate this year. Something Komui had promised him would never happen again after how his unsuccessful first attempt back in freshman year had wound up. Which, for the record, _hadn't _been Kanda's fault anyway.

_And _not only was he to be expected to deal with a petty brat, but this brat would be a bloody new kid!

Someone who had the gall to transfer in at the start of his Junior year. The kid would have a hard time making friends, Kanda thought with a grimace. Two years had passed since the Juniors had reached high school, so it was only expected that they would have already paired off in to their neat little cliques.

Hence Kanda deemed it only reasonable to be in a particularly bad mood this morning, and that being said it was only normal to threaten any of the female roadblocks in his way with the promise of receiving '_Mugen in the fucking guts if you don't move right now!'_

The crowd seemed to evaporate immediately, leaving only one person leaning casually against Kanda's desk, a goofy smile playing across his face.

"Move. Now." Kanda grunted, but none the less taking the seat and leaning back to glare icily at his company.

"Awww… Yu-chan. I missed you too." Lavi crooned, tilting his head so a few wisps of startling red hair escaped from the patterned green bandana holding them at bay. Kanda continued to glower at him until Lavi rolled his eyes and pulled his chair over from the desk in front, sitting on it back to front in typical Lavi fashion.

"You're awfully late. Normally you're first here."

"Che."

"Ahh…" Lavi sound thoughtfully, as if Kanda's non-committing sound had given him new insight.

"The business with the dorms, huh?"

Shit. Maybe it had.

"Che."

"Now, now Yu-chan. I know you're not pleased with having a roommate, but there is certainly no need to be so rude about it."

"_Che_._" _Move violent this time.

"You will most certainly _not _do that to him," Lavi said in a mockingly horrified tone, "You'd be breaking several laws!"

"Shut up you damn rabbit! I've had enough of you insistent blabbering," Kanda hissed in a deadly tone.

Lavi cocked his eyebrow – a bodily gesture made slightly strange due to the black eye patch covering his other eye. He opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by the sound of the classroom door rattling open.

Almost instantly the room was filled with a flurry of movement as students rushed to return to their assigned seats now that Reever had entered the room. Kanda watched as the room's noise died down and their homeroom teacher was able to reach the front of the room.

"It's good to see you all back and healthy after the break," he said airily as he reached the blackboard, sounding like he didn't care one way or the other about their health, "My name is Reever Wenham, as most of you should know by now, but Reever-sensei will do fine."

"Oi! Reever! I heard we're getting a new student!" Lavi shouted, completely disregarding the furious hiss of 'Reever_ sensei,' _from his teacher. Lavi threw out his most charming smile and Kanda barely suppressed the urge to kick the damn rabbit's seat.

"Yes, Lavi. We will be given the honour of playing host to our new student," Reever sighed as he set his ever present clipboard on his desk and waved off the over excited whispering that has started up upon his announcement.

"Is it a guy?" A girl in the back piped up eagerly.

"Ask him yourself," Reever muttered grumpily in way of reply, waving to someone who must have been standing just out of sight behind the door, "Walker, you can come in now."

The tense air gave way to surprised gasps as the class stared at their newest member as he walked across the classroom to stand by the teacher's side. Even Kanda felt his eyebrow twitch in a sort of suppressed shock.

"Class, I would like you to meet Allen Walker. He's just enrolled here and I hope you make him feel most comfortable."

Kanda gave the boy who he would be sharing his room with – albeit, reluctantly – a once over.

There were so many things wrong with the picture.

For one, 'Allen Walker' had a shock of white hair. Not white-blonde, or hair going prematurely grey. _White. _What kind of trend the kid had been following when he had dyed it Kanda had no idea. Although, with his own long, raven hair Kanda was aware he hardly had room to talk.

The second thing was the extravagant tattoo on the kid's right eye. Blood red, it wound its way up his cheek, continuing on his eye lid before finally twisting itself into a pentagram just above his eyebrow. _I am a demonic Satanist, _it seemed to scream, contrasting nicely with the peaceful smile on Walker's face, _fear me. Feeeeear me. _

Lavi gave a low whistle only Kanda could hear, leaning back in his chair to whisper, "_That must have been one hell of a painful tattoo."_

The third thing that caught Kanda's attention was the pair of white gloves the kid was wearing, completely hiding his arms and hands from view once you factored in the long sleeved white shirt and tan woollen vest that made up the mandatory uniform.

Being neither a warm nor cold day, Kanda couldn't really make much of this, but he'd never seen somebody rock up to his first day of school layered up like it was the middle of winter. Well, nobody trustworthy anyway.

And last but not least, the golden… _Thing, _which wasflapping above the boys shoulder.

Circular and sporting what looked like horns it fluttered merrily beside the boys head, it's twisting tail flickering this way and that which has much of the class hypnotized. Kanda, however, would not fall victim to such trickery. No matter how many times the tail drifting left, right, _left, right… left… right… _FUCK!

Kanda shook his head roughly, managing to return back to reality in time to see Allen bowing his head to the class. Straightening up, he flashed the class a smile so bright that Kanda had to wince away.

"Good morning. My name is Allen Walker and I hope we can be good friends," Another flashing smile. A chorus of whispers swept furiously through the room accompanied by the giggling of the easily manipulated females in the class.

"_Well, Yu-chan,"_ Lavi whispered as he leaned backwards once again, _"there go half of your fangirls."_

Kanda however sat still as a statue in his chair.

No.

Oh, _fuck _no.

He was going to be living with _this _for a year?

"Oi! Allen~Chan!" Lavi chorused loudly without a hint of shame. Allen turned around and his mouth moved to form the words '_chan?' _Kanda had to smirk slightly at this. The bean would learn quickly that nicknames given by Lavi were for life.

"What's with the golden snitch?" Lavi asked innocently, gesturing at the bobbing ball still hovering over Allen's shoulder.

Allen blinked, turning his head to stare at the _thing _as if he had forgotten it was there. A flick of snow white hair he turned to face the class again. "This is my golem, Timcanpy. Ahh, I guess you wouldn't know what that is…" Allen held out his hand so the flying ball of golden metal could land gently on his palm.

"Ohh…. That's pretty neat." Lavi said in surprise.

Kanda frowned. Lavi may be a genius, but Kanda had no fucking clue what the hell a golem was and it seemed the rest of the class shared in his bewildered ignorance. But going by, the grins the two were sharing Kanda did not feel like asking. He also had a nasty feeling that their shared geek-ness was going to give birth to a bond of… _friendship._

Kanda shivered at the thought. Not because he dislikes the idea of Lavi making friends, but because he dislikes the idea of Lavi forcing said friend upon him – which the redhead had a nasty penchant for doing.

"Alright, Walker. There's a seat over there beside Kanda," Reever pointed out and Kanda could have sworn that he heard the man mutter, '_there's always an empty seat next to Kanda_.'

Kanda watched in distaste as Allen's eyebrow rose at the mention of his name and he shifted an inquisitive, _curious _glance his way. Obviously the kid knew who he was rooming with.

Slowly, Allen weaved his way through the desk to sit beside Kanda, the golden snitch – _golem, _Kanda corrected himself – resting on his shoulder. He offered Kanda a bright smile and which Kanda did not trouble himself to return. Rather, he presented him with a freezing and frigid glare.

"Eyes to the front Moyashi."

"… Moyashi?"

"What are you? Slow?" Kanda asked, clear irritation in his voice.

The grin on Allen's face vanished Kanda was privy to a deep look of annoyance, and, _perhaps, _something much darker hiding behind those sugar and honey-comb eyes.

"I am _not_ a Moyashi. Whatever that is."

"Che. Arguing with me isn't going to change what you are." Kanda scoffed and Allen's eyes grew even harder before he managed to force his obvious irritation mildly under control.

"My names Allen! Allen, BaKanda!" Kanda himself appeared to be graced with a nickname of his own.

There was a loud cough from the front and Kanda and Allen stopped their petty quarrel long enough to look up into Reever's annoyed features.

"Am I allowed to start the lesson now?"

Allen slumped low in his seat.

_Well… looks like this year's off to a fan-fucking-tastic start_.


	2. Rooming with Yu

**Chapter two – Rooming with Yu**

Homeroom gave way to English and English gave way to lunch and Allen found himself walking bemusedly beside Lavi on his way to the school's cafeteria, and for some reason, walking beside him was none other than one, Yu Kanda.

Allen wasn't exactly sure how it had happened but it appeared his new red headed friend had taken a liking to him, and as said red head was Kanda's self proclaimed best friend it entailed that Allen would be spending much time in the future with him. Not that he wasn't already doomed to be spending a lot of time with him due to their shared living arrangement.

The cafeteria proved to be quiet crowded, nearly all tables were occupied and Allen looked around, disheartened.

"Lavi! Kanda! Over here!"

Lavi grinned from ear to ear, heading towards a waving girl sitting alone at a table far at the back. Allen followed and was pleasantly surprised when she stood up and offered to shake his hand.

"Lenalee Lee. You must be the new transfer student. I've heard all about you from my brother." She smiled warmly at him and Kanda let out an annoyed _che _before sinking into a seat across from where she was sitting.

"Your brother?" Allen queried as she let go of his hand and took her seat again. He hovered uncertainly for a moment before Lavi grabbed his sleeve and yanked him down beside him.

"Yes. Komui-nisan is my older brother." Lenalee sounded almost exasperated and Allen had to raise a snowy, white eyebrow in surprise.

Lavi laughed at his expression and opened his mouth to say something when he was silenced by a loud and animal like growl. Their table sat in silence for a moment.

"What the fuck was that?" Kanda asked finally. Allen grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck as the animal like sound repeated itself.

"My stomach." He admitted.

Lavi laughed loudly and clapped Allen hard on the back, nearly sending him sprawling sideways off of the bench on which he was sitting. "Sorry man. Completely forgot it was lunch here for a minute. We better get some food into you before your stomach decided to eat us all."

Allen's expression perked up at the mere mention of food and he was out of seat and heading towards the cafe line before Lavi could open his mouth again. Smirking stupidly Lavi got up and the rest of the group made their way to Jerry, the schools cook.

The line was short and Allen was at the front soon enough. Jerry raised his eyebrows at the snowy haired boy before him. "Haven't seen you here before. You new?"

Allen smiled politely and nodded. His stomach let out another growl.  
"Well I make a point never to let a student go hungry." Jerry vowed and leant over the counter to better hear the boy. "So what cha' want?"

Allen proceeded to list an almost inhuman amount of food. Lenalee and Lavi openly gaped at him and Kanda snorted. Frowning, Jerry asked, "are you sure you can eat all of that?" He gave the scrawny boy an upraising look.

"Oh believe me, I'll be fine." Allen promised.

And true to his word, only moments after resuming their seats there was a teetering pile of plates and trays at his elbow as the deceptively skinny boy wiped his mouth clean on a napkin.

Lavi was first to recover. "That was... Uh... Impressive?" It came out as more of a question than a statement and Lenalee was picking uncertainly at her sandwich, as if she was almost scared that it would band together with Allen.

"Uh, yeah. I didn't eat much for breakfast. I was in a bit of a rush this morning." Allen gave his gentlemanly smile and Kanda resisted the urge to poke his eye out with his pair of chopsticks he was using to transfer the Soba from plate to mouth.

"It's not that it's bad or anything, it's just not a sight you see every day." Lavi explained.

Allen nodded and stretched his arms out.

"What have you got next?" Lenalee inquired – no doubt trying to shift the conversation back to a more normal topic. Allen frowned as he tried to summon up his schedule in his mind.

"Uh, biology I think."

Lenalee smiled widely. "That's great! Me too!"

"Oh, great." Kanda muttered under his breath and Allen shot him a nasty look.

"Don't tell me you have biology too BaKanda."

"Unfortunately, I do Moyashi. And believe me, if it were up to me I would rather scrap the skin of my flesh than remain in a class room with you."

"Well, I would rather pull every hair from my body than sit next to you again."

"I would rather –."

Lenalee watched their bickering with concerned eyes. Lavi shook her shoulder gently. "It's been like this since they first saw each other." He grinned. "Don't worry about it. I doubt they would do half the things they're threatening to do."

The promises of self mutilation had somehow morphed into threats of bloodshed and annihilation – in very graphic detail.

"– and would do the same to that fucking snitch of yours."

"It's a _golem_." Allen stressed.

"Speaking of which." Lavi interrupted loudly, seeing the perfect opportunity to break the fight up. "Where is Timcanpy anyway?"

Allen shrugged. "Exploring, probably. Tim likes new places. I just hope he doesn't run into a cat..."

"A cat?" Lenalee echoed, tilting her head to the side to observe him with a slightly puzzled expression.

"Yeah..." Allen sighed and leant on one of his gloved hands. "Tim has a bad habit of getting eaten by cats. And it's disgusting watching them hairball him out later."

Even though Lenalee was by no means girly, her nose scrunched up at the thought of a cat hacking out disgustingly wet hairball. Even Lavi shivered. Kanda just ignored them all, setting his chopsticks down gently on the now empty plate which had once contained his much worshiped Soba.

"The bell will be ringing soon." Lavi said, glancing down at his watch and pulled a face.

"Yes." Lenalee agreed. "We should probably start -." As if to simply get one up on the dark haired girl the bell chose this moment to ring loudly, earning a chorus of loud groans from the students assembled in the cafe.

Allen sighed and got to his feet, brushing a few non-existent crumbs from his lap – as if _he _of all people would leave crumbs behind after a meal. Anything edible was eaten, crumbs included – before following Lenalee and Kanda down the hall, Lavi beside him.

"If you've got class with Lenalee and Kanda, that would make your teacher Headmaster Komui." Lavi said, deftly dodging a student tottering through the corridor with arms laden with books. Allen blinked.

"The headmaster?" He repeated. Lavi grinned. "Have you met him yet?"

"No, not yet. I did all my registration by telephone."

Lavi's grin widened. "Just wait till you meet him." He said before sprinting off. Allen watched him go, slightly bewildered before almost walking into Kanda who turned to glare at him whispering out _watch it_ in a dangerous tone.

Allen collected his belongings and was relieved that he didn't have to find the classroom himself. Lenalee and Kanda seemed to know where they were going.

The door to room 401 rattled slightly as Kanda pushed it open, Allen just behind him. Allen barely had time to catch a glimpse of the classroom before he and Kanda were thrown out of the way by a tornado of white and purple.

"MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER!" Something howled, and Allen scrabbled to his feet, a hand pressed over his throbbing nose to see a purple haired man clinging to Lenalee desperately, bawling his eyes out as if they had been reunited after a long and painful separation.

"Nisan..." Lenalee sighed, prying herself out of Komui's arms to glare at her brother.

"Lenaleeeee! Are alright? Have those thick headed friends of yours been treating you all right? Have you..." Komui trailed off as a hand grasped his forearm and he looked down to see Kanda hauling himself to his feet, an aura of absolute murder nearly visible around his lean frame as he slowly raised his head to glare at Komui.

Komui gulped. "Oh... Kanda-kun. I didn't see you there..." He stuttered as the Japanese teen tightened his grip on the man's arm, the white cloth of Komui's coat wrinkling beneath his grip.

As Allen observed his roommate the only thought running through his head was whether or not Kanda was Satan himself reincarnated.

"Don't you think that for once you could actually try acting like an adult?" Kanda hissed menacingly. Komui tried to take a few steps back.

"Now, now Kanda... Perhaps we can settle this with an apology... I'll be more careful... just, no Mugen." He suggested.

Allen raised an eyebrow. "Mugen?" He asked Lenalee who was watching the whole scene, clearly exasperated. "Kanda's katana. It goes everywhere with him. Except classes… The school won't allow it." She said elaborated. _Makes sense... _Allen thought. _I guess..._

Kanda had raised his voice and was now shouting at his teacher, something that would normally get a student suspended if not expelled, but judging by the lack of interest the others in the room were showing, scenes like this were considered perfectly normal at Black Order high.

"How dare you lay your filthy hands on my precious sister!" Komui was screeching. Apparently talk of peace had long since given way to harsher words and the two males were standing face to face shouting at each other.

"Enough!" Lenalee finally shouted, stepping forward and pushing each man back with enough force to send them staggering. She glared at Kanda who glared back before letting out a disgusted, _che _and stalking off to sit down. Komui's lip quivered as Lenalee turned to glare at him.

"Nisan, you've already wasted ten minutes. Don't you think it's time to start the lesson?" Lenalee suggested. And Komui slunk back over to his desk obediently. Lenalee sighed and turned to throw Allen an apologetic look.

"It's the first day back and you already have to deal with scenes like this." She said wearily as the two of them took their seats near Kanda – Lenalee wisely sitting between the temperamental Japanese and Allen.

"Don't worry about it." Allen whispered back with a patient smile. "I'm use to shouting. My master is a rather loud individual."

"Master?"

"My legal guardian." At the word _guardian _Allen's face twisted into that of distaste and his eyes flickered dangerously. Lenalee leaned away a bit and resolved that she should probably not drag the subject out.

The lesson finally began and Allen was quick to learn that not all was fair in love and war.

For the more difficult questions Komui deliberately called on Kanda, and after the seventh time this happened in as many questions Kanda finally exploded.

"If you ask me so much as _one more question _I will dismember you in the most painful way I can possibly think of." The long haired male hissed, hands on his desk as he glared up at his teacher with the most utter loathing.

After that Allen found himself subjected to Komui's barrage of unmerciful questions and didn't have the slightest clue what he'd done to evoke it.

"Who can tell me what the predominating chemical compounds respectively found in eggshell, white and yolk?" Komui asked his class and before anybody could raise their hand said, – for the umpteenth time – "How about out new student, Allen?"

Allen could do naught but shake his head. Komui tisked loudly and looked up from the science book in his hand to better give Allen a mocking disappointed look.

"How about," Allen said in an annoyed tone "you ask someone else for a change Komui-sensei?"

"But you're our new student! I need to test your knowledge." He protested innocently and Allen opened his mouth to tell Komui exactly what he could do with his tests in an uncharacteristic show of annoyance when the bell rang and instead let out a relived sigh.

Quickly, their group gathered up their class things and fled the classroom before Komui could either glomp his sister or find new ways to torture Allen and Kanda.

"What does your brother have against me?" Allen asked when they left the room. Lenalee blushed and Kanda snorted.

"Nisan is just very overprotective of me." She said and Allen – who did not completely understand – none the less let the subject drop.

They ran into Lavi on their way back to their homeroom to collect their bags and the redhead immediately slung an arm around Allen's shoulders.

"Allen-chan!" He said happily ruffling the boy's hair. "What did you think of Lenalee's older brother?"

The look on Allen's face must have been enough because Lavi instantly dissolved into a fit of laughter. Annoyed, Allen stomped on his foot but that only increased Lavi's laughter.

"I'm going to my room." Allen grumbled and stalked off as Lenalee attempt to help Lavi from the floor where he had fallen after his laughter got too much to keep standing.

Allen wasn't completely comfortable with going to his room – a place he was sure Kanda would be – but had things he himself wanted to do and he had promised himself that having Kanda as a roommate would not affect him in the slightest.

The door was locked when he arrived and Allen did not waste time knocking when he was sure Kanda wouldn't open the door and simply fished his keys out of his bag. The second his hand entered his bag he was greeted with a loud _chomp _of over sized teeth biting gently into flesh.

He swore, pulling out his hand quickly as Timcanpy emerged in a fluttering of gold wings.

"So this is where you've been." Allen chuckled slightly as Timcanpy settled on his shoulder and slid his key into the door.

Kanda was sitting at his desk looking interminablely bored as he sorted through the pages of Biology homework Komui had assigned himself and Allen. He looked up as Allen entered, glared at him then resumed scribbling on the sheets.

Timcanpy took off, leaving Allen's shoulder to settle on his desk and observe his new surroundings.

Allen sighed and closed the door, throwing his bag onto his bed beside his suitcase. After a moment's hesitation he opened the suitcase and began unpacking his meager belongings.

His spare school uniform, and a few changes of casual clothes went into the set of draws at the bottom of his wardrobe and a single, framed photo was placed on his bedside table.

That being done, Allen announced "I'm going to have a shower." He received no response. Not that he really expected any. He rolled his eyes and vanished into the bathroom.

oOo________________________________________oOo

The water washed over Allen, calming him down instantly. His arm hurt, as it often did. And he carefully traced one of the many markings marring the raw, red flesh of his disfigured limb.

His fingers twitched in response and he watched forlornly as the water dripped from his black nails. The scars on his body seemed almost translucent rather than the raw pink they often were.

He had been rather surprised when Cross announced barley two days before the start of the school year he was enrolling Allen in Black Order high. He had never really thought Cross cared much about his education.

Allen had been torn – on one hand he wanted to go to school, do something normal for a change. On the other, the mere thought of the large pile of debts that would accumulate upon his return to his master was enough to make him weak at the knees.

Not that Allen got a say in the matter. When Cross decided on something it was impossible to discourage him. Allen had learnt that rather quickly.

There were other reasons as well, that he was slightly apprehensive about school life.

Fitting in had never been Allen's strong point and he had be subjected to ostracization due to his disfigurements all his life.

And then there was his... history to be considered. Something he could no easily shake off and something that still scared him. Allen shivered.

Sighing, he turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower.

oOo_____________________________________________oOo

Kanda only stood up when he heard the water signaling the start of the shower start. He glanced around the empty room for a moment before heading over to his bed to unpack his own belongings, something he hadn't wanted to do with the younger boy present.  
Clothes went to the wardrobe and school supplies to his desk. He gently pulled his beloved Mugen out and leant it against the wall beside his bed. It was then that he caught sight of the picture beside the Moyashi's bed.

Kanda normally wasn't a snoop, but even he had to admit he was a tad curious about the boy. He threw the bathroom a quick glance before quickly striding over and lifting the picture to eye level.

It was a picture of a man wearing a black cloak, gloves and a top hat. The collar of the coat was flipped up and the hat was pulled down, obscuring any and all facial features.

One gloved hand rested lightly on a young boy's shoulder, whom couldn't have been more than five years old when the photo was taken. Messy brown hair framed eyes that were a cross between blue and grey, wearing a bulky tan cloak himself; his left hand was encased firmly in a dull patterned mitten.

The pair stood before a colorful circus tent, a tent that somehow seemed dull in the monochrome layout of the photo.

It took a moment of staring before something clicked. The boy was Allen.

The differences between the boy then and the teen now were astounding. And it wasn't just limited to the new hair color and tattoo on the eye.

There was the sound of a door clicking open and Kanda hastily returned the photo to the bedside table.

Allen was leaning in the bathroom doorway, dressed now in black pants and a neatly buttoned white long sleeved shirt, his gloves still on his hands as he dried his hair. He looked between Kanda and the photo back again and his eyes narrowed.

The hardness Kanda had glimpsed earlier flashed through his eyes as Allen tossed his towel over the back of his desk chair and strolled past Kanda as if he weren't there.

"That is Mana." He said flatly and it took Kanda a second to realize what Allen was talking about.

"Che. You think I care Moyashi?"  
"Then don't snoop." Allen snapped in return.

"If you don't want anyone to see, then don't leave it plain view." Kanda retorted coolly, returning to his Biology homework.

"Fucking Komui." He muttered under his breath as he reached for his pen again.

Allen grumbled under his breath and decided to make a start on his own homework.

The pair fell into an uncomfortable silence.

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! To show my appreciation I cranked out another chapter today just for you ^_^**

**About Komui's biology question, I found it on the net after search up Biology questions, so if it's not legit I'm sorry. I'm not nearly smart enough to think up a question that difficult myself.**

**Do you see that pretty button? Yes, that one right below this A/N.**

**Go on. Press it. You know you want to. The powers of reviewing demand you!**


	3. Dreaming

**Chapter three – Dreaming**

Three hours of homework had left Allen feeling drained and exhausted. It hardly seemed fair on his brain, all this work. Looking back on it the only education he'd had was the education Cross had provided for him over the internet just so he'd be able to say he'd passed middle school.

So, he was more than certain he'd only just scrapped through on the homework and was seriously wondering why Cross had insisted on enrolling him as a Junior even if his education was currently at Freshman level.  
Groaning, Allen stood up and decided that if he were to expect passing grades he'd better wisen up a little bit.

"Kanda?"

"..."

"Kanda?" Allen repeated and the young, Japanese teen turned around to glare at him. Allen swallowed and forged on.

"Where's the library?"

"Che. Go ask Lenalee or that damn rabbit." Kanda muttered and returned his attention to his homework. Allen's eyebrow twitched dangerously. Lenalee and Lavi had provided him with their room numbers but the last thing Allen wanted to do was bother them. Kanda, however, he did not mind.

"C'mon." Allen pleaded. Kanda turned around slightly and Allen did _not _like the smirk that was playing along his lips. Not in the slightest.

"Maybe... If you beg."

Allen spluttered wordlessly for a moment as Kanda settled back to watch him with a self satisfied smirk now in full bloom. There was no way Allen was begging. He had his pride.

"Never mind. I'll find it myself." He snapped, turning around to stalk out the door.

"Good luck." Kanda called to his retreating back. Allen paused and turned slightly to look suspiciously over his shoulder at the older male. "What do you mean by that?"

"You've seen the size of the school. Do you honestly believe you can find your way there without somebody to hold your hand."

Allen hesitated, glaring at his roommate. It was silent for a moment.  
"...Please?"

"What was that?" Kanda asked but judging by the expression on his face he had heard. He'd won the battle and he knew it. Now he was just in it to make Allen suffer.

"Can you _please _show me the way to the library." Allen said through tightly clenched teeth. Kanda was a sadist. That much was obvious. He was thoroughly enjoying Allen's discomfort. Well, If Kanda enjoyed anything.

"That's not begging, Moyashi."

Allen had developed a tick over her left eyebrow, one that only increased as the two boys stared at each other, neither flinching, neither backing down.

"Fine! I'll find it on my own." Allen snapped and turned his back on Kanda, stalking out of his room and resisting the childish urge to slam the door shut. In a dorm like this, it would not only be Kanda who heard it but everyone else in the building. He did not wish to inconvenience the rest of the school's population.

It couldn't be that hard to find the library. With a new resolve Allen set out.

He'd barely left the building when he heard somebody calling his name, turning he saw Lavi running towards him. They collided and the pair staggered backwards as Lavi mused Allen's hair.

"Moyashi!" He crooned happily as Allen wrestled his way free.

"My names Allen! _Allen!_"

"Where are you going Moyashi?" Allen let out an exasperated sigh. It felt like he was talking to a brick wall.

"I'm going to the library. I think..." Allen frowned. "I asked Kanda which way the Library was but he wouldn't tell me."

"Oh!" Lavi blinked in surprise. "That's where I'm going. I'll take you there." He grinned. "But if it's the library your after, you're heading the wrong way."

Allen blushed slightly. "I don't know this school very well yet." He admitted as he followed after Lavi – In the right direction this time.

"Speaking of which, why did you transfer in at the start of your of your Junior year?" Lavi asked curiously.

"Ahh…" Allen awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "… Circumstances?" He said sheepishly. Lavi raised an eyebrow but didn't ask any further questions.

The library proved to be not to far from Allen's dorm and much larger than Allen had anticipated. He raised one snowy white eyebrow as it came into view.

A skilfully masoned brick building it seemed to loom over the already sizable campus, using the setting sun to cast a shadow over the many buildings scattered around its imposing form. Allen stared at it dumbstruck for a moment.

"It's uh... Bigger than I thought it would be." Allen said in a way that was _meant _to be tactful but fell short. Lavi chuckled and beckoned him forward as he pushed open the glass doors.

"The old panda managed to squeeze the government for every penny he could to get this place. I think that may be why the government is broke all the time."

The two had barely set foot in the building when a book came flying out of seemingly nowhere, slamming into Lavi's face and sending him staggering backwards as the dusty book sent out a cloud of dust bunnies and fell into his arms.

Alarmed, Allen took several steps backwards and debated the likelihood of being able to bolt out the door before he found himself victim of a flying book. The odds were looking pretty shaky.

"Just watch who you're calling a panda you insignificant punk." A voice hollered loudly and Allen found himself staring in amazement at the old man that had just rounded the corner.

Short and dark eyed with long, wispy hair and protruding elf-like ears Allen could immediately see where the 'Panda' nickname had came from. If it was not for the fact he was clothed and carrying an armful of books Allen would have had a hard time distinguishing him apart from his animal namesake.

"Uhhh..." Allen couldn't think of a damn good thing to say. The panda – _man _Allen corrected – before him cocked an eyebrow at him – at least Allen thought he did, the man was suspiciously lacking in the eyebrow department.

"Gee, you think you could be careful what you're throwing around gramps?" Lavi muttered as he stumbled back into a standing position, one arm absentmindedly cradling the book while the other rubbed his bruised nose as he glared resentfully at the old man.

"Then learn how to address your elders properly." The Panda impersonator snapped, snatching the book back from Lavi and adding it to the pile in his arms before setting the stack down on a nearby table. He turned to face Allen and the boy couldn't help but back up a few paces.

"Allen Walker." It wasn't a question but a statement of absolute certainty. Allen nodded and smiled at him. He was offered a hand which he gladly shook now that the threat of being decapitated by flying book was slightly lessened.

"I am the Bookman."

Although Allen didn't think that 'Bookman' was hardly a name he thought it best not to mention that fact after the Bookman had had little to no thoughts about tossing the book at Lavi before. Instead Allen settled for, "you know me?"

"But of course. It wouldn't do for a bookman to be ignorant over such a simple thing. I know all about you." The grip on his hand tightened somewhat and Allen found himself staring into the seemingly endless depths of the Bookman's eyes.

There was something about the way his sharp eyes were looking into his and his firm grip on his hand that sent a shiver down Allen's spine. _I know all about you_. Memories that Allen had long since wanted to bury clambered to the surface for a moment before Allen could push them back down.

"Do you now?" He queried, trying to keep his voice as smooth and normal as possible. A small, grim smile tugged at the corner of the Bookman's mouth and for a moment Allen thought he was going to reply, but that was not the case.

Slowly, Allen extracted his hand from the Bookman's grip, self consciously pulling it closer to his chest, cradling it.

Lavi's loud cough pulled Allen back down to earth. "So anyway gramps."

Lavi was rewarded with a smack to the head for that one but he persisted regardless. "You wanted me to come over and help out, right?"

The Bookman's eyes narrowed and he cocked a thumb towards the back. After much eye rolling Lavi slunk off, Allen could see and hear him routing around in the back room.

"What was it you were after?" The Bookman's voice reminded Allen of what he had set out to do.

"Well... Uh, I don't have much of an education to speak of and well... I just thought that I could improve my general knowledge a bit. You know, so it's not as difficult when the harder work comes..." Allen wasn't exactly sure how he had done getting his point across considering he had some what mangled his request on its way out but the Bookman nodded thoughtfully and gestured for Allen to take a seat while he swept off towards a stack of books.

Allen heaved a grateful sigh and eased himself down into a chair. The library was cluttered, even with the vast amount of room it offered. Shelfs were lined neatly with books and the side of the room Allen occupied was full of neatly arranged desks, the other full of the many bookcases well aligned. A row of computer terminals were lined just outside of the office in which Lavi's muted humming could be heard and a twisted spiral staircase angled itself upwards on to another floor full of god knows what.

Peering around Allen chuckled at the many, older looking desks pilled around the door, stacked high with books.

_**Bam! **_

Allen swore, jumping up to stare at the large pile of books that had just been deposited on the desk before him, an impassive looking Bookman standing next to him. Allen looked doubtfully up at the bookman and then back down at the books.

"All these are for me?" Allen asked in a small voice. The bookman nodded.

"General knowledge." He confirmed before breezing off, leaving Allen to stare glumly at the stack before him.

Heaving a sigh Allen reached over and flipped the cover of the first book open. Something told him he would be here a while.

oOo_____________________________________________oOo

_Click_.

Kanda looked up as the door to the room clicked open, revealing a very weary looking Beansprout who appeared just about ready to wilt. Barely glancing at Kanda he wove his way through the room to his wardrobe, rustling around in the bottom drawer.

Kanda glanced at his watch in disbelief. Nearly twelve thirty in the morning. "You've been in the library for six and a half hours?" He scoffed. Allen shot him a glare over his shoulder, mumbled something and disappeared into the bathroom with a bundle of clothes.

Kanda snorted and returned to the book he'd been reading – albeit reluctantly. Figuring the best way to get in practice with his beloved Mugen was to finish of all time consuming tasks early he had started off on the assigned novel for the term right away.

A few minutes later the sprout emerged from the bathroom dressed in a baggy white long sleeved shirt and loose black pants. His gloves still on his hands.

Kanda frowned. "You're going to sleep with those gloves on?"

"Yeah…" Allen didn't seem to paying much attention to what was being said, looking thoughtful, bothered and exhausted all at once. Without so much as another word to his less than friendly roommate he crawled into his bed and collapsed on the pillow.

Kanda wrinkled his nose in distaste as Allen's breathing seemed to immediately turn into the soft snores of troubled teen sleeping. Kanda was often annoyed and bewildered by some peoples strange ability to fall asleep at will, something he himself had never been particularly good at.

Snorting, he returned to his novel.

oOo__________________________________________________oOo

Thirty minutes later Kanda had accepted that it was time to turn in. He was having trouble focusing on the words in front of him and the Moyashi's constant tossing and turning and the occasional moan wasn't helping.

Frustrated, he slammed his book down and turned to glare over at Allen who was laying curled up in the centre of his bed, his blankets bunched around him.  
"Che."

Kanda pushed his chair away from his desk and stalked over to wardrobe, changing into a loose black shirt and pants. Another moan sounded from Allen and Kanda turned to glare at him again as he placed his folded school uniform on the floor of the wardrobe.

Muttering in disapproval he vanished into the bathroom. Completing the evening ritual nearly every member of mankind was bound to he was just drying his face when he emerged from the bathroom.

"Mana…" The soft moan Allen's bed had become an actual word and Kanda watched as Allen's breath hitched and he turned over.

After a moment of silence Allen's regular breathing returned and Kanda frowned, turning to toss the towel he was holding back into the bathroom.

"Stop…"

Kanda whipped back around in time to see the thrashing begin.

Allen seemed to be fighting off a phantom attacker, his face panicked even in his sleep.

"Stop!" Allen repeated, this time such fear leaking into his voice that Kanda couldn't do anything but stare as the younger boy fought off his dream demons.

"Leave me alone!" Allen's voice had risen and by now his flailing had reached his peak. If this kept up he was going to injure himself.

Quickly Kanda darted to his side, grabbing his arms as he wrestled against him.

"Oi! Moyashi! Wake the fuck up!" he growled as Allen clawed at his grip – ineffective though as his hands were still clad in his gloves.

"Go away!"

Kanda pressed his elbow into Allen's gut, smothering him with his weight as he fought for control.

"Wake the fuck up! It's a fucking dream!" Kanda snapped, jabbing his elbow firmed into Allen's gut.

Gasping, Allen's eyes flew open and he blinked up at the ceiling, covered in a light sheen of sweat he appeared disorientated.

Grunting, Kanda relaxed his iron grip on his wrists and Allen seemed to realize for the first time that Kanda was half on him.

Instant reaction – Allen scrabbled backwards as Kanda sat up right on the edge of the bed, tightening his loosened pony tail as he glowered at the small British boy before him.

"What were you…"

"Trying to stop you from fucking destroying shit in your sleep. If you always throw a tantrum like that in the night I want you out of here."

Allen looked panicked. "Did I say something? What did I say?"

Kanda raised an eyebrow at Allen's apparent alarm. "You said Mana once or twice and kept cussing someone to get away from you." A look of some relief washed over Allen's features and he breathed out a pent up breath.

"Ah, yeah. Thank you, I guess."

"Don't fucking thank me. If you do it again I swear I'll strangle you in sleep." Kanda gave an annoyed 'che' and gave up fixing his pony tail, pulling the whole thing out he raked his fingers through it.

"Pleasant as always, I see." Allen murmured.

"Damn straight Moyashi." Kanda got up and stalked over to the bathroom.

"It's Allen! _Allen_!"

"Quit your whining Moyashi."

Allen seethed quietly for a moment as Kanda headed to the bathroom mirror to fix his ponytail. Smothering his anger Allen called out as sweetly as he could.

"Kanda?"

"Che."

"You should really wear your hair down more often. It look's so beautiful."

A bar of soap followed by the bathroom lamp came flying his way and Allen deduced with a grin that this battle was _his. _

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews. I'm sorry if it has a few spelling errors but I've been working on it all day and I'm exhausted -.- If you could drop me another review It'd be appreciated :D **


	4. Old connections

**Chapter four – Old connections **

Upon awaking the next morning the pair had reached a mutual but silent agreement to pretend the previous night had not happened.

"Kanda?" Allen called out, frowning as he banged open his desk drawers before giving up and opening his wardrobe.

"What?" Kanda snapped as he appeared from the bathroom, dressed in the school's white shirt, open though it was to show the black shirt beneath, completely skipping out on the optional vest.

"Have you seen Tim?"

"No, I haven't seen your retarded snitch."

"He's a golem! A golem!" Allen snapped, slamming his wardrobe closed to glower over at his surly roommate who was in the middle of packing his textbooks in to his bag. Kanda looked up briefly to return his glare but for the most part ignored him.

Allen sighed. He'd figured once he got away from Master Cross, he'd have more freedom and comfort in his living situation. Instead, he'd somehow wound up with the school's number one temperamental recluse as a roommate and by some form of extension through Lenalee and Lavi a 'friend'.

Allen wrinkled his nose in distaste at the thought and flung his bag over one shoulder. _Kanda as friend… That leaves a bad aftertaste… _Even as Allen thought that he couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed that the two of them couldn't even try to get along.

"Hurry the fuck up Moyashi." Kanda growled one hand on the handle of the open door and the other in his pocket as he waited impatiently for Allen.

"Awww… Are you waiting for me?"

"I'm waiting so I can lock the damn door."

Allen rolled his eyes and eased past Kanda and out of the room, after a brief moment of hesitation waiting for him in the hallway. Kanda locked the door with a _click _and didn't even glance at Allen as he strode off, the younger boy falling into pace beside him. Kanda huffed but didn't protest.

They'd barely made it down the first flight of stairs when Allen heard running footsteps behind them and turned around just in time to be glomped by Lavi.

"Hey there Moyashi!" He cried happily, playfully swinging an arm over Allen's shoulders as he tried to remain upright.

"I keep telling you my name's –."

"Did you wanna head down to the café and get breakfast?"

"- You know, never mind. I can tell you're not listening to me anyway." Allen muttered as Lavi let go of him and Allen staggered down the last few steps, his foot catching on the rug on the bottom of the stairs he stumbled forward and snagged Kanda's sleeve to avoid face planting on the ground.

"Che. Let go of me." Kanda snatched his arm back from Allen's grip, twisting so he could glare at Allen over his shoulder. Allen rolled his eyes.

"In a bad mood as always I see Yu-chan." Lavi commented lightly, pushing open the door so they could walk across the student strewn path towards the cafeteria.

"Don't call me Yu-chan." Kanda snapped, speeding up his steps slightly so Lavi and Kanda fell a little behind him.

Lavi chortled, raising an eyebrow at Kanda's back as if he found baiting him incredibly entertaining – which he probably did.

The cafeteria was still rather crowded but a brief glance around revealed Lenalee occupying a table all on her own, carefully flicking through sheets of paper. She glanced up as the group approached, throwing them a smile before her attention returned to the papers.  
"What's that you got there?" Lavi asked as the trio took their seats.

"Some papers I found on Ni-sans desk." Lenalee answered distractedly. Allen gapped at her, gob smacked.

"And you just took them?" He asked, sounding scandalized. Lavi laughed at him while Kanda huffed out his typical _che_. Lenalee smiled kindly at him.

"Ni-san never does any paperwork, so it's normally me who does all the sorting for him." She explained, shoving the papers away in her bag that was on the seat beside her. "Now, are you going to go order your breakfast? There's only about fifteen minutes till school starts."

Kanda was already out of his seat and heading towards the counter where his soba sat already prepared.

Allen rattled off a quick list of food and Jerry was bustling about the kitchen in his haste to prepare everything.

"Nothing for me, thanks." Lenalee said as she watched Jerry's pink dreadlocked form dash about his kitchen. Lavi seemed to be having the time of his life narrating Jerry's every move as if he were in a race.

" – And he reaches the finish line. Now it's up to the judge, Allen Walker, to decide whether his performance has been up to standard." Lavi took in a deep breath and watched with mock anticipation as Allen frowned at him and carried his tray of food back to the table and began scoffing it.

Kanda threw Allen a disgusted look as the boy finished off the last shred of his toast in unison with the Japanese man who delicately laid his chopsticks down on his plate.

Without sparing his friends a look Kanda got up, swinging his schoolbag over his shoulder and strolling off to class.

"Ah! Yu-chan!" Lavi stuffed the last of his toast in his mouth as Allen calmly wiped his mouth clean, snagging Allen's arm he dashed after Kanda. Lenalee waved them off and headed in the direction of her first class.

oOo_O_oOo

The day flew by and before Allen could even comprehend it, he was sitting in last session.

Allen tapped his pencil on the desk, trying very hard to focus as Miranda Lotto – the schools electronics teacher – stuttered on and on about the working of clocks.

A brief glance at Lavi showed the elder boy passed out on his desk, his notepad barren and free of notes.

Kanda himself seemed to have written down half of what she had said before giving up and staring out the window.

"-then you can attach the minute hand to the last gear in that train and –."

Miranda suddenly cut herself off and flushed bright red, glancing at one of the many clocks on the wall behind her. "Oh dear…I-It seems we're out of time."

The class perked up at that. Lavi lifted his head off of the table, as if those words were magic that revived him and even Kanda turned to face the front. Allen breathed out a heavy sigh and dropped his pencil, flexing his cramping hand.

"Did you write all of that down?" Lavi suddenly seemed to be fully awake, leaning over to snatch Allen's notebook from him and stare gob smacked at the page full of tiny writing, crammed in.

Kanda lifted his head off of his hand to see it and let out an annoyed 'che', when he saw the scribbling.

"I missed a lot of school, so I have to pay attention or I'll fall behind." Allen stammered, grabbing his notebook back and sliding it in his bag. Lavi shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe it. And here I thought I'd finally found someone else who would slack off with me." He shook his head in mock disappointment. "I'm ashamed of you, Moyashi. You're all smart and stuff…."

"It's not like that at all!" Allen protest, flushing red. "It's because I'm not 'smart' that I need to pay attention. I've never been to highschool before!"  
That wiped the smirk off of Lavi's face and he stared at him. Even Kanda seemed to be mildly interested.

"You've never been to highschool before?" Lavi asked. Allen shook his head.

"Why?" Was Lavi's next question and Allen was mercifully saved from answering by the ringing of the bell.

"Let's go." Allen said, scrambling out of his seat as Lavi and Kanda gathered up their things and stowed them away

Lenalee was waiting at the door for them; a manila folder tucked beneath her arm and her bag over her other shoulder.

"How was your session?" She asked. Lavi was the one to answer.

"That was so boring! Not that I have anything against Miranda or anything, but all she does is drone on and on about clocks! And the way she talks about them you'd think they were her lover or something!" Lavi heaved out an exhausted sigh and slung an arm around Kanda's shoulders as he pretended to dramatically collapse. Kanda shook him off and he _did _crumple to the floor.

Lenalee rolled her eyes at them before smiling up at Allen. "Ni-san needs to see you." She said. Allen tensed up as he recalled his past encounter with the schools headmaster and the torment he'd received.

"He promises he'll be on his best behavior this time." Lenalee hurriedly added upon seeing Allen's worried expression. "I promise."

"What's happening?" Lavi asked as he hauled himself to his feet using Allen's arm as leverage.

"Ni-san needs to see Allen."

"Che." Kanda frowned but Lavi's expression brightened. "We'll come too!" Lavi offered, linking arms with Kanda and pulling him along before he could object.

The group made their way through the packed corridor, deftly dodging students as Lenalee led the way.

It wasn't hard to pick out which office was Komui's, what with the plaque reading HEADMASTER KOMUI plastered on the dull blue door.

Lenalee knocked lightly before pushing open to the door.

"Ni-san, Allen's here."

Allen's first thought was he'd stepped into a bomb testing site; what with the papers strewn everywhere and odd electrical devices he'd never seen before sitting on shelves or buried beneath unsigned paperwork.

His second thought was that Headmaster Komui, may indeed be dead.  
"Is he alive?" Allen asked hesitantly as the approached the man slumped over on his desk, white beret crooked and glasses hanging off of his nose.

"Fucking moron." Kanda murmured.

"Me or him?" Allen asked, nodding at Komui.

"Both."

"Ni-san?" Lenalee gently shook her elder brother. "Ni-san, wake up." Komui remained asleep. Or dead. Whichever it was.

"Oh, for the love of -." Kanda whacked Komui on the head and the headmaster, fell sideways, spluttering.  
"I wasn't asleep! I was looking for a piece of paperwork!" He panicked, digging franticly through the papers heaped on his desk for a moment before looking up and seeing that it was just them.  
"Ni-san…" Lenalee frowned at him, setting the neatly organized folder down on his desk. "Here's the paperwork I sorted this morning."

"Oh, Lenalee! My beautiful and kind sister! How - ." Lenalee cut over his rant before he could get any further. "I brought Allen-kun."

Komui paused and peered around her at Allen who was hanging slightly back with Lavi and Kanda. "Indeed you did." He agreed.

"So, uh. What did you need me for?" Allen asked awkwardly.

Komui coughed, pushing his wire rimmed glasses up his nose as he pulled a sheet of paper from a desk drawer. "I was just going over your application for the school and I noticed that –."

"Wait!" Lavi cut in. "You were just going over it _now_? _After _you admitted him. Not before?"

"Well, yes. That is what I said."  
"You're meant to that before hand dipshit." Kanda growled.  
Komui looked miffed. "I'm headmaster. I have more important things to do."

"Like sleeping?" Allen asked.

"Well, yes. Now, back on the subject. I was going over it and it saw that as parent/or legal guardian you have Marian Cross down." Komui looked up from the paper.

"Marian Cross as in, booze and women Marian Cross?"

"You know Master?" Allen asked in surprise and Lavi and Kanda looked at each other.

Komui smiled – a nice and warm smile. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do. I used to work with him. Unreliable, selfish, arrogant, womanizer." He paused thoughtfully. "Good at his job though. I remember him mentioning taking on an apprentice a few years back." Komui upraised him. "Said he was a worthless, idiotic runt."

"That sounds like Master alright…" Allen said glumly. Kanda looked taken aback and Lavi had one eyebrow raised.

Komui slipped the sheet of paper he was holding back into his desk. "I'll have to give him a call." He smiled.

"Was that all you needed?" Allen asked and Komui nodded.

"You can go now."

Allen nodded at the party headed out the door.  
"Oh! And Allen!" Komui called out casually after him. "Just thought I'd let you know I read your file last night – interesting read. Please come see me if you need anything." Lavi, Kanda and Lenalee blinked in surprise as Allen's back visibly stiffened and he paused.

Slowly he turned, a stunningly bright smile on his face. "Will do." He answered just casually, and left the office.

Kanda paused for a moment. He couldn't be sure, but just before that smile he could have sworn he saw that look in Allen's eyes once again.

oOo_O_oOo

Allen and Lavi had barely parted ways when there was a loud knock on the door. Allen paused and looked over at Kanda who was sprawled out on his bed with a book. Kanda narrowed his eyes and looked back towards his book – a clear indication that Allen would be the one getting the door.

Sighing, Allen tossed his homework on his desk and went to open the door.

Lavi was leaning against the doorframe, dressed in casual clothes with Lenalee standing slightly behind him. He beamed up at Allen.

"You left just five minutes ago." Allen said bluntly.

"Just enough time to get changed and to see if my two best buddies would like to accompany _their _two best buddies out!" Lavi proclaimed clapping Allen on the shoulder before striding past him to see Kanda.

"No." Kanda didn't even look up.

"Aww… Come one Yu-chan. It wouldn't hurt you to socialize a bit." Lavi tugged the book from Kanda's hands and threw it over on his desk. Kanda glowered up at him.

"You're already changed." Lavi grinned. Kanda frowned and made to reach for the book again but the second he stretched out his arm Lavi grabbed it and hauled him to his feet and out the door.

"Lenalee! Grab Kanda's bag!" He called out behind him as he pulled Kanda out of the room.

Allen smiled slightly, and stepped back, allowing Lenalee entrance to the room.

"You're coming too." She warned him.

"Yes, I figured as much." Allen agreed. "Just let me get changed and I'll meet you guys downstairs."

Lenalee smiled warmly at him and left with Kanda's bag, Allen shutting the door behind her.

He took a deep breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair as he leant against the door for support.

His vision was blurry and his arm was stiff and any movement sent waves of pain spiraling down it.

Allen sighed and strode towards his desk; pulling open the drawer he took out an unlabeled bottle of pills and shook a few into his hand, dry swallowing them quickly. He dropped them back into the drawer and slid it shut, pausing for a moment as he waiting for the small shivers running down his spine to stop.

He wondered just how much information his file had on him. Did it list his medications? Allen frowned. He always felt uncomfortable when people knew he took medication; however irregular it may be.

Was his entire life written down in there? That seemed even worse. He knew his life was in black and white on many folders in many places but the thought of somebody actually having access it, somebody being able to look up his entire history on a whim was still unnerving.

Breathing out, he headed to the wardrobe, changing quickly. He snagged his bag and left the room to join his friends.


	5. Northward high

**Chapter five – Northward high**

"So, where are we going exactly?" Allen asked as he joined his friends waiting just outside of the dorm. Lavi grinned widely and Allen noticed as bruise blossoming across his cheek – no doubt courtesy of the now fuming Kanda.

"The shopping centre." Lenalee answered. "There's something I need to buy."

"Jesus Christ, do you ever take your gloves off?" Lavi inquired, snatching one of Allen's gloved hands to inspect up close. Allen gave a light chuckle and pulled his hand back from Lavi's grasp with a wry smile.

"How are we getting there?"

"Walking." Lavi answered cracking his fingers. "It's not far from the school. Unless you don't like walking, that is." Lavi grinned at him.

Allen shook his head. "No. A walk sounds good." He agreed, adjusting his bag so it hung more comfortably off his shoulder.

Kanda was muttering under his breath and Allen had to strain to hear him. He was able to pick out some words which sounded like _Mugen_ and some vague death threats. "Oh, lighten up BaKanda." Allen sniggered and Kanda glared at him.

"Alrighty then! Let's go so we can get back in time for curfew." Lavi strode easily towards the school gates and Lenalee lingered by them, making sure that Allen Kanda's petty squabble would not be blown out of proportion.

" – Leave behind one strand of hair for your insolence."

"But wouldn't cutting off your hair be better? You have waaay too much of it anyway."

A low growl resounded in Kanda's throat. "If I had my Mugen –."

"But you don't, do you? You don't have your Mugen." Allen gave a superior smirk at Kanda's enraged expression and Lenalee glanced worriedly behind her at the quarrelling pair that were so wrapped up in arguing that they were paying little to no heed to the surrounding area.

"If they keep that up they're going to –."

_Thunk._

"… Run into a pole." She finished dully, wincing as she looked behind her to see Kanda staggering everywhere with a hand pressed to his head, a steady stream of profanities rolling off his tongue while glaring fuzzily at the power pole while Lavi and Allen laughed their asses off.

"Do you want to die?" Kanda hissed, stomping hard on Allen's foot. Allen's laughter ceased and he swore – which was odd really, hearing the ever polite British boy swear – hoping comically backwards as Kanda gave a victorious smirk.

"Guys, come on. We're wasting time." Lenalee pleaded as Lavi doubled over howling in laughter at the pain his two friends were feeling. Him being a good friend and all.

Kanda glared at Lavi but resisted the urge to take a swing at him, stalking off past his friends.

"Aww… Yu-chan needs to get a sense of humour." Lavi chuckled as he straightened up. Allen muttered under his breath as he gingerly put weight back on his sore foot and limped away, falling into step with Lavi.

"What time is curfew at the school?" Allen asked.

"A while yet." Lavi grinned up at him, sidestepping a pedestrian. "Don't worry about it. Even if we _were _late we could still get in." Lavi assured him.

"Oh?" Allen inquired curiously.  
"Yes... yes, we could..." A dark shadow seemed to dance across Lavi's face as he rubbed his chin with his thumb and cackled evilly.

"Eh... Lavi?"

"Oh! Right, yes." Lavi jerked up right.

"What was... that?"

"What was what?" Lavi's eyes darted around. "Nothing happened."

"...Right." Allen chose to let the matter drop. It did not seem wise to push it.

The shopping district loomed before them; a gathering of many shops spread out over several streets, filled with many teenagers – some in various school uniforms others dressed casually as they were.

Allen cautiously watched the passing people as he trailed after his friends, not completely at ease with the over whelming crowds. There could be a pickpocket around any corner, a mugger at every short cut. It wasn't that he was paranoid. Really, it wasn't. It was just Cross had found it entertaining to feed him on the horrifying news headlines as a child and he'd grown up being told in detail day in and day out about various crimes and their victims.

The result a few years later was a suspicious and cautious Allen Walker and personal experience with human kind definitely didn't help.

"I want to go to the bookstore," Lenalee was saying, "They have the latest volume of a manga I'm reading and the new book by my favourite author should be out to. We can grab some dinner after that and head back to school."

"Sounds like a plan." Lavi agreed. Kanda huffed and looked away. "Is there anything you wanted to do Allen?" Lavi asked.

"Not really." Allen shook his head. "Wherever you want to go is fine with me."

"Easily manipulated." Kanda muttered under his breath.

"You don't seem to be doing anything either." Allen retorted. "Why don't you go get a stick and shove it up you -."

"-Eh!" Lavi cut in. "Language! Besides. Yu-chan already has a stick up his ass. There's not room for another one."

Kanda threw Lavi to the paved path and would have ground the redheads neck into the rough pavement had Lenalee and Allen not grabbed his arms and dragged him backwards, sparing Lavi's life.

"So worth it." Lavi coughed as Allen helped him to his feet. "You can be so thin skinned sometimes." Lavi shot at Kanda and received an uncaring shoulder shrug in return.

"Can we please just get to the bookstore." Lenalee begged and her male companions could do little resist her pleading tone.

The bookstore proved to be on the large side with neat and orderly shelfs, the manga with a whole wall to itself. Lenalee strode familiarly to one shelf and after a brief scan snagged what Allen supposed was her new volume.

Kanda had drifted off to the more violent manga's down the end and with lack of anything better to do Allen picked up a brightly coloured book from the shelf and flicked through it.

"What cha' looking at, Moyashi." Lavi asked, appearing beside Allen's shoulder is the younger teen thumbed through the pages looking oddly disturbed.

"I... Have no clue..." he choked out, closing the book to look at the blurb on the back.

"Lavi?"

"Yes?"

"What the hell is a 'seme' or 'uke'?"

Lavi choked on his own saliva and Lenalee who had heard the question dropped her manga.

"Surely there's a limit to how naive you can be, Benasprout." Kanda drawled as he approached them, one eye brow cocked in amusement and a sneer on his lips.

"Hey." Allen said reproachfully. "Just because I don't speak Japanese –." He was cut off by Lavi – who by now had found the whole situation so hilarious his laughter had turned silent and his eyes were wet with unshed tears. Allen cast him an annoyed glance and looked to Lenalee for an explanation.

"Eh... How should I say this...?" She cast around for examples.

"Let me explain." Lavi said breathlessly in-between laughter. "Between you and Kanda, Kanda would be the seme and you'd be the uke."

Lenalee – who had just picked up her book – nearly dropped it again, uncontrollable giggles sliding through her slips and Kanda choked and spluttered for a moment – making it all the more funny in Lenalee and Lavi's eyes – before resorting to his usual response of violence.

Lavi having expected such a response danced out of Kanda's reach, a taunting smirk playing across his lips as he ducked under Kanda's hands.

Allen watched them for a minute – still completely confused about the manga – before he heaved out a sigh and made a mental note to look the terms up himself at some later point.

Lavi had been caught and Lenalee was now prying the murderous Kanda off of him begging with him to stop it before a shop assistant saw them and they got kicked out.

Lavi gasped for precious air as Kanda finally settled down again. Rolling her eyes Lenalee picked up her manga from where she had set it and headed to the counter, snagging a novel from the display shelf as she went.

"Just these two please." She smiled, digging through her bag for cash.

"I recognize you guys. You're students at Black order academy."

Lenalee's head snapped up and her smile faded as she caught sight of the boy working behind the counter. Kanda swore lightly and took a cautious step forward with Lavi. Allen just stared in bemusement at the light haired teen that looked normal enough – besides for the fact he was staring at Allen with obvious contempt.

"Northward high student?" Lenalee asked, dropping thirty dollars on the counter. The boy whose badge read Julian smirked in answer.

"Just pay for the damn books so we can leave." Kanda muttered under his breath and Lenalee shot him an exasperated look and gestured towards the money clearly saying, _I am_.

"You're hanging out with them." Julian addressed Allen now as he rang up the sales. Allen didn't bat an eyelash.

"Obviously."

Julian chose to ignore this, leaning over the counter to give him an upraising look. "Are you a student at Black Order too?"

"Just transferred."

"Che."

Besides Kanda, Allen had never heard anyway use 'che' like that and although he wasn't particularly clear on the situation he gazed at Julian coolly.

"Would you mind giving Lenalee her purchase? We would like to leave. "

Julian snorted and slid the books in too a paper bag, all but throwing it over the counter at Lenalee.

"What's with the white hair and tattoo?" Julian inquired, resting his chin on his open hand as he glowered at Allen.

"It's a scar and it's none of your business." Allen didn't give Julian a chance to respond, turning sharply on his heels and striding swiftly out of the bookstore.  
"What the hell was that about?" He asked curiously as soon as the whole group was out of hearing range. Kanda snorted and Lavi pulled a bitter face.

"Northward high and Black order academy have never been on really good terms and it's carried over to its students. It's just a bunch of petty squabbles, really."

"Petty squabbles, my ass." Lavi interrupted. "Last year there was a huge brawl. A lot of students ended up hospitalized." He wrinkles his nose. "Myself included."

"You can hardly call a broken wrist 'being hospitalized'." Kanda muttered. Lavi cast him an annoyed look.

"Well sooorry. Just because some of us don't heal at an unnaturally fast rate doesn't give those of us who _do_ an excuse to lord it over us."

"There was a fight?" Allen interrupted. Lavi turned away from Kanda and back towards him.

"Yeah." He confirmed. "A bunch of Northward guys – or black order, no one's really sure any more – jumped some students and the whole thing just got out of hand."

Allen looked a bit sickened. "That doesn't sound like nothing. That sounds serious."

"No matter what Lenalee would like to believe; it is. And you're a new student in the Junior year, they're not going to take to kindly to that. And no offence Allen, but you're hardly inconspicuous. Be careful."

The mood had dropped and everybody could feel it. Allen frowned. The last thing he wanted to do was get caught up in some stupid school quarrel just because he was the new guy and on the attention grabbing side.

"Alright then!" Lenalee called, taking action against the sombre atmosphere. "Let's go get something to eat!"

"Sounds like a plan to me." Lavi readily agreed.

Kanda huffed and Allen smiled, allowing himself to be led down the street to a fast food joint. 

oOo_O_oOo

**A/N: Sorry for how short this chapter is. I'm really tired right now having been busy studying for a test and trying to sort out my school work. You can rest assured that there will be another chapter out soon.**


	6. Sleep well

**Chapter Six – Sleep well**

When Allen and Kanda returned to their dorm room, it was easily past nine o'clock. They had only just managed to make it before the gates shut for curfew. In fact, had Lenalee not pleaded with the teacher on patrol with crocodile tears in her eyes they may have very well been locked out.

Allen gathered up his pajamas almost as soon as they returned, ducking into the bathroom to change with a jaw cracking yawn.

Kanda watched as the door slammed shut behind him before huffing in disapproval. It was still far to early to go to bed as far as he was concerned. Grimacing, he grabbed his Mugen from where it was leaning on the wall and slid his coat off before tossing it on to his bed.

The weather was cool but he planned to work up a light sheen of sweat with his training. Without a backwards glance he slipped out of the dorm room, taking no care to shut the door quietly and descended the stairs heading to where the unused building lay slowly decaying on the school grounds, the key to it in his pocket.

It hadn't taken much persuading on his part to convince Komui to give him the key for training purposes. The headmaster was smart enough to understand that if Kanda didn't have someplace empty to practice the rest of campus would likely fall victim to his Katana.

The door was sturdy compared to the rest of the dreary walls and it was padlocked as well as the reliable lock in the handle.

Many tests of courage had been held here until an accident left a student dead had forced Komui to put a stop to it. Since then the lock had deterred plenty of disappointed groups of trouble makers.

Kanda walked easily into the depths. The entire bottom floor was one wide room; the walls having being knocked down long ago.

With a smirk Kanda deftly swung his Mugen through the air, enjoying the light breeze it left in its wake.

This was going to be a relaxing session.

OoO_OoO_OoO

_There was blood. So much blood. Everywhere. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, the cot in the corner… Everything was drenched in a never ending sea of red._

_Slowly, Allen climbed to his feat and looked cautiously around the room. It was empty save for himself and the light drip of blood falling from the roof bet out a steady rhythm as it pooled in the centre of the floor._

_After a moment of staring Allen realized something was sticking out of the puddle in middle of the room. After a brief hesitation Allen approached, his footsteps echoing in time with the steady dripping._

_The light gleam of sharp metal caught him off guard as he hunched over._

_It was sharp, that much was apparent from the tip sticking out. Carefully, Allen nudged it with a gloved hand until it rolled out of the blood and into view._

_It was a syringe filled with pale green liquid and Allen felt his blood run cold at the sight of it. _

"_Kuhh." He staggered backwards, clamping a hand over his mouth to contain the wave of nausea that arrived with the memory._

_There was a light tap on his shoulder and he spun around, eyes widening as he stared at the shorter figure cast in darkness, the only thing visible the flash of teeth and the scarring marring the persons forehead._

_Allen went to step back but his foot was instantly soaked and a sharp pain ran up his foot. _

_Glancing down he realized he'd stepped into the puddle of blood, the syringe sticking out from his foot from where he'd stepped on it._

_He buried his head in his hands and began to scream as – _

Allen gasped as his eyes shot open and he found himself staring dumbly up at the ceiling. Slowly, he sat up, his clothes sticking to his sweaty body.

He was in his room. No blood on the ceiling, no blood on the floor. The room was exactly as he remembered it before crawling into bed and falling to sleep.

Sighing he flopped back down on the bed and covered his head with his folded arms. His head was pounding and he could still feel his heart trying to steady itself.

The nightmares were coming with increasing regularity lately. Everything was coming with increasing regularity. The dreams, the pain, the memories. Allen let out a groan and dragged himself up right before slipping out of his bed and padding over to his desk.

After a brief hesitation he opened the drawer and stared down at the many yellow tinted pill bottles.

He looked sourly at them. They seemed to be mocking him. Slowly, he pulled out three of four containers and began to shake the pills into his hands. He only noticed his hands were trembling when the pills slipped past his fingers and fell onto his desk beside his clock which was proudly displaying one thirty in the morning.

Cursing, Allen threw the pill bottles back into the drawer and swept the spilt tablets off his desk so they clattered harmlessly into the drawer, slamming it violently shut.

"Che. Any louder and you'll wake the whole dorm up."

Allen jumped and spun around to see Kanda leaning against the wall beside the door, Katana held loosely in his hand as he dryly observed Allen's frustrated expression.

"Where did you go?" The British boy asked rudely.

Kanda snorted as he swung the door shut and crossed the room to gently lean his Katana against his desk. "I was training."

"At one in the morning?"

"It sure beats slamming things and making a fucking racket."

"Urg." Allen glared at his roommate but Kanda paid him no head, quickly crossing the room to open his wardrobe, disappearing from sight behind the wooden doors. Allen could hear the rustle of clothing and concluded he must be changing.

Allen eased himself down in the desk chair and pulled out the biology homework he had yet to finish. The books he'd read at the library had helped and he found himself actually able to understand a vast majority of them now.

There was the sound of doors shutting as Kanda finished changing. He looked over at his roommate hunched over on his desk and snorted.

"You're kidding, right? It's one in the morning."

"I'll go to bed soon." Allen promised vaguely. Kanda gave another dismissive snort and shrugged, heading off to bed.

Allen struggled to focus on the work before him. Truth be told, he was exhausted, but the last thing he wanted to do was go to bed and suffer through nightmares again. Even homework was preferable to that.

oOo_OoO_OoO_oOo

After twenty minutes of insistent scribbling Kanda had grown incredibly irritated.

"I can't sleep with that fucking light on." He groaned from his bed. The scribbling didn't stop.

"Can't you just go to bed or something?"

Kanda sat up and glared over at his roommate. Allen met his gaze and heaved a sigh, tossing his pen down on to the desk he flipped off the light and the room was plunged into darkness.

After a few moments of silence Kanda heaved a sigh. "I can tell you're still sitting at the desk."

There was a subdued muttering and Kanda narrowly dodged a book thrown at him as Allen crossed the room to his bed.

Rolling his eyes Kanda pulled his pillow over his head and settled back into his bed.

Ten minutes or so passed by and the only sound in the room was the restless and frequent tossing from Allen's side of the room.

"Moyashi."

"What?"

"Shut the fuck up and go to sleep."

Kanda's answer was prevailing silence and for a moment he truly believed Allen would not answer.

"I… Can't."

"Che. Why not?" Kanda rolled over into his side and peered through the hazy shapes in the darkened room to try and better see Allen.

"I… Don't want to see it again."

Kanda's agile mind quickly picked out what Allen was trying to say. "Scared of a nightmare?" He taunted. He received no reply. Shit.

"It's just a dream, you know."

"What do you care BaKanda?" Allen's voice was laced with annoyance and he sounded both tired and exhausted.

"I can't sleep when you're making so much noise." Kanda grunted.

"I'll try to be quiet then." Allen muttered sarcastically and the room fell back into silence for a few minutes before Allen tossed over onto his side again.

"You have no plans of going to sleep, do you?"

Allen made a non committing mummer and Kanda felt his patience about ready to snap. "If you were to sleep with me, would that help?"

A startled silence followed Kanda's suggestion. "Are you serious?" Allen asked in disbelief.

"No Moyashi, I just made the offer to screw with your head. Now answer the damn question."

Allen hesitated and answered slowly. "… Maybe."

"Then get you're ass over here so I can sleep."

Allen paused for a moment before pushing himself out of bed and crossing the room to stand by Kanda's. There was the rustle of sheets as Kanda held them open for Allen.

Hesitantly Allen crawled in beside him and Kanda was quick to turn on his back to him.

It was strange sharing a bed with Kanda like this, but despite the fact there was a carefully kept space of a few centimeters between their backs the comfort of having somebody so close did not escape Allen and he found himself glad of Kanda's presence.

Slowly, he allowed his eyes to drift closed. He didn't think he'd be suffering any more nightmares tonight.

**A/N: It's done! Yaaay! I actually finished this a couple of hours ago but was to distracted to proofread, heh heh.  
It's a bit on the short side, I know, but my school holidays are literally just two days away and I plan to spend them updating and watching all the anime that pilled up.  
See you guys soon! Leave me a review! **


	7. Piano and Cards

**Chapter seven – Piano and Cards**

It took Allen moment of steady blinking to recall where he was.

Seeing his bed across the room when he had woken up had been rather disorientating. It took a minute of scrambling through his brain to recall exactly the occurrences of the previous night.

Kanda's slow steady breathing beside him signaled that the owner of the bed himself was still asleep.

Allen sat up slowly, the blankets bunching around his waist. There was a carefully kept gap between himself and Kanda and he found himself thinking with amusement that to maintain it Kanda most certainly would have had to wake up several times during the night and shuffle over.  
There was a certain chill in the air and after a few minutes of sitting up Allen shrunk back into the covers and lay down beside his roommate. It was nice and warm in the bed through the combined effort of the covers and two lots of body heat and Allen found himself drowsy, drifting back into sleep.

It wouldn't hurt, really. The clock beside Kanda's bed read 6:30 in the morning. He had another half hour before he had to get up.

With that thought in mind Allen allowed his eyes to shut and snuggled back down on to the pillows.

He'd just started to fall asleep again when a loud crash tore him from the edge of sleep.

"Yu-chan! Moyashi! Guess what hap – Eh?"  
Loud swearing came from beside Allen and he found the sheets tossed over him as a bright flash followed by a crash caused him to fall off of the bed.

"It's not what you're thinking you fucking rabbit!" Kanda hissed and Allen climbed to his feet to see Lavi sprawled on the ground while Kanda repeatedly – and violently – stomped on him.

Lavi was curled protectively around his phone – which seemed to be the main target of Kanda's violence.

"Delete it! Delete that photo right now!"

"No! You two look so cute in it!"  
"NOW!"

"Gch!" The noises Lavi was making were really quite entertaining but Allen had the feeling he would be dead soon if he didn't interfere.

"But – Y-you were – ."  
"Not what it looked like!" Kanda roared.

"Guys! You're going to wake the whole dormitory up at this rate!" Allen pleaded, crossing the room to grab Kanda's arm and yank him off of the gasping red head.

Kanda glared viciously at Allen. "This misunderstanding is all your fault, Moyashi."  
"Mine?" Allen asked, miffed. "How is it my fault?"

"It just is."  
Gritting his teeth but deciding it was best to just settle the damn thing Allen turned to Lavi as he searched his mind for how to explain away this particular predicament.  
"It's really not what it looks like, Lavi. I couldn't sleep so –."  
"The Moyashi was having loud fucking nightmares so I couldn't sleep. It was the only way to get him to shut up." Kanda cut in, beating him to the punch. Lavi looked at them both skeptically.

"I don't know… You looked awfully cozy before."

"It's the truth you know." Allen sighed. "Now pray tell, _why _are you here at six in the morning making enough noise to wake up the entire academy?"

"Wake up the whole academy? Everyone's already awake! I can't believe you two slept through it." Lavi shook his head in mock disbelief. "Or maybe you two were awake the whole time but were just too comfy to –."

A fist crashed into the wall just above Lavi's right shoulder as Kanda glared at him. "Get on with it Baka Usagi."  
"Eh? So mean Yu! Well, anyway, one of Komui's crazy robots got loose again and it destroyed a wing of the school. Classes are canceled for today and everybody's expected to help with the clean up."  
"You're fucking kidding me? We have to clean up that idiot's mess?" Kanda hissed.  
"No, that's exactly right." Lavi said with his usual good humor.

"We haven't even been back a week." Kanda protested. "Normally he waits to destroy the school after we've been back a month or so." Lavi shrugged indifferently.

"I think I would have rather attended classes." Allen sighed, rubbing his head with one gloved hand. Lavi smirked at him.

"It's not all that bad. It's normally quite fun. I advice you two to get dressed and get down to the café for some breakfast before the big cleanup starts. Casual clothes are just fine." Their eye patched friend grinned and gave them a wave before ducking out the door.

Allen watched him go glumly. "This promises to be an eventful day."  
Kanda snorted and pushed past him. "Hurry up and get dressed Moyashi. I want to get this over with." 

OoO_oOo_oOo_oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen was surprised when he found his breakfast waiting for him when he arrived at the cafeteria. A quick wink from Jerry told Allen exactly who was responsible for it.

Lenalee smiled as Allen took his seat and began tucking in. Kanda returned from the counter with his soba and watched Lavi wearily as he sat down.

"What?" Lavi asked innocently, batting his eyelashes.

"You look like you're up to something." Kanda disclosed. Lavi snorted and gave an exaggerated eyeroll as he bit into his croissant.

"You're paranoid Yu."  
"Don't use my first name." Kanda growled, snapping his chopsticks threateningly at the redhead. Lavi's grin only widened.

There was a crackle over the loud speaker and Allen cocked his to listen.

"_Give me that! No – Here!"_

There was the sound of a light scuffle and someone seemed to wrestle control of the microphone.

"_Attention students, this is your headmaster speaking. During the cleanup if you find anything that looks like it may have belonged to, say… A robot, can you please return it to me as - ."_

There was a burst of static as the transmission cut off, followed by a heavy _thunk _of flesh hitting flesh and a low curse.  
_"This is Reever-sensei, if you find any of the robot pieces can please put them into the buckets just outside the main office so that they may be burnt later. Thank you."_

A low giggle swept through the cafeteria and Lenalee shook her head sadly. "Ni-san..."

"Robot pieces, eh?" Lavi asked with a glint in his eye.

"No." Kanda deadpanned.

"No what?" Lavi asked innocently.

"No to whatever the fuck you're thinking." Kanda answered curtly, setting his chopsticks aside.

"Naww… You're no fun." Lavi pouted and Allen had to smile.

"Come on, let's get started. I want to finish this in time to do some training." Kanda muttered darkly and the group dutifully headed outside.

Miranda was directing students as to where they would be clearing, as she herself was banned from the cleanup for everybody's safety. Their own group was directed to clean up around the music room much to their relief. The group before them had been sent to the semi demolished toilets.

The music room itself was relatively intact; a hole in the ceiling through which much debris had tumbled being the main culprit for its current state.

"This is bullshit." Kanda muttered as he picked up a clod of rubble and tossed it in the large metal wheeled crate in the centre of the room.

Allen shot him a look from where he stood, gently shifting cement rocks off of the grand piano.

"Will that thing even still play?" Lavi asked mildly as Allen brushed a layer of dust off of it.  
"I hope so." He murmured. Lavi grinned widely from ear to ear and hopped down from the desk which he'd been slacking off on.

"Only one way to find out." He said cheerily and bounced over to take the seat. Allen stepped back and watched as the redhead flexed his fingers carefully.

"Do you know how to play?" Lenalee inquired.

"Doubt it." Kanda scoffed.

"Aww, you're just jealous Yu-chan." Lavi cooed as he set his fingers down on the ivory keys.

The sound of badly played 'twinkle twinkle little star' flooded the room and Allen winced back as if he had been bitten. Kanda threw the chunk of rock he was holding at him and Lavi feel backwards off the piano stool.

"It's not my fault." He protested. "The piano's broken."  
"No, I think the piano's fine." Allen disagreed.

Lavi shot him a look. "Fine then mister British perfection. Show us the power of your magical gloved fingers."

"Can _you _play?" Lenalee asked, brushing a strand of dark hair from her face. Allen shrugged modestly.

"A bit."

"Give it a go." Lenalee encouraged brightly, wiping her hands free of dust.  
Allen gave a gentle smile and took the piano seat. "It's been a while." He warned. "I might be a bit rusty."

He began to play and Kanda nearly dropped the brick he was holding.

To say that he was surprised would be an understatement. He never thought that the bony Moyashi could play such beautiful music. Although not gifted in the music department himself he could recognize easily the complexity of the music and detected the faint underlying strands of a lullaby. He had never heard anything like it before.

The work came to a stand still as the group stared openly at their friend, watching as his fingers danced across the keys with apparent ease.

Allen for his part was completely focused on the piano, neither smiling nor frowning, just looking like he was at peace and lost in his own world full of swirling melodies.

The music slowed down and finally came to an end. Allen sat back in the seat and looked over at his friends.

Lenalee was first to find her voice. "That was amazing! I never knew you were so good a playing the piano! What song was that?"

Allen smiled sheepishly. "It's my own composition."

"Seriously?" Lavi choked out. "Where did you learn to play?"

Allen shrugged. "I'm mostly self taught."  
"Self taught?" Kanda found himself asking in disbelief. Allen arched an eyebrow at him.

"Surprised?"

"Che. I never thought a Moyashi like you could be good at anything. Now stop slacking off and help us."  
Allen spluttered wordlessly at him and Kanda nonchalantly returned to shifting the rubble off of the carpeted floor.

Lavi frowned. "You should be nice, Yu-chan."

"Don't call me by my first name."

Lavi continued as if he had not just been scolded. "I mean… There's a certain _picture _that may get around campus if –."  
The second the word _picture _left Lavi's mouth Kanda pitched a hefty stone at him which Lavi only just managed to dodge.

"Woh! You could have taken my head off with –."  
Another brick came flying his way and Lavi dropped to the ground to avoid it.

"Yu-chan, just –."  
A third and fourth rock came his way and only Lavi's quick reflex's managed to dodge it. Allen was torn between helping and enjoying the fact that Lavi could do nothing with the picture if he was dancing around like that.

Finally Lenalee stepped it. "Come on guys. We're almost done here. Don't muck it up now." She sent a pleading look to both males and Kanda narrowed his eyes but tossed the rock in the bin as opposed to Lavi.

The clean up progressed quickly after that, the highlight being the uncovering of several robotic parts which Lenalee confiscated from a very disappointed Lavi.

Allen was more than glad when the music room was back to normal – disincluding of course, the giant hole in the ceiling.

The group stopped by the buckets quickly to deposit the robot parts – the bucket which was being lorded over by a very tense and annoyed Reever while Komui hovered in the background – before escaping to Allen and Kanda's room.

"We've got the whole day left, what to do…" Lavi pondered as he hung upside down off of Allen's bed.

"You could leave." Kanda suggested irritably. "Why are you even here?"

"Don't be like that Yu-chan. It's just so boring with out you."

"We could play a card game?" Lenalee suggested, tugging at a lock of her hair.

"Strip poker?" Lavi suggested hopefully.

"How about just normal poker?" Allen said and a pack of card seemed to magically slide out of his sleeve into his gloved hands which Kanda found slightly strange but decided it was best not to ask.

"I warn you Moyashi, I'm the champion." Lavi crooned as Allen dealt.

A small smirk slide across the Bean sprout's lips. "Warning headed." He said smoothly and the game began.

oOo_oOo_oOo_oOo_oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: I know, you must all be simply amazed by the fast update! Yaaay for the holidays! I'm glad I finally worked Allen's piano talent in.  
Not much dark angst stuff in this chapter, but rest assured the plot will emerge! (If there is one -.- Which I would like to think there is)  
In any event feel free to leave a review! **


	8. Sparring

**Chapter eight – Sparing **

Despite Allen's firm suggestion they stick to regular poker and not of the strip variety, nearly an hour into the game – an hour which _strongly _resembled war – a pile of garments consisting of two pairs of boots, a green headband, a hair tie – which had sparked a fiery debate over whether a hair tie counted as an item of clothing or not – and a black coat belonging to the self proclaimed 'champ' had accumulated neatly before the _real_ ruler of the game.

Lenalee lay sprawled across Allen's bed; having lost out of the game shortly before stripping became paramount, watching her male companions do battle on the floor.

Lavi glanced cautiously up from his hand to look at the cards that lay spread on the floor between them before glancing over at his white haired friend who cocked a snowy eyebrow at him but other whys he held a perfect poker face – of course if you disincluded the flames that could practically be seen dancing chaotically behind him.

"What'll it be Baka Usagi?" Kanda asked, irritably flicking a lock of his blue black hair from his face.

"I think I'm gonna fold…" Lavi mumbled setting his cards face down on the ground. "You know, I'd rather not sacrifice my dignity unnecessarily."  
"Pity that." Allen said smoothly, shaking his head in what kind pass for sorrow. Lavi grumbled and stretched out his arm as if riding it of cramps.

"What about you BaKanda?"

"Shut up. Dealer shows first Moyashi."  
"Oh, so you're staying in after all?"

"Shut the fuck up you cheater."  
"You understand you'll lose your shirt if this hand falls through for you?"  
"_I said shut up and show your cards_."  
Allen gave a dramatic sigh and spread his card before him. "Full house."

Kanda swore and threw his three of a kind at the dealer in a characteristic show of good sport man ship.

Allen cackled evilly – demonically, even – and a dark shadows passed over his face as he swept the cards back up to shuffle again. Lavi leant uneasily to the side and whispered to Lenalee.

"Does Allen seem a little… I dunno…"  
"Crazy? Psychotic? Deranged? Demonically possessed?" Lenalee suggested in hushed tones.

"Well, I was going to say _off _but that works too."

Kanda still grumbling had unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off to toss into the heap by Allen's folded legs.

Allen raised an eyebrow at his well developed torso, clearly he was as strong as their confrontations suggested. His skin was pale, although not quiet as pale as Allen's own creamy complexion.

But what caught Allen's eye was the elaborate tattoo just below Kanda's left shoulder. Ragged lines roughly in the shape of a circle twisted out from around it and on a guess Allen would have to say the main focus of the tattoo was a Japanese kanji or something.

"If you're done staring," Kanda asked irritably, "Could you deal?"

Ignoring the accompanying snigger and wolf whistle from Lavi, Allen asked "What does the tattoo mean?"

"It means 'shut up and deal' ."

"Odd thing to tattoo on ones chest." Allen observed but none the less dealt out the cards.

The next two hands strongly favored Allen and before you knew it Lavi was down to his boxers.

"You know," Lenalee mused as Allen smoothly shuffled the cards. "I could take a picture right now and sell it for a fortune to the female populace of the school."

"The schools 'greatest anti-social hottie'." Kanda scowled at her.

"The schools biggest player." Lavi gave a proud mock bow.

"And the elusive transfer student." Allen gave a wry smile.

"If you lost your shirt anytime soon Allen, I could get nearly a thousand dollars for the picture."

Kanda raised an eyebrow as he noticed the boys fingers tighten on his cards at the suggestion – albeit, jokingly made – that he remove his shirt.

The others didn't seem to notice and Allen gave one of _those _smiles. The ones that to Kanda seemed much too bright, much too radiant.

"Oh, who knows? One of them might win a hand yet."

Kanda whacked him around the head for that one.

OoO_oOo

The card game ended only a few hands later when Lavi and Kanda decided to withdraw to preserve their shattered remains of dignity.

"Last time I challenge you to a game of poker." Lavi muttered as he pulled on his boots. Allen didn't bat and eye but continued to shuffle the cards.

"We could play go fish next time." He offered.

"Last time I play any card game with you." He amended and Kanda smirked. Lenalee stood up and stretched, waiting by the door for Lavi who was playful quarreling with Kanda.

"See you at dinner?" She asked as Lavi staggered over holding a bruised nose from teasing gone to far.

"Sure." Allen smiled and Lenalee rolled her eyes and muttered something about _should have been obvious. _

The door swung shut behind his leaving friends and Allen was alone in the room with Kanda. For lack of anything better to do Allen tossed the deck of cards on to his desk and sat down and stared as Kanda buttoned up his shirt.

The raven head himself shot Allen a dirty look and snorted "Done gawking yet?"

"No, I was thinking of staring like this for another few minutes just to see how long it took you to snap." Allen said in a light conversational tone.

"It wouldn't have taken longer then a minute. That's for sure." Kanda grumbled under his breath as he passed by Allen to head for his trusty katana leaning against the wall.

"Heading out for some training?"

"No, Moyashi. I'm going to massacre the school."

"Can I come along. There's nothing to do here." Allen said completely ignoring Kanda's sarcasm. Said roommate frowned as he hefted his sword over his shoulder, grunting non commitimaly as he did so.

Allen was quick to duck out the door after his _friend _and when Kanda glanced over his shoulder to seem Allen following him he gave an agitated sigh but did not protest.

It was rather late in the afternoon by then and the grounds were devoid of people – most students had had enough exercise after being forced to clean up Komui's mess made by the robot earlier.

"Isn't this a school building?" Allen asked uneasily as they paused in front of Kanda's training haunt. Kanda shot him a superior look and fished the key out of his pocket.

"You stole the key?" Allen asked incredulously. Kanda glared at him.

"Cut me some slack, Moyashi. The headmaster gave it to me."

"Oh."

Kanda rolled his eyes and Allen watched as Kanda fit the key in the lock and went to turn it only to have it fall from his hands.

Swearing loudly while Allen chuckled in the background Kanda dropped to his knees and riffled through the dirt to try and find it.

"Got it yet?"

"Shut up Moyashi, these things take time."

Allen let out an exasperated sigh and pushed past Kanda to the door where a flick of his wrist produced a piece of wire.

"What are you –?" Kanda started but cut himself off when Allen slid the wire into the padlock. There was a minute of rustling and then a soft click sounded that the hefty padlock had been undone by that skinny strand of wire.

Without waiting to see if Kanda had found the keys – he had – Allen stuck the wire in the keyhole of the door and after a moment there was an accompanying click and with a nudge of his toe the door swung open.

Kanda stared silently at Allen for a moment, still crouched down in the dirt before he got to his feet and dusted himself off. Kanda seemed to debate saying something for a moment but seemed to decide against it. He pushed past Allen and into the building muttering under his breath as he did so.

Allen was surprised when he saw the large, empty – and admittedly, slightly dusty – room. There were several decaying desks stacked to the side of the room and a large, shuttered window to the right provided the only light to the room.

"You train here?" Allen asked in surprise, settling down on one of the desks in the corner as Kanda rolled his shoulders to stretch the muscles. Allen received a patronizing glare for opening his mouth.

"Shut up Moyashi. I came here to train not listen to you talk. If you want to stay then shut the fuck up."

Allen opened his mouth to retort but the sound of a blade whistling through the air cut him off as Kanda started to practice.

It started of simple. Just hard swings of the blade through the empty air, nothing really interesting. Allen watched none the less, there wasn't really much else to do.

The practice swings went on for a good ten minutes or so before Kanda started to move.

It began with simple steps but as Allen watched the katana slice through the air he noticed that the tempo of the steps had increased, and that there seemed to be a vague pattern forming.

Before he knew it the simple steps had become – in Allen's eyes – a dance.

Small bronze rays of the setting sun streamed in through the crooked shafts of the blinds, causing the dark strands of Kanda's hair to seemingly shimmer as they twisted past, streaks of gold danced across his pale skin.

The breeze created by his darting movements made his white shirt flitter in his wake and Allen could see light drops of sweat sliding down his bare arms and his face was hard, completely focused on what he was doing.

He was a blur of movement, never staying in one place for more then the bare minimum of seconds needed to sustain footing and then move again, twisting and turning to face imaginary attackers, his Mugen cutting a deadly arc through the air.

All though his movements looked chaotic, there was method in madness. Allen watched, mesmerized and before long he could tell when Kanda was going to feint, he could see when he was going to slice.

It was terrifying to watch Kanda in all his violent glory, long hair streaming like a cape behind him.

It was horrifying. It was breath taking. And as Allen watched his war dance by the window, steely blue eyes full of fire, jaw set firmly in defiance, he found himself thinking it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Allen sat; content for the longest time just to watch Kanda's seemingly limitless energy. It was only when he noticed that the light of the setting sun had turned to a soft white of a newly risen moon did it occur to him just how long they had been there.

A quick glance at the watch on his right hand caused Allen to swear and jump off the desk.

"Kanda!"

He received no response, the elder teen obviously still far gone in his world of phantom prey.

"Kanda!" Louder this time, Allen crossed the room and only just managed to avoid the flashing silver of the blade as it skimmed past him. He roughly shook Kanda's shoulder and darted back just in time to avoid being cleaved in half.

"What?" Kanda glared, holding his sword tightly in one hand as he glowered at Allen.

_So much for beautiful_.

"It's nearly midnight! I promised Lenalee we'd meet them for tea! They're probably worried sick!"

Kanda snorted. "So? Let them. I didn't ask them to care. But if you wanna be a whiny little baby about it, you can go back and apologize on your own."

"You're such a prick!" Allen cried, exasperated.

Kanda snorted in annoyance and the next thing Allen knew was there was a blade whistling through the air to him. It was only his quick reflexes that allowed him to drop down in time.

"You could have –."

Allen was cut off as the blade plunged into the floor bored a bare centimeter from his face. It was with that that he felt his last bit of self restraint snap.

"That's it." He growled and swept Kanda's legs out from underneath him.

A quick roll to the side saved Allen from being the mattress to comfort Kanda's fall and the room was full of cursing as the pair struggled to their feet.

Allen threw a punch which Kanda managed to bat away effectively before swinging at him with Mugen.

"Guh!" Allen sprang back just in time to be a spared a cut across his chest – his shirt wasn't so lucky. There was the sound of ripping fabric and Kanda arched one eyebrow with a smirk.

"Oops."

Allen's counter was a fist to the face.

Somewhere along the line the fighting changed. Allen noticed Mugen had been dropped on the floor and had not been picked up for quiet a while, and that fist and limbs had stopped making especially painful contact a long time ago. The fight has somehow become an all out spar.

Gasping for breath Allen caught Kanda's fist in his own and flipped the elder boy over his shoulder and received an elbow in his gut as Kanda landed solidly on his feet. The two circled each other for a moment before Allen held up placating hands.

"Stop." He breathed out heavily. "Stop. I can't breath."

Kanda smirked but lowered his position. "Tired already, Moyashi?" He taunted.

Allen's head was throbbing. He hadn't faced physical exertion this intense for some time and he could feel his arm aching respectively. The pounding headache wasn't helping matters either.

_Maybe I should take that medication… _Allen though vacantly. He could almost hear Master Cross in his head.

_Idiot apprentice. Never doing what he's told. Are you afraid of taking it? Or are you afraid of the pain and nightmares? Which is it?_

Allen grimaced. It was bad enough hearing Cross's sneering voice while he was really there. Hearing it as that patronizing little voice at the back of your head was rock bottom.

"Moyashi?" Kanda's voice was light and airy but Allen thought maybe, just _maybe _he heard the faint traces of worry hidden in it.

He straightened up wheezing a bit. "I'm okay… Just out of breath."

Silence followed by a decisive snort. "Baby."

None the less Kanda strode over to Mugen and sheathed it, sliding it over his back he walked to the door and waited patiently for Allen to join him.

"You're being awfully nice." Allen observed dryly as he slipped past Kanda to wait outside for him to lock it.

"I did briefly consider locking you in but you'd find a way out." Allen gave him a wry smile.

The two began their journey back to the dorm, aided only by the light of the moon. It was silent all the way back and it was only when they slipped into the comfort of their Dorm room that Kanda finally spoke.

"How did you learn to pick locks?"

Allen kept his back turned to Kanda as he gathered some clothes to change into from his wardrobe.

"I just did."

Kanda frowned at the evasive answer and leant against his desk watching as Allen made his way to their bathroom.

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

"Tell you what?"  
Snort. "Didn't think so." Kanda pushed himself off the doorframe and slipped past Allen who was paused in the middle of the room to his own wardrobe.

Allen cringed at his obvious annoyance and fled to change. When he emerged Kanda was running his hands through his hair while studying a book balanced on his knee, his foot perched on his desk chair.

Allen watched quietly as Kanda unknotted his hair expertly, paying no attention to the task. Finally he bundled it all back up into its usual pony tail and took the textbook off his knee to throw on the desk.

He turned to see Allen standing hesitantly by the door and turned his back to him – a clear sign that he didn't care if he came in or not.

Sighing, Allen rolled his eyes and went to his desk and took advantage of Kanda's back being turned to open his drawer. The pills he'd swept earlier were slipped up one sleeve and a yellow tinted bottle up the other and he shut it quietly before retreating back to the bathroom and locking the door.

He tipped the old pills down the drain before wearily looking up into the mirror. He could see a light sheen of sweat on his brow and his face seemed paler then usual.

Taking a deep breath he twisted the cap off the bottle and shook three bland white pills into his hand, swallowing them with a mouthful of tap water.

He still felt dizzy and it felt like something was tugging painfully on the corner of his mind. It felt to hot in the bathroom so Allen stowed the bottle of pills behind the first aid kit in the back of the bathroom cupboard before exiting back into the room.

The lights were out and Kanda was in bed.

Without sparing much of look anywhere Allen climbed into his own bed and worked at falling asleep.

**A/N: Sorry, sorry. I'm tired so I'm sure there will be a few errors in here, hopefully nothing major.  
Now, on a better note I'm on the prowl for a side pairing :3**

**LaviLena or Lucky? Please vote on my profile. It'll be open for a week or so.  
Thank you again for reading and please leave me a review. **


	9. Sorry

**Chapter nine – Sorry**

Kanda was first to wake in the morning. This in itself was not usual at all. In fact, it was almost normal.

"Moyashi?" Kanda groaned groggily as he sat up, brushing a strand of loose hair from his face. He received no answer. Frowning, he called louder, "Beansprout?" Silence prevailed.

Kanda threw his blankets off and climbed out of bed to stalk over to the bean sprout's bedside. Allen was a light sleeper – when he was sleeping at all. The slightest noise woke him and he never slept peacefully.

Looking down at his roommate it was apparent that Allen was in a state commonly referred to as dead to the world. Even in such a deep sleep it was obvious it wasn't pleasant dreams he was dreaming.

His face was pale and slick with sweat, his breath coming in very shallow inhalations.

Kanda hesitated, not sure what to do. The Moyashi needed to be woken and it needed to be done gently, _delicately. _He looked like he might break at the slightest touch. So vulnerable. Kanda had to be careful.  
_Whack_. "Wake the fuck up before I tear your hair from its roots."

A low moan came from Allen's lips as he blinked into awareness.

"Kanda?" Came the sleepy question.

"Who the fuck else would be in our room trying to drag you out of bed out of the kindness in his heart just so you aren't late?"

"Yeah. Kanda alright."

Kanda snorted and stood up, watching as Allen blinked blearily upwards for a moment before frowning.

Allen didn't look well. He hadn't since last night. His skin seemed paler than usual and there were faint, dark smudges under his eyes that made it look like he hadn't slept well. Not that really surprised Kanda, but the point remained.

"You don't look so good."  
"No thanks to your kind awakening." Allen grumbled back as he hoisted himself out of bed and crossed the room to gather his clothes to get dressed.

Kanda watched as Allen vanished into the bathroom, scowling he returned to getting himself organized for the up and coming day.

His books vanished into his black canvas bag and his black and white ensemble that made up what he deemed to be pajamas were replaced with his school uniform. The Moyashi still not having left the bathroom Kanda frowned and adjusted his pony tail without the aid of a mirror.

Five minutes later Allen was yet to emerge and Kanda was growing impatient. A quick glance at his watched showed that they had only fifteen minutes to eat breakfast and get to class.

_Should just ditch his sorry ass… _But for some reason Kanda felt himself unable to do that. Growling under his breath his shifted impatiently from foot to foot before chancing another glance down at his watch.

_Fuck it. _

"Moyashi, I swear to dear god you better be dead or dieing in there or I will tear you limb from limb!" Kanda roared, banging loudly on the bathroom door.

There came a muffled curse followed me the alarming sound of glass breaking from within and Kanda flinched back.

"… Moyashi?" He repeated, worriedly now.

"I'm fine. Go ahead without me."

"Are you fucking joking? If you don't leave now you'll never make it to class on time!"

Kanda received no reply. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door again. "Moyashi, are you okay in there?"

"I said I'm fine! Just go already!"

Any trace of worry slipped off of Kanda's face as he scowled angrily at the door. "Have it your way." He shot back nastily and stormed out of the dorm room, allowing the door to slam shut loudly behind him.

_Fucking Moyashi! I don't even have time for breakfast now! _Kanda stomped through down the stairs, throwing glares at any passing students who flinched back in alarm. Even his fangirls found it best to keep a gap of a few meters.

oOo_O_oOo

It was near the end of the first session that Allen finally showed up.

Lavi raised an eyebrow and nudged at the stiff and brooding teen sitting beside him.

"What?" Came the agitated whispered reply and Lavi nodded in Allen's direction.

When Kanda had shown up to class bear seconds before the bell rang _alone_, Lavi and Lenalee had asked where his roommate was and had received a disgruntled but predictable "Who cares?"

It had been apparent though that the Japanese male was _not _happy. His dangerous mood had simmered down to a dull sulk as the lesson progressed and Lavi was not privy to what had caused such a mood but he would bet his eye patch on the cause being their new friend.

Lavi frowned as he realized for the first time that Allen looked like hell frozen over. He muttered an apology to Reever and crossed the room with his head bent down to slide into the empty seat beside Lenalee and immediately buried his head in his arms.  
"Allen, are you alright?" Lenalee whispered, bending down in an attempt peer through his folded arms.

"Fine." Was the barely audible reply.

"Are you sure?" Lavi asked, leaning around Lenalee to better look at him.

Allen raised his head from his hands. "I'm fine. I promise."  
Lavi frowned and he saw Kanda roll his eyes beside him. Allen looked anything but fine. Black rimmed eyes peered out from a pale and drawn face and his brow was creased in what could have been worry or pain.

Lavi wanted to protest but Allen's firm tone had made it clear he wasn't answering any questions so instead he replied with a half hearted "If you say so."

The second Allen's head returned to his arms Lavi spun around to stare pointedly at Kanda.

"What?" Kanda asked, affronted.

"Do _you _know what's wrong with him?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Well, you _are _his roommate." Lenalee pointed out, casting a worried look at Allen to see if he was keyed into their conversation. Apparently he wasn't. Nothing short of an explosion would shake him from his self induced coma.

"I don't know anything about it. He's been out of it since last night." Kanda grumbled, returning his eyes to his book in an attempt to appear as if he were taking notes. Lenalee and Lavi were not fooled by his diversionary tactics.

"Yu-chan." Lavi whined, tugging at his sleeve. Kanda cursed and tore himself free from Lavi's grip, glowering at the red head.

"Are you sure you don't know?"

"No! Stop asking me!" Kanda snapped. "I don't know what the Moyashi's problem is and I don't care!"

"You _look _like you care." Lavi pointed out. Kanda had obviously had enough. He pushed his slammed his books shut, slung his book bag angrily over his shoulder. Luckily for him a split second after he stood the bell rang, sparing him detention as he strode from the room only slightly ahead of the milling crowds.

Lavi sighed and rolled his eyes, leaning around Lenalee to poke at Allen.

"Oi, Moyashi-chan. Class's over."

Slowly Allen raised his head, staring blearily at Lavi as the message struggled to register.

"Oh. Right."

"Maybe you should go to the nurse's office?" Lenalee suggested. Allen shook his head.

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired." He yawned as if to emphasize his point.

Lenalee bit her lip as she got to her feet and waited by the door for them.

Lavi watched as Allen slowly stood, tucking his chair in and hefting his bag over a shoulder he started towards the door. Lavi debated stopping him but in the end allowed him to pass.

Kanda was nowhere in sight and Lenalee bid them farewell so she could run some quick errands for her brother during the short break. So, on a hunch that Allen wasn't up to a long walk, Lavi headed to a wooden bench and table in the courtyards and watched as Allen wearily slid in across from him.

It was silent for a moment as Allen gently rested his head on his arms again – staring off into the distance.

"… Sooo… Do I get to know what's wrong now?"

"I told you. Nothings –."

"You don't _honestly _think I'm _that _dumb do you, Moyashi?" Lavi snorted. Allen glared sullenly up at him.

"I never said that."

"You were implying it."

"How so?"

"By seriously expecting me to believe you're alright."

Allen lapsed into silence. "I just haven't been sleeping well lately. It's adding up a bit." He admitted.

Lavi frowned. "Ah. Why didn't you just say so?"

"… Sorry."

"Jesus. You even went and put Yu-chan in a bad mood over this?" Lavi covered his eyes with his hand and shook his head in mock exasperation.

"Sorry." Allen repeated somewhat sheepishly.

"Well, why don't we get some caffeine into you? Help you get through the rest of the day."

Before Allen could open his mouth to object Lavi had slid out of his seat and was bouncing across the courtyard back towards the buildings. Allen watched him go; seriously doubting a little caffeine would help him in the slightest.

A moment later Lavi returned, tossing a chocolate bar from hand to hand.

"Chocolate at this time of the morning?" Allen asked skeptically. It landed with a solid thunk in the table in front of Allen.

"It'll give you a little energy boost." Lavi crooned.

Sighing, Allen tugged the bar towards him and unwrapped it.

oOo_oOo_oOo

The rest of the day had been tiring. By the time the last lesson had finally ended Allen could have cheered with joy. The day had not been made any easier by the fact his last session had him alone with Kanda.

Judging by the silent treatment he had received, his roommate was still pissed at him for the morning.

Allen trailed after Kanda in the direction of the dorms, keeping his eyes on the ground. He half wished Lenalee or Lavi would show up just to save him from the awkward silence.  
By the time they had reached the room Allen was seriously expecting Kanda to lock him out. Surprisingly though the door was left open for him to follow in.

There was a loud _thunk _as Kanda tossed his bag onto the floor by his desk and began pulling out books to do his homework with.

Allen bit his lip and slid into his own desk. He was too tired for homework. No use even trying. He would never be able to focus. All he really wanted to do was sleep. But seeing as how much luck he had been having with the lately it seemed like a bad idea.

So instead he settled for leaning his head on his arms and watching Kanda sort through his books – muttering darkly under his breath as he did so.

_Maybe I should apologize… _Allen winced as Kanda slammed the drawer he had just opened shut.

_He can sure hold a grudge though… _

The sound of rustling from his own drawer attracted his attention and he sat up, curiously sliding it open.

_Bang! _

Allen nearly fell out of his chair as something rocketed out of his drawer and slammed into his face, had something not latched onto his sleeve and gave a tug he would have.

He looked down and blinked in surprise as he saw the 'something' was Timcanpy.

"Where've you been Tim?" Allen gently scolded.

The golem gave his sleeve one last tug before flying off to settle on his head.

A '_che' _came Kanda's general direction and Allen sent a glare at him as he closed the drawer and relaxed back onto his desk.

"Maybe you should whack _him_ in the face too, hey Tim?" Allen whispered to his golden golem which seemed to currently be preoccupied eating his hair.  
The light tug at his scalp suggested Tim agreed. Allen rested his head back on his arms and watched as Kanda started on him homework.

_Maybe I will apologize… _

oOo_oOo_oOo

_The keys were covered in blood. Allen didn't know whose blood or why it was there but he knew for sure it was blood._

_Carefully, he trailed his finger along the keys, producing a distorted chime from the piano. His finger cut a clean, white trail through the red, dying the tip of his gloved finger a discolored scarlet._

_Slowly he brang his finger up to eye level and watched as the stain bloomed, spreading out across the starched fabric._

_He could feel the wetness seeping in through the material to touch his skin and he shivered as a light breeze made the wetness ache with pain._

_He turned, looking for the source of the breeze but the room was air tight, mirrors looking back at him wherever he turned._

"_Allen…"_

_His head whipped around in the direction of the voice._

_He was looking into a mirror directly opposite him. At first all he could see was his own scared face looking back at him, the piano in the behind him shimmering like it wasn't there._

_Then slowly his eleven year self was joined by a dark shape behind him._

"_W-who's there?"_

"_Allen …"_

_The whispered words sent a shiver down his spine and he stared at the two bright lights hovering in the head of the darkened silhouette._

_A quick glance behind him saw nothing but the piano and he slowly turned to look back at the mirror again. _

_Slowly, a gash appeared where the mouth ought to be. As Allen watched it twisted into an indistinct smirk._

"_Allen…"_

"Guh!"

Allen jerked awake with a smothered gasp, slamming his chair backwards as he struggled for breath.

His heart was pounding loudly in his chest and Allen raised a shaky hand to grab a fistful of his shirt as he stared forward.

_A dream … Just a dream… _

He lifted his hand from his shirt to brush his hair backwards. Tim was nowhere to be seen.

"Moyashi?"

Kanda's head poked out of the bathroom, his loose hair swinging free around his shoulders.

Allen tried to steady his racing heart and calm his heaving breaths. He would never live it down if he babbled like a baby in front of Kanda.

He tried to struggle up right when he realized for the first time something was draped around his shoulders. Hesitantly he reached backwards and tugged at it.

A blanket fell into a heap in his lap and he stared uncomprehendingly for a moment before looking back up at Kanda's impassive face.

"Did – you?"  
"Che." Kanda scowled at him and ducked back into the bathroom leaving Allen staring bewilderedly after him.

A moment later Kanda emerged from the bathroom, flicking the light off behind him. A quick glance out the window showed Allen that during his nightmare the sky had become pitch black.

"How long was I out for?"

"A couple of hours." Kanda frowned.

"Oh…" Allen pushing his hair back from his face and stared down at his lap. His heart rate was finally slowing down but rather than feeling refreshed from his long nap he felt sore and even more weary then before.

"Are you going to get up or just sit there looking brain dead?"

Allen looked up at Kanda leaning against the wall beside him. He hadn't realized he was still there. Kanda didn't look pissed anymore; rather he looked like he was… Okay, Allen honestly couldn't pin down the look on his face and he wasn't about to ask, so instead he settled for a fairly safe topic change.

"Why's your hair out?"

"My hair tie broke." Came the irritated reply and Kanda batted his hair back behind him with a pale hand.

"Don't you have anymore?"

There was a muted reply that had something like _Baka Usagi_ and _stole _in there as Kanda pushed himself off the wall.

"I'm going to bed now." He announced and strode quickly across the room.

Heaving a sigh Allen stood off and gathered his clothes from the wardrobe before vanishing into the bathroom.

He reached for the lock but as he did so his vision flickered and he realized his glove was soaked in red.

"Gah!" He flinched backwards and stared down at his hand. His glove was completely normal. He looked up at the lock and he could almost feel it look back innocently at him.

Muttering softly Allen chose to leave it unlocked and slinked into the centre of the bathroom to begin changing. As he did so he became aware of something moving in the corner of his eye.

His head flicked up he was greeted with the sight of himself in the mirror; Shirt held loosely in his hands, red arm twitching slightly – out of coldness. Not fear. Because he was cold. That was all.

He looked back down at his clothes and then back up at the mirror.

_For Christ sakes it's just a mirror… I don't need to be afraid! _

None the less Allen finished dressing in record time and nearly threw the door open in his hurry to escape the suddenly claustrophobic bathroom.

The room was dark and he could vaguely make out the indistinct shapes of the room furniture.

He headed towards his bed but paused half way there when Kanda called out to him.

"Oi, Moyashi? What do you think you're doing?"

"Huh? Going to bed?"

There was a dismissive snort which for some reason tweaked Allen's annoyance.

"You're not going to having another fucking seizure in your sleep again are you?"

"What are you…" Allen trailed off and looked down at the floor.

"Probably…"

The room was silent for a moment and Allen thought that Kanda might not reply for a second.  
"Are they that bad? The dreams?"

The question caught Allen off guard. He wanted to shrug it off as over reacting but instead he replied with, "Yes. They're horrible."

Silence.

"Come here."

Allen didn't need to be told twice. He turned around and headed back to Kanda's bed. The covers were held open and he once again climbed in beside his most irritating, irrational, anti social friend.

He could feel the shifting in the blankets as Kanda moved over to make more room for him. Neither one talked and after a couple of minutes Allen relaxed back into the pillow and allowed his eyes to drift closed.

He felt a numbness as he walked the fine line between being awake enough to feel Kanda's soft breaths on the back of his neck and being asleep enough that they felt like ghostly fingers trailing down his collar.

It was strange in this dream like awareness and Allen allowed sleep to gradually carry him further along.

"_Allen…"_

Instantly his eyes snapped open as the dreaminess was lost to him. He took in a sharp breath as his heart tried to make up for the skipped beat. Suddenly, the comfort of the covers seemed stifling and Allen wanted to be up and about, minimizing his chances of falling to sleep.

Just when Allen was seriously considering getting out of bed a cool hand pressed against his exposed shoulder.

"It's not real."

Allen let out his pent up breath. He wasn't sure what had put Kanda in this strange and oddly understanding mood but he would take it any day. The cool hand on his shoulder withdrew and Allen felt himself feeling sorry for its loss. He wasn't sure he could safely go back to sleep without.

Kanda seemed to sense his tenseness because he let out a soft sigh and a warm arm wrapped around Allen's shoulders, pulling him in closer.

"Now, shut the fuck up and go to sleep or I'll strangle you." The arm around him tightened threateningly and Allen had to smile.

It was odd, being like this and as Allen felt himself getting drowsy again he realized this was the perfect chance to apologize.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

_What am I sorry for again? _Allen searched his sleep deprived mind for an answer.

"For… This morning."

"Che. I'm over it. Now shut up and go to sleep."

Allen allowed his eyes to drift closed and decided he would to just that.

**A/N: And the voting's closed! It appears that most of you want LaviLena as the side pairing! Sorry to those who wanted Lucky. I myself was fine with either one. Have never written for either pairing though… Only pairing I've written for in DGM is Yullen…**

**I just got back from my first anime convention yesterday and am now richer 8 volumes of DGM manga, an Allen plushie and a DGM wallscroll… And 14 other volumes of manga and three Naruto plushies…**

**Sorry. Just had to tell you guys **

**. **

**. **

**Next update will hopefully be soon! Reviewing would be nice ~**


	10. Coffee and pills

**Chapter ten – ****Coffee and pills**

It took Allen a moment to realize he was awake and even longer to realize why.

It hadn't been nightmares. He had been enjoying a rare sleep of blissful darkness. 'Blissful darkness' meant no dreams, not tossing, no turning and most of all no nightmares, something Allen rarely experienced these days.

For a moment he thought it may have been light filtering in through the shuttered windows but a quick glance upwards revealed pitch blackness outside, the moon hiding behind the sheltering grey clouds.

Allen frowned and slowly sat up, allowing the blankets to bunch around his waist. As he did so it finally dawned on him what the cause may be.

Sometime during the night Kanda's arm had withdrawn from being lightly draped around him and its absence must have weighed down his mind enough to pull him from sleep.

Allen felt his cheeks flush red. Being dependant on Kanda sleeping beside him to aid his own decent in to the dreamworld was bad enough, but not being able to sleep at all without his touch was just humiliating in its childishness.

"Moy…ashi…"

Allen flinched as Kanda's annoyed groan intruded upon his self reflection. He looked back down at the pillow and was greeted with the sight of sleepy grey eyes peering grumpily up at him.  
"Why aren't you asleep?" Allen muttered. There was a shift in the beds coverings as Kanda propped himself up on his elbow and glowered over at him.

"Because a certain _moyashi _woke me up."

"… Oh." Allen wasn't exactly sure what to say. He considered apologizing but couldn't find the grounds needed to do so, so instead he settled with looking blankly down at his gloved hands.

"Why aren't _you _sleeping?" Kanda asked in return and Allen felt his cheeks flush slightly. It was silent for a moment. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"Ahh… No, that's not it. I just sort of… woke up?" It came out as more of a question then a reply and Allen winced at his own awkwardness.

Kanda heaved an exhausted sigh and before Allen could comprehend what was going on a hand closed around his wrist and he found himself yanked back on to his back.

"Kanda!" Allen yelped, caught off guard. "What are you –?"

"Shut up and go back to sleep." Came Kanda's grumpy reply and before Allen could object he was pulled in close against his chest by a firm and unyielding arm.

Allen let out his pent up breath and allowed himself to relax back into Kanda's arms. He couldn't think of anything stranger than this. The two of them who did nothing but fight lying like this, side by side in one bed. After a brief moment of deliberation Allen resolved that he would try to fight less with Kanda from now own.

With a light smile tingeing his lips he allowed himself to slowly fall back into the welcoming embrace of darkness.

OoO_oOo_oOo

"Hurry up Moyashi."

Allen could feel a slight tick developing over his eye and he knew the silent vow he had made in the early hours of the morning wouldn't remain unbroken for long.

Kanda was tapping his foot irritably by the dorm room door, hair once again up in it's usual pony tail, courtesy of ducking out of the room just after awakening to go visit Lenalee.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Allen growled as he worked to straighten his vest. He was just folding back the cuffs on his shirt when he felt an unpleasant squirming sensation in his sleeve. A moment later Timcanpy burst free of the fabric and collided with a resounding _whack _with Kanda's face.

"God fucking damnit!" Kanda shouted, swinging wildly at the golem as it danced away, one hand pressed against his rapidly reddening cheek. Allen snickered and Kanda quickly looked back over at him to glare.

"Tame your fucking snitch." He growled.

"He's not a snitch, he's a _golem_." Allen stressed, holding out one hand for Timcanpy to land on.

"Snitch, golem, fucking _messenger of god! _I don't give a damn what it is just control it or I'll introduce it to Mugen."

Allen scowled and pulled a face at Kanda's tasteless and vulgar language, but he was too used to it to really make an issue out of it.

Timcanpy fluttered off of Allen's finger and danced around Kanda's head in a flurry of wings. In one smooth move Kanda had caught the golem in his hand and threw it in his desk drawer as if it was a poisonous viper.

"Hey!" Allen objected as the drawer rattled madly, no doubt Timcanpy wanting out.

"Now come on Moyashi or we're not going to get to eat breakfast."

Allen bit back his sharp retort as his stomach gave a loud rumble like a starving animal and followed the victoriously smirking Kanda out of the room.

His breakfast was waiting next to Kanda's soba on a table with an anxious looking Lenalee and Lavi lording over it. Upon spotting a relatively healthy Allen arguing with Kanda their expressions changed to ones of relief.

"You're looking better to day." Lavi observed as Allen sat down heavily at the table and began digging into a stack of toast waiting for him.

"I'm feeling better." Came the muffled reply.

Lavi grinned widely from ear to ear and Lenalee put her coffee mug down with a smile playing along her lips.

"Must have been the chocolate bar." Lavi boasted. "Told ja' it would do you good."  
Kanda snorted loudly as he unsnapped his chopsticks. "I'm sure that was exactly what made him feel better, Baka Usagi. A chocolate bar."

"I don't see you helping him feel better." Lavi said affronted. "Unless…"

Allen raised an eyebrow as he dusted bread crumbs from his hands. "…Unless?" He prompted but a moment later regretted it.

"Unless you two were sleeping together again!"

Kanda choked on his Soba and began performing the Heimlich maneuver on himself as Allen's face blew up to bright red.

Lavi looked back and forth between his dying friends and seemed to draw a conclusion from their shocked states. In one swift move he leapt out of his chair and pointed victoriously at them both.

"You did, you did!" He cackled evilly.

Lenalee was busy thumping Kanda on the back and Allen was shaking his head furtively.

With one last thump the soba blocking Kanda's throat seemed to move and he gave an annoyed cough and snatched Lavi's glass of water and drained it in a second. Lavi ducked in case his beloved Yu-chan chose to throw it but Kanda just thumped it loudly back down on the table before hissing, "don't make assumptions based on your half assed _fucking deductive powers you mediocre detective_!"

Lavi looked insulted as he straightened up. "That's not very nice Yu-chan. Do you mean to say you didn't comfort your poor little Moyashi all night long?"

There was the sound of glass shattering as the previously secure cup was thrown at Lavi but was ducked.

"You're so angry all the time, Yu-chan. You should really see someone about – Neh, where'd Moyashi go?" A quick look up showed a familiar white head bobbing its way through the students leaving the café.

"Neh, Moyashi-chan! Wait for me!" Lavi wailed as he dashed after his friend. Lenalee heaved an exasperated sigh as she Kanda got slowly to their feet and followed after the pair.

oOo_O_oOo

The day was over before it even begun in Allen's eyes and he found himself thinking with bemusement as he followed Lavi and Lenalee into town that he may finally be adjusting to high school life.

Kanda had 'politely declined to go with them' Lavi had told Allen with what may have been some tattered remains of his dignity, seeing as how he was suddenly sporting an amazingly purple bruise on his forehead after the so called 'politely decline'.

"It's Friday tomorrow." Lavi crooned loudly as they walked through the central business district of the town. He appeared to be in high spirits today as he rambled on and on about what they should do on the weekend.

"So, how was you first week at black order academy?" Lenalee asked softly as Lavi proclaimed loudly – with his two friends ignoring his tirade – what a beautiful day it was.

Allen smiled warmly up at her. "I think I'll do just fine if Komui doesn't set another robot loose on the school." Lenalee gave a nervous chuckle and averted her eyes as if to say, _can't guarantee it._

"Hey! Look this store's having a sale on!" Lavi called brightly, pausing in front of a large window.

Lenalee raised an eyebrow. "Lavi, that's a coffee shop. You don't even drink coffee."

"Yeah, but someday a might and it's on _sale_." Lavi emphasized the sale part with great enthusiasm and Lenalee sighed but none the less following the impulsive redhead into the store.

The store was littered with giggling teenager and Allen found himself unconsciously flipping the hood of his jacket up as he walked in to better hide his snowy hair and extravagant scar.

Lavi had drifted off to look at what the sign proclaimed as _chocolate flavored coffee beans _which seemed a bit contradicting to Allen.

"Hey, Allen! Come here!" Allen drifted over to Lenalee and she grinned at him, gesturing at the price of some fancy coffee beans in front of her. "Look how cheap it is!"

Allen shook his head. "Don't get taken in by the sale, Lenalee." He warned.

She frowned. "You're so careful with your money, Allen."

"Eh? Not really… Old habits die hard I guess…" he gave a nervous chuckle but his eyes darted about as if they were searching for possible escape routes. "Oh, hey look! That looks nice over there! I'm going to go have a look!"

Lenalee sighed as he dashed away into another isle.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda could feel the pencil nearly snapping under his unrelenting grip and he forced himself to calm down. It was just like his math teacher to pile up the homework for him like this. It was like he was _asking _to be sent to his grave early.

_One more problem then I'll go meditate for a while, _he promised and let out his breath. Just one more.

With his vitals revived he looked back down at the paper and tried to focus in on a problem asking him to find x. He resisted the childish impulse to circle the one in the problem.

_This is bullshit, I can't do this! _He felt his grip on the mechanical pencil rapidly tightening again.

_Snap! _

Kanda let out a yelp and felt his cheeks burn red at the pathetic sound that had escaped his lips. He looked down at his hands and let out an irritated sigh. His work was splattered with a light smattering of blood and small green tinted plastic fragments were embedded in his flesh.

"There goes my homework." He said disgustedly as he tossed the remains of the mechanical pencil down onto his ruined work.

He rinsed the blood off his hands in the bathroom sink, wincing as he tugged the chipped plastic out of himself and watching as it fell into the red tinted water swirling down the drain.

With his hands smarting painfully he bent down and opened the bathroom cupboard and wrestled the first aid kit out.

"Eh?" Sitting harmlessly at the back where the first aid kit had been a moment ago was a small, yellow bottle.

He paused for a moment and raced back through his memories. It hadn't been there a few days ago when his first moved in. He had to shift the first aid kit to check if the sink was leaking – which it had been – so it must have been put there since.

Puzzled and injuries forgotten Kanda reached in and drew it out, turning it over in his hands. It was unlabeled and a shake made the contents rattle noisily.

Curious, he unscrewed the cap and raised an eyebrow and the many small, white pills inside. _Shit. _

If it had been put there since there was only one person who could have possible put it there.

Allen Walker.

There was the sound of metal jingling and the doors lock clicked open.

"Hey, I'm back Kanda!" Called a cheerful voice. "Lavi got you some coffee so he gave it to me to pass on –."

Allen stopped talking as he saw Kanda leaning on the bathroom door way looking very pissed off.

"…Kanda?"

Kanda held up his hand and unclenched his fingers. Allen was greeted with the sight of a familiar pill bottle.

"What are these?"

Allen looked from Kanda's hard face to the pill bottle again and felt his heart give a weak beat.

… _Shit. Pills meet Kanda. Kanda meet pills. The two of you have seemed to team up against me and that's the real problem. Now, excuse me while I think up a valid excuse for this. _

oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: ****I know this is going to be a long authors note, but bear with me. **

**First off, my computer has died. Kicked the bucket. Croaked it. Gone to hard drive heaven. And I won't be able to get a new one or have it repaired until Christmas. In its death it took my half finished chapter with it so I had to rewrite it all on here.**

**I'll be sharing my brother's computer for now so hopefully updating will still be on time :)**

**I'm also very sick at the moment with a painful cough and a never ending need for tissues so I'm spending a lot of time in bed and away from the computer, so I don't know when the next update will be but I'll try to get it up soon.**

**Thank you to all the nice messages relating to my convention. In answer to any questions I went to AVcon, I did **_**not **_**cosplay but I will be going as our favorite Yu-chan next year. **

…**.**

**A usual thank you all for reading and please leave me a review ^_^ **


	11. Seen

**Chapter eleven – ****Seen **

Allen fixed his face into a mask of casual indifference, ignoring his racing heart as he set the bag of coffee on Kanda's desk. He gave a carefree shrug.

"Maybe the room's previous occupants left it there?" He suggested nonchalantly as he set his own bag by the door.

"They didn't." Kanda said this with such finality that Allen had to accept that _that _excuse had fallen through. Quick thinking under pressure proved to be difficult and Allen simply settled for playing dumb.

"Well, then I have no clue." He said flatly, making to walk past Kanda. Almost instantly a hand shot and grasped hold of his wrist, yanking him back.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Allen cried, trying to rip his hand free of Kanda's iron grip without any real success. Heated grey eyes met defiant silver as the pair communicated silently without need for speech.

_Let me go._

_Not until you tell me the truth._

The atmosphere in the room steadily grew heavy with the weight of many unsaid words. As the time ticked slowly by the fire in Kanda's eyes seemed to feed on it as opposed to growing dim. Allen himself found that for each second that passed him by his heart beat grew fast and loud, _painfully loud_. He was sure that any moment Kanda would be able to hear his heart pounding out its guilt driven melody

Gritting his teeth Allen finally managed to rip his hard free and glowered up at his roommate.

"Are these yours?" Kanda asked again, his tone somewhere in between forced calm and vaguely pissed.

"They're mine. Happy?" Allen spat the words out like they were venom and Kanda did not look at all surprised by his declaration.

"Not yet." He said shortly. "What are they for?"

"It's none of your business!" Allen snapped irritably, flexing his fingers violently.

"Yes it is!"

"Why?"

"Because I care about you, _you_ _fucking Moyashi!" _

Allen was literally stunned speechless by this sudden revelation. Kanda's eyes blinked as if he too was caught off guard by the surprising confession of having a heart but after a moment he simply narrowed his eyes as if daring Allen to challenge him.

"… For sleeping."

"Eh?" Kanda blinked and looked down at Allen. The sprouts gaze flicked up to him and then away again.

"Those pills are meant to stop the nightmares I get."

Kanda frowned. It seemed to him that Allen put a bit too much emphasis on _those pills_, but he doubted pushing the topic would result in fruition.

"There's a lot in here…"

"Well… As I said, they're _meant _to help, but it seems they haven't been doing it very well and I dislike taking medication and stuff unless it's absolutely necessary." Allen extended his hand and after a brief moment of consideration Kanda relinquished the pills to their owner.

Allen turned his back on Kanda and deposited them into his desk drawer as his rapidly bearing heart worked to steady itself. All though the conversation had ended with an expected result it had still been a narrow escape on Allen's part.

The room was filled with awkward silence and Allen watched Kanda he felt unsure of how to proceed with the evening. It was Kanda who settled it.

Moving swiftly he snagged the keys for his training building off of the desk and strode towards the desk. Allen stayed where he was and was surprised when Kanda turned around to glare at him with annoyance.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" He asked.

"… Eh… What am I…? What _am I waiting for_?" He asked, confused.

Kanda smirked; seemingly back to his old self. "Do you expect me to spar alone?"

OoO_OoO_OoO

Despite popular belief, physical education was not Kanda's favourite subject. In fact it was somewhere around the top of the subjects he despised and it was for the simple reason that he was the best in the entire class at it. Where was the challenge? Where was the thrill? Being at the top of the class didn't prove to be as interesting as he would have liked – _there was no competition._

Sure, the rabbit sometimes focused adequately to put in enough effort, enough so that it wasn't as easy as it normally was for Kanda to win. Alright, perhaps that wasn't giving Lavi enough credit. When the redhead was being serious he was quite the competition, _but it wasn't the same_.

This is why Kanda could be found sulking in the corner of the gym wearing a loose white shirt and tracksuit pants. He refused to wear those horrible shorts.

"Moyashi-chan's in out PE class ~." Lavi crooned happily as he watched the giggling students of their class shoot furtive glances at the stone cold Kanda.

"I know." Was the grumpy reply from the isolated teen. "You've said so six times already."

"What's taking him so long?" Lavi whined, thoroughly ignoring Kanda's irritable tone. "Everyone else is out of the change rooms now. What's he doing?"

As if speaking of his lateness was the magical summoning charm an easily distinguishable white haired figured approached them and Lavi's eyebrows shot up his brow.

"You're playing in long sleeves and gloves?" He asked in disbelief. Allen was indeed clad in long sleeve shirt with his usual gloves on his hands. He gave a sheepish smile.

"You're not going to be able to play basketball like that." Kanda scoffed.

"I can too." He countered. Kanda snorted.

"Whatever, even if that's true we have swimming second half and you can't swim in those gloves."

Allen twitched and paled considerably. "S-swimming?"

Lavi slapped him in the back. "Don't you listen Moyashi? Cause' of the warmer weather we get out swimming lessons!"

Allen looked very much like he wished to object to this but the shrill blow of a whistle captured their attention and the quarrelling group reluctantly drifted back over to the main crowd.

The class was dispersed into groups and – as if it had been planned before hand – Allen and Kanda were put on separate teams and given competing positions.

Kanda snorted as he shrugged on his sport bib. "Try not to get it my way Moyashi; it's for your own good."

Allen's face turned a bright red. "I-in your way? I was going to say the same thing!"

"Che. You're no threat to me."

The game started then with the shriek of the whistle and the ball was immediately shot through Allen's outstretched defending arms into Kanda's hands.

"Che." Kanda shot Allen a smirk as he rocketed off down the court, dribbling fantastically.

It was only when he raised his hands to shoot that a fast moving blur of white stole it from him and tossed it to a bemused girl with brown hair.

Allen shot the startled Kanda a victorious grin and stuck his tongue out.

Kanda's aura of rage almost became a tangible thing.

"You're so dead Moyashi…"

oOo_oOo_oOo

Lenalee was indefinitely glad that the school gym had a back entrance. It made situations like this when it was her turn on roll duty and she had to gather attendance numbers a lot easier.

She easily slipped in and walked calmly over to the raised stage portion on the left wall and was surprised to see Lavi sitting there. She looked around briefly just to make sure she wasn't mistaking her redheaded friend for somebody else before approaching.

"Lavi?"

"… Lenalee?" Lavi broke eye contact with the court and looked up at the Chinese girls face.

"What on earth are you doing sitting out?" She asked, smoothing her skirt beneath her as she sat down beside him. He gave her a wry grin and nodded to the rest of the stage. A quick glance behind her made Lenalee gasp. She had been sure that there were the sounds of relentless basketball when she came in but nearly all the students were sprawled out all over the place, exhausted.

It took her a mind a second to figure out was going on before she looked at the court.

Allen and Kanda were sprinting back and forth – two twin blurs moving around an orange blob that would no sooner be up one end of the arena and then up the next.

She watched as Allen ducked swiftly under Kanda's arms and grabbed the basketball, barely dodging a student who was sprawled half dead on the floor. Kanda stole it a moment later.

It appeared the two were so intent on their game that reality had long since ceased to hold any meaning to them. They were wrapped up in their own little bubble where there was just them, the basketball and the raging desire not to come out the loser.

"It's been like this for about twenty minutes." Lavi said resignedly.

"Twenty minutes?" Lenalee asked in disbelief. Both boys were slick with sweat and breathing heavily but their pace showed no sign of slowing.

"They became completely absorbed. They wouldn't pass the ball, they wouldn't even register somebody else was there." Lavi grinned and leaned backwards. "Works for me. It's much more fun to watch."

"I've never seen Kanda so into anything." Lenalee observed. Lavi shot her a dry grin.

"I'm sure we won't cease to be amazed anytime soon."

As Lenalee watched her friends rocket around she could only agree with a slight, silent smile that this was indeed true.

oOo_oOo_oOo

"Are you okay Allen?"

Allen moaned from where he lay sprawled on the floor with a water bottle held loosely in his hand. His legs felt like jelly and his arms were shaking from the effort of holding the water bottle. But all of this wasn't what grated on his nerves the most. It was the fact that after such a hard fought battle; Kanda had _still _won by two baskets. He believed his smaller limbs and weaker constitution were to blame but it seemed unsportmans like to blame his loss on that; that and the fact he would practically be admitting to Kanda's teasing nickname.

"Naww, cheer up Moyashi. We have swimming now." Lavi tried as an encouragement. Rather than brighten Allen's face paled a few more notches as Lavi hauled him to his feet.

Black order academy pool was housed in a white tiled echoey building with attached changing rooms. Looking at the large campus buildings anyone would assume it was a large prestigious school when it was actually just good at extorting money from the government.

"Where's Allen?" Lavi asked Kanda as he did some warm up stretches, feeling a slight sense of déjà vu. Kanda shrugged. In addition to his swimming trunks he was wearing a loose shirt in what some may consider modesty ( It was really because he got annoyed when people gawked at his extravagant tattoo. )

With lack of anything better to do Kanda looked around the room – Not for Allen, no. Not that – and spotted the Moyashi talking with the swimming teacher. Kanda wants it put on record that just because he _found _Allen does not mean he was looking for him.

"He's over there talking to the PE teacher." Kanda muttered to Lavi. Lavi frowned.

"Jesus Christ, do you have built in sprout detectors?"

Kanda chose to ignore this remark and instead joined the students flocking to the water.

oOo_OoO_oOo

"Walker!"

Allen broke away from his musings to see the PE teacher swiftly approaching him. Allen mentally prepared himself for the _why aren't you changed yet? _And was pleasantly surprised when rather than a scolding he said "Komui has informed me of your special circumstances. Feel free to sit out and watch."

Allen was stunned speechless by his good fortune. "Seriously?" He choked out.

"Sure."

Before they could continue talking a loud splash singled that the students had grown tired of waiting and had entered the water. The coach turned and hightailed it away, shouting orders to the youths as he did so.

Allen looked up and briefly scanned the crowd – not looking for Kanda, may it be told – and after a quick search found his sword happy, bipolar samurai.

He was startled when he saw Kanda eyes fixed firmly on him and for no comprehensible reason felt a light blush taint his pale cheeks.

Almost as soon as the eye contact had been made it was broken as Kanda looked away and joined the crowds flooding to the pool.

Not sure what he should be doing, Allen sat down on the edge of the pool and watched as the students swam past him, only sparing him a curiosity glance. A familiar red head of hair bobbed past and then without warning Allen found himself showered in little droplets of water as Lavi burst out of the water, grinning at him.

Allen had to smile. Even while swimming Lavi's customary eye patch remained in place.

"Why are you sitting out there for? C'mon in! The water's fine!"

Allen smiled and gave a little wave. "I think I'll pass. I'm a horrible swimmer."

Lavi gave him a speculating look. "After that epic basketball you can't expect me to believe that."

Allen laughed lightly. "Everyone has something they suck at it."

Lavi snorted. "You owe me. And I know _exactly _how you can repay me."

"Oi! Lavi! Get a move on!" The coach called from the sidelines it Lavi poked his tongue out in annoyance. "Talk after." He said to Allen before ducking back into the water.

The lesson passed with little eventfulness – save Kanda almost drowning Lavi – and free swim period saw Lavi emerge shaking like a dog out of the water, a reluctant Kanda trailing after him.

Allen watched them vanish into the change rooms and after deciding poolside was no longer safe got up and waited patiently outside the room for them.

They emerged a moment later, Kanda's stringy black hair surprisingly not leaving a damn spot on his uniform. He had his hair well trained.

The other students were just emerging from the pool, towelling themselves dry and laughing as they approached the change rooms. The trio quickly ducked out of the crowds.

"Alrighty Allen-chan! This is the deal."

"Eh?" Allen looked suspiciously up at Lavi's beaming face as if he didn't quite trust him. – Which in Allen's case was rather wise.

Lavi causally swung an arm around Allen's shoulders. "As soon as this session is over school will be out for the weekend, correct?"

Allen nodded, not sure where this was going.

"So! I propose that tonight me, Lenalee and Yu-chan show you around! You haven't had proper look around the city yet right?" Lavi leaned right in close and then abruptly let go of Allen, causing him to stumble on the wet tiles.

"It's settled!" Lavi proclaimed loudly in a way that showed arguing with him would be a waste of the precious little time Allen had left.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen had to admit, his escorts did know the town very well. And even Kanda seemed to be in a half decent mood which meant that rather then spend their Friday night arguing with each other they spent it rather enjoyable.

"We should show Moyashi the club." Lenalee suggested as the dusk sky finally turned dark enough that sitting in the park – however beautiful and breathtaking the place may be – was tiresome.

Allen found himself in loath to leave the tranquillity of the soft grass on which they were sitting it. He had never had much of a chance to see parks, and he couldn't ever remember seeing one with as many types of foliage and trees as this one. But even he had to admit the threatening rainclouds above did worry him slightly.

So instead he stood up with the group, brushing light dew from the seat of his jeans and inquired, "Club?"

"Mmh. It's our favourite place to go out of the surrounding clubs and stuff. It's rarely busy. We haven't been there in ages." Lavi yawned, rolling his shoulders as he said this.

The club was a short walk from the park and Allen felt his mouth twitched when they passed a certain pole he remembered had got quite friendly with Kanda's face last time they were out.

Judging by the glare on Kanda's face as he edged around it he remembered it to. Allen could have sworn he heard the raven haired samurai mutter, "I'm watching you…" As he passed it by.

The club proved to be an older building than it's surrounding friends and Allen could immediately see why it was 'rarely busy' as Lavi put it.

Sort of nervous now, Allen pushed the door open and was surprised by the pleasant air inside. There was lots of table scattered about and music with a nice light beat playing over the speakers. If it hadn't had a small part set aside for dancing he may have considered it a relaxed easy going kind of restaurant.

They were greeted by a beautiful woman with dark brown hair mostly held at bay by a golden hair clasp.

"Hey Anita!" Lavi greeted cheerfully and stepped forward eagerly.

The woman's answering smile was patient and friendly. "You haven't been in a while. Is this your new friend?"

Allen felt caught in the spotlights with the attention on him and he never thought he would ever be grateful for Lavi's womanizing tendencies but he was proven wrong. "Never mind him, he's just a sprout." Lavi said disdainfully. "He didn't even want to come, but I couldn't stay away from – ouch, ouch, ouch!"

Lenalee looked particularly irritated as she dragged Lavi away by his ear to a table. Anita laughed lightly and excused herself to the back.

"So, what do you think?" Lenalee asked when Kanda and Allen joined her at the table. Allen's smile was answer enough and the other three ducked off to get some drinks while Allen guarded their table.

He was just starting to wonder where they were when a hand tapped lightly on his shoulder. He grinned and looked up but his smile rapidly faded at the face that greeted him.

"Oh… It's you. Julian, right?"

Julian grinned in response, flanked on either side by friends who regarded Allen with an interested expression.

"Allen, right? The Black Order academy transfer."

The last part was a statement rather than a question and his pals chuckled lightly at this.

Allen himself was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the situation, shooting a look around in search of his friends. His uneasiness skyrocketed when Julian laid a hand on his arm and tugged him to his feet.

"Why don't you come hang with us for a while?" He suggested with false brightness.

"I'd rather not. Stranger danger and all that…"

Allen's protests fell on deaf ears as he was bundled roughly out the clubs back door by the bathrooms. _Why is no one noticing this? _Allen wondered but the answer was clear. The club was _too _laid back. Everyone was simply too absorbed in their good times to realize something wrong, could and _was _happening.

As the back door slammed shut Allen realized they were in the trash alley and he could only groan.

"How cliché can you get?" he shot nastily at Julian who turned a strange shade of red. Allen didn't consider it a victory though; instead he rather regretted that the words left his mouth.

The larger of Julian's friends twisted Allen's arms painfully behind his back and grabbed a fistful of his snowy white hair, jerking his head back and exposing his neck.

Julian smiled as his other friend went to help hold Allen's hands behind his back and after a moment of fishing in his pocket withdrew a pocketknife.

"How about we cut off that old man white hair you have? It's darn right insulting. We'd be doing you a favour." Julian sniggered and brang the blade up close to Allen's head, prodding a sweat drop dripping down his brow with the tip.

_This isn't going well… _Allen thought numbly. His head had started pounding from the stress of the situation and he supposed he should be more fazed by the sharp pointy metal aimed at him, but after such a long time living in constant fear it seemed draining to summon up fright for something so _mediocre_.

"Or better yet, your face is offensive to the bare rule of symmetry. You said it was a scar over your eye right? Maybe we should make a matching one…"

Allen let out his pent up breath. "Can you just cut me up as much as you like and be done with it? I don't have all night."

Allen's clear lack of fear seemed to piss Julian off more than any words he had spoken. The world weary tone he had used to deliver them was what had ticked him off most.

Cheeks flushed from the embarrassment Julian swore loudly and swang the blade down sharply.

Allen saw the flash of silver and for a moment experienced a painful flashback. The arcing silver of the blade turned into the flashing metal of a sharp, bent and slightly rusted nail and it was that flashback that set a cold sense of dread in his heart.

_No! _Allen jerked his head to the side violently, the person holding his hair swore loudly and stumbled forwards but didn't let go and a moment later Allen's cheek was splattered in blood.

oOo_oOo_oOo

"He's not in the bathrooms!" Lavi jogged back out of the men's room to meet his two friends just outside it. Lenalee looked wrought with worry and Kanda just looked pissed but Lavi could see the stress in his eyes.

"Where did he go? He wouldn't have just wondered off!" she rubbed her hands nervously, the cool breeze getting to her.

Lavi frowned at that looked from Lenalee to the door beside her and realized with a thrill of adrenaline it was that letting the breeze into the room. Lenalee followed his gaze and let out an _oh _of realization, dashing out the door with soda glasses in hand.

Lavi went next and Kanda was last out, allowing the door to slam shut behind him.

A light cry of distress left Lenalee's lips and Kanda swore.

Allen Walker was pressed up against the brick wall, looking sick in the stomach seeming not to notice the light smattering of blood on his face. Kanda followed his gaze and saw the light twinkle if metal in a pool of blood. He looked up and saw the kid from the bookstore with his hands wrapped franticly around his friend's wrist – who it appeared, was the source of the bleeding.

Lenalee seemed to recognize them for a moment after the scene registered she threw the soda glasses at them.

Swearing could be heard over the shattering of glass and Julian cried loudly, "What are you doing? Can't you see Shin's injured!"

"Serves him right! What are you doing out here."

"Shit!" Julian looked up from Shin to glare at Allen who stared impassively back at him. "This is your fault!" He accused.

"You were the one with the knife." Allen pointed out. Julian opened his mouth to object but was cut off by the screech of tires and the slamming of car door as his other friend dashed back towards them, out of breath and said "I got the car!"

Shin was bundled off by his friend and Julian – covered in blood and lemonade – paused to glare menacingly at Allen. He opened his mouth and began to say "I –."

But Kanda cut over him. "Please. You're not going to say something like 'I won't forget this', or 'I'll be back,' or some other cliché bad guy thing." He snorted.

Julian went pink and pursed his lips before dashing off to the car.

The shriek of protesting wheels left them in an aroma of blood, lemons and burning rubber as the car sped away.

Allen was instantly surrounded by his friends.

"Shit! Allen are you alright! Did they hurt you?" Lavi grasped Allen's shoulders firmly and shook them as if demanding an answer.

"I'm fine." Allen said meekly.

"But there's blood on you!"

"I-It's not mine…"

"I'll call the police." Lenalee offered disgust on her face. "This is beyond is a simple pranking. This is a _crime_."

Allen shook his head at this, suddenly adamant. "Don't! Don't call the police!"

"Allen, who knows what they were going to –."

Kanda cut over Lavi. "Even if you did nothings going to happen. The police are as fucking sick of the shut between Northwall and Black Order as us. They never get involved."

"But Kanda –."

"Just go grab our stuff. We'll head back now."

Kanda's tone left no room for argument and still looking unsure Lavi and Lenalee drifted back inside. Silence fell between them for a moment before Kanda suggested, "You should sit down."

Allen slid silently down the wall, his legs folding in front of him. He offered Kanda a weak smile. Kanda gave an irritated sigh and looked down at the serviettes he had somehow kept a hold on and offered them to Allen.

"You should wipe the blood off."

"… I can't move right now. Gimmie a minute."

Kanda snorted at this and crouched down in front of Allen, folding the napkins in half he leant forward and dabbed at Allen's red stained skin. He was sort of glad he was doing it and not Allen. Although he wouldn't say it to the Moyashi he wanted to make sure himself the sprout wasn't wounded.

But his words proved true, Kanda couldn't find a single wound on his face so instead he just focused on wiping away the residue blood off of his flesh.

Kanda's touch was almost soothing after the stressful situation and Allen found himself thinking with chagrin that it seemed to be the only thing able to keep him calm lately.

"What happened?" Kanda had finished removing the blood but did not withdraw his hand, perhaps sensing that Allen needed the support.

"They just bundled me out. They were going to cut me up a little. I jerked forward at the last second and one of their guys stumbled in the way and they got his wrist."

Kanda snorted out this and the trance seemed to break and he quickly withdrew his hand. Allen was sorry for its lost.

"You have blood in your hair. When we get back you should go have a shower right away." He said shortly and grabbed Allen's arm to haul him unceremonially to his feet as Lavi and Lenalee emerged with their stuff.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen had never felt anything as good as the streams of water trailing down him now.

While he considered the attempted jumping far from a big deal it wasn't exactly a _pleasant _experience and the flashback half way through had done nothing for his raw nerves.

If there was one smell Allen hated in the world it was the thick, coppery scent of blood and he had never been so glad to see his hair revert to its snowy white in his life.

It was a real pity that such a good evening had to come to such a shitty end and Allen allowed his eyes to drift closed as he considered this. With a deft twist he silenced this screaming shower and was taken off guard when he instead heard the solid thunk of water on the roof.

So the rain had finally come. Frowning he stepped out of the shower and began to towel of.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda wasn't about to admit he was worried. In fact he was distinctly _un_worried as far as he was concerned. But Allen _had _been in the bathroom for an awful long time and given his past behaviour Kanda would certainly not be surprised if he was passed out on the floor.

He didn't really want to interrupt him though. He knew _he _would certainly want a long, soothing shower if he had been jumped – okay, that was bullshit. Kanda couldn't ever recall somebody being stupid enough to jump him without a small army behind them.

Growing restless he threw the pen he was clicking for no real reason back on to the desk and pushed himself up.

_Fucking Moyashi! _

Giving in Kanda stormed over to the bathroom and opened the door.

"Oi, Moyashi. Are you planning on drowning yourself in –."

Kanda froze as he met the frightened gaze of Allen. His gaze ticked back down again. Allen had on a fresh pair of black pants and had a long sleeved shirt held loosely in one hand and Kanda could honestly say he had never been so startled in his life.

Suddenly the long sleeves, the gloves, the skipping of swimming and the fear of being seen shirtless made sense. It made sense so _fucking perfectly it almost hurt. _

Allen's torso was covered in scares. Many, many scars. It was startling how many there were. Some were nasty looking knots of flesh that looked like bad punctures and others were horrible tears in the tissue that _must _have required dozens of stitches to shut. The longest one stretched from just below his collarbone to his ribs and was an angry pink from the water.

But the scars _weren't _what caught Kanda's attention. What caught his attention was worth twice as many scars and any number of white haired teens in its strangeness.

Allen's left arm was a violent, angry red mass of uneven, bumpy flesh going all the way up to about a few inches down from the shoulder where it suddenly turned back to pale skin.

It looked like a disfigured, burnt limb that had shrivelled and gone cold and what's more, dead black fingernails still dripped water from the shower but the easily most noticeable thing was the shimmering green cross embedded into the back of his hand.

Kanda knew it was wrong. Knew it was wrong on so many levels. Knew it would make things worse later but all he could do was stare in horror.

In a flash Allen had the shirt on and a fresh pair of gloves was dug out of his pocket and he shoved past Kanda.

Kanda wanted to reach out and stop him. He truly did, but he was so stunned speechless he could only stand stock still as Allen breezed past him to the door.

_If he leaves right now… _

"… Moyashi."

Allen paused by the door and neither man turned to face each other. Kanda winced as he heard the sound of the door opening and he flinched as he waited for the slamming shut but instead he heard a voice so soft he wasn't sure Allen had spoken.

"Well, now you know. I promise I'll leave."

By the time Kanda worked out he hadn't misheard and span around to confront his roommate he was greeted with the slamming of the door as he was left alone with nothing but confusion and two new questions for each one that had been answered.

oOo_oOo

**A/N: Wow. That was easily my longest chapter yet, but there was **_**so much **_**I wanted to put in it. I'm glad I remembered it all. I don't know why but it didn't seem right splitting it in later chapters. **

**Thankyou everyone who left encouraging messages about me being sick. I finally went to the doctors and tonsillitis with verdict -.-**

**I'm feeling better though now that I'm actually taking antibiotics and I'm well enough to go back to school AND UPDATE!**

**A lot has happened this chapter – things I've been planning since the start of the story – and I encourage you to leave a review! **


	12. Sorting themselves out

**Chapter twelve – 'Sorting themselves out'**

Lavi was pulled from the edge of sleep by the sharp pounding at his door.

His first thought as his eyes flickered open to stare hazily across the room was that he would much rather stay where he was, drooling on his desk with a crick in his neck then get up and answer that potentially threatening sounding knock.

His next thought was he probably _should _answer it before whoever it was broke his door down.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…" He mutter grumpily as he pushed himself up right and wiped a strand of drool hanging oh, so elegantly from his mouth. Rubbing his poor and aching neck he opened his door and stared in surprise at his late night visitor.

"Yu-chan? What are you –."

"Have you seen Allen?" Kanda abruptly cut over him and for the first time Lavi's sleep depraved mind registered just how unusually agitated Kanda was.

It had been a long time since he has seen his friend so tense. Kanda was as stiff as a board and his eyes were alert and flickering with whatever unyielding emotion washed over the samurai wannabe.

It took Lavi a moment to recall he was supposed to answer. "Uhh… No? Should I have? Wait, did you just call Allen, Allen?"

But Kanda was already pulling away. "Call me if you see him."

"Call you – wah? Did something happen? Wait, _are you going outside! _It's pouring out there! Wherever Allen is I doubt it's out there in the – are you even listening to me?"  
Apparently not as Kanda had already ducked through the door to the stairwell and was long out of sight. Lavi stared bemusedly after him before ruffling his messy red hair and yawning loudly.

"Gah… Those two give me a headache."

Lavi vanished back into his room and set his head back on the comfortable – and priceless – book Bookman had leant him and resumed his drooling.

_They'll sort themselves out… _

OoO_oOo_oOo

Allen trudged along the rain slicked path, shuddering in his thin white shirt. His cheeks flamed with chagrin as he fervently wished he'd grabbed a coat before fleeing from the dorm room. It would have been the smart thing to do.

Speaking smart things, he should have at least taken his mobile so he could call Cross and ask him to remove him from the school. He wasn't sure his Master would be too pleased but it still bet the alternative of staying.

_Maybe, just maybe I should have waited and… given Kanda chance to –_

The image of Kanda's facial expression upon seeing him shirtless flashed through his mind again and he barely had enough time to throw up a defensive wall against the startling pain of loss that assaulted him.

_And just when we were starting to… Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? His seen and that'll be it. I'm going to have to… _

Allen found he was having a hard time keeping his mind on track and he grimaced and decided to place his plight out of his mind for now and instead focus on finding somewhere to wait out the rain.

He had long since slipped free of the school and the pathetic security they had guarding the gate. Although helpful, Allen had found it rather disturbing. Anyone could slip in while the guard hopped about in hopes of avoiding the rain.

An empty phone booth stood sentry by the rapidly flooding road. Allen gratefully slipped in, not allowing its lack of door to discourage him from the welcomed shelter of the rain.

_If I had just locked the bathroom door I'd likely be comfortably asleep with –_

Allen cut his own thought short, mortified that he had just missed the familiarity of sleeping alongside Kanda to still his feverish dreams.

Even so, the humiliation of sleeping alongside his sworn rival was not nearly as bad as the night terrors that lurked on the edge of sleep, forever patient and waiting to pull him into their inescapable, iron grasp.

And if having Kanda's arm wrapped tightly around him served to free him of that grip he would welcome it – _Stop thinking depressing thought! _Allen berated himself, and then weary and exhausted from the fruitless struggle with himself and his confused emotions sunk to the floor of the booth and watched as water steadily seeped into a small crack on the path outside.

He was to tired and body sore for this endless battle against his ever changing feelings. It didn't even seem worth the effort to put up a fight against the tide of exhausted defeat that washed over him.

_I should never have agreed to start school. It was a stupid thing to do. _

With that thought dancing on the edge of his mind he drew his legs up and wrapped his slender arms around his knees, burying his face in the sodden fabric.

_If even just one person… shun me… wish… _

Allen pulled himself into a tighter ball, trying to take comfort in the sudden smallness of the world his hunched position offered him.

Allen didn't know how long he stayed that way. It may have been seconds, minutes or even – though highly unlikely – hours.

But what _did _rouse him from his exaggerated misery was the splashing of searching feet tromping through puddles.

His breath caught in his chest. _It wouldn't be… _

The splashes came louder, closer and then came to an abrupt stop, splattering Allen with dirty rain water.

_It's not…_

But as a hand grasped his wrist in a painful hold and yanked him to his feet with a muttered, _Fucking idiot! _

Allen had to hope.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen was not in the school grounds. That Kanda had determined as a fact. He wasn't in the dorm, any of the bathrooms, the library, the classroom or even Kanda's training building.

That only meant the annoying sprout had snuck out in to the city.

_Does the fucking sprout have a death wish? After tonight how can he even think about going out alone! And in the middle of a bloody storm to boot! Has he never seen a damn horror movie? _

Although Kanda knew his thoughts were unreasonable, he couldn't stop the images of Allen in various dangerous situations from flitting before his eyes. The predominant images were not morbid predictions though, but the horrified, blood splattered Allen he had rescued earlier that day.

_I don't want to see him look like that ever again, _Kanda swore to himself. _Never_.

Although Kanda was not in the honorable business of making promises and protecting those weaker than himself he could not help the possessive surge of adrenalin that came when he imagined his Beansprout in those kinds of situations.

But Allen was far from weak, as Kanda had to firmly remind himself. In fact the sprout had proven himself Kanda's equal on more than one occasion. Kanda was not yet ready to concede to defeat though, but he was even less ready to allow Allen to snake his way out of his life with the same quickness and dexterity he had thrust himself into it with.

_If the sprout thinks he can flit through my life as he pleases and leave when he sees fit he has another thing coming! _

By the time Kanda himself had snuck free of the school gates his surprise and agitation of Allen's sudden leave and statement had turned into a gentle, simmering anger that was nearing its boil.

He did _not _appreciate hunting through the rain in naught but his long sleeved white shirt, jeans and a heavy, hooded black jacket.

As the rains tempo increased, he too hurried his footsteps until he was splashing loudly through the puddles overflowing from the wasted gutter.

Up ahead in the dim light offered through the spluttering streetlamps Kanda saw the indistinct shape of what he assumed was a phone booth. And curled on the floor was…

His heart lurched as he saw the familiar, _annoying_ mop of white hair.

He skidded to a stop and stared down at the figure. A spray of water from his sudden halt was flung into the air and landed with a soft _plink _on the already soaked figure before him.

"Fucking idiot!" Kanda growled and snatched Allen's arm in his hand, yanking the beansprout to his feet and throwing him violently against the inner wall of the phone box before stepping in and out of the rain himself.

Allen struggled to gain his balance and looked up at Kanda, pure surprise cast across his pale figures. His lips formed the syllables of Kanda's name but Kanda was having none of this.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing running off into the storm like that?" He demanded. "Are you a fucking retard? Or did your brain shrink and die from starvation? I know you're no fucking _genius _but a two year old could tell you that was dangerous!"

Allen's eyes grew steadily wider as Kanda ranted and he could feel the slight tremors that rent the sprouts body vibrating up his own hand that clenched the sprouts wrist defiantly.

"I – I thought t-that –."

Kanda had had enough. Angrily he yanked Allen toward him and ignoring the boys shouting protests yanked his shirt sleeve up and tore his glove off his hand.

"Stop it! I –."

"- You think this bothers me?" Kanda growled, shaking Allen's arm in front of his face.

"Do you honestly think me that shallow that a disfigured limb and a few scars," Kanda used his other hand to yank the collar of Allen's shirt down just enough to show the particularly nasty wound that started high up, "Would disgust me enough that I would throw out somebody how just earlier that day I admitted to caring about?"

Kanda flung Allen's arm back at him and scowled at the shocked sprout before him. "Do _not _insult me like that again beansprout or it'll be the last thing you do."

Allen showed open confusion at how their positions had become so turned around. Should it not be _him _shouting at Kanda?

Instead he gaped openly at him for a moment before choking out, "But you were so…"

Kanda snorted. "You never cease to disappoint me with your lack of brainpower. Anyone would be surprised at that – it doesn't necessarily mean that they instantly consider you a leper."

Allen's experience argued other whys and that was why he could not think of a single thing that befit the situation he currently found himself in. So, instead, he kept his mouth clamped firmly shut for fear of saying something that may change Kanda's mind about him.

Two people were not meant to be crammed into one phone booth at a time and the close proximity had Allen's soaked clothes clinging uncomfortably to him from the sudden temperature change.

Kanda stepped out of the phone booth and waited impatiently for Allen to do the same. When he did not Kanda snorted and reached back in to pull him out, nearly sending him sprawling on the pavement when his sneaker caught on the edge of the phone booth.

Back out in the rain was even worse than being in the stuffy phone booth and Allen felt his shirt greedily soak up the downpour again. This was going to be an uncomfortable return.

As if sensing his discomfort Kanda shrugged out of his thick jacket without a word and – ignoring Allen's feeble protests – draped it over his shivering frame without letting go of his hand he had used to pull him from the phone booth.

"C'mon you fucking moron. It's cold and wet and I want to get back to school like I never have before."

Allen had to smile at Kanda's black humor and allowed himself to be led back along the path to the school.

They walked in relative quiet for a while before Allen finally decided to give voice to one of the questions bothering him.

"Aren't you going to ask? You know… About my…" Allen trailed off. His meaning was clear enough without the need for finishing his sentence.

Kanda replied with a flippant, "Not until I feel like it."

And that, Allen decided, was good enough reassurance for now.

OoO_oOo_OoO

The next morning when Lavi came to pester them shortly after they had woken up – and not before thankfully, because he would never have let them live down the sight of the two of them comfortably sleeping together in the one bed with their hands linked – apparently interested in what had transpired the previous night to send Kanda into such a panic.

Allen raised an eyebrow at this but Kanda said gruffly, "You're reading too much into this Baka Usagi."

"I think not!" Lavi grinned widely and pulled up Kanda's desk chair to sit beside Allen who was dutifully doing his homework that had been miserably neglected.

"It's nothing Lavi, really." Allen said as he tried to recall just how many questions had asked him to find x already. "Kanda and I simply had a fight."

Lavi's eyebrows rose further at this. "Wow. Seriously? He went looking for you, _in the rain, _after a fight?"

Allen shifted uncomfortably in his chair and was saved by answering Lavi's prying questions when the redhead suddenly keeled over on to the ground, Kanda standing behind the chair the apparent cause.

"Mind your own business." He snapped angrily, but no amount of scolding could hide the slight tinge in his cheeks. Thankfully, Lavi was to busy nursing his aching head to look up and remark.

"And here I was being nice enough to invite you all out with me today."  
"You were?" Allen asked.

"After last time, I'd rather rip the balls of a charging bull." Kanda send bluntly and Lavi winced in dismay at his crude language.

"Nothing's going to happen to Allen-chan this time; I swear it on my life." Lavi twisted his hand over his heart in a mockery of swearing fealty. Kanda just glowered at him and Allen frowned.

"I think I can decide for myself, thanks." He snapped at Kanda.

"You can go, but I won't."  
"Fine then. Stay cooped up in the room and become a dusty old hermit you know you'll never –."

"- Get laid that way." Lavi chipped in.

Allen choked and stumbled over whatever it was he was really going to say and a burst of laughter escaped him and Kanda went from looking like Lavi had suddenly grown two wings and flew away to looking like he planned to tear of those wings so he could never fly again.

"You know what Moyashi-chan; I don't believe it's safe for me at the moment. I think I'll meet you back at my room in half an hour. If you can tame your little samurai over there, feel free to bring him along." Lavi winked at him and just managed to doge a thrown textbook as he danced towards the exit, fleeing out into the hallway as Kanda skidded out after him.

The door slammed shut leaving Allen alone in the room and he couldn't help the small smile that slide across his face as he heard the loud _yelp _of a caught Lavi and a stream of swearwords from Kanda that sounded as if he had just been kicked between the legs.

_Maybe_, _just maybe_, Allen pondered, _school life isn't that bad after all. _

oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: Just a quick question I've been debating since I started this story; should I change the humor category to drama?  
I'd like to think that it's funny enough, but at the same time it does have a bit of a dark, elusive plot to it that'll become more clear as the story progresses.**

**So please, vote on the new poll in m profile on weather to change it or leave it as it is. And as always, you're welcome to review. **


	13. Sneak Peak

**Chapter thirteen – Sneak peak**

Time at Black Order Academy seemed to really fly by for Allen and before he knew it he had been there a month.

Now that people in the corridor had stopped pressing their heads together and whispering as he passed them by and he wasn't stared at every time he entered a room he had settled down in to a comfortable little niche in school.

However, there were things that _hadn't _changed for him either. Julian and his friends from Nothward seemed to hate him even more than usual now, as he had seen them around town several times.  
He suspected it was only the death glares Kanda sent their way that stopped their snide remarks – that just _barely _concealed their vague threats – from turning into violence.

And another thing he was becoming greatly aware of was Kanda and his relationship with the brazen samurai.

It seemed to him that the slightest move in his direction could send heat rushing to his face and had him stuttering uncomprehendingly. It was only through sheer force alone that he was able to master that habit so it didn't betray his confused feelings.

As the weather had grown hotter he had also stopped wearing long sleeves and gloves to bed. The first time he had done that Kanda had raised his eyebrows to such a height that Allen had nearly ducked back into the bathroom to change again. In fact he would have changed into his usual attire had Kanda not stopped him.

In short, it seemed the more time he spent with Kanda, the more confused he became. And as the two of them shared a room outright avoidance would not solve his problem. No, this was one he would have to be figured out.

Of course, that did not mean he had to figure it out on his own. Lavi and Lenalee seemed more than willing to help him sort it out.

"You've got the hots for Yu-chan." Lavi deadpanned as he methodically worked to cut up the carrots in front of him for the stew they were preparing.

Allen fumbled with his knife and narrowly avoided cutting his thumb off as he spluttered at Lavi's cheerful expression.

"Don't feel bad," Lavi added chirpily. "Yu-chan has the hots for you too."

"Lavi!" Lenalee scolded, giving him a gentle whack on the back of his head.

"What?" He protested. "It's true!"

"I know but… _tact! _And there's…" She trailed off and glanced over at Kanda himself who was standing just outside earshot peeling potatoes at the sink. He was scowling murderously down at the vegetables as if they had wronged him and Allen was beginning to wonder if he was applying just a _little _too much force to those veggies he was peeling.

"I think," Lenalee said slowly as she retied the knot on her apron, "that this is something you and Kanda need to sort out on your own. We can't tell how you're feeling no matter how well you try to explain." Her expression softened. "I think if you talk it out you guys will feel better."

"I don't even know how I feel! How am I meant to talk about it with Kanda? Besides, have you _seen _the look on his face? It looks like he'll skin _me _if I approach him."

Lenalee looked like she was barely restraining a smile. "If you just let this fester as it is there's no telling what might happen. Better you confront it now and figure out what's going on between the two of you before it takes _you _by surprise."

"You make it sound like some kind of deadly disease when you say it like that." Allen mumbled as he scrapped the celery he had just cut off of his board and into a bowl.

"Ahh," Lavi sighed. "Is that not what love is?"

Allen's knife embedded itself in the table top a bare inch from Lavi's fingers as Allen stalked off.

Lavi looked at the knife that had nearly cost him his hand and then back up at Lenalee who was calmly skinning some more carrots.

"He's not going to talk it out, is he?"

"Doubtful."

Lavi heaved an aggravated groan and ruffled his red hair before shooting an agitated look over at Kanda who had seemed to have forgotten that it was _just _the skin that needed to be peeled and had now unraveled quite a ladder of white, potato flesh.

"I think I should go talk to Yu-chan." Lavi mused. Lenalee arched an eyebrow and a clear indication of wishing him luck. Stealing himself for the challenge that lay ahead he approached his friend.

"Ne, Kanda. I think you've over-peeled that potato." He said.

Kanda looked at Lavi then down at the small, pale nub in his hand and gave a curse before tossing it in the sink and grabbing another way. Lavi snatched it away before he could ruin that one too.

"I think I'll do the peeling. You wash the rice." Lavi said, nodding to the rice by the sink. He let out a sigh of relief when Kanda proved capable enough at that task.

Silence fell heavily between them as they concentrated on their separate tasks before Lavi finally took the initiative to speak up.

"You've been in a really foul mood lately." He offered as a conversation opener.

Kanda grunted and for a moment Lavi thought the sullen samurai may choose not to answer.

"It's just… I don't know… That Moyashi ticks me off."

Lavi was somewhat surprised that Kanda had admitted to feeling rather irritated of late. It was a sure sign of just how uncomfortable he had grown.

"Ticks you off how? The way I see it you go fishing for fights."  
Kanda let out a _woosh _of annoyed breath and gave the rice a particularly large _crunch _that made Lavi wince.

"I don't know – _annoyed _and confused…"  
Lavi could have grinned widely from ear to ear, and perhaps he did because Kanda snarled harshly, "Wipe that stupid smirk of your face Baka Usagi before I do. Permanently."

Ignoring the threat he had just been dealt he plucked up another potato to peel and sent a cheery smile Kanda's way,

"If you're so confused, why not talk about it?" He suggested.

"I _am_ dipshit. Unless that braying sound coming from your mouth isn't what I assumed."

"I meant talking with _Allen_. You know the root of your problem?"

Kanda snarled a bit under his breath and mashed the rice angrily beneath his fingers.

"I will _not _talk it over with that Moyashi. It's for his own safety; in case I get carried away and rip his head off."

Lavi was slightly creeped out that Kanda's subconscious automatically connected thoughts of confusion to violence. It was a rather strange form of showing affection.

"You're hopeless; both of you." Lavi shook his head in defeat.

"What do you mean like that?" Kanda asked defensively.

"Just that. You're so uncooperative. Do you even _want _to figure out what it is about Allen that's making you feel like this?"

_No_. Kanda's mind said.

"Yes." He snapped and stomped away from the sink, leaving the rice where it was. Lavi watched him storm back over to the table and almost instantly sounds of an argument drifted his way.

Frowning he collected his potatoes and took the rice out of the sink before retreating back to the table, sniffing up the aroma of various others cooking in the room.

"- ways can there be mister-can't-even-peel-a-potato!"

"Says the one who can't even read the labels on the cans!"

Allen flushed angrily and opened his mouth to protest, forgetting about the fact he was currently chopping up their meat into smaller pieces.

There was a flash of silver as the knife slipped and the sound of fabric tearing as it cut through his glove and into his flesh.

His fingers sprung open reflexively and he clutched his hand to his chest, wincing painfully. His face was completely bloodless and despite the fact it had sounded to be a nasty cut seemed a little bit much.

"Allen!" Lavi and Lenalee cried in unison, dropping what they were doing.

Allen offered them a pained smile. "I'm alright." He assured them.

Lavi scoffed openly. He could see the blood leaking through the fabric of the glove and the fingers of the other hand he used to tightly clench it.

"Don't try and be brave, give me a look." Lenalee demanded and wrenched his hand down from his chest and tried to pry his fingers away. She caught a glimpse of red through the slit in the glove before a hand closed around hers and pulled her away from him.

"Kanda?"

"Leave him be. It's just a cut. Even a baby could handle that."

"But it's bleeding!" She protested.

"It's alright." Allen said soothingly. "I'll just ask the teacher if I can leave earlier to go wrap it up."

"Do that." Kanda asserted and Allen sent – what Lavi perceived with a bit of a shock to be – a thankful glance before he drifted off.

Kanda released Lenalee and stepped sourly away to check their ingredients.

Lenalee looked troubled as she washed Allen's blood off her hands. Lavi sent Kanda a quick glance and was glad to see that he was preoccupied with other things.

Lenalee looked up as Lavi joined her at the sink and allowed concern to show on her face. "Before Kanda helped Allen…" She said before Lavi could speak. "I could have sworn I saw something red under his glove.

"He _was _bleeding." Lavi pointed out.

"I don't think that was it…" She trailed off, unsure. "It seemed more solid."

The pair of them basked into silence for a moment before Lenalee sighed. "Between the pair of them I don't know what's going on half the time and Allen… Allen just seems to be one, big walking box of secretes."

Lavi gave her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.

"If –." He cut himself and glanced over his shoulder to see if Kanda was listening. He wasn't. Satisfied, he continued.

"If Allen won't tell use about himself – and I think we have a right to know – I think we should find out ourselves."

"I'm not following –." Lenalee cut herself off with a gasp. "You couldn't mean…"

"The file Komui talked about." Lavi confirmed.

"If we get caught…"  
"Then we'll just have to not get caught won't we?"

Lenalee frowned but Lavi could see she was already in the mindset for it. She looked over at Kanda.

"Of course we'll tell Kanda too." Lavi added hastily. Lenalee paused and then nodded.

"It won't be easy though." She warned. "Even I don't have access to that kind of stuff freely."

"Where would the fun be if it were easy?"

oOo_oOo_oOo

When Kanda returned to the dorm room at the end of the day he was admittedly a little stressed.  
After Lenalee and Lavi filled him in on their idea of stealing Allen's personal profile that Komui had mentioned he had agreed without hesitation. He may know the most about Allen but every time he figured something out about the kid it just left him more confused, and if turning to crime was the only way to figure him out, so be it.

Allen himself was playing with a newly released Timcanpy when Kanda entered the room.

"… How's your finger."

Allen shifted uncomfortably. "It's better. It wouldn't have been nearly as painful had it not been _that _hand I cut."

"Give me a look." Kanda demanded, dropping his schoolbag and pulled a chair up beside Allen. Allen looked at him in disbelief.

"Why?"

"Because I want to touch your body." He said irritably. "What do you think fucking dumbasss? I want to see how bad it is."

"I'm not a dumbasss." Allen protested weakly but none the less pulled off his glove and offered his hand to Kanda.

No matter how many times he saw Allen's arm Kanda could never stop the sharp thrill of horror that spiraled through him to see a human body part so unnaturally deformed while still looking as it should – well, close enough.

The skin was rough but soft at the same time and Kanda tried to keep his attention focused solely on the one injured finger.

A small, white Band-Aid circled the cut and as gently as he could Kanda peeled it off, feeling slightly guilty when Allen flinched despite his efforts.

The cut was deep and the skin around it seemed a little puffed up – whether that was just a normal reaction to such a cut of made special but the hands unusual condition Kanda knew not. However, it didn't look to bad and after a moment he allowed Allen to have his hand back.

"Thanks about earlier." Allen said as he slid his glove back on.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah."  
Allen frowned, allowing Timcanpy to nimble at his finger a bit. "Are you alright? You seem a bit distracted."

_Oh yes, I'm fine. I'm just planning on breaking into the headmaster's office and stealing your personal file so I can find out just what secrets you're keeping from me. But – other than that – I'm fine_.

"It's none of your business Moyashi." Kanda snapped angrily and with enough force it caught Allen off guard. A second later heat flooded his pale cheeks and Kanda found himself wondering at the reaction.

"Well sorry I tried to care. I won't try it again." He snapped in return.

"Don't."

"Everything you say pisses me off." Allen muttered angrily, shaking Tim off of his finger.  
All of Kanda's confusion and frustration at Allen for, well, for making him feel like this seemed to reach a boil and he searched his mind for the most hurtful thing he could say. Anything that would take the edge off of his unwavering bewilderment. He found it too and he opened his mouth to deliver it.

"At least I'm not a freak."

His satisfaction was short-lived. The second the words left his mouth Kanda felt horrible. He wanted them back. That was crossing a very thin line – which he normally _just_ toed – and he knew it.

The color immediately drained from Allen's face and a million different emotions flickered through his clear, crystal eyes.  
Bewilderment, anger and betrayal fought for domination for a brief second before Allen's face contorted into its cool poker mask.

He pushed his chair back and got to his feet with such quickness and it was only Kanda's pride that kept him from flinching. "Fine." Was all he said and the echoing slam of the door behind him signaled that his return would not be in the foreseeable future.

The newly abandoned Timcanpy fluttered over to pull angrily at Kanda's hair but Kanda was to preoccupied to care.

oOo_oOo_oOo

"We got everything?" Lavi whispered as the group huddled outside Komui's office. Lenalee nodded. Kanda remained silent

It was now just after midnight and Kanda had spent the time waiting for the meeting time inside his dorm room. All though he wasn't about to admit it out loud he was waiting for Allen so he could apologies. Or something like that. He wasn't sure what he was going to do but he knew the word _sorry _had slim chance of crossing his lips.

He tried to push the confrontation from his mind. Now was not the time. Now was the time to carry out their mission. He couldn't afford to be distracted by petty thoughts.

Lenalee quietly fit her key into the lock and the group winced at the loud _click _it produced.

Stealthily, the trio wound their through the cluttered room. It was a mess despite the fact Lenalee cleaned it once a week.

"The files should be in one of those cabinets over there." Lenalee gestured to the cabinets by the large desk. "Ni-san losses keys to often so they're both unlocked. I'll check the desk."

Lavi took the cabinet on the right and Kanda the one on the left.

They fell into silence as they tried with all their might to keep from making to much noise.

After a while Lavi let out a little "hey…"

"Did you find it?" Kanda muttered.

"No, but I found mine. Heh, it says known _troublemaker_."

"Lavi! Focus!" Lenalee pleaded.

"I know… I know…"

Five more minutes progressed and Kanda could feel his nerves fraying with each passing second. Finally Lenalee let out a smothered gasp and Kanda spun around to see her holding a manila folder in her torch light. The name clearly read WALKER, ALLEN.

Victoriously they made to flee the premises, pausing to lock the door.

"Hurry up…" Lavi said impatiently as he shifted from foot to foot while Lenalee fumbled with the keys.

"Lavi? Kanda? What are you doing here?" they jumped a foot in the air and spun around to see Reever looking curiously down at them. Lenalee went pale.

"S-Sorry! I left something In Ni-san's office so I had to come back and get it!" She blurted. "But we're going now! Bye!"

They barreled past Reever and down the hall to Lavi's dorm room. They couldn't use Kanda's as it was also Allen's and going into girls rooms this late was _strictly _prohibited. Lavi had a single room so it was perfect for use.

Breathless, Lenalee tossed the folder onto the bed as Lavi shut the door behind them.

"We did it." She said.

"And it wasn't hard at all." Lavi said with a grin. Kanda was already busy opening the folder. He had just smoothed out the front page when the others gathered around. They exchanged looks. After a brief pause they looked at the paper.

WALKER, ALLEN – PERSONAL DETAILS

Relatives and Care

_Parent(s) – Walker, Mana ( Adoptive) – __**deceased**_

_Legal guardian (If the same as above skip to next segment) – Cross, Marian ( Adoptive ) _

_Legal guardian contact details – N/A_

_Legal guardian profession – Freelance_

"Woah." Lavi looked up from the paper to meet his friend's eyes. "That's a cheerful part." Lenalee grimaced.

Struck by a sudden memory Kanda said, "He has a picture of Mana on his desk."

"I know. I've seen it. I just didn't know who it was." Lavi frowned and shook his head as they returned to the file.

Previous education, schooling or other 

_NOAH ( Other) _

"NOAH?" Kanda muttered. Lavi frowned and made a shushing movement as he went to turn over to the next page. There was no next page. The staple at the top of the page _clearly _showed that other papers had been attached but they no longer were.

Lenalee groaned. "Ni-san must have thought that the other parts were to important to leave in such easy access areas and put them with the more personal folders.

"Can we get in there?"

Lenalee shook her head.

"Should have known it wouldn't have been that easy if it yielded decent results." Lavi grumbled. Groaning, he ran his hand through his hair in irritation. "Great. Now I'm left feeling even more curious…" he trailed off and ran his finger over the page before picking it up and tucking it in to his pocket. "I guess I can do some research on the stuff that _is _on here, but in the mean time you guys ought to go back. It's really late."

Kanda was reluctant to leave; he wasn't sure if he would be returning to a seething Allen or no one at all and he wasn't sure which one he preferred at the moment.

But none the less he got to his feet and left, heading up the stairs to his own room.

He hesitated before his door. Allen might be just beyond there… Kanda frowned. This was ridiculous. Being scared of his own room. With new resolved he put his hand on the handle and was surprised when it gave easily under his weight.

The room inside was dark and shallow even breathing signaled Allen was a sleep.

Kanda was weak with relief. This was the ideal scenario. He shut the door as quietly as he could and plunged the room into darkness. He waited for his night vision to readjust before getting changed.  
Honestly, he had wanted to study the little picture Allen had of Mana before going to bed. He wasn't sure what he hoped to get out of it but a small part of him pleaded he may get _something_.

When he was dressed he crossed the room and looked down at Allen. Although there were only thin streams of moonlight to aid his vision he could make out Allen well enough. And he regretted it when he did.

Allen must have woken up at some point as he was perched on his elbow and looking back up at Kanda. For a completely irrational moment he thought that Allen may know he had sneaked a look at his file but that thought quickly fled as he searched his mind for a way to smooth over the situation he had left himself in earlier.

He opened his mouth intending to say whatever excuse came to mind when Allen said softly, "did you mean it?"

"… What?"

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

Kanda's mind ticked slowly before he realized Allen had beaten him to the punch.

"Of course not."

"… You did, though."

"I did not."

"You sure sounded like it."

Kanda heaved out an irritated breath and sat down on Allen's bed. "It didn't… I wasn't… I was just trying to say the most hurtful thing I could thing of. I admit, I _did _want to hurt you but I hadn't meant what I said."

Kanda wondered if he explained himself well enough but a moment later Allen asked, "Why?"

Kanda didn't need to think over this one. He let a harsh snicker and threw his arms up in the air. "Because I'm confused!"

"About what?"  
"If I knew that it wouldn't be half as irritating as your ugly face."

Allen let the jest slide as he pondered what Kanda had said, hesitantly he said softly, "Me too."

"I guess that makes both of us."

They went silent again for a moment before Allen haltingly spoke up. "I – I don't hate you, you know."

It took Kanda a bit off guard. It was one of the phrases they threw around the most and having it suddenly reversed like that made him look at it and have to reconsider the thought that while he may have meant it the first few times he said it, somewhere along the way it had lost all truth for him.

"Yeah…" Was his brilliant response.

"And I think that's the problem. I don't hate you but I'm not sure how I _do _feel." Allen admitted.

"… God that sounded so fucking girly sprout."

Allen whacked him painfully on the arm. "Typical. You have to go and spoil a perfectly good moment."

"I try." Kanda smirked mockingly.

"Peace?" Allen asked.

"Peace." Kanda agreed and without further ado whacked Allen on the arm until he moved over enough so the two of them could fit in the one bed.

"This is becoming a bit of a ritual." Allen observed with a slight smile as Kanda wrapped an arm around him.

"Now you're ruining the moment." Kanda pointed out. "Just shut up and enjoy it."

**A/N: It's been decided. The category listed will be changed to Romance/Drama. But don't panic! It's just the listed category; I think some of you think I was changing the category all together. No, I'm still writing it as I planned but I just think the story if more dramatic the humorous. ^^**

**Also, my computer is alive again :O **

**In the meantime, feel free to review! **


	14. Of research and needles

**Chapter fourteen – Of research and needles**

For whatever reason, Allen found that he didn't seem to be in pain as often as he used to be any more. His arm had stopped its constant throbbing and leaving him in agony, now returning to its previous intimidating strength bit by bit. His scars no longer tingled when he moved too suddenly or bent too far; they felt just fine.

It wasn't just physically that he was feeling better, his head had stopped hurting, too, and the hallucinations had ceased. He no longer found himself scared to glance in the mirror; scared of what his mind may convince him was just behind his shoulder.

Now that Kanda and himself shared a bed every night, his nightmares had become but dim flickering images that left him a bit breathless upon awaking. This in itself was not particularly comfortable, but it beat waking up screaming in cold sweat.

The longer Allen spent with his friends the more he begun to feel that maybe, just _maybe_things were alright – that _he_was alright and that it was _okay_to depend on people. That now he didn't have to live in fear, feeling his heart stop and cold dread run through his spine whenever anybody grew irritated. Not having to live with fear and suspicion at every well meaning gesture.

But he couldn't shake the sense of uneasiness that had crept upon him lately, and he suspected it was that exact tranquil life that had brought it upon him. For one, he was beginning to wonder just how long he could delay some sort of explanation to Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda in regards to his elusive nature.

Allen liked to consider himself a realist and he knew without a doubt that he had been lucky to avoid their probing questions thus far. And lately, it seemed to him that their interest in him shone clearly with every glance.

They wanted to know; and Kanda, who was privy to the most out of the three, seemed to be the one with the strongest burning curiosity – no, desire to know just _what_ was wrong with him. Allen suspected it was due to the small tidbits of information living with Allen _had_ revealed that drove him the hardest.

And it wasn't long now before their curiosity could not be sated with vague half lies about his past.

Allen harboured no intention of letting on about his painful history; he had wanted to forget it, bury it deep down in the back of his mind. However, he knew that was irrationality incarnate.

So, for the time being he chose to try and live as best as he could, side by side with it until one day he could figure out just what to do with it. And until the day came where Allen himself was at peace with it, he would not willingly divulge it.

That was what Allen had decided and that was what he was sticking to, yet it seemed that his friends _knew_something. And he wasn't being paranoid. He was sure of it.

Sometimes he would walk in and they'd all be talking in whispers but when they saw him they'd abruptly stop, and Lenalee – the only one who was horrible and lying to her friends – would have a distinctly guilty expression on her face as she greeted him with a falsely cheerful, "Hey, Allen!"

The third time this happened in as many days, Allen found himself at his wits end. "If you're going to talk about me behind my back," he said tiredly, "try not to be so obvious about it. And if I've done something to annoy you, just let me know." Allen was well used to people talking about him behind his back but he thought his friends would have little more tact than to it so openly. Honestly, it wore him down pretending he didn't know.

"Ah, no! Allen, that's not it at all!" Lenalee looked horrified. She glanced around the room as if to garner support, her expression pleading for help. Lavi came to her defence, lying easily as if it was second nature.

"We were just talking about some stuff that happened last year and we didn't want you to feel left out so we tried to keep it a secret." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry." 

Allen sighed. He had an uncanny sixth sense for telling when somebody was lying to him. Okay, he didn't. But even with Lavi's sleek smooth talking he was not fooled. He wasn't a complete idiot, he had his limits as to how much lying he could take.

"Okay, sure. Whatever." He said tersely, projecting his doubt into every syllable before promptly leaving the room so they could continue their whispered little conference.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Lavi winced in guilt as Allen closed the door behind him on his way out, taking care to shut it quietly which somehow seemed worse than slamming it. The fact he was still taking care not to do anything that may annoy them or anybody else while they were whispering about him really pulled at one's conscience.

"S-So, did you find anything?" Lenalee asked, pretending they had not just been interrupted by the topic of conversation himself.

Lavi took a deep breath and continued on with his explanation, "I've given up searching on NOAH. All I can find is stupid stuff like unwanted hair removal, or biblical cults. Sooo, I did a search on Mana Walker."

"Did you find anything?" Kanda asked brusquely.

"Hush, Yu-chan. I'm getting there. There was nothing on him at all. Zilch. Nada." Lavi held his arms wide open as if to display just how little he had found, sending his friends a despairing look. "I tell you, it's been a real blow to my pride as a self-proclaimed computer hacker."

"It's the internet," Lenalee protested, "how can there been _nothing_?"

Lavi gave a helpless shrug. "I have no clue. There's just nothing. So all we have to go on is that picture." Lavi gestured over at the picture on Allen's desk before frowning and looking up again. "Did it occur to anyone that gossiping about Allen in Allen's room is just begging for incidents like before to occur?"

Kanda ignored him. "And Allen? Did you look him up?"

Lavi _tsk_ed and shook his head. "What do you take me for, Yu-chan? I did that _a__ges_ago. There's even less than nothing on Allen. There's like, _so_ nothing somebody must have divided his information by zero."

Kanda frowned and shifted impatiently on his bed in which he was sitting, muttering softly as to how _when you divide something by zero, the result is too huge to possibly calculate_ and something about a _Baka Usagi always opening his mouth before thinking_. Lavi could just _see_ the annoyance and confusion wafting off of the dark haired teen, though a slight tick was forming on his forehead after overhearing Kanda's not-so-inner monologue

Lavi held up his finger. "_But_ – it gets better – after giving up on NOAH, I searched up Marian Cross." He grinned widely from ear to ear and rustled in his obnoxiously orange bag for a moment before tossing several printouts onto the desk in front of the three.

"Marian Cross is quite famous, as it turns out. He's a genius when it comes to computers – which explains Timcanpy. Tim is a golem, as you guys know, but he has AI intelligence which had Cross nominated for several awards. But, when he found out there was no cash reward he said he didn't want them."

Kanda looked up in disbelief. "What kind of fucking moron does that?"

Lavi continued, ignoring the interruption. "He disappeared three years ago. Off the map. But as he has a history of accumulating large debts and vanishing to avoid them, nobody sees it as suspicious."

"Who knew Allen had such a guy as his Master." Lenalee sighed, shaking her head. "Speaking of, isn't it strange to call somebody _master_in this day in age?"

Lavi shook his head. "I suspect he's probably Cross's apprentice, which would making him calling Cross 'Master' rather normal."

"But I've never seen Allen do anything, well, _smart_with a computer before." Lenalee protested, blushing as if she was somehow gravely insulting Allen.

"It's just a theory." He replied, and no one questioned him after that. Lavi was more than often right when it came to his little 'theories'. It was silent for a moment as each person thought through the information they had just been given, sifting through their thoughts as to make sense of it all. It was Kanda that stood up first.

"Where are you going, Yu-chan?" Lavi called after him. Kanda glared at him in a way that clearly said, _I've told you a million times. Don't call me that._  
Kanda picked up his beloved Mugen and slung it over his shoulder in a clear response to Lavi's inquiry, the other two silently watching their friend brusquely leave the room.

"… You know he's using that as an excuse to go hunt for Allen, right?" Lavi observed.

"Obviously." Lenalee agreed.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen was very much enjoying the view from Kanda's training facility. It was after class and the students had long since finished basking in the sun light – which always seemed more comforting after your release from school – and gone off to the mall or to their rooms.

Allen and Kanda had sort of fallen into a pattern of sparing together after school, and despite Allen's annoyance at his friends right now he had no desire to skip out on such a comforting routine. In fact, now that his arm was getting better, he was looking _forward_to this match.

There was the sound of a key clicking in the lock as Kanda unlocked the door. Allen hadn't been kind enough to leave it unlocked for him. Kanda had a key. He could use it.

Kanda spared a glance at Allen who was lolling about on an unused desk at the edge of the room before shutting the door and striding in to practice his moves with his katana. Allen watched him silently.

Despite his eagerness to land a few hits he always looked forward to seeing Kanda practice with his Mugen. It was something that, even after the multitude of times he had witnessed it, he still liked to appreciate the beauty that such a focused and violent Kanda seemed to radiate.

Kanda in turn abided by their ritual, neither speaking nor looking at Allen as he focused solely on the blade in his hands; after twenty minutes or so finally drawing his training to a close, Allen simultaneously sliding off his position on the desk.

"Are you ready?" Allen asked offhandedly, speaking for the first time. Kanda leant his Mugen against the wall in answer.

The Spar that followed was one the most intense yet.

Allen dutifully ducked under a blow from Kanda and shoved an elbow into his gut, latching his hands together for extra strength. The blow took the breath out of Kanda and as he hunched over and gasped for air, Allen spared him no sympathy – kicking him lightly in the back of the knees to crumple him.

Kanda was startled at just how much the Moyashi had improved. It was almost a struggle to keep up with him. They were – though he was in loath to admit it – rather evenly matched.

Eventually it became apparent the competitive spirit had become too much and – bruised black and blue – they slumped breathless against the wall.

Allen nursed his bruised body. Kanda nursed his throbbing ego.

"It's rude to talk about people behind their backs." Allen said after a while. Kanda grunted.  
"Seriously, if you guys want to know something. Ask. Don't gossip."

"We weren't gossiping." Kanda protested indigently. "We were –."

"- Speculating? Does that make it seem manlier?" Allen snapped. Kanda opened his mouth to snap back in return but found nothing to say so simply settled for a discontented huff.

"You wouldn't tell us anything, anyway." Kanda muttered darkly.

Allen snapped back, offended "I've told you plenty."

"No." Kanda said bluntly. "No you haven't. Most of what I know I found out on my own or you had no option but to fucking spill. You haven't told _us_fucking anything you shit for brains Beansprout."

Allen was startled into silence for a moment. He chose his words carefully before voicing his reply. "It's not that I _won't_tell you…" He said softly, "Right now you don't really _need_to know. And, I'm not ready to tell you."

Allen turned his head to look at Kanda, and Kanda was momentarily stunned by the thoughtful and slightly haunted look in those clear, silver eyes. "It's not something I want to speak about carelessly, and until you need to know or I'm ready to tell you guys about it – whichever comes first – I won't. It's about me so it's my choice as to whether I speak of it now or never."

Before Kanda could reply Allen smiled suddenly and stood up. "In any event, you look like you could use an icepack. You're moving like a crippled old man."

Offended, Kanda shot back "I do not need a fucking icepack. And you're the old man here you shitty brat."

Allen laughed at the oxymoron and headed for the door, leaving Kanda to struggle to his feet on his own and ponder if that dead serious conversation had really taken place or not. Upon seeing the slight edge to Allen's eyes as he waited for him by the door, he supposed it had.

oOo_oOo_oOo

It was universally agreed that immunizations were a part of school life. With so many nasty little diseases floating out there and the school board full of sadists took every opportunity to stab them with sharp pieces of metal how could they not be?

At least, that was what an upbringing with Cross had taught Allen. The man had taken immense pleasure in terrifying Allen.

All the same, when Lavi cheerfully proclaimed that they were getting immunized against some foreign disease (You know, just in case they randomly contract it which was completely illogical considering the conditions for contraction could not be found in a well off school like Black Order) Allen paled.

"What's wrong Moyashi-chan? Do you not like needles?" Lavi observed Allen's interesting pallor with perhaps more vigilance than the situation demanded. But, with Allen everything should be carefully recorded for future playback.

Allen closed his eyes as he answered weakly, "I can't say I do… No, not really."

The taste of cotton bud in his mouth to prevent him biting his tongue, the sharp acidic odour of a room much forgotten, the bite of a needle filled with who-knows-what… they were all augmented memories fresh in his mind now and Allen hurried to bury them again before they caused him physical illness and discomfort from a strong wave of nausea and déjà vu.

"There's nothing to be scared of." Lenalee smiled, tilting her head to the side so a wash of green-black hair fell over Allen's pillow on which she was leaning. "A small nip in the arm and it's all over."

"I know…it's just…"

"Only a baby is afraid of a little needle." Kanda scoffed as he studied the hand he had been dealt. He and Lavi were currently engaged in a fierce game of poker, the victor looked uncertain at this point. Lenalee had passed up the game and Allen had been expressively banned from play.

"I seem to remember," Lavi smirked as he drew a card, shooting a glance at Kanda, "a certain somebody passing out whenever anyway even mentioned it up until year six."

Allen choked on the Mitarashi Dango he had bullied out of Jerry and gaped openly at his furious looking roommate who was presently trying to swat Lavi with his cards while the redhead used this as a golden opportunity to peek at Kanda's hand.

Lenalee thumped Allen concernedly on the back and eventually he was able to say, "Seriously? _You_? _Until sixth grade_?"

"Everybody had something they didn't deal with well." Kanda grumbled. "Needles were mine. Now shut the fuck up and let me concentrate."

"But you said only babies feared needles." Allen pointed out.

"Which is exactly why I'm not afraid of them anymore." Kanda grunted, "Now shut up and let me kick Baka Usagi's ass."

Allen obediently fell silent for a minute and watched as Kanda got his ass handed to him.

"Can you opt not to have the needle?" Allen asked after it became apparent Kanda was fighting a losing battle.

Lenalee shook her head. "There's not really a reason not to have it Allen, it won't hurt or anything. And it's one less illness you have to worry about if you ever choose to go away."

"I know… I just… Would rather not, if possible." Allen didn't trust himself to have the needle. It wasn't the pain that worried him; he had long since adjusted to that minor discomfort. It was just that for as long as he could remember, needles meant scratching nails and flailing limbs as he desperately – and vainly – tried to prevent yet another syringe from pouring its contents into his bloodstream.

Memories as vivid as that were painful to bear and the impulses were so deeply ingrained into his mind that Allen didn't think he could go through the simple procedure without struggling any more. On his own he could deal with it, in front of everyone it was just _begging_to make an ass out of himself.

"Man up and take the needle sprout." Kanda muttered under his breath.

Allen closed his mouth and watched the poker match in discontent. After a while he noticed with some amusement that Kanda stood no chance. He told him that himself.

"How do you know?" Kanda asked furiously.

Although it was meant to be rhetorical Allen answered with a cheerful, "Because Lavi's cheating five different ways."

Kanda's answer was a muffled curse and a handful of cards thrown in his opponent's chagrined face and a scuffle promptly took place as Lavi tried and failed to protest his innocence. His case wasn't helped when Kanda found an ace tucked into his shoe.

Kanda's pain helped sooth Allen's aching mind.

oOo_oOo_oOo

It was half way through math class that they were called into the gym for their immunizations.

Normally, Allen would have welcomed a reason to skip out on the unit. Math was most definitely not his strong point. And having Kanda lord his superiority of the subject over him was a blow to his ego.

But all the same, the doors to the gym seemed somehow larger than normal and Allen shifted restlessly in the line. He had a sudden empathy for those waiting outside the gates of judgment.

Kanda noticed his shifting and took the opportunity to jab him in the ribs with his elbow. "If you keep grating on my nerves like this," Kanda threatened "I'll give you a _reason_ to be afraid of needles."

"I have a perfectly good reason to be afraid of needles." Allen muttered silently, not silently enough though it seemed as Kanda thrown him a suspicious sideways glance.

Their class was ushered inside and Allen felt his mouth go dry at the all too familiar scent of disinfectant.

_Deep breaths…_Allen advised himself doing just that. He waited a few moments. It didn't seem to be helping. Frustrated with his lack of control, Allen followed his class into the large building.

Several stations were set up along the far wall with a small line at each, volunteers and teachers manning each one with a fresh bag of needles. The rest of the gym was crowded with students spread out on the hard wooden floor or on chairs that had been dragged over.

The calmer of the students played cards or otherwise chatted while they waited for the allotted time period to pass before heading back to class. Other less capable students were hunched over miserably in corners sniffling occasionally while they were soothed by friends.

Allen envied both lots of students.

"Kanda! Allen!" At the sound of his name Allen looked up to see Lavi and Lenalee sitting comfortably in a corner of the gym, their sleeves rolled up to show brightly colored bandages.

Kanda for his part ignored them, strolling over to the shortest of the lines available and waiting there impatiently. Allen smiled and waved over at his friend and hoped the light sheen of sweat he could feel building up on his face wasn't too obvious.

Taking a deep breath he turned and joined Kanda in the line.

_Just a needle. It's not like before. This one is to_help _you. Don't panic, and more importantly don't react violently. You can do this…_Allen coached himself as the amount of people between himself and the table lessoned. Finally, it was only Kanda between him and the dumpy looking motherly nurse.

He watched as Kanda rolled up his sleeve and said gruffly to the fumbling woman, "get on with it."

Allen felt his breath freeze up as the woman tore back the paper on a fresh needle, the liquid inside invisible due to the tinted plastic.

The small, cheap casing of the needle was nothing like the expensive, glass models Allen had spent a vast majority of his life with, but the vicious point and gleam of steel set his mind racing back through the years.

_Cold, rubbery hands holding him still as he struggled desperately against those holding him._

Kanda's arm was swabbed gently with a cotton bud and Allen shook his head fiercely as if to clear it of the disturbing memories floating in there. Kanda gave him a curious look as the needle punctured his arm.

Allen was too busy looking away wide eye and pale to see it and Kanda concernedly observed that his friend looked like he'd seen a ghost.  
Kanda turned to see the woman bustling through a plastic bag to fish out a colorful, patterned band aid and stepped back. "I don't want one." He said bluntly and the lady looked offended by his curt language.

Kanda however ignored her, gently shaking Allen's shoulder. The teen started and let out a _whoosh_of air as his breath gusted out of him. He looked up into the Japanese man's face and was greeted by surprisingly soft eyes.

He smiled weakly. "I'm fine. You go sit down with Lavi and Lenalee."

A shake of the head showed his instant dismissal of the idea. "I'll wait here for you." He said firmly. Kanda knew too well the fear of the needle as it approached. However, what he did not comprehend was the depth and magnitude of Allen's fear. He'd simply been paranoid of the needle. Allen had learnt to fear it with all his being.

"Next please." The lady shifted with ill-disguised impatience and Allen felt his stomach turn over as he approached. He was vaguely aware of Kanda hovering just out of his field of vision, perhaps hoping to catch him should he faint.

_All too likely of a possibility_. Allen thought grimly as he fumbled with his sleeve.

Eventually he rolled up the sleeve enough for the needle, taking care to show as little of his scars as he could. He was not entirely successful and the lady frowned at the small knot of healed flesh just below his elbow, taking note as she did so of the smaller scars on his arm. Lucky for Allen she put them down to a young, adventurous mind.

She dabbed gently at his flesh with a lightly doused cotton bud. As she did so the pungent smell of the antiseptic catapulted Allen back into his memories.

_Throat raw from screaming he struggled without any real strength against the hands. The feel of latex gloves gliding of his arm sent shivers of fear down his spine. A calm voice crooned soothing words but they were little more than fearful background noise. A prelude of what was to come._

_His wrist were gripped tightly and he was thrown painfully on his back on the cool, metal table and he closed his eyes against what he knew was to come._

Allen took a sharp breath as the needle hovered close to his arm, the lady gouging the best place to jab him. Somewhere far at the back of his mind he reasoned that the needle was completely safe and he'd been preparing for this kind of reaction, but the greater part of his mind automatically connected the silvery gleam of the needle tip to the horrors he'd undergone.

"_Don't_…" Allen croaked his throat dry from fear and a sick feeling in his stomach as he said it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kanda take a step towards him but his eyes were fixed on the nurse in front of him.

She frowned, failing to take in his pallid shade of skin and the breath that burst out from his lips in horrified gasps, his eyes far away pleading with somebody nobody could see.

She frowned in a matronly gesture. Ignoring all the signs of a boy who most certainly should _not_be injected she snapped "don't be a baby," and plunged the needle into his arm.

Had she perhaps done the injection gently as she'd been trained Allen would have been pulled back from his reverie of rough handling men and into the mundane school environment. Where he was in his memories, kind words and gentle injections were not common place.

However, she'd wanted to prove her point and had stabbed at him with a little more venom than intended, sick of these whiny, spoilt brats who couldn't handle a little bit of pain.

It didn't occur to her that this boy was scared to death and could only react badly to such treatment.

As for Allen, the second the needle was rammed unsympathetically into his arm he lost the shallow hold on the situation he had. Suddenly, he was a preteen again, faced with a familiar and horrifying situation.

_The plunger was pushed down and the chemicals swirled through his veins, enriching his bloodstream with drugs._

_Instantly a sense of weightlessness overtook Allen and his head spun dizzily on his shoulders. Tearing away from the restraining hands Allen launched himself away, skidding to a halt as he bent forward and retched violently._

"Allen!"

Allen was vaguely aware of familiar voices calling him, hands grabbing at him as his legs struggled to hold his weight and he staggered backwards from the pool of vomit before him.

To Allen's feverish mind the voices were trying to catch his attention and the hands were those of his captors.

_This was it. This was the one. The drug was too potent. His body couldn't handle it. He was done. There would be no more liquid being pumped into him. He was finished._

Allen was babbling incoherently now as Kanda struggled to hold him up. Lavi had sprinted from the gym to get Komui and Lenalee hovered uncertainly behind the myriad of people gathering around Allen, dangerously close to tears as she watched her helpless friend.

_The thought of an end was oddly comforting and Allen eagerly reached for the idea even as he felt his legs give out beneath him. He may be done, but that was a release within itself. There would be no more._

Allen who was still a million miles away wrapped up in the stuff that formed his nightmares collapsed against Kanda who was swearing loudly as he struggled to take Allen towards the gym doors where the headmaster was rushing forward.

Allen was vaguely aware of being shifted but the greater part of his mind was fixed on the idea of death.

_Darkness for once was comforting and Allen felt it calling in whispered voices to him. Somewhere in there Mana would be waiting to welcome him back and he would be safe once more._

Allen breathed out and sank into the welcoming whispers of darkness.

OoO_oOo_oOo

**LONG AUTHORS NOTE BUT PLEASE READ… Love you!**

**I'd really love to thank all of my reviewers. I can't express how much your reviews mean to me. I read every single one and smile like hell as I do so. I'm sorry I never reply – there's just so many. I do try my hardest though to reply to messages though.**

**So, this chapter is dedicated to all of you and your willingness to let me know my strength and weakness's.**

**AND I express my deepest, sincerest thanks to all those who review every chapter. You know who you are and rest assured I do to – I never feel complete till I see that new review from you guys. I love you all so much… Sorry if I sound sort of creepy there.  
Also, I don't know why but I feel the need to assure you I actually DO know what I'm doing with my story. I know it seems a bit hectic and rushed at times, but that's not because I'm thinking things up on the spot. That's because I'm trying to get everything I HAVE thought in -.-"**

**I apologise if at times it seems a bit choppy and vague, but that's part of the thrill, right? Not knowing?  
Haha, I'm so glad to see you guys are all eager to know Allen's past. A little bit at a time, guys… A little at a time.  
I know I mentioned to a few of you who sent me messages that I'd been working on a oneshot recently titled**_**The trials and tribulations of being matchmaker.**___**(beta: am I the only one that thought Phoenix Wright? :) …Ignore me) ****Guh, I'm sorry but I have decided I'm dissatisfied with it and will be rewriting much of it so it's going to be a bit late.**

**I know you came to read the story so I'm sorry for the absurdly long Authors note, but one last thing.**

**I'M ON SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. You know what that means, right? More time to write and update!**

**Thank you very much ~ Yuu-chi**


	15. Unexplained

**Chapter fifteen – Unexplained**

The first hint to Allen that he was no longer dreaming was the periodic flashes of red and glints of silver ceased to dance tauntingly before his eyes, leaving him with the dull throbbing in the back of his temple that always followed one of his … 'episodes'.

His mouth tasted sour and his eyes felt glued shut, but at least he was slowly becoming more self-aware and less lost in the haunting dreams that had spent god knows how long dancing along the edges of his mind and sending him spiralling into a downward loop.

At much the same time his calming mind processed this and awoke, he became aware of a pressure in the palm of his hand. Somebody was holding his hand. His knuckles creaked and protested when he attempted to open his grip, hinting at a long time of vice like clutching.

Allen groaned loudly and the grip on his hand tightened briefly. Slowly, Allen forced his eyes open and was assaulted with the sudden brightness of artificial light. He immediately shut them again. Reasonably he knew the lights were no brighter then they normally were, but after his agonizing darkness they hurt like a bitch.

He tried again, slower this time and was able to successfully un-stick his eyelids. He winced at the light and slowly waited for his eyes to adjust. Several seconds passed before the room regained its usual tint and Allen felt comfortable enough to look around.

He was lying on his own bed, he realized, not in the infirmary where he had supposed he would be. Although it was comforting to be in the familiarity of the room he also felt a kernel of unease. This room wasn't on the bottom floor. How'd he get up here?

Finally, he allowed his gaze to swing to his side and was slightly startled to find Kanda sitting in his desk chair beside him, his expression guarded and his eyes narrowed.

Allen's mind took a moment longer to realize it was the samurai's hand that was clenched tightly in his own but when he did, he reddened and snatched his hand back, meeting no resistance as he did so.

The pair sat still for a moment, staring at each other. It was Allen who spoke first.

"How long… have I been out?"

Kanda's eyes narrowed further and he gave a disgruntled _che_, "Roughly forty minutes now if you disinclude that the wailing and thrashing that went on for ten."

Allen didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed, so he settled for what he hoped was a decidedly neutral facial expression. It was no better and no worse than normal and his only saving grace was that it had been perhaps months since he'd experienced an episode like this.

Slowly, another thing clicked in his mind and he looked up sharply Kanda. "Isn't class still on? Why are you in here?"

"Che. Fucking Komui wanted somebody to stay with you and since it was _my_hand you were strangling and _me_that hauled your sorry, flailing ass up two flights of shitty stairs," Allen blushed a bit at this and looked away shamefaced, Kanda ignored him and finished with an irritated, " I got elected."

"S-sorry."

"I don't want an apology. I want an explanation." Kanda deadpanned.

Allen winced. Figured Kanda would ask for the one thing Allen couldn't give him, and from previous conversations he knew this was going to spiral down into an exhausting – both mentally and physically – argument.

Kanda caught the expression on Allen's face and pushed his chair back violently; planting his hand on the bed and leaning over Allen with such suddenty that it was all Allen could do to lean back.

"You are not," Kanda said in a voice that forbade argument, "going to give me another excuse about not _wanting_to or me not _needing_to know. You are going to explain to me why I had to deal with a vomiting, broken mess when he was faced with a needle or _you_will be the one cleaning the puke from my shirt."

Allen winced and felt his cheeks burn respectively. He'd thrown up, and on Kanda to boot. He felt mortified but the threat did little to move him. He was pretty sure he'd still be the one cleaning the shirt regardless of whose fault it was.

When Allen made no move to respond Kanda's glare intensified. "Moyashi…" He said quietly and Allen could feel the conversation spiralling into dangerous territory.

"We've had this conversation before." Allen reminded him.

"That was before you traumatised the first years in the gym."

"Hey!" Allen called, offended. "I didn't traumatise anyone! Anyway, there were no first years in the gym at the time."

"That's what you think. They could have been hiding in the rafters."

"The – What? Kanda, I don't think there were any first years hiding in the rafters so –."

Kanda let out an angry grunt. "That's not the point anyway!"

"… You started it." Allen said perhaps a little childishly.

Kanda sent him a glare that clearly said there would be no further pointless argument and stalling and Allen wilted a bit.

"Kanda…" he started and Kanda shook his head violently, long, dark ponytail whipping behind him as he did so.

"Don't you _dare_fucking say it. Don't you _dare_." He growled.

"I can't explain and you know that so –."

"– I told you Sprout, that's not what I wanted to hear."

"– I thankyou for looking after me, but I'm not going to talk about it." Allen finished firmly, trying to harden his voice into that effective argument ending tone that Kanda was so fond of but didn't quite manage it.

It was silent for a moment as both parties took the time to regroup and assess their assets and blackmail material. Allen thought that even if he couldn't win Kanda over with reason he could try and plead to the mans pride – god knows he had enough to spare.

Fortunately, it didn't look like it would come to that as Kanda sent him a look that clearly said, _the battle may be over but not the war_. Allen didn't know whether to sigh in despair or laugh in amusement. But, that was always the way with Kanda – it was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

As if it had been perfectly times so as not to interrupt the quarrelling pair until they reached a truce, a soft knock echoed off the wooden door of the room.

Allen looked at Kanda and Kanda looked at Allen. It was still far too early for Lenalee and Lavi to be out of class and it wasn't like he had anyone else in the school that was going to come visit them. The pair – despite their respective fans – did not rate high on sociability. So, Allen had a pretty good idea of who it was.

His suspicions were proven correct when the door swung open to admit a cheerful Komui.

"Hello there! Good to see you're looking better Allen! Gave us a bit of a scare there but as long as you're alright ~!" Komui gave a cheery smile and came into the room without waiting for an invitation. Then again he was headmaster. He did most things without an invitation.

"Why do you want you fucking nutjob?" Kanda scowled fiercely and Allen was glad that Mugen was currently on the other side of the room and out of Kanda's immediate reach. Even if the Dark haired samurai did make a dive for it Komui probably would have enough time to flee the premises.

"Now, now Kanda. I came to talk with Allen and see how he's doing. There's no need to be so rude. I know you were probably doing a great job of looking after him and looking forward to spending some time, just you and him –."

"- What the fuck?"

"BUT, I have important matter to discuss with Allen about his health, so if you kindly give us some privacy – if you really want to stay I suppose you could lock yourself in the bathroom, you wouldn't hear us from there."

Komui narrowly dodged a flying textbook as Kanda stormed out of the room, taking no care to shut the door quietly behind him as he did so. Allen looked at Komui with a new found admiration. The man knew how to handle the beast.

Komui graciously sat down in the recently vacated chair and smiled calmly at Allen, completely ignoring what had just happened with Kanda.

"Now Allen, how are you feeling?" He asked kindly.

Allen gave a sort of half shrug. "I've been better but nothing to complain about." He admitted. He winced as he rolled his stiff shoulders.

"If you'd come straight to me," Komui said, picking his words carefully, "I would not have made you have the needle, you know. I am aware of you history."

"You wouldn't have?" Allen said in slight disbelief, feeling extremely put out that his fit had been all for nothing and had been perfectly avoidable had he just thought it through a little bit more. Komui seemed to notice his crestfallen expression.

"I'm not saying it's your fault, of course." He hastened to say. "In fact I did warn the staff not to force anybody who already looked ill to have it. But, you know what these nurses are like. They think all kids should just toughen up a little bit."

"Maybe they're right…" Allen muttered miserably as he stared at his lap.

"Ah, No. Not in the slightest! You can hardly compare your situation to those of the other students!"

Perhaps Komui could see he wasn't making Allen feel any better and decided he best just get the worst news of his visit over, or maybe he thought his previous statement had been introduction enough to the new topic for he abruptly changed his speech.

"I didn't _just_ come here to check on you after your episode, Allen."

This caught the light haired boy's attention for he looked up in surprise and met the headmaster's shadowed eyes and felt his heart sink. Suddenly it was feeling a little but harder to breath. He could practically see the nature of this talk on the Chinese man's face.

"There have been sightings of some of the NOAH in the area…"

Allen supposed he should have been a little bit more surprised at this but right now all he could muster up was a sick feeling of disappointment.

So, they'd come after him after all. Not that he'd really expected anything else, but after roughly four years without any indication they were chasing him, he'd begun to feel safe. That perhaps he and Cross had misjudged his worth to them, not that he really considered this a bad thing.

He realized Komui was staring at him, awaiting a reply.

"Oh." He said quietly. "Is that so?"

The headmaster's brow furrowed at this as he studied Allen's weary, drawn face. The boy didn't look frightened. He didn't look surprised. He just looked so very, very tired and suddenly much older than his years.

"Are you not afraid?" He queried, Allen rewarding him with a small, tense small.

"What makes you think I'm not afraid? I'm very afraid. I'm terrified." He admitted. "But I've be afraid for years now, Headmaster. This is almost a relief as much as a disappointment. At least now I _know_they're still out there and I don't have to be so worried and vigil for nothing."

Komui bit his lip and studied the child before him. He privately thought that nobody that young should be talking in such a way about their own life like that. He knew the child's past more or less, the papers securely hidden in his office had told him the history he needed to know.

But the very thought of a child going through such ordeals was enough to make him sick at his stomach. His Lenalee was roughly the same age as Allen and he didn't know what would have happened to _her_if she had seen the horror's this boy had. He didn't _want_ to know.

"Well…" Komui said uncertainly. "We'll do our best to make sure you're protected at school. You should be safe as long as you're here. So don't go wondering outside on your own and don't go anywhere without a phone –."

"– you're not going to kick me out?" Allen suddenly blurted out, looking surprised for the first time since the conversation had begun.

Komui wore an expression of equal, if not _more_ shock as he stuttered.

"Wha – Kick you out? Why would I do that?"

Allen flushed slightly and looked down at his hands which he was wringing in his lap before he answered. "Because… You know. I'm a danger to the school…"

"Danger to the – What? You've completely lost me, Allen." Komui said blankly as he tried to find his bearings in the conversation.

Allen's blush deepened. "Because NOAH is after me again… and they might involve others. Like Kanda and Lavi for instance. And Lenalee. I mean… If something were to happen to them it would be _my_fault. It would be because _I_was here."

Komui blinked as understanding dawned upon him, staring blankly at Allen all the while. Then he laughed. He _laughed._

"Allen," he said, "if tomorrow the whole of NOAH _and_the Millennium Earl killed everybody in the school, I still would not blame you."

It was Allen's turn to blink owlishly – only the wave of understanding did not come to him as it had to the headmaster and he continued to peer up at Komui with wide eyes.

Komui searched for the right words to explain what he meant but could not find them, so instead stood up and offered Allen a trusting smile. "I'll take me leave now. I'm sure Reever is going to kill me when he discovers I snuck out. And I bet Kanda is wearing out the poor carpet in the hall from pacing by now."

Allen snorted at that. "I doubt it."

Komui gave a smug smirk and gestured for him to be quiet before gesturing his head in an exaggerated flick of the head as to suggest they head to the door. Slightly bemused by his actions, Allen followed suit and sure enough, after a moment, he heard the steady _creak_ of floorboards protesting as somebody paced back and forth along them repeatedly.

"I told you so." Komui said smugly and Allen let an affectionate grin slide across his face as Komui silently glided across the room, somehow opening the usually creaky door soundlessly.

"Why, hello Kanda. Did we keep you waiting long?" He asked pleasantly, immediately followed by a surprised shout followed by a stream of curses so crass that even Allen – who had grown up with _Cross_ – winced. Komui disappeared from the doorway with such ferocious speed it left little doubt he'd been yanked forward by his shirt.

"Now, now," Komui whined, "there's no need to get so violent about things, Kanda. You're welcome to go in and see him now if you'd like."

Komui's words were accompanied by a loud _thump_of soft, tender flesh hitting the hall carpet followed by a muted _'oof'_ as Kanda strode back into the room, a sour expression on his face as he swung the door shut behind him.

Allen plastered a pleasant smile on his face and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He'd been lying on the mattress for far too long, he decided. He had a minor episode, he wasn't a bloody cripple.

He became aware that Kanda hadn't spoken and chanced a glance up at his antisocial roommate. Kanda was wearing a completely undecipherable expression, to which Allen hastily spun back around and decided that his pillows were too flat and required his undivided attention. Kanda eyed him warily as Allen puffed his pillows back into a more desirable shape, not once looking at the tall Japanese male.

The silence is the room was almost a tangible thing and Allen continued to fluff his pillows until he was satisfied that they were comfortable enough. Still, Kanda did not speak and Allen was beginning to find the silence very uncomfortable – so he changed his task to smoothing out the creases in his blankets. Now that he brought his attention to it, his bed_ was _kind of messy.

"Aren't you going to ask me what we talked about?" Allen asked when the silence became too much.

Unfortunately for him, the silence didn't break and for a moment the two boys stayed in their respective positions, neither moving neither speaking. Allen was just about to repeat his question when he heard the subtle shift that showed Kanda had moved.

"Why the fuck would I bother? You're not going to tell me anyway." The older grunted out.

With that Kanda span on his heels and marched right toward the door just as it was thrown open. There was a surprised yelp as Kanda brushed past the new arrivals but Allen stayed sitting where he was, his hands frozen in their menial chore.

The words stung. They were entirely accurate – so much so that it was almost intolerable. But, still it had felt like somebody had punched him very hard in the chest, and that – Allen deliberated – was not a pleasant feeling.

It was completely irrational, he knew, and Kanda was not to blame. Had he not been saying ever since they met that he would not be answering his questions? But somehow the dark haired mans stubborn attempts to pry the information from him had become a steady constant in his life, and now his friend's sudden acceptance of Allen's refusals left him… disorientated.

And hurt. That too.

"How are you feeling Moyashi-chan? Did you and Yu-chan have a row?"

Allen stirred and looked up to see Lavi and Lenalee hovering by the open door. With the ease of long practise he smothered the hurt he felt and slipped into his perfect poker face before getting to his feet.

"I'm feeling fine now." He lied smoothly, making his way over to the pair.

He didn't feel fine. He felt horrible. But that had less to do with his health and more to do with his roommate. "And as for Kanda, the insufferable ass got sick of staying with me so he left."

Lavi's expression instantly cleared as he bounced over to describe the horrendous math session he'd just had to endure, but Lenalee did not look convinced at all.

He was sure the two of them were going to pump him for information in regards to his seizure, but the two possessed enough tact to leave it be. Instead, Allen found himself being dragged headlong out of the dorm for some 'fresh air', as Lavi put it.

Apparently this 'fresh air' involved taking a trip down to the mall for no adequately explored reason, not that Allen protested. If anything, he had a desperate urge for such normalcy right now. Anything to make him forget – if even just for a moment – that his life was going to be taking some very unpleasant twists shortly.

To just be a normal high school student with normal friends on a normal outing.

To be completely and utterly normal.

Just for a little bit.

He didn't think it was too much to ask.

oOoOo_oOo_oOoOo

"Ne, ne! I heard you found Allen~!"

The excited words were the only warning the Millennium Earl had before a blurred ball of white and black collided with him full force, sending his rocking chair sharply backwards due to the weight of the little girl clinging to his back.

The fat man gave a low chuckle and set down his knitting needles, reaching over to pull the girl off of his back and into his lap where she was less likely to send them both spiralling from the chair to the floor.

"Rhode, you shouldn't do that." He admonished, but it was far too indulgent to carry much weight. "You might hurt yourself."

He was studiously ignored for the most part as the girl tugged at his sleeve with all the patience of a two year old. "Come on… Did you find Allen or was Jasdevi lying?" she whined, pouting in that irresistible way she knew the Earl was weak to.

"Now Rhode," He said smoothly, "I'm not going to tell you where he is because you'll go charging in there and ruin everything. You need to wait a little bit more, my adorable child."

"But that's so unfair!" She protested. "It's been so long since I saw Allen! You never let me have any fun!"

The Earl sighed but coming from such a ridiculously proportioned man it held little weight. "But you'd damage him again," he pointed out, "he hasn't played with you for a long time and he might not be so good at recovering anymore. We need him intact."

Rhode furrowed her brow and let out a low moan much like a child with her favourite toy taken away. She sucked in one cheek, mouth forming a small pout of annoyance as she glared balefully up at the Earl, clearly sulking.

"But it's soooo boring here. How come you let Tyki go out but not me?"

The Earl picked the girl up and set her to the side of his rocking chair before once again picking up his knitting needles and continuing a flamboyantly coloured scarf.

"Tyki-pon," He began pleasantly as he began to gently rock himself, "is on a scouting mission for me."

He began to hum a strange, eerie tune.

"And I should be getting the results shortly."

**A/N: Annnd the Earl has arrived. What is with the NOAH? What is Allen's connection to them? What did they do to him? When will I update next?**

**These are all question that shall be answer in due time, no point rushing things.**

**On another note, I had nachos for tea. Jealous? XD **(Beta: I am, no fair! *pouts along with Rhode*)

**Review ~**


	16. Getting somewhere

**Chapter sixteen – Getting somewhere**

All in all, Allen was having the worse time in town he had ever had.

It even topped the incident with Julian. At least then nobody had been angry with him. All it took was a flashback on his argument with Kanda for a sharp lance of pain to shoot through Allen, making whatever he was doing at the time suddenly lose its lustre.

The paranoid feeling he had after talking to Komui wasn't making things any easier, either. He was constantly glancing behind himself and his twitchy fingers were permanently glued to his cell phone resting in his pocket. He could have sworn he was being watched, but the reasonable part of his brain argued that it was just nerves. The part of the brain that had looked after him ever since he had lost Mana told him there was no such thing as too much caution, and if he thought something was wrong it probably was.

He ignored both of them and instead focussed on the cup of coffee Lenalee was offering him, accepting it with a gracious smile. He didn't generally drink coffee, and he knew the last thing he needed right now a boost of caffeine, but he took a long slurp nonetheless.

"Man, it's getting chilly." Lavi observed dryly as he sprawled back on the metal of the bus stop seat.

"It's your fault." Lenalee admonished her male friend as she perched on the edge of the seat beside Allen, her own takeaway coffee bought from the van a few meters back cupped dutifully in her hands. "You were the one who insisted that we were fine to keep on walking. Now we have to wait for a bus."

Allen grinned tersely as Lavi let out a low moan of protest. All in all, he thought Lenalee was taking too little credit for their current predicament. The way he remembered it, it was only _him_that had been arguing against the seemingly never-ending walk; not believing that they could make it back before the school closed the gates at the rate they were going. As it so turned out, he had been right; and now they were stuck waiting for a bus if they hoped to make it back before eleven, at the latest.

Allen wondered what Kanda was doing right now. Was he worried that the group of them had been out for roughly five hours now? Allen let out a soft snort. He doubted that hothead had even noticed they were gone in the first place. With that cheery thought lording over his brain, Allen took another obligatory sip of his coffee before pulling the sleeves of his shirt tighter around his wrist. He hadn't even had a chance to grab a jacket before he'd been bundled out into town.

"It's getting late." Lenalee said quietly, stating the very thoughts Allen had been thinking a moment earlier. Allen observed his female friend with a critical eye. She didn't seem to be bothered by how late it was or even the chill in the air - and she was the one wearing a skirt. Instead, she looked oddly relaxed as she nursed her coffee, studying the rapidly darkening sky calmly.

Allen averted his gaze and decided Lavi looked much the same, having been sprawled across the metal back of the bench, coffee dangling loosely in his hand like it would fall from his hands at any moment. Neither of them seemed at all troubled. Allen allowed a small, more natural smile to slip into place. He may be too worked up to be enjoying himself, but as long as his friends were happy, he might as well try.

Easing his tense shoulders, he relaxed back against the seat and took a deep breath to try and unclench the knot of tension in his stomach.

When Allen thought he'd relaxed himself enough, he took a hesitant sip of his warm beverage, allowing the hot, brown liquid to swirl around his mouth for a moment. He'd never understand the draw the caffeinated drink had on his friends – and even his master – but right now, it didn't taste too bad.

Not at all.

Allen was so busy mulling over his coffee he barely had the footsteps until they paused beside the bench.

"Is it alright if I sit here?"

Allen looked up in unison with Lavi and Lenalee. While the others eyed the newcomer curiously Allen took one look at the man and felt his heart drop a mile south. Mouth dry and fingers numb, he could hardly feel his coffee slipping from his hands until it landed on the ground, spilling the bronze liquid out of the Styrofoam cup.

"Allen!" Lenalee cried, spinning around to look at him. Lavi bent down quickly and picked up the dropped cup.

"Are you okay man? Did the coffee splash you?" He asked in concern.

Allen was hardly aware of the red-head's worried hand on his shoulder. He was much too busy staring at a familiar tanned face, a beauty mark just beneath a narrow, golden eye.

_Not happening, not happening, not happening_, he chanted over and over in his head. He met the calm eyes apprehensively and at the lack of surprise he saw there, he felt his heart freeze.

"Oh? Allen Walker? Is that you?" The voice was laced with false shock as the man scratched at his slick hair as if he'd just found something unexpected.

"T-Tyki?"

"Oh? Do you two know each other?" Lenalee asked in surprise and Allen wished more than anything that his legs would unfreeze so he could get up and run as far away as fast as humanely possible. His legs, however, did not abide and he realised his lips were similarly frozen.

"Oh yes, yes. We haven't seen each other in years now." Tyki answered pleasantly, studying Allen with keen eyes. "We used to be very close though – our whole family was – weren't we Allen?" He added.

Lavi who had the finest honed senses seemed to finally grasp that Allen was staring at Tyki in what can only be described as a horror filled look. Swiftly he knelt down beside Allen and shook his shoulder slightly. "Moyashi?" He asked softly.

Allen took a deep breath and managed to find his voice. "What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to sound firm, but the shaky breathlessness in his voice almost giving his utter discomfort away. Tyki smiled cheerfully in return.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? Aren't I allowed to travel around a little bit?"

"Allen?" Lenalee asked nervously, glancing between Tyki and Allen as if trying to see visible tension in the air between them.

Ignoring her, Allen tried to maintain eye contact with elder man. "Is it... are you... all of you..."

Allen was well aware that he wasn't making a whole lot of sense as he struggled to find away to voice his question. Regardless of all he stammering and trailing off, Tyki seemed to understand what he was trying to say.

"Oh, all of us here. They're dying to see you, Rhode especially. She wanted to come with me tonight but she wasn't allowed."

Allen paled at that and Lavi felt him tremble slightly beneath his hand. "Oi." He snapped, looking up at the tall stranger before him. "Why the hell are you talking about? Didn't you just say that you ran into Allen accidentally?"

Tyki meet his eyes easily and as he peered into those golden depths a shiver of unease ran down his spine. This man looked dangerous. More than that, even. He could feel it.

Allen made a small noise in the back of his throat and Lavi's attention riveted back to the scene that was unfolding before him. "I don't really want to see any of you..." Allen said in a voice that sounded much braver than he felt.

Tyki adopted a wounded expression. "Now that's not very nice. If I told Rhode that, she'd be heartbroken." He let out a sigh and pressed a hand to where the human heart was meant to be located although Allen doubted one would find such an organ in the likes of Tyki Mikk.

He got to his feet – though his legs weren't doing a very good job of supporting him – and shook Lavi's hand off of his shoulder. He turned his back to Tyki, and looked at his friends. "Let's go." He said urgently.

"But... What about the bus?" Lenalee asked, the fear in her voice evident.

"Oh yes, don't leave on my account." Tyki said lightly, leaning against a nearby pole and popping a cigarette in between his teeth as he fished for a lighter in his pocket. Allen glared at him but received only an amused perk of the eyebrow in response.

"Forget about the bus. We need to head back." Allen started walking without waiting for a response, eager to put as much space between himself and Tyki as possible. Without further argument Lenalee and Lavi scurried after the scowling boy as he purposelessly strode off.

"Scared, boy?" Tyki called after his retreating back.

Allen shot him a nasty look over his shoulder. "Of you? Not ever."

Tyki took a long drag of his cigarette and breathed out. The thin stream of grey smoke stood out against the stark night air as it snaked its way after Allen like a foreboding prediction.

"That's a pity." He drawled. "I know the Earl is looking forward to seeing you."

Allen quickened his steps, looking resolved to get back to the school as quickly as possible. For a moment, Lavi wondered about his apparent hostility and lack of fear. But then he noticed.

Allen was shaking.

oOo_oOo_oOo

It was passing eleven o'clock and the brat was still not back from wherever he'd gone off to.

When he'd returned from his walk around the school, he'd come back to an empty dorm room. He'd expected that much and he thought it was a safe assumption that the Moyashi was with Lenalee and Lavi – probably in town. However, the shrimp had been gone for far too long and he was growing annoyed. He knew Lavi didn't have a shred of common sense, but he'd thought between Lenalee and the Moyashi, they'd at least come home at a decent hour.

Apparently, he'd overestimated the Beansprout's ability to correctly interpret time. Figure that, with a little body came a little brain.

Snorting, he leant forward onto the desk, pushing his forgotten history homework away from him as he did so. He'd had plans of trying to coerce the Moyashi into spilling once he came back. Given, storming out of the room earlier in a – rather normal – display of temper probably wasn't the best way to start off information gathering, but he figured he'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

His dark eyes flickered over to the clock near his elbow. _11:17_it proclaimed happily in bright red digits. He gave the clock an irritated shove, making it topple over, and pulled the cord from the wall. Instantly the luminescent numbers vanished and he was left staring at an upside down blank display. _Serves it right,_he thought sourly.

Kanda had had enough of this waiting. He slammed his chair back and got to his feet, marching over to the door with a confident stride that dared the gods to defy his decision. He reached for the handle only to take a step back when it opened first and was presented with the sight of Allen was standing in the threshold.

Kanda stared blankly at the Moyashi for a moment before he was shoved past, Allen vanishing almost instantly into the bathroom. There was the _click_of the lock engaging and Kanda was left standing in confusion by the door – but this was often the case when you lived with Allen Walker.

A quick glance down the corridor showed neither Lenalee or Lavi, so Kanda hesitantly closed the door before going over the rap on the thin sheet of wood that separated the bedroom from the bathroom. "Oi," he called out, pausing briefly for a response. He received no answer but continued anyway. "Where's the damn rabbit and Lenalee?"

"I told them to go back to their own rooms."

Kanda frowned. "Why?"

"I just did, okay?"

Kanda leaned backwards and raised an eyebrow as Allen snapped back at him. Had it been anyone else they probably would have dropped the issue at that or rushed to apologise to the unusually snappish teen; but this was _Kanda_, and it didn't really matter to him that Allen rarely snapped at anyone. He wasn't going to back down just because the brat was learning to bark.

"Why were you out so late?" He called through the door. He was answered with the _click_of the door unlocking and he dutifully stepped back. Allen stood in the doorway, looking pale and... _scared?_Kanda's eyes flickered to the bathroom behind him and noticed that the medicine cabinet was ajar. Well, it looked like he had a fair guess what the Moyashi had been doing.

"Why do you care?" Allen growled, clinging to the door frame as he did his best to death glare Kanda. Completely unaffected he ignored the question and instead asked, "doing drugs again?"

"Taking prescribed medication and doing drugs are two completely different things." Allen muttered as he pushed past Kanda and into the room. The dark haired man watched the others' movements with sharp eyes as Allen bundled up his clothes into his arms, the Moyashi never once looking his way as he did so. In fact, it seemed to Kanda that he was going out of his way _not_to look at him.

Change of clothes held tightly in his arms, Allen made like he was heading back into the bathroom to change. Kanda, however, stepped duly in front of him, placing one arm across the doorway to press firmly on the wood of the frame, forming a clear and formidable barrier between his little Moyashi and the room in which he sought sanctuary.

"Move." Allen growled as he tried to step past the door's guardian. Kanda simply pressed his back against the opposite door frame with ease and levelled Allen off with a glare.

"Not until you tell me what shoved a stick up your ass."

"I forgot," Allen snapped sarcastically, "Having a stick up your ass is _your_job."

_Whack!_

Even Allen – who was long used to Kanda's display of temper – flinched as his fist slammed hard against the door, sending a small shower of dust down to settle on the floor. Kanda was no longer blocking the door with his body, rather the way was completely clear for Allen but the shorter boy suddenly found himself in loath to push past the _seriously pissed off_Japanese youth.

"Listen here Moyashi and listen good." Kanda ground out and Allen could do little but give a small nod lest Kanda assume he wasn't listening and starting hitting more wooden items and possibly breaking the bathroom doorframe in the process. Kanda glared at him savagely but refrained from using his supersonic fist to damage anything else.

"I am sick and tired of all this bullshit. It won't kill you tell me what the fuck is going on, would it?" Allen opened his mouth to protest but Kanda beat him to it. "And it's not just some twisted curiosity either sprout," his dark eyes narrowed further, "if you're in danger I think I deserve to know."

Allen clammed up at that and Kanda suddenly realised just how very, very tired the boy looked. He looked exhausted, like he had been running away from something for far too long, and no matter how he paced himself he could do nothing but fall back into its grasp.

His gleaming silver eyes seemed much too old. Sure, they retained their large, roundness that screamed innocence, but staring into them now was so very disturbing yet entrancing; like he was swimming in endless, uncharted oceanic depths. No matter how great the fear of getting lost was, he wanted nothing more than to see just how deep it went.

It occurred to Kanda now that he had no clue how old the Moyashi was. Surely he must be around his own age to be in class with him. He made a mental note to ask later and frowned, wondering briefly if this would be another one of those pointless little things that the Moyashi hid for no reason that he could possibly decipher.

The silence between them seemed to stretch on endlessly as Kanda clung grimly to the thread of anger that had led him to initiate this conversation in the first place. It wasn't a hard thing to do, Kanda was nearly always angry about something or other and his grudge holding skills were considered by some to be top-notch.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen himself wearily observed his roommate. He didn't have the energy or the will to fight right now. Honestly, he barely had the will to keep standing, let alone start a bantering match between his grumpy friend – matches which could rival the most intense tennis match. His legs were shaking. _He_was shaking. Having reached that conclusion, he stepped back a bit and sank down in the nearest desk chair and allowed his bundle of clothing to fall from his arms.

His head was pounding horribly and that scared him more than words could describe. This was almost always the screaming warning that came before the storm. He hoped vainly that the medication would do its job and he wouldn't find his night a patchy haze of pain and whispered voices dancing tauntingly around his head.

There were a few footsteps and Kanda was standing before him, arms crossed over his chest. Allen didn't bother meeting his eyes. Hell, he didn't even bother looking at him. It was impossible to tell what Kanda was really thinking from such small things and honestly, the last thing he wanted was to look at the man who had for some reason become such a major part of his life. He was afraid. He was almost as afraid of Kanda right now as he was of those headaches evolving into so much more.

"Moyashi?"

He didn't want to hear that voice so laced with emotions Allen couldn't even begin to understand. It didn't help his own undecipherable emotions in his stomach that resounded with it. He couldn't deal with this. Not right now.

"Oi, look at me when I'm talking."

Allen cringed at the annoyed tone and looked up dutifully and was momentarily startled into muteness by the sudden close proximity between himself and the elder male. He could make out every annoyed crease in the pristine skin of Kanda's face.

Sucking in a breath, Allen quickly glanced away. "Can we not do this right now, Kanda?" He asked, fighting to keep his voice steady. "I want to be alone."

And he did, very much. He was used to sorting out his troubles on his own without relying on anybody else for support. He'd never had the chance to unburden himself to a keen listener, eager to hear him out and smile with him, laugh with him or even get angry _for_him. He managed fine without these things but the sudden feeling of long slender fingers wrapping around his arm and jerking him free from his seat didn't seem to disagree.

"No." Kanda snapped. "Just tell me what happened while you were out."

It wasn't a request; it was a demand. Such a typical Kanda thing to do. Allen had never met somebody so insensitive until he came to Black Order. And it was strange, really, how used to it he had grown.

"Not that simple." He muttered and tried to shrug himself free from Kanda's iron grip. Rather than escaping though, all he succeed in doing was making Kanda tighten his hold so that he could feel faint bruises forming beneath those fingertips.

"Make it that simple." He growled, his breath lightly skating over Allen's skin due to the minuscule distance between them. Allen forced himself to regulate his own breathing as he looked up at Kanda's determined face.

When Kanda was angry – not just his regular default angry, but _actually_angry – he found it hard not to appreciate that everlasting fire that raged behind dark eyes lending to the that strange entrancing look the man seemed to have.

He wasn't by definition handsome. Not with that defined face and beautiful hair that put any women's to shame. And on the same note he couldn't be described with feminine words.

An androgynous kind of beauty, Allen decided. That was what it was. It was a kind of androgynous beauty that paled both men and women in comparison. And when Allen started thinking like that, it became harder to resist whatever Kanda was asking of him.

"I met someone I used to know..."

"What was that?" Kanda asked, frowning.

"I SAID, I met someone I used to know." Allen snapped back and glared up at his roommate with a defiant air. Kanda's frown deepened and a glare-off insured as each party pulled out their most annoyed expressions.

In the end, the silence stretched on for far too long for Kanda's liking and he eventually broke it with, "Who did you meet?"

Allen looked at him tiredly. He was past the arguing. "Somebody I'd rather not have." He answered heavily.

"Who?"

Allen bit his lip as he searched the hallowed drawers of his mind for the right thing to say. In truth, he was still trembling a bit from the encounter and his pounding heart was only just now slowing down. And it bothered him, truly it did. Even after so many years had passed, simply the sight of one of _them_ was enough to send chills down his spine and set his heart racing one million miles an hour.

Of course the grip on his arm and the way Kanda's every breath tickled his skin wasn't helping his heartbeat as he tried to calm himself.

"His name is Tyki Mikk." He replied quietly and without any real energy behind his voice. The name would mean next to nothing to Kanda. Sure enough, a confused frown overtook his already surly expression and he glared at Allen in a request – no, demand – for more information.

A sigh slipped past Allen's lips and he shook his head. "I...I don't know what to tell you Kanda. He's somebody I knew for a great deal of my life. It wasn't a pleasant relationship for me either. I'd hoped never to see any of them again..."

"Any of who?" Kanda countered quickly, eyes narrowing.

Allen shut his mouth quickly as his little slip of the tongue donned on him. In one quick, fluid movement he tore himself free from Kanda's suddenly lax hand, gathered up his clothes and shoved past Kanda to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Kanda looked at the door. It felt like Allen was opening up, if just a little bit. However, he wasn't so sure if this was a good thing. It felt more like the boy was tiring, wearing down than like he actually wanted to share.

However, it was a start. He didn't go for all that sharing and caring girly shit, but for some reason that was completely illogical and incomprehensible to him; he felt like he _needed_to know more about Allen. He _wanted_to know what was wrong. What had happened? He wanted to know him, and if wearing the boy down was the only way to get there, so be it.

"Now," he said softly, "we're getting somewhere."

**A/N: Sorry for the month since I've update! I hit a block half way through this chapter. But, I overcame it finally :)**

**This hasn't been beta'd yet, and I'll upload the beta copy when it has. In the meantime I'd like to clear something up.**

**Last chapter I mentioned I had Nachos for tea. Oh, you silly people. I don't mean tea in the drinking kid. I mean om nom nom nom DINNER. I'm Aussie, so tea means dinner to me. XD**

**Not nacho FLAVOURED tea, not nachos WITH tea. Nachos FOR tea.**

**There you go, a lesson for you all.**

**Love, Yuu-chi**

Beta: I'm so sorry this is late ;_; *bows* Forgive me D':  
But on another note, that nacho flavoured tea sounds interesting… :D


	17. Coming to light

**Chapter seventeen – Coming to light**

_The smooth metallic surface beneath his back sent cold chills down his spine as the icy feeling of the steel worked its way through the thin cotton shirt he was wearing and bit into his bruised flesh with all the gentleness of a raging storm._

_A low groan escaped his chapped lips and he moved his head slightly as he slowly became more aware of his surroundings. Head pounding, temple aching and body shivering he allowed his eyes to drift open with a foreboding feeling in the depths of his stomach._

_The ceiling was an off shade of white he recognised all too well and the usually dim light hanging meekly from it was set on a much higher setting than was normal. A quick glance around showed that he was not alone in the room. A small crowd of people were conversing not too far off without bothering to keep their voices low._

"_- Fine if we give the next dose." Tyki was saying easily, his golden eyes glimmering with sadistic pleasure as he carelessly flicked some locks of his blue-black hair out of his eyes. _

"_Yes, He's responded positively to it thus far. I think it's about time we stop waiting and administer it." A flash of tinted glasses and the tinkling of a bell tied loosely in hair as Lulubell reached over and took the syringe from Tyki with eager movements that hinted at faultless enthusiasm. _

"_Woh, now. You can't just go jabbing it in to him without the right preparation first," Tyki objected, "you'll ruin everything we worked towards."_

_The conversation digressed into pointless argument and although he truly wanted to listen he found his attention wondering away. Another man stood slightly back from the bickering pair, face cast in shadows leaving only the faint outline of his rotund body and the towering image of the extravagantly decorated top hat visible._

_A bitter taste rose in his mouth and he wasn't sure if it was the drug they'd used to knock him out earlier or the flavour of fear incarnate. If that man was here it surely did not bode well for him. Not in the slightest._

_He tested his arms and found that they seemed to weigh an impossible amount. There was no way he'd be able to lift himself off the table let alone sprint from the room with the wind at his heels. Despite this, he strained harder and was rewarded with the slight tingling in his arm as he forced his sluggish limb to rise._

_The satisfaction was short lived as cool leather bit into his wrist and prevented the ascent. A small groan of frustration slipped through his lips and immediately all attention in the room riveted to him. _

"_Awake are we, Allen?" Tyki grinned as he snatched back the syringe from a scowling Lulubell and approached with several sharp clacks of expensive leather shoes on the tiled floor. _

_Allen stared at the syringe with dread, watching as the chemicals swilled around dangerously in the glass container beneath the pointed tip which would doubtlessly soon __be pushing through several layers of skin and his flesh until it could inject its load into his bloodstream._

_Tyki saw the look in his eyes and his grin widened and he glanced at the syringe. "This is a big day for all of us boy. Best keep your mouth shut so you don't ruin the moment." His tone held a distinctly proud tone and over in the corner Lulubell made a small noise that sounded like she agreed. _

_Allen himself found his heart rate had increased drastically and all he could do was stare at the needle like it was his whole world. _

_Countless half-healed puncture wounds marred the pale flesh of his everywhere and the feeling of something unnatural pushing past his bodily defences was a constant feeling to him now, something that even plagued him in his sleep._

_However , he was not an idiot. Something in the very air felt different from all the other injections he'd had. Something felt final. Like if he let the needle into him he'd never ever be the same again. His self-preservation instincts were screaming at him to get up and run, run, run! _

_He made another attempt to pry himself off the table and could not, falling back down onto it again, all he could do was glare viciously at Tyki in a way that promised very bad things if he came near him._

"_Allen, my dear boy,"A voice from the shadows called smoothly, "don't worry so much. We're not going to hurt you... Just the opposite in fact."_

_The Earl took a small step out of the shadows, his low setting glasses shimmering slightly and evil eyes behind them staring at Allen with an excited half crazy glint._

"_We're going to give you a _life_!"_

_Before Allen could even open his mouth swabbing alcohol was dabbed onto his arm and it was all he could do to lift his head up and catch a glimpse of fast moving blonde hair as Lulubell darted forward and took the syringe back from Tyki._

_Painted lips curled back to reveal sharp teeth in what was doubtlessly a very cruel smile and the needle was jabbed into his arm. _

_Allen gasped against the sudden intrusion of his flesh and waited tensely for whatever the others were waiting for to come._

_The needle was withdrawn and Allen lay dazed on the table as his heart bet rapidly. He didn't know what he was meant to be expecting but it felt like nothing was happening. He felt the same as always. He didn't understand._

_And then he felt it._

_A slight pull at the back of his mind, like there was somebody else there. His fear shot through the roof and he could feel himself start to hyperventilate as something continued to stir at the back of his mentality like a long resting monster waking from a deep slumber._

No... _He thought desperately as slender fingers wrapped themselves tightly around his mind and squeezed. His vision turned white, than black. The kind of black that was complete absence of anything. It was nothing. _

_A soft laugh rang through his mind as he was pulled further and further back into his own mind, getting locked away by this... intruder._

Don't...

_He was in a room. Looking around wildly all Allen could see was never ending blackness and a strange antique chair in the centre of the room. And a door._

_Running forward he reached for the handle only to hear a small _click _that told him it was locked. He was trapped in this manifestation at the back of his mind and it was a strange feeling. It felt like he no longer had a body. He was nothing. Just a small insignificant speck in the vastness of this imaginary room where he was a prisoner._

_There was something on the other side of the door, he could feel it. He continued to pound against the surface, not feeling the wood beneath his flailing fists at all._

"LET ME OUT!"_ He screamed as loud as one can when they're not even in possession of lips, or a mouth or any body parts what-so-ever. _

_Another soft laugh and one word echoed back to him..._

"_Allen..."_

oOo

A shout tore free of his lips and he lashed widely around, words pouring out from his mouth so fast he could barely understand them. Something grabbed his wrists and he shouted louder, trying in vain to tear himself free.

"Beansprout! BEANSPROUT!"

"Let me go!" Allen shouted as pain ripped through his head and the faint pulsing of another presence echoed back and forth. "Let me go, let me go, let me go!" He repeated over and over like a mantra as he tried to wrestle his way free.

His head hurt. _He _hurt. All he could feel was constant waves of pain and the feeling of a crushing grip on his wrists barely registered as he flailed around. He needed to _go_. He didn't know where, he didn't know _how_, he just knew he needed to leave.

"ALLEN!"

The sound of his name being called and a sharp slap to his face sent him rocketing back to reality and he found himself no longer in that room from his memories but rather hanging limply from Kanda's iron grip.

His breath escaped him and one long whooshing gust and he panted uncontrollably as sweat trickled down his face, dripping into his eyes and blinding him.

Slowly, Kanda slackened his grip on his wrists and allowed Allen's arms to drop back down, sitting unsurely beside Allen on the barren bed, the covers thrown into a tangled pile on the ground. Groaning, Allen buried his face in his hands and did his best to steady his panicking heart rate. He didn't succeed.

His head was hurting so badly he could hardly remember where he was. Images of things that had never happened danced before his eyes and he realised his breathing had started up again.

"Beansprout?" Kanda asked softly from beside him and Allen tried once again to pull himself together. For Kanda's sake, if not his own. He couldn't...

Allen pushed himself off the bed, staggering slightly as his foot caught in the messed up covers and would have faceplanted on the floor had Kanda not caught him with deft hands born from an easy companionship with his sword. "What are you doing?" The Japanese teen snapped and if Allen had perhaps been more aware he would have been able to note the light edge of panic not often present in Kanda's voice.

"Sink."He whimpered and without another word Kanda helped haul him over towards the bathroom, pushing the door open with his foot before lending Allen his shoulder as he took him to the sink, barely making it in time as Allen threw up.

Kanda kept a firm grip on him but Allen shook his hands free and supported himself by clutched hard on the edges of the basin as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the white porcelain. He felt Kanda reach around him and turn the tap on and he felt great relief as the swirling waters washed the sick away, but his mouth was to occupied to thank him.

Kanda himself was starting to get mildly freaked out, to say the least. Not scared, Yu Kanda didn't do scared. But freaked out? Yeah, he could do that. He didn't know what was wrong with Allen and the poor kid was throwing his guts up while all he could do was rub what he hoped was soothing circles on his back.

He noticed that Allen's shirt was clinging to his skin from the sheer amount of sweat pouring out of him. He stopped rubbing Allen's back, scared that between the cheap cotton shirt and the never ceasing flow of sweat he'd simply chaff him and make things worse.

"Moyashi?" He said softly as Allen finally finished retching and begun clawing his way through the medicine cabinet, knocking an astonishing amount of prescription bottles out that rattled their nearly full contents as he looked for something.

Before Kanda could stop him, Allen emptied a hand full of multi-coloured pills into one hand and brought them to his mouth.

"Don't do that!"

Allen looked down at the scattered pills at the floor than back up at Kanda, the sting in his hand where kKnda had hit the pills away barely registering. Kanda stared blankly down at Allen. The kid's eyes were nearly glazed over in pain.

He was more than used to seeing Allen in pain. It happened often enough. But there was an edge to his expression. Like although he was looking up at Kanda and seeing him, other more terrifying images danced around his vision. He looked sick, he looked scared and he looked more tired and worn out than Kanda could ever imagine being.

Kanda made a decision. He backed out of the bathroom keeping his eyes firmly on Allen and fumbled blindly for his phone on the night stand. Having located it he returned quickly to the bathroom to keep an eye on Allen and support the boy who looked like his legs were going to give out under him.

He speed dialled number two on his phone and waited impatiently as it rang, going back to rubbing Allen's back simply to be doing something as his room mate dry retched into the sink.

Finally Lavi picked up with a groaned, "Hello?"

"Go get Komui." Kanda said bluntly before hanging up and returning to helping Allen as best as he could, which wasn't very much.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda sat on the rough carpet of the hallway, elbows resting on his knees and head resting on his hands as he stared glumly at the hard wood of his door where he had been booted from post haste as soon as Komui had arrived.

"So, let me get this straight," Lavi said quietly from where he was leaning against the wall beside Kanda, looked tired and worried, "he just woke up and started throwing up?"

Kanda shook his head. "He didn't just 'wake up', and he didn't just 'start throwing up'. It took me ages to get him up and then he was thrashing around screaming at the top of his lungs."

Lavi looked at the bright bruise marring Kanda's perfect skin and winced. He didn't think Kanda had even noticed the new, colourful addition to his wardrobe. "Then?" Lavi prompted. Kanda looked at him wearily and Lavi felt a throb of sympathy when he saw the tell tale tightening in Kanda's facial features that he'd learnt meant he was very, _very _worried.

Kanda shrugged. "I don't know." He said with frustration. "He couldn't calm down and started acting really fucking strange."

They both looked up at the thin door separating them from their friend. It may have only been a slender sheet of wood but it might as well have been a solid brick wall. Komui was with Allen. He had booted Kanda out of the room upon arrival and shut the door in his face before any questions could be asked.

That had been ten minutes ago and they hadn't had anything yet.

The pounding on the stairs alerted them both two a new arrival and they looked up in time to see Lenalee appear at the top of the stairs, her hair in two messy piggytails wearing wrinkled clothes and breathless.

"How is he?" She asked immediately as she joined the pair of rushly dressed boys holding fort outside the room. Kanda shook his head and Lavi shrugged. Lenalee's face crumpled and she took a seat on the floor beside Kanda while Lavi explained what had happened. Once he was done the trio sat in heavy silence.

"This is bad, guys." Lenalee said quietly eventually. "This isn't like how he's so suspicious. This is real. He's _really _ill."

"We don't know that." Lavi protested quickly. "He could just be sick at the moment."

Kanda kept silent. He didn't think either of them were right. He wasn't _ill _nor was he _sick_. There was something wrong with him but it seemed to him to be something a lot more complex than the mediocre ideas his friends were coming up with. And he'd wager it was connected to the Moyashi's mysterious past.

The sound of the door opening caught all their attention and they looked up to see Komui carefully shutting the door behind him. Kanda and Lenalee shot to their feet instantly and the quartet squared off.

"Well?" Kanda demanded roughly, glaring down Komui fiercely.

Komui let out a tired sigh and removed his beret to run his fingers through his purple hair as he eyed the group. "He's asleep right now," he said and before Kanda could protest added, "It's the best thing for him right now. I don't think it really matters whether his asleep or awake when it comes to what's tormenting him."

"Ni-san..." Lenalee said softly. "Can you tell us what's going on?"

Komui sighed and smiled before quietly saying, "It's not my place to tell you about Allen. It's up to him. I suggest you stay with him until he awakes. Maybe then you can finally squeeze some answers out of him."

"But you know, right?" Kanda demanded. "You know all about him. You said so before."

Komui eyed Kanda cautiously as if weighing up just how much he could tell them. He gnawed unconsciously at his lip as he did so, a nervous habit he'd developed years ago when his parents had died and he begun raising his precious little sister on his own.

"Yes, I know about him. More than I probably should as Headmaster too, I'll admit." Komui said after a minute. Kanda immediately opened his mouth again but Komui raised one hand and cut over him. "But I can't tell you. It's not so simple as that. It's Allen's choice."

Kanda frowned at Komui's firm and blunt tone and Lavi messed up his hair in frustration. "Can you at least give us a hint or something?" The redhead moaned.

Komui turned to him. "I said it wasn't that simple. You're making everything out like it's all black and white. Well it's not. Not black, not white, just a lot of different shades of grey." The headmaster let out in irritated sigh and placed his beret back on his head.

"I have to go. As Headmaster I have things to do." With those parting words he breezed out of the corridor and down the stairs before any more question could be asked and left the trio standing nervously out front of room 301.

Lenalee and Lavi looked at Kanda with the kind of eyes little kids used when they expected nearby adults to have the answer to a particular befuddling problem. For some reason Kanda found this irked him.

"Stop that." He snapped and Lavi and Lenalee's expressions turned from pleading to mystified.

"Stop what?" Lenalee asked slowly. Kanda narrowed his eyes further as he glared at his friends.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Looking like what?"

"Well you're not doing it _anymore_. But you were."

"Dude," Lavi said holding up his hands as if they would stop the flow of conversation, "I don't even know what we're arguing about. Let's just drop it."

Kanda's eyebrows came down to meet over his nose and he grunted but none the less allowed it to drop so long as they weren't looking at him like he knew all about he Moyashi's elusive past.

"Do we go in?" Lenalee said finally and they looked back over at the door with renewed jitteriness.

Suddenly Kanda had had enough of the whole charade. He knew they would go in the there, he knew that the damn beansprout would make up some lame excuse and then they'd all pretend it never happened just so as not to make Allen feel any more uncomfortable. That was what always happened, wasn't it?

They'd finally been getting somewhere – at the speed of a snail, mind you – but at least things had been progressing. But this latest episode was sure to throw them all back to square one and he'd had enough of that.

With a fire burning brightly in his belly Kanda stormed past his startled friends, swung the door open and marched over to the bed where a pale lookinh sprout was blinking groggily up at the ceiling as he awoke.

Kanda gave him a minute to realise where he was and who was there before he spoke.

Silver eyes cleared and and pale fingers pushed equally white hair out of his face as Allen struggled into a seated position. He looked over at Kanda and a minuscule amount of blood darkened his cheeks. "Hey there. Sorry about..." he started to say before he noticed the unyielding steel in his adversary's gaze.

"You are going to talk to us." Kanda said firmly. "This time, you are going to talk to us or by fucking god I swear I'll never I'll tear ever white strand from your head until your as bald as a damn Kappa."

oOo_oOo

**A/N: Holiday cheers to all. One of my Presents to you! The other being a Yullen Christmas oneshot that's yet to be posted! - or written, but don't sweat the small stuff!**

**I'd like to think a lot has happened this chapter... It was difficult to write. I rewrote it a few time and kept on adjusting things . **

**So, finally things are starting to come to light. Bit by bit. And the wonderful SEMI-PLOT has emerged. More Yullen will also be working it's way in and I think we've about hit the mid-way point for this story.**

**Anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter!**


	18. From Answers to Lies

**Chapter eighteen – from Answers to lies**

Allen stared deep into Kanda's unflinching eyes, trying with all his might to muster up a witty retort or perhaps a valid excuse. Something, _anything, _to dim that roaring fire in he saw behind his friend's stubborn expression that demanded answers, answers Allen was not yet prepared to give.

Behind Kanda he saw Lenalee and Lavi standing uncertainly in the door. Their faces showed that they clearly did not endorse Kanda's information gathering methods but they didn't seem ready to protest, curiosity clear in their eyes.

This made for a very awkward situation for Allen seeing as how his head still hadn't completely stopped pounding away at him and the vivid nightmarish memory was still fresh in his mind. Lies rushed through his head faster than he could think them up.

Allen opened his mouth, met Kanda's eyes and immediately shut it again.

Long hair an unusual mess and darkly tinted eyes narrowed into a fierce glare, he made for quite a strangely attractive sight, although if quoted Allen would deny those words ever floated across his mind.

Soft steps echoing on the room's floor signalled Lenalee and Lavi's approach as the duet joined Kanda by Allen's bed, both looking abnormally serious and even a little worried. Lavi's only visible eye gleamed with question, an inquisitive air that so very much suited his observant attitude.

Lenalee's kind face was creased with concern and Allen noticed with a slight incline of his eyebrow that her eyes was raking over him with the kind of attention to detail a nurse may give a seizure patient, clearly more concerned for his current wellbeing than his past wellbeing.

Allen's hand tightened around the bed cover. These were his precious few friends, and he'd do anything to keep them. Even Kanda. _Especially Kanda, _something at the back of his mind whispered but he stubbornly shoved those irrelevant thoughts away.

He didn't want to lose them. Not when he'd finally had the chance to realise just what friendship was. Soppy though it may seem, they meant a lot to him.

Anything for them.

Anything but that.

All though he knew he tended to be thick and stubborn when it came to the events of his past, even he wasn't dumb enough to keep believing his silence was for the better. The days of denying that they were in danger had passed, and he was beginning to see that just their being acquainted to him was a risk in itself.

Simply put, he knew he was being unreasonable and selfish by refusing to talk about bygone days. His obstinacy was going to get all of his pre-mention precious friends in danger, and even now as he admitted this to himself he couldn't quite will himself to tell them.

He was sure there were people who were worse off than him and horrible though his history was, that didn't necessarily give him the right to act like an attention seeking little prick. Not that he was attention seeking, rather the opposite, actually, but he could understand how it may look.

He was a coward. He just couldn't bring himself to man up and speak about it.

He looked up at his friend's captivated expressions and felt his pounding heart shrink and then sink. They looked so expectant that it was difficult to meet their eyes.

Licking his dry lips Allen averted his gaze. "Listen," He began to say but cut himself off with mortification when he realized his voice was little more than a shaking, dry croak. Clearing his throat he tried again.

"Listen… It's – It's not like I'm keeping secrets on purpose or anything… It's r-rather more like…"

The feeling of Kanda's glare was so fierce that Allen's voice trailed off weakly. Breathing deeply he looked up uncertainly and tried to continue.

"It's more like I can't. Not that I don't want to," He added hastily when Kanda opened his mouth angrily to chew him out, "I can't. It's well… I guess you'd say I'm… I'm not really brave enough."

He saw the puzzled look on Lavi's face and gave a small smile. "I know you guys are always saying I'm brave and all… But I'm really not." He gave a fake chuckle. "I can't even dream about it without ending up like this."

Allen gestured down at his hunched form huddled up in the bed before looking up again. "I know I should tell you, I really should… Really, _really _should… but I'm just not courageous enough."

It was silent for a moment after Allen's confession as each of his respective friends mulled it over. Kanda's face was impossible to read beyond the dark aura that floated around it. "Che. Coward."

"Yu-chan!" Lavi scolded. "Be a little more sensitive!"

"Why?" The long haired teen snapped back. "Because he's to fucking scared to talk about it?"

"Exactly!" Lavi retorted.

Allen winced. He wasn't sure Lavi's agreement was a compliment…

"Che." Kanda tore his gaze and looked scornfully at the diminutive form of Allen. "I can't even look at you." He growled but for some reason his harsh words didn't feel as stinging as they normally did. Rather, they lacked the deadly venom.

Kanda turned around to leave the room, ignoring Lenalee's reprimand. As the duo scampered after Kanda, Allen mustered up the nerve to call out, "Be careful…"

Kanda briefly paused but didn't even turn around before striding out of the room.

Lavi tossed him a grin. "Don't worry Allen-chan! The bad guys won't lay a finger on me!"

Lenalee gave an exasperated sigh at Lavi before giving Allen a smile reassuring smile and bustling Lavi out of the room so he could 'rest'.

The door closed behind them and Allen flopped down on his pillows with one arm over his face.

Really, this whole thing was getting out of hand. He needed to work on his cowardice. He couldn't let this whole ignorance is bliss thing continue much longer with his friends.

"Ignorance isn't bliss," He muttered beneath his arm, "It's torture."

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda ended up spending the rest of the night sleeping on the spare bed in Lavi's room. Although, he supposed seeing as how he hadn't even really closed his eyes all night it could hardly be called 'sleeping'.

Lavi himself spent the first fifteen minutes talking a mile an hour with all the vigour of a figure of authority before his fatigue took effect and he simply slumped back onto his pillows and was out like a light, much to Kanda's envy.

How could he himself sleep when yet another attempt to pry information from Allen's tightly clammed lips failed? It wasn't that he was concerned or anything, nothing like that. It was more like he felt that Allen's personal refusal to share with them the information of his past was starting to leak into their own lives too.

Like it needed to be resolved for all their sakes. And god be damned, he _would _resolve it. Even if it meant Allen lost all that hair in the process.

Mysteries were always a sore point with Kanda. It wasn't that he liked to solve them. More like he hated them. But he couldn't deny there was lure in trying your hardest to decode them before they drove you insane. And frankly, the Moyashi was the biggest mystery Kanda had encountered in a while.

Birds were chirping outside the window and light was seeping in through the half closed curtains. A brief look at the clock on the opposite side of the room told him it was just past seven in the morning.

_No school today… _Kanda thought briefly as he sat up and flexed his arms.

Lavi was still sleeping – go figure. Kanda grimaced. Despite feeling like he couldn't very well head back to his own room, he was in loath to go down for breakfast wearing the same clothes he'd slept in. It was just unhygienic and made his nose wrinkle at the thought.

Slowly pulling himself off the bed he ran a hand through his messy hair and scowled as the hair tie came loose. Without the aid of the mirror he tossed it right back up into its usual ponytail. One of these days he should really consider a haircut…

The second the thought crossed his mind he shivered. Though he'd never admit it, he actually rather liked his hair long. Short hair was just not his thing.

Tightening the ponytail he ghosted across the room silently. It wasn't for Lavi's sake. He just didn't want to have to deal with him awake when there was an otherwise option. And besides, if that idiot woke up he would probably insist on coming with him back to his room so he could check on Allen and Kanda honestly did not want that right now.

The door opened quietly and he shut it was just as much noiselessness before starting off down the hall. This early in the morning he didn't pass any students. Which was better for them, considering he'd decided the lack of sleep had put him in a foul mood.

The door to his room was closed but thankfully not locked when he reached it. Pushing down on the handle he silently stepped in, careful not to wake Allen.

But, much to his surprise, the room was empty. Both beds were neatly made and the curtains were wide open allowing sunlight to filter in. Kanda frowned darkly and walked quickly over to the bathroom to find it vacant. The Moyashi must be down at breakfast already. Letting out an irate sigh, he pulled some clothes from the closet and began getting dressed.

oOo_oOo_oOo

The cafeteria had been – as Allen expected – completely empty when he'd descended the dorm stairs to it. Only Jerry had been working behind the counter and was almost disappointed when Allen simply asked for a stack of dry toast.

He'd been sitting in a corner munching on that toast for a good half an hour now, trying to work his nerve up. Lack of sleep meant his eyes were darkly rimmed and the serious thinking he'd been doing all night long had left his skin pale and drawn.

Allen was aware that he looked like shite. He supposed it was probably too late to think of it by now, but he'd decided he was going to spend the day in town. Alone. Waiting for someone from NOAH.

Throat clamping up, Allen forced down the last bite of toast. Scary though the thought may be, Allen had spent a good majority of his life mastering the art of unseen movement. Silence was a strong point. It was much easier to avoid unwanted attention if you learnt how best to hide.

He hadn't been the only one. It'd been a popular thing way back when his life was hell. A slightly elder 'resident' had taught them all about it.

Finishing off his toast Allen tossed the crumb strewn napkin into a nearby bin and got to his feet.

"Mmmmmh…. Heading out dear?" Jerry called over from behind the counter as Allen made for the door leading from the cafeteria to the school grounds.

Allen forced a grin. "Yeah. Something like that." He answer vaguely.

Jerry frowned with motherly concern. "It's so early though," He fretted, "And are you going alone? What up Lenalee and the others?"

Allen shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll meet up with them later…" He lied before pushing open the door and stepping outside and putting an end to all other question Jerry may be about to ask him. It'd taken all night to work up the nerve to do this. The last thing he needed was Jerry's concern to put a stop to his efforts.

It was sunny outside. Allen hoped this bode well. He swallowed. It _had _to. Because if this went well – even though he wasn't sure how one deemed something this stupid as 'well' – he might just muster up some spirit to tell the others something…

_It'll be fine, _Allen worked to persuade himself, _I'll be fine. Just… Just… Do whatever it is I'm meant to be doing and come back. _

Allen took a deep breath. He could do this. He could face them.

Fixing a smile on his face he strode off to face his nightmares.

oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: Okay, hear me out. I know you were all looking forward to learning about Allen's past, and I know this chapter seems like mainly filler, and yet again I left you with a cliff hanger – god, listening to all this I AM a horrible person – but I figured I wanted to make Allen less wimpy. **

**I personally think he's been a bit OOC of late, but thank god that's coming to an end. We're all getting closer to learning about his past, but you can't tell me you don't wanna see one of the Noah again? :D**

**Unbeta'd right now, but I'm sure she'll get to it soon. 3 **

**See you next chapter, leave me a review! **


	19. Entertainment value

**Chapter nineteen – Entertainment value**

When Kanda came down to breakfast there was only a light smattering of people spread throughout the café. Of course, seeing as it was still absurdly early he hadn't been expecting much. A brief scan of the room showed that the beansprout was nowhere to be seen. Scowling up a storm Kanda marched over to the counter.

"Ooh, Kanda. You're up early. Soba, I presume?" Jerry smiled brightly at him, pink dreadlocks bobbing as he made to cross the room.

"Oi. Have you seen the Moyashi?" Kanda said before Jerry could get too distracted. It was a quirk of the middle aged man to never be silent for long.

"Moyashi?"

An irritated noise. "Allen."

"Oh, yes. He left not all that long ago… hmm… That's strange; I know it was in here…" Jerry barely payed the increasingly annoyed Kanda any attention as he rustled through the cupboards in search of some elusive soba ingredient.

"How long ago?" Kanda demanded through tightly clenched teeth. "Was he alone?"

Straightening up Jerry cast him a concerned look. "You're being unusually persistent. Did something happen?" Something seemed to cross his mind for tanned hands shot up to his mouth and eyes widened in a comical show of surprise. "Is Allen in trouble?"

_Don't wanna deal with this so early, _Kanda thought bitterly. "No. Just answer the fucking questions."

"He left maybe twenty minutes ago, alone. I thought it was strange so I asked, but he said he was meeting up with you all later."

_Fucking irritating, conniving sonnova –_

Trying to reign in his temper Kanda gave a grunt and snapped, "Hurry up that soba."

Jerry tsked at him, waving a spatula in his face. "Not a morning person still, I see." He chastened before prancing off to prepare him his meal. In Jerry's absence Kanda promptly slammed his head against the counter, just standing there trying to keep staring into darkness for as long as possible.

_I am, _he decided wearily, _so fucking over this crazy shit. _

However, the problem with being 'so fucking over it', was that it didn't magically make _it_ go away. In fact, _it_ had a rather annoying habit of blowing up in his face all the more. And when _that _happened, Kanda's self-control was bound to snap and there would be dead shit as far as the eye could see. As far as they eye could see with a god-damn telescope.

From somewhere beyond his bloody musing Kanda heard a loud yawn and an annoying, "mornin' Yu-chan. How come you didn't wake me?"

Baka Usagi was up early. Somehow Kanda's day seemed to be fast going down the drain.

"I didn't wake you," He said through tightly clenched teeth as he finally managed to find the inner strength to raise his head off the counter, "because I didn't want to have to put up with you for one second longer than I have to."

Lavi pulled a face and leant on the counter next to Kanda, ignoring the evil eye the samurai wannabe was giving him.

"You're in a lousy mood this morning." Lavi observed as he plucked a muffin from behind the counter while Jerry's back was turned. Turning the mix of blueberry goodness over in his hands he gazed at Kanda with curious eyes.

"I'm always in a lousy mood," Kanda snapped, "and you have to pay for that muffin fucktard."

"And if you're in a lousy mood," Lavi pondered as he thoughtfully munched on the muffin while ignoring Kanda's kind suggestion, "it's a good indication something is bothering you."

Gee. Like Kanda couldn't have figured that out on his own. Scowling he opened his mouth. "Yes. And it's really fucking moronic and has red hair."

Another bite of purple tinted muffin disappeared between Lavi's mighty chompers as one skilful green eye… _eyed_ Kanda with careful interest. Another bite. More staring.

"For fuck sakes! If you have something to say, say it before I rip your mouth off!" Kanda snapped, slapping the palm of his hand down on the counter.

Lavi looked at Kanda's furious expression and a grin spread across his face with all the subtlety of a charging bull. "It's because of Allen, isn't it?"

"What the fuck? Not everything has to come back to the damn Moyashi." Kanda growled, wisely not mentioning that Lavi was, in fact, completely accurate in his assumption. Why make more problems where they shouldn't exist.

Lavi gave a feminine little _tut _and wagged his finger at Kanda_. _"That's not the right attitude if you ever want to get some."

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU –."_

"But," Lavi pondered, cutting over Kanda's spluttered shouting with ease, "where is he? I stopped by your room on the way down and neither of you were there." He turned his sight back on Kanda. "Do you know where he's gone?"

Kanda had never been so grateful to see Jerry returning with his soba in his life. Slamming down some money he snatched it and stalked angrily away, obviously fuming.

"Neh, Yu-chan! Wait up!" Lavi pleaded as he shoved the last trace of the muffin in his mouth and made to dash after the long haired teen only to feel the sharp tug of a very muscled and yet feminine hand grabbing his shirt.

"Where do you think you're going without paying for that muffin?" Jerry asked crossly.

"Eh, what? Hold on a minute, I don't have any money on me! WAIT! YU-CHAN!"

_Pisses me off, _Kanda thought irately as he pushed the door of the café open and stormed out.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen was mildly exhausted. He'd never thought it would be so hard to get himself spotted by the very same people who had seemed to have been stalking him. But, as fate would have it, it was nearing one in the afternoon and he was yet to see a single NOAH.

Letting out a sigh he flopped down on a shaded park bench and tugged at the collar of his shirt to let some cool air touch the heated skin of his neck.

The park was rather quiet considering it was a school free day. One or two student aged teens lounged around beneath shadowy trees, ears plugged up firmly with earphones or perhaps cradling a book. Scattered around the green grass were young families picnicking, of just enjoying a small moment of scarce peace with each other.

Allen gave a fond smile as he watched a young child snuggle closer into his mother's lap whilst he continued to nap, maybe seeking the familiar warmth of a mothers comforting embrace.

_I wonder, _Allen thought absently, _what that feels like? _

Once proposed the question would not leave and Allen found what had started off as a brief and unexpectedly comforting break from his suicidal hunt quickly turning sour. This in itself was rather unusual.

Allen was only human, and he'd had more than enough time in his existence to think about the lack of birth parents in his life, and, even more depressing, the lack of a mother at all. But no matter how much he'd pondered it, it had never really bugged him before.

"_It's only natural,"_ he remembered saying to Mana with curious eyes when he had inquired, _"Nobody wants to have a freak as a child."_

A small smile tugged at Allen's lips as he recalled Mana's surprised expression and the tenderness in his own gaze. _"But I'm happy to have a 'freak' as my child, Allen."_

_He always knew just what to say… _Allen gave a small chuckle as he glanced back over at the mother and child duo. _It doesn't matter that I didn't have that. Mana was more than enough. Any more would have just been greedy._

Logic and reasoning having prevailed Allen straightened on the seat and prepared to get up and continue his stroll through town.

"Why, Allen… With the way you're walking around all on your own, you'd almost _think _that you wanted me to come and find you." A cheery voice sounded beside him in unison with the _click _of a zippo lighter and the familiar fumes of high brand cigarettes.

Slowly turning his head, Allen saw that Tyki was indeed lounging comfortable on the bench beside him, grinning with a newspaper propped open on his lap like he'd been there the whole time. Evenly, Allen lowered himself back into the seat as his heart sounded an uneven beat.

"I can see how you'd think that," Allen said with as much assertiveness as he could, "Seeing as how I was."

Tyki raised his golden eyes from the paper he was reading to look over at the glass faced young boy with quirked eyebrows. Allen met his gaze evenly, determined not to look away. Slowly, Tyki pulled the cigarette from between his teeth and breathed out a spiralling pattern of smoke.

"Oh?" He said gently. "I was under the impression that you were trying to… You know… Forget about us and all that." A small smirk played along his lips as he put the smoke back between his lips and looked back at the newspaper. "Politicians today," he muttered absently as he ruffled the pages, "no sense of right and wrong."

_No sense of right and wrong… _

Allen swallowed slightly. "I've been on my own for hours. Why'd you only come now?"

"Well," Tyki drawled, "It was such a bold move. You made me curious of your intentions. I thought I'd hang back and watch awhile. But you were sitting here all grins like you were thinking happy thoughts, and _well_…" Gold eyes looked back up mischievously, "I couldn't just stand back and let _that_ happen."

"I can see how me being happy would be a disappointment and all," Allen shot back without missing a beat, "but if you were curious why not approach me right away?"

Tyki gave a snort and turned the page of his newspaper. "I'm not Rhode."

Allen's mouth mysteriously felt dry all of a sudden.

"Now," Tyki said and slammed the newspaper close with such force Allen had to jump, "why exactly did you want to be found?"

_You'd think in all the time I was wandering around, _Allen thought wildly, _I would have thought a concrete way to ask him something. _

"What," Allen said, because _'what' _always seemed like a good way to start a question, "do you want with me? I mean, _why_, after all this time, are you coming after me again now!"

Tyki eyed him with sadism clear in his expression. "What and why, huh?"

"Yes," Allen said firmly, "What and why."

Tyki took his cigarette out and tapped it on the edge of the bench to watch the ashes crumble away from the smooth white of the paper. "What's to stop me from knocking you out and dragging you back with me?" He pondered loudly.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

Allen's heart speed up audibly. "Because you're curious about me."

Golden eyes slowly slid over to look at him. "I am, but I could find out so much more by taking you back with me. Besides, it's not like the Earl would exactly like me to let you waltz off after you walked right up to me…"

_ThumpThumpThumpThump…_

"If you try to take me anywhere I'll bite my tongue off and kill myself." Allen said bluntly.

Tyki blinked at him in surprise, staring at him for a full minute with eerily golden eyes. _Please, _Allen begged silently, _buy it. Please buy it. _Another minute passed and the newly formed ashes on the smoke slowly fell away on their own.

And then Tyki laughed.

Not just a chuckle or a small giggle, full blown laughter. "You haven't changed one bit have you, kid? Your entertainment value is priceless!" He roared as he slapped Allen heartily on the back, nearly giving him whiplash.

"Oh, geez… Kill yourself!" He howled as if it was a big joke, cigarette dancing between his lips without falling out. "Ah, you're such a riot." Tyki chuckled as he wiped a tear of laughter from his eye and gave Allen a wide grin.

Allen himself realized he might be turning purple from holding his breath. Doing his best not to look like somebody who had been suffocating for the past few minutes, he let the air whoosh out from his lips in one soft gust and greedily sucked in more.

"I always did like you," Tyki confessed to him, "you always managed bite back."

"I didn't like you one bit." Allen said in return.

"Oh, my poor heart…." Tyki snickered as he got to his feet; taking one last drag he stubbed his cigarette out on the edge of the park bench before putting his hands on his hips and leaning dramatically backwards to ease his back of kinks.

"Wait, you're leaving?" Allen blurted out, leaping to his own feet.

Tyki gave him a raised eyebrow. "What? You wanna come with me?"

"Well… No… But, aren't you… Going to make me?"

Tyki observed him seriously for a moment. "When I left today I received no orders to take you back with me if I met you. So, I see no need."

"…What?"

Tyki shrugged and gave a smirk. "What can I say? If I drag you off now things won't be interesting. I'm a guy who likes interesting things. I'm curious to see what you'll do. But, next time we meet it won't be like this. There will be no mercy. In fact, if I were you I'd probably take this warning to leave. The boss feels like it's about time."

"About time for what?" Allen asked desperately as Tyki began to walk away. Receiving no answer he called after the retreating back, "Aren't you going to answer any of my questions!"

Tyki raised one hand as he walked but did not turn around. "If you want to know, why don't you ask that Master of yours?" he said carelessly, leaving Allen standing stupidly in front of a park bench while aging leaves swirled around his diminutive form.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda had spent a vast majority of the day training with his sadly neglected Mugen in his special room. Being physically exhausted meant his mind would hopefully stop working itself around in circles, because if he kept up all this thinking for much longer he was going to drive himself insane.

This was without factoring in the overall irritation this morning's breakfast had afforded him. Just thinking about it riled him up all the more until all he wanted to do was hurt anyone with in hurting range.

And _that_ pissed him off _even_ more.

Being angry and violent was practically in Kanda's job description. It was part of what made him, him. All the same, even he was not nearly idiotic enough to not realize that in the past few days he'd been moodier than normal.

He blamed that infuriating sprout.

See? No matter what he thought of he wound up going in circles! Because everything wound up back up at Allen, and from there to the damn secrete keeping to his irritation and how the irritation was caused.

"Damn circles!" Kanda muttered angrily as he viciously slammed the door to the room open.

"Oh, um, hi Kanda. I see the circles are bothering you again…"

Kanda looked up in surprised to see Allen leaning nervously on his desk, jacket held loosely in his hands like he'd only just gotten back. Kanda narrowed his eyes as he felt his irritation leap up full force again.

Slamming the door closed he leant Mugen against the wall and turned around to snap, "And where the fuck have _you _been all day?"

Allen jumped guiltily and his long slender fingers tightened around the loose cloth of his jacket. "I had something I needed to do." He said softly without looking at Kanda. This was, as everything was, irritating.

"Do something, huh? Che! Are you going to share or is that a secrete too?" He growled as he crossed the room, using the sweat towel draped over his shoulders to dab at his sweaty face. Allen opened his mouth but Kanda cut over him, "Fuck! You don't have to answer you moron!"

"But you asked _me _the question." Allen shot back but Kanda was already storming across the room to the bathroom.

"SHUT UP!" Kanda snapped as he lost control of his temper. Flinging the bathroom door open he made to step inside so he could, _for the love of god_, shower away this anger that training hadn't seemed to get rid of, only to stop onto something metallic and squishy.

A second later there was a sharp pain in his foot and he looked down to see Timcanpy's ridiculously large teeth firmly clasped around the tender flesh of his foot.

"Tim!" Allen cried, reaching for the golden ball just as it detached from Kanda to avoid the wild swing of deadly limbs aimed at him. Upon one look at Kanda's face Allen rushed to apologise. "I'm sorry! He's been in a bad mood for weeks now and hiding in the strangest places and –."

"For the love of god, _shut up _Moyashi!" Kanda snapped and Allen instantly fell silent.

_Temper, temper… _

Groaning, Kanda ran one hand over his face. "Look, I didn't sleep last night so I'm in a bad mood," he said through tightly clenched teeth, "just let me have a shower and I'll calm down a bit. So just… God, I don't know! Go to a corner and assume the foetal position and stay out of my way." Kanda instructed before ducking into the bathroom and slamming the door.

Surprisingly, the shower _did _help unwind him a little bit. The warm sluicing water unknotted his tense back and calmed down the unjustified anger that had been running through his veins since the previous night.

By the time he stepped out of the shower he was willing to… well, not really interact with others, but at least now it'd only been mildly annoying as opposed to mortal suffering.

Feeling vaguely more human, Kanda tied up his hair and stepped outside the room fully expecting it to be empty and received a strange thill of surprise when he saw Allen sitting at his desk with his head in his arms.

_I swear to dear god if I go up to him and he's doing something totally lame like crying, I will slap a bitch… _

Approaching softly Kanda reached out one hand to shake the beansprout awake only to see the slight shifting in old man white hair. Pausing, Kanda watched as Allen turned his head over to look at him.

"Feeling better?" Allen asked.

"No." Kanda said bluntly with no conviction.

Seeing straight through him Allen gave a genuine warm smile. "That's good…"

Kanda felt a strange tingle in his blood as those silver eyes looked up at him. _Must be coming down with something… _

"Hey Kanda?" Allen asked, jerked Kanda from his musings.

"Che. What?"

Allen bit his lip and for the first time Kanda realized that Allen looked rather thoughtful and _deeply _troubled._ Reeeealy _troubled. The kind of troubled one might look if they were thinking about walking into what they knew was a death sentence.

Allen rolled his shoulder uneasily and asked, "Would you like to come with me to meet my Master?"

**OoO**

**A/N: Unbetad as of right now. Will be fixed later by my brilliant and dedicated Beta :D **

**A shout out to **_**Angel Fantasy**_** whom I bumped into on a community in live journal after I asked for some fanfic recommendations XD **

**And CROSS! Cross is finally coming into the fic! . (This excites even me and I'm the god-damn author)**

**Review maybe? Don't make Kanda slap a bitch. **


	20. Summons

**Chapter twenty – Summons **

Deciding to go see Cross had been the easy part.

Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely correct. It hadn't been easy. Most definitely not. Decisions involving Cross were _not _to be made lightly; the consequences were far reaching and endless. So, it was fair to say Allen had agonized over the decision.

However, when you compare the pain he went through _deciding _to see Cross to the pain he was going through trying to _find _Cross… Well, one could see the agony of deciding was easily surpassed.

That wasn't to say that Allen had _expected_ it to be easier. Contrary, really. He had expected it to be so frustrating he'd be tearing his own hair out before he finished and then he'd _really _be bald and Kanda would never let him live it down.

Regardless, it had been three days since he mentioned the possibility of meeting his Master to Kanda and all he'd managed to learn was that Cross had been sighted in the next town over. However, that had been a month ago and there was no bloody guarantee the bastard was even in the country anymore.

He hated his Master. No… He _loathed _his master with a burning, fiery passion. Cross had that effect on him.

"Thank you for all your help," Allen sighed politely to the person on the other end of the phoneline before he pulled his mobile down from ears and ended the call.

Zilch.

Zip.

Nada.

Cross was a real bastard.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda, Lavi and Lenalee stared through the glass doors in the café as they watched Allen end his phone call. It seemed, Lavi mulled thoughtfully, that Allen-chan spent every moment he could on his phone these days. In the morning, during break, in between classes, throughout lunch… And that was without mentioning the amount of time he seemed to spend in town by himself.

And seeing as how as far as he knew, Kanda, Lenalee and himself were the only friends Allen _had, _it did make one wonder who he was talking to.

Lavi cast a curious glass over at Kanda who was toying absently with his soba noodles. _And then there was this one, _Lavi thought with faint amusement, _who'd normally throw a tantrum if Allen were to spend all this time acting like that._

Which meant whatever Allen was doing; Kanda was likely in it on. While Lavi and Lenalee, despite their unwavering support and iron tight friendship, were not.

Lavi took a chomp of his sizable burger and continued to stare at the Moyashi through the frosted glass. He didn't like this. Not one bit. He _hated _being disincluded like this. Especially, he thought with mock bitterness as he cast a sideways glance at Kanda, when _he _had been the one slaving away over a computer, trying to dredge up anything about Allen he possibly could.

"The guts of some people," Lavi muttered through a handful of fries, earning him curious looks from his friends who wisely chose not to call him on it.

The sound of squeaking hinges announced the opening of the door and Lavi looked up to see Allen returning to the café in all his bloodshot-eyed glory. The beansprout managed to muster up enough energy to smile as he took his seat beside Kanda, which, Lavi noted dully, seemed awfully comfortable.

"Who was that on the phone," Lenalee inquired interestedly, tilting her head to the side in the way Lavi found oddly alluring so she could see Allen better.

Allen himself made a big show of rolling his eyes as he reached for his – now cold – slice of pizza. "Wrong number, if you would believe it," He lied as he bought the mixture of stringy cheese and spicy meat to his mouth.

"You seem to be getting a lot of those these days," Lavi was quick to chip in, eagerly watching Allen for any kind of reaction. He was, however, disappointed. Not that he had truly expected much else. Allen had the poker face of a master player. Which, Lavi reminded himself, Allen _was._

Ever the gentleman Allen waited until he was done chewing to answer. Well, tactfully lie, but _really, _was there any difference with Allen Walker?

"Prank calls mostly," he said easily, "I wouldn't put it past Northward to be behind it."

_Uh huh, _Lavi thought doubtfully, _and I bet they're totally the reason you've been disappearing into town at every opportunity these last few days. _

Kanda remained silent, an odd occurrence for the perpetually angry teen who was _always _looking for a reason to start an argument with his younger white-haired friend. Lavi sensed a perfect information gathering chance.

"So Kanda," he said slyly, "I notice you've been awfully placid of late."

He was met with a bone-chilling death glare and the threatening _snap _of wooden chopsticks. "Do you want to die, you fucking rabbit?"

_No, not particularly, _Lavi mused as he said "Chill, it was just an observation. Normally when Allen's being all secretive you're so _irritable_. I was just saying that, well, you haven't been so bitchy about it this time. Not complaining though, it's an improvement."

Lavi was rewarded with a sharp flash of recognition behind those dark eyes as Kanda quickly snapped, "I'm _not _bitchy."

_Ah ha, _Lavi smirked, _I've got you. You definitely know what's going on with Allen, don't you?_

Perhaps Kanda remembered the Lavi was an unusually perceptive individual and a certified genius for he quickly slammed down his chopsticks and got to his feet, lugging his back over his shoulder as he did so. "Keep your pointless observations to yourself," he sneered, "some of us don't have time to be sitting around doing _fuck all_."

"Why Kanda," Lavi gasped sounding scandalized, "I'll have you know I have a _very _hectic schedule! You should feel lucky I even make time to inquire about your day!"

"Well don't," Kanda snapped, "Keep your fucking nose out of it."

"I will put my 'fucking nose' wherever I please," Lavi said with as much dignity as he could, "And it just so happens it pleases me to keep it firmly lodged in your business."

"I will _break _you. I swear to god."

"You'll break _me_? But not my nose? So, my nose is safe?"

"Maybe," Allen hurriedly interjected as the swirling rage surrounding Kanda steadily became a tangible thing, "we should leave before the bell rings and we're all late to class."

"I have a free," Lavi said smugly and then, because he had no self-preservation instinct, "and I think I'll use it to _nose _around a little bit more in Yu-chan's privacy."

If it hadn't been for Lenalee's hand roughly pulling him down, and what a dainty little hand it was, he probably would have been skewed alive by flying chopsticks.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen's last class of the day was shared with Kanda. A class that depending on the day and his mood could be either a great blessing or a lesson from hell. Today seemed like a mix of the two.

"I don't suppose you've managed to fucking get a move on and track down that bastard of a 'Master' of yours," Kanda muttered dryly as the pair took their respective positions at the back of the classroom. All the better for muted conversations and the occasional argument.

"I'm trying," Allen mumbled back, "I don't think you really grasp how hard it is to find my Master. If he doesn't want to be found – which he doesn't – you won't find him."

Kanda gave a disparaging snort, "So a Moyashi like you doesn't stand a chance."

Allen bristled at the insult. "You're one to talk BaKanda. You couldn't find your way to the Eiffel tower with a map and a tour guide."

"Maybe because I've never been to France," was the returning snap, "But I bet you've been there to lord over all the gay art stuff they have."

_Mustn't rise to the bait, _Allen thought, _must continue meaningful conversation that is actually productive. _

Taking a deep breath he replied, "I have been to France. But that's beside the point," Allen slunk lower in his seat and brought his voice down a few notches as the teacher glanced in their general direction, "all I'm saying is that it'll take a while to find Master."

Kanda set him a glare but ultimately did not object. This came as a great relief to Allen as after spending so many late nights fruitlessly searching, he found himself understandably lacking the energy to keep up a prolonged and witty argument.

What he'd been thinking when he'd asked Kanda to accompany him to see his Master, Allen had no idea. It had _seemed _like a great idea at the time. The two were bound to meet at some point, why not be the catalyst himself and hurry along the process? He'd hate for their first meeting to be under more… s_tressful _circumstances.

Why he wanted Kanda to make a good first impression, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was because a first time meeting with either of them could be rather _startling. _It certainly wouldn't end well if two people of such… _different _character were shoved together in the middle of a situation.

Allen grimaced at the explosion that would follow such a thing.

No, much better to have them meet in a peaceful setting. And, it would be a perfect opportunity to give Kanda some of his much craved information. Not too little and not too much. Enough to sate him for the time being.

_Yes, _Allen pondered as he idly twirled his mechanical pencil, _perfect. _

He cast a sidelong glance at Kanda and smirked with mild amusement. The raven haired teen was scowling up at the bored with the most loathing expression. Allen couldn't blame him; the numbers displayed there made him want to ram his head into a brick wall.

Regardless, Allen quite liked that expression Kanda was showing. He'd never seen anybody with such a surly default look. It was a charm within itself.

Sharp, entrancing eyes narrowed in annoyance while his forehead pulled in at the centre, somehow without wrinkling. Corners of the mouth titled in an obvious show of displeasure and a withheld sigh or violent words waiting impatiently to lash out at the first unsuspecting idiot to test his limited patience.

Allen was aware he was staring, but he couldn't bring himself to be bothered enough to look away. Kanda hadn't noticed, so where was the harm?

In fact, Allen felt as he nestled his chin firmly in his palm for comfort, it may please him to stay this way for the rest of the lesson.

oOo_oOo_oOo

"Anita's asked us to come down to visit her," Lavi said cheerfully the second Allen and Kanda bumped into him in the hall, "her treat, of course."

Lenalee blinked in pleasant surprise, "That's nice of her," the Chinese girl said with a tender smile, "we haven't been down to the club in a while anyway."

_Not since what happened last time._

Not since that not-so-glorious day with Julian that had ended in tears.

It wasn't said, but it was clearly left hanging in the air around them, suddenly making for an awkward silence as the quartet lapsed into their own thoughts, forgetting for a moment they were standing in the middle of a bust corridor until an impolite elbow in Allen's ribs by a disgruntled passer-by reminded them.

"Hold on, let's take this conversation elsewhere," he said, gesturing in the vague direction of the dorm rooms.

"Why does she wants us to come down?" Kanda muttered as he shifted his bag to a more comfortable position and trailed after Allen. Lavi gave a mystified shrug.

"I dunno. I'm not complaining though. However, come to think of it..." the redhead thought for a moment as something seemed to occur to him, "She seemed pretty determined that Allen come along."

"Me?" Allen asked in surprise, "Why?"

"Anita is a nice lady," Lenalee said, "She probably didn't want to leave you with a bad impression."

"That could be it," Lavi agreed as the mounted the stairs, "But seriously though, do you think," he paused and his face froze in a horrified look, "You don't _suppose_ that _maybe_ she _likes _Allen?"

Instant reaction from Kanda, "Don't be stupid," he snapped irritably, "What's there to like about the Moyashi? She'd just be wasting her time."

"Gee," Allen said dryly, "Thanks Kanda."

"What's there to like about Allen," Lavi repeated, "why don't you tell us, Yu-chan? I mean, you seem to have liking Allen down to a fine art."

It was only due to his quick reflexes after years of dodging flying books that he was able to stagger down a few steps in time to avoid the swift – and power packed – punch thrown his way by a very pissed off Japanese youth.

"Anyway," Lenalee interrupted as the reaching the landing with the boys rooms "Why don't we meet up again in about two hours and head down to see Anita? I mean, unless nobody here wants to…"

"Of _course _we want to," Lavi hurriedly said, "I wouldn't dream of turning down an invitation from lovely Miss Anita."

"Careful Lavi," Lenalee said with perhaps more venom than normal, "If you flirt with her too much her scary bodyguard will crush your bones into powder."

"Tche, love can conquer anything," Lavi said confidently, apparently oblivious to the dark aura surrounding Lenalee which always surfaced alongside his womanizing tendencies.

Allen took this chance to duck away before blood was shed, slipping silently into his room right behind Kanda and shutting the door just as quietly.

Now rewarded with blissful silence Allen turned around and set his bag down before absently remarking, "I do wonder what Anita wants to see me for, though."

Kanda was still apparently in a bad mood from Lavi's earlier outburst and did nothing but shoot Allen an annoyed look with a "Che, like I care."

"Pleasant as always, I see," Allen muttered with a frown as he busied himself attempting to hunt down Timcanpy.

oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: God, I'm sorry this has taken so long. Writers block, you know how I am. And school's been a real bitch. Be grateful though, because I dragged myself out of bed at 1 in the morning because I felt like I might be up to writing ;D**

**I know it's not nearly as long as you guys deserve after the long wait, but I swear to dear god, next chapter things are going to start heating up. **

**I haven't gotten an email from fanfiction in ages now, so maybe you should all leave me a review ~**

**In other notes, guess who turned 16 last week? ;D**

**Also, unbetaed at the moment and it's three in the morning, and I'm **_**tired. **_**Errors must be excused T^T**


	21. Do you want to know?

**Chapter twenty one – Do you want to know?**

_Tyki waited silently in the slender halls of the mansion, crouched with one arm resting on his knee and the other pressed firmly against the icy cool tiles to better help maintain his balance as he waited in the uncomfortable, submissive position._

_The room in which he waited was barren of furniture, save for the deliciously comfortable looking rocking chair at the very front of the room, sitting proudly before a low slung window. Said window, however, was bricked over in a messily botched job, such a style that completely offset the rest of the room. The perfectionist in Tyki cringed at the blatant mess before him._

_He'd been waiting for nearly an hour now and his patience was drawing thin. The earl had another ten minutes to show his face of Tyki was leaving. Respect be damned. He adjusted his position somewhat to keep his rapidly tiring limbs from falling asleep from the stiff posture. _

_As is sensing the growing impatience the sharp sound of feet hitting polished tiles resounded merrily throughout the corridor, announcing the earl approach._

_Tyki glanced over his shoulder and was rewarded for his patience by the sight of the earl walking jollily down the hall in all his top-hated glory, smiling merrily at Tyki as if he had not kept him waiting long past the appointment._

"_It's about time," Tyki grumbled before tacking on a semi-respectful, "earl."_

"_Tyki-pon," The earl greeted cheerfully as he eased himself down into the familiar seat of his rocking chair, _"_I'm sorry I was late. Rhode wanted to play." _

_He then leaned back in his chair and begun to rock, silently dismissing the subject as if his answer had explained it all. Which it had, Tyki supposed, but that didn't serve to diminish his irritation any, he felt he was still justified to fume but one look at the earl's face told Tyki this wasn't the right time._

_Sighing, he pushed himself to his feet and stood quietly before the earl, awaiting the scolding he knew would come._

"_I hear," the earl hummed cheerily as he reached for his knitting, "that you met our delightful Allen-chan in the park the other day, hmm?" _

_Tyki absently flicked a spec of dirt from his old fashioned coat before answering with a flippant, "I did." _

_They lulled into silence for a moment as they room was filled with only the sound of creaking wood as the earl continued to rock steadily back and forth, counting the stiches on his knitting needle with unwavering attention._

"_Why then," He hummed slowly, "is he not here, with you?" _

_Tyki cocked an eyebrow and the undertones of anger that were not_ quite _leaking into the earl's voice but were definitely still there. "Well, sir," Tyki said with the barest hint of a smirk, "You didn't tell me to do so before I left that day." _

_The earl looked up with a large smile and his already usually smiling face. "Well played Tyki-pon," he said, "well played." _

"_Don't call me that."_

"_Regardless," the earl went on, "don't act on your own from now on. If you see the boy, don't just let him _be_, bring him back. We are done with our observations. It is now counterproductive to let him roam free like this." _

_Tyki gave a sweeping bow. _

"_As you wish," he said before tacking on, with a fairly demonic glint in his golden eyes, "I wouldn't have it any other way. Things are starting to get interesting." _

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen was trying very hard to reign in his bad mood. Very, _very _hard.

He hadn't been able to find Timcanpy in the dorm room at all. Not in any of his usual favourite hidey holes and his temperament had not been improved by Kanda's snappy disposition. The raven haired youth seemed to be determined to make the evening as unpleasant as possible with his grouchy comebacks and grumpy outbursts.

By the time the pair of them escaped the dorm to meet up with Lenalee and Lavi Allen was so glad he might have cried had such an act not been an insult to his manly pride.

"Thank god," Allen breathed out softly as he latched on to Lavi's sleeve, earning himself a quirk of the eyebrow from the redhead, "How could you leave me alone with _that_?" Allen demanded, turning to point over at Kanda who was sulking just a few meters off.

Lavi took one look at the brooding male and let out an unexpectedly girly giggle before clapping a hand to his mouth. Allen gave, understandably so, a strange look at the … _man-sized child _he was latched onto as it dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"_Oh god," _Lavi panted between his little chuckles, "It's because of what I mentioned about Anita before. You know, about her liking you."

Allen frowned. "I don't get it."

Another giggle and Lavi gave him a pat on the head. "Oh Allen," he said as if he was speaking to a small child, "he's _jealous." _

"… Jealous?" Allen repeated dumbly.

"Yes! Jealous! Envious! In the grip of the green eyed monster! He is _jealous _about what I said about _Anita _liking _you_."

"Why?" Allen asked in alarm as a thrill shot down his spine and he clutched that much tighter to Lavi. "Does he like Anita or something?"

It was Lavi's turn to stare blankly at him.

"… What?" Allen asked, unnerved by the owlish stare.

"Allen… are you… I don't even… YOU'RE BOTH IDIOTS!"

Allen jumped back as Lavi threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, as if he were praying. Which, little did Allen know, he was.

_Why god, _Lavi pleaded with the sky, _why did you send such moronicly oblivious idiots? Is this a punishment of some kind? Do you hate me? Is that it?_

"Lavi," Lenalee said gently, stepping away from Kanda with whom she'd been conversing to approach the redhead, "it's getting late. We should get going."

"Get a fucking move on," Kanda called from where he was standing, arms crossed over his chest and expression surly.

Without warning Lavi whipped around to point accusingly at a startled Kanda. "You," he seethed, "This is all _your _fault."

"My fault?" Kanda asked bewildered.

"_Your fault!" _

"Lavi," Lenalee said concernedly, "are you feeling –."

"THIS IS HOPELESS!" Lavi shouted out as he, yet again, threw his hands in the air. "YOU," he cried pointing at Allen, "AND YOU," now back at Kanda again, "HAVE TO DO SOMETHING SOON OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU BOTH!"

With that said the spontaneous outburst ended and the clearly clinically insane Lavi turned on his heel and marched off in the direction of the club. His friends just stared after him, completely bewildered and at a loss.

"I don't even want to know," Lenalee said as the redhead stamped his away across the pavement. Allen was so startled he wasn't sure if he could move but he supposed there was only so long one could stand in the middle of a road and not chance getting hit by a car.

So, ever so slowly, he started after Lavi, Lenalee falling into step beside him while Kanda took up the rear. Without warning, Lavi whipped around to glare at him. He stood there for a moment, simply glowering at Allen before turning around and resuming his walking.

"Was it something I said?" He asked Lenalee.

The Chinese girl gave him a patient look. "I'm sure whatever you said just caused him to over react. You know how he gets…"

"Well, yeah, but it was a genuine question."

Against her better judgment Lenalee asked, "What did you say?"

Allen pondered this silently for a moment. "Well, he said Kanda was jealous of the comment he made earlier about Anita liking me," he started.

"Uh-huh," Lenalee nodded.

Allen gave a shrug, "So I asked if Kanda like Anita or something and he got… Well… he got like _that_," he gestured over at Lavi who was once again glaring at him.

Lenalee stared at Allen.

"… What?" Allen asked, feeling a sense of deju vu.

"Allen…" Words could not describe this idiocy, Lenalee decided, and honestly? She wasn't sure she wanted them to.

Shaking her head she increased her pace.

"What?" Allen called after her back. "_What did I say_?"

oOo_oOo_oOo

By the time they reached the club, everyone– baring Kanda – was in a slightly better mood. Although Allen was yet to find out what it was he said that caused Lenalee and Lavi to treat him like such an idiot.

The buildings windows were glowing softly from the golden light within and Allen found himself in appreciation of the simplicity of the outward brick design that concealed the quaint little café inside. He'd been working himself to the brittle bone trying to track down Cross recently, he so deserved this little break.

Lavi pushed open the door, sounding the tinkle of a small bell above it and the group made their way inside. Waiting for them in the foyer was Anita; as pretty as always and with a faint smile upon her delicate features.

"Welcome," she said as she gently clasped their hands one at a time, tactfully ignoring the way Lavi's grip lasted perhaps just a little too long, "I'm glad you could make it."

"Of course we could make it," Lavi said eagerly, apparently back in his good cheer now, "We would never turn down an invitation from the lovely Miss Anita!"

"I'm glad to hear that," she said softly with a faint bow that hinted at Asian origin. "Now, if you'd like, I'll take you to the table I've reserved for you?"

It was more of a question than anything – such is the way of Anita – and Lenalee hastily agreed, not wanting to seem rude.

Their table was one of the slightly larger ones and easily the best spot in the house. It was up against the wall in the perfect position so they had a clear view of the large picture window and easy access to the dance floor. The music was neither too loud nor too quiet. Yes, it was apparent Anita had reserved them her best table.

"Thank you, Anita," Lenalee smiled as she they took their seats, settling down as Anita handed out their menus and questioned whether they wanted a drink yet or not. "I was wondering," she said as she laid out some serviettes, "if you could give me a hand, Allen."

"Me?" Allen asked in surprise.

Anita gave a modestly abashed look, "It's just that it's the waitress's night off, and I could use a hand carrying the drinks over."

"Oh, well sure," Allen said as he got to his feet, not noticing as he did so the way Kanda gritted his teeth.

"So you just wanted us to bring Allen-chan along so you could use him as a slave?" Lavi called after the pair as they retreated in the direction of the kitchen. Anita gave him a soft smile and a wave, ignoring his sulking expression and the two vanished behind the wide, push doors.

Upon Anita's instruction, Allen retrieved four chilled glasses and lined them up neatly on the bench while Anita herself retrieved a jug of lemon squash from the refrigerator. She handed it to Allen and watched with an unreadable expression as he carefully poured out the liquid into the glasses.

It was unnerving, almost. It seemed to Allen that this was something more than a simple request for help. His heart skipped a beat. Was she going to ask something about Kanda? Did she like him? Lavi's comment earlier was still stuck with him and his head was going around in pointless scenarios that he knew were likely to never play out.

He just didn't _like _the idea of Kanda… well, _liking _someone else.

_Someone else, _Allen repeated in his mind and suddenly his pouring froze. _What do I mean someone else? For Kanda to like someone else he'd have to like _someone _to begin with. _Although he tried his hardest not to think it the words, _like me, for instance_ echoed in the back of his mind.

Suddenly it was that much harder to breath. Did he _want _Kanda to like him? That was what the voices in the back of his mind were hinting at.

Did _he _like Kanda?

Allen's grip on the jug tightened and he shook his head slightly. No. This was not the time for such thoughts. He would ask, politely and evasively, Anita what she thought of Kanda and put his doubts to ease. It didn't _mean _anything, he just wanted to _know_.

Allen convinced himself at looked up before realizing, for the first time, that while he'd been doing battle with his inner demons Anita had been standing their silently, still watching him with her unrecognizable expression. Flushing, Allen opened his mouth but found himself at a lack of knowing what to say.

So, he simply closed it and waited for Anita to speak. Whatever she said he could handle it.

Anita met his eyes steadily and made a slight shift in her posture and Allen knew, without a doubt, whatever it was that was on her mind, _now _was the time he was going to find out.

"Allen…" She begun softly before trailing off, biting her lip as if she were greatly troubled.

"Do you want me to tell you where Cross is?"

oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: I know, I know. It's on the short side and not much happened D: **

**You're probably all disappointed with me, but I just felt like it should end **_**here**_**. I'm going to get to work on the next chapter right away, so **_**hopefully **_**it'll be out sooner. I know I have lousy gaps between updates. **

**Also, Fanfiction has stopped notifying me about reviews, alerts, favourites and updates. It's not my emails fault, as I've changed it a dozen times now to try and fix the problem. If this is happening to anyone else or if you know how to fix it, can you let me know? **

**Thank you **

**Love, Yuu-chi**


	22. Hypothetical

**Chapter twenty two – Hypothetical **

Kanda leaned back in his chair, glaring at the world around him with angry and vaguely suspicious eyes. He tossed a look over at the doors through which Anita and the goddamn beansprout had disappeared only five minutes ago before he glanced back down at the menu before him, trying to look like he _wasn't _bothered_. _

Because, he _wasn't_. Really, not at all. It wasn't his problem who the Moyashi ran off with. He could run off with Jack the bloody Ripper and it still wouldn't be his problem. Kanda shifted in his seat before once again glancing over at the door.

"You seem troubled Yu-chan," Lavi observed dryly. Kanda threw him a dirty look. "Oh come now Yu-chan," Lavi said, "don't be such a killjoy."

"I'm not," Kanda insisted before returning his gaze to the door again, seemingly reluctant to let it out of his sight. Lavi watched this with a raised eye. "If you're so worried about leaving them alone, go check on them."

"I'm not worried. What made you think I was worried? Mind your own fucking business. If _you're _worried _you _go check."

"That's a nice case of paranoia you're developing there, Yu-chan."

"I'm not paranoid," Kanda snapped without removing his eyes from the place where they were glued, which wasn't helping his 'I'm not paranoid' case at all.

Lenalee and Lavi exchanged looks.

"Say… Yu-chan…"

"Don't call me that!"

"As cute as it is watching you and Allen dance around each other like this, perhaps it's time you man up and confess already," Lavi suggested holding up his menu quickly in case Kanda decided to throw something at him for his kind suggestion. Lucky for Lavi though, there was nothing dangerous or throw-worthy within Kanda's reach.

So, Kanda settled for his death glare. "I'm sure you _think _you're being funny," he hissed, "but you're _not_ so kindly _shut the fuck up." _

Lavi gave an exasperated sigh and set his menu back down. "Okay, let's talk hypothetical here."

"Let's not," Kanda snapped.

"It's just hypothetical," Lenalee said softly, looking Kanda right on in the eyes.

"The answers still no," he insisted stubbornly before sourly returning his eyes to the menu even though everyone present knew that it held no real interest to him. The only meal Kanda had and ever _would _eat was Soba.

"The conversation won't leave this table," Lenalee swore, "and we all know that it is _purely _hypothetical."

And air of unrest fell around the trio. Lenalee and Lavi determined to get Kanda to play along with the conversation and Kanda equally determined _not _to.

It was clear they'd reached a stalemate so Lenalee glanced over at Lavi before looking back at Kanda, eyes heavy lidded as she bit her lip, playing the part of a full upset teenage girl. Kanda narrowed his eyes as Lenalee's lower lip trembled.

"Please?" She asked in a soft voice, sounding as though she was on the verge of tears. She knew - sneakily – that all of her male comrades were rather susceptible to this tactic. She was equally sure that deep down they knew that they were crocodile tears but it's awfully hard for a male to think rationally when tears are cascading down a female's cheeks.

Or perhaps they were just awfully terrified what would happen to them if Komui found out that they'd made his precious sister cry.

Finally, Kanda gave a grudging nod. "Hypothetical," he muttered.

Lavi let loose a victorious little smirk but managed to smother it before Kanda caught sight of it and strangled him and thus, ending this hypothetical scenario. Sobering up he asked, "Hypothetically, if you _were _to like Allen, not that you do, but if you _did, _why is it that you're so reluctant to confess? Hypothetically."

Kanda eyed him coolly – having successfully removed his eyes from the door – and fiddled with a knife he'd recently found beneath his napkin. "First off, even in a hypothetical situation I would _never _like that runt of a beansprout."

"But just pretend," Lenalee insisted, "It's all hypothetical."

Kanda glared at the both of them with vicious eyes. "Fine. _Hypothetically, _If I _were _to… And I didn't want to…" Kanda seemed to be having trouble saying the words _like _and _confess. _Clearing his throat awkwardly he said, "It _might _be because…" he trailed off abruptly.

"Because...?" Lavi prompted.

"I can't do this." Kanda said brusquely, surprising both Lenalee and Lavi immensely.

"What – why?" Lenalee asked, startled by Kanda's suddenly aggravated expression.

Kanda himself shifted awkwardly in his seat and snapped, "It's fucking stupid, alright? I'm not going to have a hypothetical conversation about something like that. Okay?"

Lavi and Lenalee stared blankly at him for a minute. Was Kanda… embarrassed? Somehow Lenalee found that awfully adorable and had to stifle a giggle that was vying for freedom.

"Is it because you don't know why you won't confess?" Lavi said swiftly.

"Yes that's – what? FUCK NO!"

Lavi gave a huge smirk at Kanda's confused and flustered face. It wasn't often one could elicit such a reaction from the usual icy samurai, and Allen was one of the few topics that could do so.

"So you _do _admit that you like Allen then?" He said calmly, slyly almost.

"What – I never – _We were talking hypothetically!" _

"You said you didn't want to have a hypothetical conversation," Lavi hummed and – like a ninja – extracted the knife and fork from Yu-chan's reach before he recalled their existence and ended Lavi's own.

"_It's not a fucking legit answer when you trick it out of someone you two faced conniving sonova –." _

"Woah, woah!" Lenalee called, blushing and waving her hands to quieten down the swearing teenager who was cussing like a sailor. "Don't forget, Kanda we're in public! _People are staring!" _

Reluctantly Kanda eased himself back down in his seat, still fuming as he glared violently at the redhead across from him.

"Just because I caught you in a moment of surprise," Lavi said with surprising calm, "does not mean I tricked the answer out of you. It was a legit move and it gave me a legit answer."

"_It's not," _Kanda insisted.

Lavi, however, was no longer smirking, but looking unusually serious. "I'm not screwing around here Kanda, I'm serious. Do you like Allen?"

There was a sharp _thwack _as a knife Lavi had forgotten to retrieve impaled itself in the soft wood of the table, ruining the lovely tablecloth Anita had spread across it.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Kanda snapped as he pushed himself out of his seat, storming off in the general direction of the restrooms before Lenalee or Lavi could stop him. He slammed into a balding middle aged man as he did so and gave him a vindictive push.

His friends watched silently as he disappeared around the corner.

"I think you put him in a bad mood," Lenalee observed as she tried to wiggle the knife free from the table.

Lavi snorted. "He's _always _in a bad mood. This one was just slightly more productive."

oOo_oOo_oOo

The jug tumbled from Allen's hands and proceeded to smash on the floor, spilling the remains of the soft drink at their feet. Anita let out a soft yelp and took a step back but Allen, however, was too busy staring at Anita in amazement.

"What?" Allen asked, hands posed as if he was still cradling the shimmering glass. Half out of it, it took him a moment to realize that he'd just dropped the jug, smashing the lovely crystal all over the floor and dousing the linoleum in the fresh scent of lemon.

"Ah! Sorry! Allen flushed and dropped to the ground as he began scooping up sharp shards of glass, the tips of his gloves going damp with excess liquid.

There was the rustle of expensive fabrics and Anita dropped down to assist him, her slender fingers picking up the mess with the expertise of long years working in restaurants. It was silent for a moment and Allen was beginning to think he'd perhaps misheard her before when Anita finally spoke up again.

"Are you alright?"

"Erm, yeah. Sorry about your jug."

Anita gave him a kind smile. "That's alright," she said, "no harm done."

Allen allowed her to gently nudge his hands out of the way and pick up the rest of the glass in one deft movement. He offered to wipe up the lemon squash on the floor but Anita answered him breezily.

"Don't be silly," She chuckled, "That's what we have cleaners for."

She did, however, allow Allen to take the glass from her hands and take it over to the bin. She watched as he stripped his gloves off his hands – his back turned to her, of course – and rinsed his sticky hands beneath the cool water of the tap.

"Perhaps," Anita said softly, "I could have asked that more tactfully."

Allen offered her a weak smile of her shoulder. "Perhaps," he agreed.

Anita straightened up, instantly become that little bit more serious as Allen dried his hands and re-donned his gloves, glancing over at her in a way that confirmed he was now ready to proceed.

"Do you know where my Master is?"

Anita tilted her head to the side as she considered this question. "Yes," she said slowly, "and no."

"What do you mean by that?" Allen pressed.

"I have heard some … whispers, that he's recently been frequenting the brothel down town," – Allen flushed at this. So very much like his Master – "and he did make mention of the name when he came to visit me last night."

"Visit you?" Allen echoed uncertainly.

Anita supplied him with a truly heart-warming smile. "I consider myself very close to Marian, Allen, although I am often unsure if he feels the same," she shook her head before continuing, "How it is we are acquainted is beside the point, however."

Allen waited patiently for her to continue.

"I've known, of course, your relationship with him for quite a while. I've known Marian since I was a young girl. Oh, how he bemoaned his unfortunate fate when he took you on as his apprentice."

Allen allowed himself a grim smile at this but Anita seemed to find it amusing.

"Regardless, there has been talk drifting around recently that you are perhaps seeking out your elusive guardian, and here I was thinking to myself that maybe you would like my assistance."

"Thank you," Allen said gratefully, "I'd love your help. It'd be fantastic. I've been looking for him all week but the bastard didn't want to be found," Allen wrinkled his nose bitterly and shivered at the prospect of facing Cross again.

Ever helpful, Anita scribbled down the address for the brothel in town (Allen waved off her concern about one so young going in. "I've been in worse.") and would only smile mysteriously when Allen queried about her connections.

"Thank you," Allen said again fervently as he clenched the now scrunched up paper in his fist, "Really, thank you a lot."

Anita once again gave him one of her special smiles. "That's alright Allen. Also, as to why you're looking for him so desperately, I do not need to know. Now, how about we return to your friends? Surely they must be getting hungry by now."

Allen gave a faint laugh. "I'll bet we find Lavi dead. Kanda's likely shanked him by now."

Anita noted with a faint smile the fondness that had seeped into Allen's voice as he spoke of his friends; particularly the way Kanda's name rolled off his tongue with the ease of a word spoken so frequently it has ceased to need thought.

"Kanda's become a lot more of a man since you've arrived," she murmured softly and Allen tilted his head to the side as he looked up at her in puzzled curiosity.

"What do you mean by that?"

A gently chuckle. "He seems a little calmer than before, a little more likable and a little less thoughtless," She glanced down at the small boy before her, "I wonder if you're not the source of these changes?" She pondered aloud.

Allen's face went from inquisitive to a deep burgundy in a mere second as he spluttered wordlessly at Anita, words have difficulty forming, Why was everybody so eager to look into his relationship with the brazen elder man? Was it that much of a curiosity? Allen suddenly has the mental image of Lavi in a top hat and waistcoat sipping tea with Lenalee, the Chinese woman in an eighteenth century dress. _"Oh yes," _He's mental Lavi was saying, _"About that Walker…" _

Shaking his head to rid it of the frightening image Allen hurriedly thanked Anita again before rushing out of the kitchen, trying to contain his blush. Anita followed after him, pausing only to put the drinks on a tray.

Still smiling – actually, it was more of a smirk – she watched as the kitchen door swung closed as Allen made his hectic escape.

Oh, deny as he may the bond that was rapidly forming between the two was so clear Anita would bet that Lenalee and the ever mischievous Lavi had been plotting the pairs future for some time now.

It was, for really, there was no better word for it, adorable.

In the time she'd know the trio she'd never seen Kanda open up fully to _anyone_. Sure, he shared a close relationship with Lenalee and Lavi, but there was never that element of mutual trust between them. Kanda just found it difficult to believe in people. It was sad, but at the same time it was made Kanda _Kanda. _Or something like that anyone.

Shaking her head Anita pushed her way past the kitchen door and walked ever gracefully after Allen in the direction of the table.

"Oh, welcome back Allen-chan," Lavi said cheerfully as they approached, "why are you so red?"

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda returned from his trip to the bathroom to find that the Moyashi was back safely among them. Feeling a mix of relief – no, he would not like to explain that – and annoyance he took his seat across from him again, making it clear that he was ignoring his presence.

" – want with you?" Lavi was saying, tugging lightly at Allen's ear as if this annoying gesture would _wow_ Allen into answering him.

"Nothing much," Allen sighed as he batted Lavi's hand away, "She just wanted help with the drinks like she asked."

Lavi gave an exaggerated snort, making it vividly clear that he did not believe Allen for a second. The sceptic look he threw at him only proved to further his case. And then – because it certainly wasn't clear _enough_ by now – he said with a toss of his red hair, "Yeah. Right."

"It's true," Allen objected, gesturing at the chilled glasses on their table.

"You guys were gone an awfully long time."

"Five minutes," Allen said delicately, "Is _not _a long time Lavi. In fact, if I didn't know better I'd say it's _exactly _how long it'd take to pour the drinks, clean up my dropped jug and bring them out again."

"You dropped a jug? Are you okay?" Lenalee asked anxiously, effectively side tracked.

"I'm fine," he reassured her, "I just splashed my gloves a bit,"

Lavi's nose promptly wrinkled at this. "Eww, Allen… And you're _still _wearing them?"

"I gave them a wash," Allen said somewhat defensively, an awkward tinge to his voice as he subconsciously pulled his hands in closer to himself, as if to protect them from scrutiny. Kanda observed this action carefully.

"So they're wet now? Why not just take them off? Geez…"

Allen shook his head at Lavi's suggestion, licking his lips uncomfortably as he sometimes did when he was nervous. "I'm fine, really. They're fine. They're not wet."

Lavi looked at him in clear disbelief. "Duuude. Gloves plus carbonated beverage equals _so not cool_."

"Just let it go," Kanda snapped, entering the conversation for the first time since he'd resumed sitting with them, "it's the Moyashi's business if he wants to make himself uncomfortable."

Lavi shot him a suspicious look. "Sticking up for him ey, Kanda?" he stroked his chin as if he were attempting to curl a non-existent goatee around his finger into a perfect little wave. "Protective, eyy? Don't like us picking on him, eyyyyy?"

"Stop that," Kanda snapped automatically, "and fuck you," he added as an afterthought.

Mercifully and further argument was delayed by the arrival of Anita, laden down with plates of food for the trio. While Lavi and Lenalee were occupied arguing over the salt shaker Allen leaned over urgently and whispered in Kanda's ear, "I need to speak with you after."

Kanda decide he'd ignore the sharp thrill that shot down his spine as the younger boy hovered and inch away. However, his mind was quickly jerked away the next words to pass through the boys lips.

"I found Cross."

oOo_oOo_oOo

**Let's see if I can get a review from everybody who has alerted this :3**

**A/N: I know, I know. Useless chapter. Nothing happened. It hasn't been proof read and you hate me. I wanted to make it longer back I'm really too tired and I figured if I don't upload what I've got **_**now**_** It'll take me forever to do it.**

**Sorry for any errors but I'm too tired to reread it, It'll be betad later.**


	23. NOAH

**Chapter twenty-three – NOAH**

Allen had never been so glad to see a free dinner end in all his life. Even the dessert – which consisted of a delightful strawberry icecream over apple pie – could do little to ease his frazzled nerves.

Anita declaration had left him feeling not enthralled but rather anxious. While it was a relief to have finally located his elusive master he wasn't particularly thrilled at seeing that smug smirk again and he was starting to wonder is the information Tyki had promised him was even _worth _what was sure to be a traumatic encounter.

Far to say that Allen was feeling kind of out of it, and the whole matter with Kanda didn't help either.

For some completely incomprehensible reason, Kanda seemed to be thoroughly ignoring him, not even looking Allen in the eye. Why _was_ that? Really, thinking about it was enough to give him a headache. Or, worse still, bring Anita's smiling words back to his mind which made _him_ unable to look at _Kanda_. It was a mess, truly it was, a bloody big mess.

Allen supposed that sometime in the future he should take the time to sit down and sort through all these strange emotions that had been clogging up his mind and taking headspace for far too long. Sometime waaay in the future, for now he was happy procrastinating this matter.

So it was with great relief that Allen and the others trudged back towards the school following the meal, the street lights flicking ominously as Lavi chattered away happily, oblivious to the fact that no one was even listening as he rubbed his contentedly full stomach.

Allen gave it a few minutes before he fell into step beside Kanda, the pair of them lagging just that little bit behind the others. A slight glance upwards with annoyed silver eyes showed that Kanda recognized his presence and an annoyed grimace showed that he was less than pleased with it.

Ignoring this Allen said softly, "Are you able to come with me later?"

Kanda blinked and followed that up with a frown, "Where?"

Sometimes Kanda could be truly thick.

Allen rolled his eyes, "To see Cross of course," he said slowly as if speaking to a small and particularly slow-witted child, "Unless you no longer want to come?"

Kanda shot him a nasty look. "Fuck you. Of course I want to come. I just meant, so soon?"

Allen pondered this for a second as if seeking for a way to best phrase his answer. Finding none he simply said, "Because if he finds out I'm looking for him the bastard will flee."

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't want to talk with me?"

"But _why _doesn't he want to talk with you?"

"… Because he doesn't?"

Talking with Allen was, Kanda decided as he stomped away angrily, immensely frustrating and unrewarding.

oOo_oOo_oOo

The arrived at the school mere seconds before the gates were due to shut and the quartet crossed the yard in a flourish of hurried limbs, desperate to escape from the rapidly chilling weather and immerse themselves in the warmth of the approaching building.

Lenalee and Lavi bid their farewell to their – now arguing – friends and escaped before the disagreement could take a violent turn and catch them in the crossfire. _Cowards_, Allen scoffed inwards as he waited impatiently for Kanda to unlock the door.

As soon as it swung open Allen shoved past the moody man and into the room, earning a scowl from the young Japanese teen. Kanda edged into the room after his friend and waited impatiently by the door as Allen scurried around, grabbing a jacket, pulling his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans and after a moment of fumbling pulled a small slip of paper from it.

He shoved the scrap into Kanda's hands as he passed with a distracted, "hold this," before continuing on searching for something while Kanda grew steadily more frustrated with each irritatingly loud sound of a draw slamming shut. Finally he couldn't take just standing there anymore and snapped angrily, "What the fuck is it your after Moyashi?"

Allen shot him a glare and muttered, "I'm not a beansprout. And don't swear," he added as an afterthought although telling Kanda not to cuss was roughly the same as telling a kleptomaniac not to steal from that completely unguarded store right in front of them. "And if you _must _know," he snapped, "I'm looking for Tim."

"Your retarded snitch?"

"Oh, for fuck sake! He's a _golem_, and he's NOT retarded!"

"He bit me, I'll call him whatever I want," Kanda asserted before smirking and saying, "And don't swear."

"Don't patronize me," Allen muttered distractedly in response as he resumed his frantic searching – now looking under Kanda's bed – without any visible results. "Timcanpy!" He called out loudly but the room remained silent in response.

"He's not fucking here; now let's go before my feet fall asleep."

Allen shot him a nasty look for that completely unnecessary statement but conceded the elder did have a point and rose reluctantly to his feet, dusting his pants free of fluff as he did so looking before trudging over to Kanda, looking miserable all the way.

"Why do you even need it?" The other inquired half curious half annoyed and received a disheartened shrug from his white haired companion.

"Tim belongs to Master," he said simply, "And he'll kill me if something happens to him."

Kanda snorted before handing the slip of paper containing an address back to its original owner and proceeded to crack his stiff neck, "Whatever," he murmured in response, "let's just go so I can meet this fucking nutjob."

"He's not a nutjob!" Allen snapped irately as he stepped out of the room.

"Says you who talks shit about him all day," Kanda countered as he relocked the door and pocketed the key, glancing warily around to make sure Lenalee and Lavi weren't waiting just out of sight to jump them.

"That's not what I mean," Allen said seriously at Kanda shot him a puzzled look, "My Master isn't a nutjob. He's off the freggan _scale_ of crazy. There isn't a term to describe people like him! You're making him sound _saner _than he _is_!"

Kanda gave a snort, "He can't be that bad. Now you're just exaggerating."

Allen gave him a sombre look.

"He's in the habit of hitting me with a mallet when he wants to run off and ditch me. When I turned fourteen he pitched me up against a whole crowd of debtsharks – _his_ debtsharks, may I add – for his own entertainment. How can you call _that _sane?"

Kanda stared blankly at Allen but the younger boy seemed to be in the midst of a breakdown, eyes glazed over as he was tormented by visions of the past. "So… much… debt…" he whimpered, hands shaking.

"Oi, er… Moyashi?"

" – And then that time in China… Urgg… I feel sick suddenly… Maybe this isn't a good idea…" The boy gave a rather appropriate shiver.

Kanda stated at him, completely unsure what to do concerning this new development. The beansprout seemed to be quickly wilting and Kanda was harbouring a vague feeling he should probably do something. He settled for awkwardly patting him on the shoulder and saying uneasily, "Err… There there?"

Allen seemed to be suddenly drawn back to reality and peered up at Kanda though his hair looking utterly miserable. "I'm going to die, aren't I?"

oOo_oOo_oOo

Lenalee tapped her fingers impatiently on the desk before her as she scowled down at the laptop she was using, scrolling slowly through a non-filtered search on a simple search engine. She was no computer whiz like Lavi, but she knew how to use google.

"I keep telling you Lenalee," Lavi called out from where he was spread out on his bed, flipping idly through a comic book, "If I didn't find anything while being a genius, you won't find something on google."

Lenalee shot him an irritated look, "Would it kill you to help me look?"

Lavi rolled over onto his back and extended his arms so his issue of _Marvin Mindblown _was dangling high above his face. "When you asked if you could come over tonight," he muttered under his breath, "This wasn't what I imagined you'd have in mind." Louder this time he remarked, "No. I've already been all over the place looking. No information on this NOAH exists. I assure you."

"It might," Lenalee argued as she hit on something that looked vaguely interesting.

"It doesn't. Really if –."

" – Hey, I think I found something!"

Lavi was out of his perch in a moment shoving Lenalee's spinning chair away from the table and ignoring her mewls of protest as he moved the mouse and was greeted – after impatiently waiting – with an old newspaper article from quite a few years ago.

_Fire engulfs all_ the caption read and Lenalee and Lavi exchanged looks. The article was short, barely a paragraph long and looked like it had been tossed at the bottom of a newspaper hurriedly so as to make as little deal about as possible.

_Last Thursday a young couple out on a hike reported seeing flames rising from just out of town. It was later revealed to be an empty and unused research facility by the name of NOAH The police have cited the fire and accident and assured all that the building had been empty for some time. No deaths were recorded. _

The article ended abruptly, as if the reporter has simply wanted to write down the bare bones of the incident for more of records sake than anything related to carers or otherwise. Lenalee and Lavi exchanged mystified looks before the elder redhead turned back to reread the article again.

"Are we sure this is the right NOAH we're looking at here?" He inquired of his younger friend who haplessly shrugged in a way that said, _you're the genius here. _

"But it's interested don't you think," the Chinese girl remarked absently as she stared at the screen, "that it burnt down? Doesn't that seem like something Allen would be involved in?"

"What?" Lavi asked, alarmed, "Is Allen secretly a pyromaniac?"

Lenalee shot him an irritated look, "That's not what I mean. I just meant that this whole thing just screams _mysterious_. It's definitely something I can see Allen involved in."

Lavi mulled this over, biting his lips as she did so. "The digger we dig into this," he confessed, "the more interesting but _freakier _it gets. I'm kind of half scared we'll eventually find out that he's from some kind of psychotic mass murdering family lineage."

"Don't' be ridiculous," Lenalee snapped, "He's probably just under witness protection or something."

Lavi shot _her _a patronizing look. "Yeah. Like your idea is any less ridiculous."

His female friend huffed indigently and opened her mouth in preparation to snappily retort but a soft _ding _cut over them and the surprised pair stoped squabbling to glance back over at the computer on which a popup had appeared.

_Hello there boy… _

Lenalee felt a sharp thrill of fear shot down her spine. "Lavi…" she said cautiously but her redheaded partner was already at the laptop, tapping away at the keyboard with lightning speed.

_**Who are you?**_

The pair waited with bated breath and was rewarded with a soft _ding_.

_Me? I'm from NOAH of course._


	24. Marian Cross

**Chapter twenty four – Marian Cross **

There was a distinct odour of booze hanging permanently around the building Kanda found himself standing in front of. It was an odd, unpleasant smell of cheap alcohol and expensive liquor, blending together to form some kind of permeating haze over the area. Hell, he could practically _see _the nauseating fumes wafting off the solid brick.

Allen – damn him – seemed completely unperturbed by it save a small frown that was creasing his brow. Although that may have something to do with the actual nature of their visit to this… _brothel – _thinly disguised though it was as a bar_. _Speaking of, why _were _they there? Kanda had better things to do than visit a freaking whorehouse.

"Are you sure he's in there?" Kanda asked, checking, once again, that they weren't going to simply waltz in and embarrass themselves. Not that Kanda would be embarrassed. He didn't do embarrassment. He did, however, do beat-the-shit-out-crappy-beansprouts-that-put-them-in-shamful-situations.

"For the last time," Allen sighed, "I don't _know_ for sure, but I certainly hope so."

Kanda shot him a withering look for that before glancing back up at the building just in time to see three scantily clad women giggling as they pushed themselves out of the door, one adjusting a falling dress strap while the other two seemed less than conscious of the their rapidly descending clothing, the tallest – and blondest – of the three slipping a cigarette out from a small handbag swinging by her side.

Kanda scowled at them – and no, that wasn't a faint blush seeping into his cheeks as he caught an eyeful of massive cleavage – but the trio didn't seem to notice him; far too busy with their drunken giggling he suspected.

"Perfect," Allen said suddenly, surprising him with the faint smile on his lips, "We can ask them for assistance."

Kanda blanched. Surely his little sprout wasn't serious? Ask the inebriated prostitutes that were just now unscrewing the lid off a bottle of whisky? Was the boy insane? Did he honestly believe he'd get any information out of them at all?

But it was far too late to protest as Allen was already making his way over, just in time to catch the tall blonde as she staggered in her high heels and slammed into him. Allen's gentlemanly manner allowed him to smile softly as he straightened her up, taking the bottle of booze from her hand while she was distracted and handing it to her female friends.

"Good evening," Allen greeted as the blonde let out a small giggle and clapped her bony hands to her mouth while she ogled the younger male before her. Kanda felt his eyebrow twitch for no apparent reason and he tried to suppress the budding feeling of annoyance he was that was making itself known at the back of his mind.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your night," Allen said softly, fluttering his lashes in a way that would look unappealing on practically any other male in existence, "But would you mind terribly if I bothered you with a few question?"

"Not at all," Squeaked Blondie's friend, attempting to flip her own chin-length locks over her shoulder and nearly falling backwards on her drunken ass as a result.

"Oh, thank you so much!" Allen all but simpered.

The women swooned.

Kanda felt nauseous.

"I'm looking for a man, you see. Tall, broad shoulders, mysterious mask, glasses, red hair, _perpetual stick up his ass," _Allen added in a harsh whisper before clearing his throat and resuming his line of questioning, "You haven't seen him, have you?"

The women he was flirting with – yes, let's not beat around the bush. He was definitely flirting – all gave a high pitched giggle and looked at one another. Allen, Kanda noticed, grimaced expectantly and gave his eyes a quick roll before one again focusing his attention on them.

"Are you talking about Cross?" Blondie grinned, clinging tightly to Allen's arm. Kanda sort of felt sorry for the poor kid; he could smell the alcohol laden breath from where he stood several meters off.

"Yes, that's the man I'm speaking of," Allen affirmed, and slowly, as though to prevent Blondie from noticing – not that she could in her drunken state – extracted his arm from her grip, "You know him then?"

"Ohh… Yes… He's been hanging around here for a few days now." There was another round of giggling at this which Kanda found was grating on his nerves. Also, for some completely incomprehensible reason, Blondie had wrapped herself around Allen's arm again and this time the Moyashi was far too busy questioning the slight redhead to his left to do anything about it.

This was also irritating. Kanda understood that the brat needed to fish information out of them any way possible, but was he really going to slink as low as flirting with prostitutes? Really? A small amount of rage was building up in him as he watched Blondie snuggle ever closer, using one hand to turn Allen's face toward her so she could talk to him more intimately.

_Fuck off lady_, Kanda thought tartly, _it's my bed he sleeps in every night. _

Kanda blinked, surprised by the sudden possessive and admittedly rather _wrong _sounding statement that had just played through his mind. _Where did that come from? _He wondered as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly in an attempt to prevent heat from rising to his face as he pondered the obscure implication of the previous thought.

"Thank you very much," Allen was saying when Kanda finally riveted his attention back to the current proceedings, "We'll be on our way then. You've been a lot of help."

Instantly the girls moaned and Blondie tugged at his arm playfully, "Don't go. Why don't you have a drink with us?" The girl with the red hair waved the bottle of whisky as if it were proof.

Allen gave them a genial smile and – once again – extracted himself from the flirtatious hold he was caught in and politely declined. "I'm afraid I have things to do and I'm under aged ladies," he tilted his head innocently to his side and received a disappointed round of cooing as a result.

_Not mad, _Kanda worked to convince himself as the disappointed looking prostitutes finally began to slink away, _I am most definitely not mad. _

Allen approached and gave Kanda an odd look upon spotting his barely controlled facial expression. "What's wrong with you?"

_Not mad… _

"I'm mad at you," Kanda informed him and strolled off into the building before Allen could press the matter, leaving the young Moyashi confused behind him.

oOo_oOo_oOo

_I'm from NOAH… _

Lavi stared disbelievingly at the words that were on the computer screen before him, barely allowing himself to breath.

_A lead… _They'd just found a _lead_… Alright, so the lead had found _them_, but really, who kept track of those things?

Beside him Lenalee let out a soft little squeak, her face pale as she cupped her cheeks with her hands looking at the words as though they were harbinger of doom. After sparing her one glance Lavi resumed typing.

_**I haven't a clue what NOAH is. Wanna share? **_

"Lavi," Lenalee moaned, tugging at his hands looking significantly upset at his pointed reply. He shrugged her off impatiently and waited for a reply. It was a moment before one appeared; Lavi had a sneaky suspicion that the person at the other end had spent that short period of time laughing at him.

_Ooh. Somebody has guts, _was the first teasing line, shortly followed by, _I'm sure you know something. In fact, that's why I'm talking with you. _

_**How would you know I know something? Why ARE you talking with me?**_

"Lavi," Lenalee groaned again, trying once more to pry him from the keyboard, "Don't. Shut down the computer. _Please_."

A small ding announced the reply.

_So, if you don't know anything, why are you looking for information then? _

_**Because, **_Lave typed, _**we WANT to know what it is. **_

_You don't. Trust me. _

_**No, I'm pretty sure I do. Trust ME. **_

Lenalee had slumped down beside Lavi and while looking pale was no longer trying to get him to cease and desist. Perhaps she sensed that no matter how awful and scared this conversation with an unknown entity was making her feel, the elder male beside her wouldn't stop. Not when information was so close he could almost _taste _it.

Silence for a moment, then: _Why? _

_**Because we want to know what's going on with Allen. **_

"Lavi! Don't tell him about Allen! We don't even know who is," Lenalee gasped, horrified at her friends reckless actions. This whole idea had been a bad one. She shouldn't have tried to prove Lavi wrong. She didn't _like _this. This… Interaction. She was curious, god knows she was, but she didn't want to get involved in something like this which was clearly very dangerous and several kinds of illegal.

"Lenalee," Lavi said distractedly, "Shut up."

Lavi never told her to shut up. She complied expertly.

_I thought as much. You'd be Allen's friends I saw at the bus stop then, would you not? _

Saw at the bus stop… A chill glided down Lavi's spine as his mind froze at that simple question.

_Saw at the bus stop… _

This person from NOAH – Tyki if memory served Lavi right, which it always did – was perfectly capable of finding them at any moment, whenever he wanted, for whatever he wanted. He was currently talking to him online like it was no big deal. He _knew _things.

Lavi started typing again.

_**Who are you?**_

The extra exclamation points felt needed.

_I told you. I'm from NOAH. Did you not believe me? _

_**I mean who are YOU? As in who is NOAH? What is NOAH? What is Allen's involvement with you? Why did you start that fire at your old factory?**_

_Hmm… My, my you HAVE been busy, _the tone of the text was almost pleased, _good thing I rigged his program up. You certainly have a lot of questions there Lavi._

Lavi almost slammed the lid of the laptop closed right then and there.

_**How do you know my name? **_

_It's my job to know your name. I'd be quite the failure if I didn't, wouldn't I?_

_**WHY do you know my name? **_

_Ah, now that is a better phrased question, isn't it? _

"I'm going to get Ni-san," Lenalee said, "This is getting creepy."

"Don't you dare," Lavi snapped as he began typing, "I'm this close to getting information, if you go and get Komui it'll be ruined!"

_**Are you going to answer me? **_

_Keep your pants on boy. You're just so fun to rile up._

…

_Isn't it obvious? Do you really need me to say it? _

_**What the hell are you on about?**_

_So young and so ignorant… _

Lavi was about to type out a biting reply when the ding let him know that Tyki had already answered. He looked up at the slender text curiously.

_I keep track of everyone in and out of Allen's life. _

Ding.

_You're in his life._

Ding.

_That means I keep track of you._

Ding.

_And if you prove to be a problem..._

Lavi held his breath waiting for another ding but instead was greeted with a small electronic groan as his the text he was staring at flickered for a moment, the laptop giving a small shudder before the screen went completely black and a faint hiss was heard from the wires and such of the gadget.

"Lavi," Lenalee began to say, panic clear in her voice as she clutched tightly to his arm with so much force it began to ache. However, before she could continue the computer gave a faint noise and slowly came back to life.

Letting out a _whoosh _of air Lavi leaned forward and eagerly placed his fingers over the keys, ready to tap away and bring his computer back up to functioning standard. However, as the screen gradually came back on he was greeted with the last four words of Tyki's message staring out at him from a pitch black screen, the white writing bulky and frightening.

_**I will eliminate you. **_

oOo_oOo_oOo

The building was not as ratty on the inside as it was on the out, Allen observed as he made his way through the room, Kanda sulking near a wall to the left. Allen pulled his brow down. He was still yet to work out what had sent Kanda's mood from bad to worse. The man was so temperamental.

Sighing, Allen continued forward. He'd decided Kanda would be better off in continuing to lean against the wall out of Allen's way while he tried his best to hunt down Cross. He was snubbed for his efforts and Allen was trying to remind himself that Kanda was a significant part of his life and it probably wouldn't do any good to shove a knife in him no matter how tempting the thought was.

Approaching the bar he managed to paste on his 'people smile' just at the landlady looked up, aging well considering she seemed to be pushing forty. However, seeing the clearly under aged boy in her bar she simply looked back down at the glass she was cleaning. "Go home boy," She said in way of greeting, a smokers rattle leaking into her voice, "We don't play with kids here. Come back in five years."

Allen gave a light laugh and leaned on the bar, "I'm not here as a customer as I'm sure you've noticed. I'm looking for someone."

"Aren't we all," She muttered dryly under her breath as she placed the glass mug back on a nearby shelf before tossing the rag down on the surface of the bench and leaning on it to stare fixedly at Allen with piercing blue eyes, the crowfeet that were being to spread out from their corners giving her a wizened look.

"I believe you've probably seen him in her before," Allen said pleasantly, "His name is Marian Cross."

The woman's eyebrows shot up into her fringe and she really looked at Allen for the first time since walking into the bar. "That'd make you his brat than, I suppose," She reasoned as her eyes traced down the ugly scar that ran down his face and the white hair that was neatly flicked out of his eyes,.

"I suppose so," Allen said dryly, not liking at all the way that previous statement had sounded. The woman gave a faint cackle before straightening up.

"No wonder you didn't seem antsy in this place. Used to it I expect," she paused to look him right in the eyes, "Word on the grapevine is you're looking for him. Not real discreet about it, were you kid? Guess I shouldn't be surprised you've turned up on me doorstep."

"I guess not," Allen was beginning to feel he was simply repeating the woman's word but he didn't want to risk saying something insensitive and being kicked out. Or, maybe he did. That way he'd have a perfect excuse for not seeing Cross. Yeah, best to keep his mouth shut and avoid the temptation.

"Won't hold you up much longer; your boyfriend in the corner over there is killing my business," mulled the brothel owner and Allen looked over to see that indeed, Kanda was glaring up quite a vicious storm that was rather off-putting. The last part of her statement clicked and he whirled back around to object to the usage of the word 'boyfriend' but was greeted with a flick of a hand in the general direction of a door.

"He's in the back," the woman said, "Get going."

Allen opened his mouth to thank her but she was already back shinning another glass, Allen clearly dismissed.

Frowning slightly he pushed himself away from the bar and headed back towards Kanda already dreading the encounter he knew was only minutes away. Kanda raised an eyebrow as he watched Allen approaching, pushing himself off the wall and quite ready to leave the room and the people who kept staring at him.

"He's in the back," Said Allen in way of greeting and the pair of them took this chance to glance at the nondescript door that Allen was pointing to. Who knew that absolute evil lay behind a door painted a dull grey in chipped paint?

Allen sighed, running a hand through thick silver hair before finally deciding it was best to get it over with and slowly making his way to the door, staring at the aged wood with distaste. Behind him he heard Kanda snort an annoyed 'for fuck sake' before he leaned around the wilting bean sprout and gave the door with a hefty push and shoved Allen into the small hall it opened up to.

"Hey," Objected the youngest of the pair, "You didn't have to do that! I was getting around to it!"

"Sure you were," was the sarcastic reply and Allen was about to viciously argue back when the soft rumble of a deep voice sounded from the door to their left. Allen paled significantly and Kanda was left with little doubt as to who the voice belonged.

"Well he seems to be here. What are you waiting for Moyashi?" Kanda asked of his comrade and received a weak elbow in the ribs for his comment.

Allen wanted to give Kanda verbal jab himself in return for the unnecessary comment but another deep laugh just caused him to wrinkle his nose in distaste. He wasn't going to stand here being miserable while Cross was clearly enjoying himself.

With that volition in mind he crossed the meter or so to the desired door and gave it a decided shove, watching as it swung up to reveal a rather expected – but no more desired – sight.

Cross was sitting on the couch, one arm around the shoulders of a thin brunette while a curvaceous blonde poured wine into the long stemmed g lass that was resting gently in the palm of his hand. All in all, the man looked like he was rather comfortable having these scantily dressed women draped over him.

A shiver ran down Allen's spine causing him to visibly shudder. The very sight of Marian Cross was enough to dredge up some rather unfortunate memories.

It didn't look as though Cross had noticed them yet, seemingly to busy conversing softly with the women. This, however, was easily remedied when Kanda violently slammed the door closed, an echoing _bam _resounding loudly throughout the room, bouncing off the room and causing Allen to flinch.

The other occupants snapped their gazes up and looked at the new additions to the room – the women with interest and Cross with what could only be described as contempt.

"Master," Allen said, distaste making the word sound more like a cuss than a greeting.

"Idiot apprentice," Cross replied easily, "you shouldn't disturb beautiful people."

"Then we haven't a problem. I don't seem to have disturbed anyone beautiful."

There was a sound of shattering and the women yelped as a wine-red stain dripped down the wall an inch from Allen's head, the remains of the fine crystal glass scattered along the carpeted floor near Kanda's feet. Cross, however, was already having the brunette pour him another serving.

"Don't talk smart to me boy," he muttered as he swilled the wine around, watching the way fragments of light danced along the surface of the liquid. He took an appreciative sip and then smiled charmingly at the startled blonde who was instantly smitten again.

A tick was fast developing over Allen's eye and Kanda could see he was struggling to keep his breathing even and – possibly, as it looks so to Kanda – refrain from jumping over and throttling the shit out of the obnoxious redhead before them.

"So, idiot apprentice, what have I done to deserve your presence inflicted upon me?" Cross said in his deep, gravelly voice, paying the two teens in front him little to no heed – and yes, his shitty attitude _was _beginning to irk Kanda.

Allen's gaze shifted to the two women hanging off of Cross and said, "I think this matter is one best discussed in private. And you already know what I want, anyway."

Cross let out a snort and straightened up, swallowing the rest of his wine and placing the glass back on the table before whispering something in the ears of his women and causing to blush and giggle like young schoolgirls before they extracted themselves from his grip and walked teasingly towards the door.

Allen watched them go with a guarded expression, following their movements until they slipped silently out the door, shutting it with a little more noise than their smooth movements. As soon as the door rested comfortably in the frame Allen turned and strode forward to Cross, Kanda following at a distance.

"So brat," Cross said as the pair of them approached, pouring himself a new glass to drink from, "What did you bring your boyfriend here for?"

Kanda spluttered wordlessly for a moment, clearly taken off guard by the bluntness in which Cross referred to him with. Allen, however, merely snapped, "This is Kanda and, not that you care, but he's not my boyfriend you dick."

Cross snorted dubiously and took another sip from his drink, not once raising his gaze to look at them. "Don't call me a dick, boy, or it'll be your head on the line. I didn't raise you to speak to beautiful people like that."

"If you can call what you did 'raising me'. Also, I still don't see any beautiful people."

"Don't be a smartass," Cross repeated.

"Don't be a dick," Allen, also, repeated.

Kanda felt a bit lost at this… strange exchange. When Allen had said he had a rocky relationship with his mentor Kanda hadn't imagined it would be like, well, _this_. An error in his judgment as he could clearly see. Hindsight, a wonderful thing it was.

"Brat," Cross cut in, interrupting Allen's tirade about debts, and debt sharks and _more _debt and something about sharks – but not of the debt variety – and then something about poker and _more _muttering, "Go get me some more wine."

Allen and Kanda both gave him an odd look but he didn't seem perturbed in the least. "I didn't come here to be your servant," Allen replied edgily, "I came here for –."

"Wine brat. Now."

Allen let out an annoyed whoosh of air. "Don't go running off while I'm gone," He said tightly before beckoning towards Kanda and approaching the door, eyeing his guardian unsurely as he set a hand on the door, clearly thinking he'd get up and dash away the moment he was out of his sight.

Kanda made to move towards Allen and go with him to collect the wine but Cross called lazily out to them as they went to leave the room, "Your boyfriend stays here; you go get it."

Allen froze and a spasm of panic crossed over his face before it was replaced with instant suspicion. "What –?" He started to ask but was quickly cut over.

"Just go get the wine. Beautiful people shouldn't have to wait for insignificant brats."

Allen looked like he wanted to argue – like, _really _wanted to argue – but all he did was open his mouth, pause for a moment, frown deeply and jam it closed again looked frustrated, clearly unwilling to put on a proper fight with his foster parent when the man was being serious. So, he simply swung the door open, gave them both a warning look and ducked out again, slamming it shut behind him.

Without Allen in the room it suddenly felt that much colder, that much more _isolated _and even though Kanda wasn't intimidated by the man – _refused _to be intimidated – he couldn't deny that the sombre looking man made him uneasy when left alone in the room with him.

"Now," Cross said as he drained the very last of the crimson liquid from the glass and set it down on the table with a small _thunk_ and turned to face the Japanese teenager, "Yu Kanda, I believe it's about time we have a talk."

A shiver arced down Kanda's spine but he solidly met the man's eyes and sneered.

"Yes. I think it is."

.

.

.

**A/N: I'm ****alive. **

**I've had an offer from the wonderfuly kind **Nishi no hana**to translate this story into Spanish. Whether she stills wish to or not is entirely up to her, so if any one you are native Spanish speakers, you might want to keep your eye out **

**Yuu-chi out ~ **


	25. Curiosity killed the…

**Chapter twenty-five – Curiosity killed the…**

The atmosphere in the room was stifling, intense and just a tad nerve-wracking. Not that Kanda was nervous. No, he was merely _curious _and a little _tense_. After all, he _was_ standing in front of the man who might be able to _finally _answer some question for him and he said finally with no sense of exaggeration.

The silence continued to stretch and Kanda took the opportunity to properly study Marian Cross without the forms of two women draped eagerly over him.

He was tall, even more so than Kanda himself, and held an air of smug confidence, like he could handle anything that came his way without an ounce of surprise and Kanda, for one, thought that may indeed be the case. His long, red hair was tossed lazily over his shoulder and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses sat jauntily on his nose and, much to Kanda's annoyance, the right side of his face was obscured by a stupid little half-mask. Did he think it looked cool? Mysterious? Kanda snorted at the notion. Ridiculous more like it.

The silence had yet to be broken and Kanda was slowly becoming aware that in the moment he'd been using to take a look at and judge Cross, the man had been doing the same to him – for some reason this unnerved Kanda. Maybe it was the blank look in his one visible eye, completely unreadable?

The Japanese teenager scowled; he didn't like to be studied like that. Kanda folded his arm protectively in front of his chest and glared challengingly at the man before him, putting as much heat in the gaze as was possible. This got him a raised eyebrow in amusement and only served to further irritate the already annoyed – but when wasn't he? – teenager.

Just when the silence was becoming unbearable Cross shifted, the sofa creaking beneath him, and leant forward. "What are your plans with Allen?"

Caught off guard Kanda merely stared at him. Plans? What plans? Why the fuck would he have plans for _Allen? _What the fuck did that even _mean_?

"The fuck?" He snapped crudely, hoping to convey his irritation with the well-used phrase.

Cross's expression did not change and he calmly repeated himself, "What are your plans with Allen?"

"I don't know what the fuck you mean by that!"

Cross _sniggered_ and cast a glance towards his wineglass and frowned, as if disappointed by the lack liquor. "What I mean, boy, is what exactly are you attempting to accomplish by hanging out with my idiot of an apprentice?"

Kanda frowned. Accomplish? He didn't hope to accomplish anything by hanging out with the retarded Sprout! It just kind of _happened_! Admittedly, he _did _hope to learn about the dark secrets that Allen seemed to be hiding, but that was more or less because it was driving him crazy hanging out with the brat and being kept it the dark. It wasn't as if he were hanging out with Moyashi _to _learn them, more so that he _wanted _to learn them _because _he was hanging out with him.

If that made much sense.

_Is the term 'hanging out'_ _really the right one to describe your relationship with him? _A voice whispered tauntingly at the back of his head, _or do you have something more in mind? _

Frustrated now – with himself and with Cross for bringing up such thoughts – Kanda's scowl deepened. Now was neither the time nor the place to dive into the depths of these strange… _feelings_. Time for that later.

_Or you're just planning to ignore it for ever… _

Kanda was fast wishing that little voice at the back of his mind would disappear forever.

"I have no plans," he said stubbornly, "And I don't know why the fuck you would think I did."

Cross observed him with what may have been suspicion or may have been expectation or perhaps, and, the most likely, a mixture of the two.

The elder man leant back on the couch but continued to maintain eye contact with Kanda, looking like for all the world the pair weren't total strangers. Speaking of, Kanda realized with a gut sinking feeling, the man had known his name earlier… His _full _name. Fuck, what did that even _mean_?

"There are two types of people in Allen's life," Cross said suddenly and Kanda's attention was pulled back, "People that know him," Cross held up one finger, "And people that don't," he held up a second finger, "It seems you fall into the latter category.

Kanda wanted sneer that that was generally the case for most people, being known or not, but there was a certain tone, a certain _vibe_, in what Cross has said that prevented him from doing just that. This was his chance, he deduced suddenly, to pursue answers.

"Well," he said cautiously, "It'd help a whole fucking lot if someone were to actually tell me some shit about him. Then I wouldn't have to waste so much god damn time trying to figure it all out."

The corner of Cross's lip twitched and it looked – although Kanda couldn't be sure – that the man was smirking. Almost. It was hard to tell with only half of his face visible. That fucking little mask was really beginning to piss Kanda off. Seriously piss him off.

"What do you know about Allen?" Cross asked in his deep voice, tone almost bored or careless such was the man's ambiguous attitude.

"That he's really fucking annoying," Kanda said without hesitation, "And all this other random shit that doesn't really made a whole fuck load of sense to me."

"Such as?"

"The fuck does it matter? That he's terrified of needles, suffers violent ass nightmares, some vague shit about this 'Mana' dude and some 'NOAH' people," Kanda paused to look at Cross with a sneer, "And that he seems to despise you."

"Good," the man replied without missing a beat, "He'd be rather twisted if he didn't." He seemed to think on this statement for a second before correcting himself, "More twisted than he already is."

Kanda snorted. "Is that really what somebody's parent should be saying about them?"

"I'm not his parent," Cross snapped, almost surprising Kanda with the quickness of his denial. "His father left him in my care should anything happen to him," a brief pause and a frown, "Which it did and I landed the idiotic kid."

"His father?"

"Mana," Cross said carelessly with a wave of his hand. "They weren't related by blood but either of them would throw a tantrum if you insisted it made them any less of a family."

"What about Allen's real parents?" Kanda prompted. He wasn't exactly sure when he'd stopped referring to Allen as 'Moyashi' and rather by his given name.

Cross shrugged, "Dumped him on the street when he was a runt. Probably weren't too happy giving birth to a kid who looked like it'd been possessed by Satan."

A small flickering of pity and anger stirred in the depths of Kanda's icy cold heart. What kind of people tossed a child – their _own _child – out merely because he's appearance was a little different to that of which they were used to? They had to be some pretty sick fucks. Whoever they were, Kanda hoped they had a shit load of suffering heading their way in the near future.

"It's just a fucking arm," He muttered, "It's not like he was born with two bloody heads."

Cross raised an eyebrow and shifted so he was leaning forward slightly again. "Oh? You've seen his arm then?"

"He's my roommate," Kanda deadpanned, "You can't exactly hide something that noticeable for long."

"You've seen his scars too?"

"Of course I've seen his fucking scars."

Cross looked mildly amused as he returned to reclining back in the soft leather of the seat. It was starting to annoy Kanda with how the elder man was treating all this like it was one big game.

"That's unusual…"

"What is? Seeing his scars?"

He received no answer and, if the vaguely contemplative expression on Cross's face was anything to go by, the man hadn't even heard him. Kanda used the lull in conversation to chance another question.

"What happened to his father?"

"I told you. Dumped him when he was a brat."

"Don't fuck with me! You know who I meant!"

Cross snickered a little and adjusted the already completely neat collar of his jacket, disregarding Kanda as he did so.

"He died when Allen was eight. He'd always been very sick – physically and mentally – and one day he approached the wrong kind of man in an alley," Cross's voice didn't hold the slightest amount of repentance, as if talking about the death of a man he'd clearly known well didn't bother him in the least, "Allen was with him of course. Got to see the only man he'd ever considered his father knifed for his crazy talk."

Admittedly, Kanda was a little surprised. He'd always known that whatever Allen had had with Mana had ended tragically but it was a little different to hear it actually voiced. It was hard to put that cheerful, smiling – and fucking annoying face – with a sob story of a past.

"Is that where he got all those scars?" Kanda asked instead of voicing his unease.

"The one over his eye, yes," Cross replied, tapping his glasses lightly.

Kanda frowned deeply and sought clarification, "But not the others?"

"That _is_ what I said."

"Then where the fuck did they come from?"

Cross gave a mock shrug. "He had them when I met him."

The frown on the Japanese youth's face deepened. "You said he didn't get them from the attack that killed his father."

"He didn't."

"But you said – "

"I know what I said."

Something finally dawned. "You didn't meet him right after the attack?"

Cross's mouth twitched slightly in a way that said '_Bingo'_.

"When did you meet him then? Who did he stay with before he met you? I thought you said Mana left him in your care?"

"To answer your question," Cross replied smoothly, "I met Allen when he was twelve. It took a little time for me to get in contact with him."

"Four years?" Kanda asked incredulously, thoroughly irritated. Partly due to the way Cross had just dodged his question and partly because that was a fairly weak excuse for not swooping in and looking after Allen immediately following Mana's death.

"Things surrounding Allen are more complicated than you imagine," Cross informed him with a certain degree of seriousness, "It may be difficult for somebody who's not beautiful to understand but there was many things happening that I couldn't disrupt. An order to things."

"Order to – I don't know what happened to Allen in his past but whatever it was clearly happened to be fucking traumatic and you attempt to justify it by – "

"Exactly. You don't know. It does you know favours to attempt to dig it out."

Kanda paused in the process of ranting to stare at Cross. "What?"

Cross straightened up in his seat and met Kanda's eyes with a piercing stare. "What I mean is that unless you're thoroughly committed to staying with Allen regardless of absolutely anything that has happened or will happen, you've got no business searching into his past."

Kanda wasn't too sure what to make of the sudden turn of conversation. It was almost like the man was being – god forbid – _protective _of his young charge he so readily cussed out.

"You're underestimating the depth of what you're trying to uncover. If you continue to try and look into it with a half-hearted attitude you'll only wish you hadn't. You'll do more harm than good. I'm warning you, I really don't care what Timcanpy says about what's going on between you two but I don't believe you have what it takes."

Although by nature a slow thinker Kanda was able to deduce he was being insulted and his motivations for maintaining a friendship with Allen were being question and was something about Timcanpy just mention? He opened his mouth to angrily retort.

"The fuck are you – "

"Leave." Cross said bluntly. "I'm telling you to leave Allen alone. The brat cares about you and it'll only hurt him if you get dragged into the thick of things and it'll hurt him twice as much when you up and go for your own safety. I'm telling you to leave Allen alone. Go back to doing whatever you did before you met him."

Kanda was admittedly stunned. However, he was also furious at being told what to do and the emotions mixed unfavourably together to create a thick haze in his mind.

Who the fuck did Cross think he was bossing him around like that? Who the fuck did he think he was questioning the extent to which he may or may not care about Allen? He was basically accusing him of leading Allen on only to turn around and leave when things got too serious. There were several things wrong with that deduction – one being that there was nothing going on between the pair of them and he most certainly wasn't leading anyone on – but that wasn't what annoyed him the most.

What annoyed him the most was that he had no clue how to go about refuting what had just been said when he himself wasn't even sure of what the current relationship between the two of them _was_.

How did you put into words? Were they friends? _Best_ friends – Kanda shuddered at the wording –? Or something else entirely?

Despite Kanda's very apparent aversion to close contact he allowed Allen to be nearer to him than anyone else he knew. Fuck, the kid even _slept _in his bed and he'd be lying if he said he didn't, for a fleeting moment when his mind was hazy with sleep, think that there was a certain charm to having the familiar weight next to him in the darker moments of the night.

That wasn't the extent of it either. On numerous occasions the pair of them had both admitted to one another that they were in possession of some feelings that couldn't be adequately translated into words.

However, they had never acted upon these subtle cues which meant – in Kanda's logic – that there was nothing between them. Right?

Kanda wasn't a very good thinker is his clearest moments and, not surprisingly, he wasn't able to quickly come up with a conclusion to the accumulation of months' worth of interactions on the spot while under so much stress. No, rather he was just succeeding in giving himself a headache.

Looking up, Kanda decided to answer Cross as honestly a he could.

"Fuck you," No one ever claimed he was the most eloquent speaker, "I don't understand what the fuck you were just talking about but I'm not going to run away with my tail between by legs the more I learn about Allen – even if it puts me in danger."

"So you're saying –"

"I'm not making any commitments," Kanda said bluntly, "All I'm saying is that I'm not gonna ditch the Moyashi like you think I will."

There was a moment of silence while Cross stared at him. Kanda might have said the man looked surprised but it was ridiculously hard to tell – the man had a near perfect poker face. Finally, he spoke. "You know the old adage?"

Kanda's mouth was pressed into a thin line as he wordlessly returned the penetrating gaze.

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Isn't there a second part to it?" Kanda asked with a frown.

Cross almost smiled. _Almost_.

"There is."

"Well? What is it?"

Cross doesn't answer him and they remained in silence for the next minute or so before Kanda noticed a subtle change in atmosphere. It felt almost like he'd passed some kind of test. Like Cross had, if only a little, approved him; although it was difficult to tell with that man.

With no words being exchanged Kanda risked asking in a guarded tone, "What's NOAH?"

A thin, red eyebrow arched, seemingly approving of the boldness of the posed question. "It's an institution."

For a moment Kanda's mind struggled to dredge up the correct meaning for the word that was rarely used in his own vocabulary. "Institution?" He echoed.

"That's what I said."

Kanda tried not to allow his annoyance to slip through but there was a noticeable tightening in his words. "What was it for?"

Cross didn't answer immediately and just stared right at Kanda. Finally, after a substantial silence he said, "They took in young, parentless children."

"An orphanage?"

"… I suppose."

The way Cross had delivered those words didn't ring completely true. Kanda hesitated, unsure.

"It wasn't… _really… _Was it?"

"You're catching on a bit now, kid."

"What was it then, if it wasn't an orphanage?"

Cross let lose his first real grimace since Kanda had met him. "Illegal, that's for sure."

Kanda debated pointing out that Cross himself wasn't exactly an outstanding citizen but decided not to at the risk of losing the small window of opportunity he had to ask question. He took a discreet glance at the door. _What the hell was holding the Sprout? _

"The people who ran the institution," Cross said, startling Kanda who had been far too focused in gazing at the door, "they all started off in positions similar to Allen."

"Positions similar to the Moyashi?"

Cross ignored his parroting. "The whole thing was originally started by one man."

"Who was he?"

There was the sound of a snort. "He liked to fancy himself an Earl."

"An Earl?" Kanda repeated in bemusement. Cross looked at his expression and seemed to find something amusing about it.

"Exactly. He's nuts. He started recruiting people who he felt had what it took to become part of a select, _chosen_ few. Eventually they started to go by the name NOAH."

"So wait," Kanda said abruptly, brows furrowed, "The NOAH are –"

"A group of people, yes," Cross interrupted impatiently in a tone that implied the young teen was lacking in mental capacity, "who ran several different institutions for the purpose of attempting to further establish their little regime. Unfortunately, it was them who found Allen immediately following the death of Mana."

"How did they find him?"

"They knew Mana's brother," Cross said helpfully, "Neah."

"So it wasn't coincidence then?"

"Nothing happens by coincidence," Cross said, looking strangely at Kanda, "Remember that."

"Right," He muttered, "anyway, you've got custody over Allen now, right? They don't have anything to do with him anymore, right?"

Cross gave him with an unimpressed expression. "Have you been listening to anything I said or are you just naturally unbeautiful and stupid? It's not so simple."

Kanda felt his neck heat up at the ridicule and opened his mouth to angrily snap back only to have Cross talk over the top of him.

"Remember how I mentioned that the Earl liked to recruit from people with a similar position to Allen?"

"Yes," Kanda answered grouchily, "What has that…?" He trailed off as something seemed dawn on him. "He wants to recruit Allen, doesn't he?" Cross gave him a satisfied look, like he'd finally caught up with what's going on. "That's why all this shit surrounding NOAH won't go away?" The elder man gave a nod to encourage Kanda to keep on talking, keep the thought train alive. "And… that's a really, really bad thing… for some reason…"

Cross nodded as he pulled some cigarettes out of his pocket and casually rested one between his lips before flicking his lighter and turning the end a dark amber.

Kanda's already apparent frown deepened. The more he tries to sort out the information rapidly piling up in his head, the more confused he became. At the moment he was chasing himself in circles attempting to sort through the new data on the situation regarding Allen's past. It was irritating because – despite the long conversation he was currently engaged in with Cross – he realized there were still so many pieces of the puzzle missing.

Fucking bloody –

"You've never actually explained with the NOAH do," Kanda said after rapidly deciding his brain would explode if he kept trying to jam together his acquired knowledge in its incomplete state, "You haven't told me why the want Allen or how you become worthy of their shitty little group."

Cross breathed out a mouthful of smoke and the light grey mist swirled menacingly around Kanda's head, causing him to narrow his eyes in order to keep them from watering from the sheer potency of the fumes. Fuck, what bloody strength were those cigarettes?

"I think that's enough talking for now," Cross mused, flicking some ash off the end of his smoke and smirking up at Kanda's enraged expression.

"Enough – what – but…"

Cross snorted loudly over Kanda's rage filled stuttering. "I think I've told you more than enough. Figure out the rest as you go along."

"Are you telling me to wing it?" Kanda asked in a disbelieving voice.

"Matter of interpretation," Cross said as he leant forward to stub out the last of his cigarette in the ashtray on the table before him, grinding the butt so the white carcass melded into the blackened charcoal remains before getting to his feet in one swift move, tossing his hair carelessly over his shoulder – in that instant Kanda thought he saw a familiar flash of gold sitting on his shoulder hidden beneath the waves of red – and approaching what looked to be a moth bitten curtain.

"What are you doing?" Kanda asked suspiciously.

No answer was given and he simply watched with deepening concern as the elegant man swept aside the dark blue cloth to reveal a _fucking backdoor_. Before Kanda could stop him he turned the doorknob and slipped easily out into the back alley behind it.

Brain finally catching up with the situation, Kanda took several steps forward and called after him, "Wait a fucking minute! Where the fuck are you going?"

Cross paused to look over at him, golden eye oddly serious compared to the rather infuriating conversation they'd just had. He said only one thing before he slipped out into the cool night to vanish untraceably, as Allen would later bemoan to Kanda with an accusing tone as if the other had allowed him to disappear.

Kanda still hadn't a clue what Cross had meant by the cryptic parting remark and had wisely chosen not to mention it to Allen until he was able to deduce what exactly it meant.

"_Look out for the Fourteenth."_

_Curiosity may have killed the cat,_ Kanda thought with a grim smirk, _but satisfaction is what brought it back._

.

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**A/N: AND SO THE PLOT THICKENS.**

**I have no excuse for the gaps between updates. I apologise. **


	26. Revelation

**Chapter twenty-six – Revelation**

After the failure to extract vital information from Cross, Allen found his mood rapidly plummeting.

He had yet to decode Tyki's less-than-helpful cryptic hints and Kanda was proving more of a hindrance than anything through his stubborn refusals to disclose whatever words had been said behind closed doors between himself and the redhead. He couldn't even explain to Allen how it was that Cross had managed to escape right under his nose without encountering any resistance at all.

Things between Kanda and Allen had been strained since the visit, and no matter what he tried to do to ease the tension, Allen found that Kanda was fast becoming distant from him. This was understandably alarming to the young British boy. What had Cross said to him to cause this sudden detachment? Did Kanda now know far much more than he was comfortable sharing? Had he finally been frightened off after coming to realize just how deadly serious the whole mess surrounding Allen was?

Whatever the reason was, Allen found that he could do little but watch with growing trepidation as his friend quickly drifted away from him.

To make matters worse – as if they were not already bad enough – Kanda was not the only comrade with whom Allen was having issues. Since his return from the disastrous interrogation turned Houdini escape, he had found that Lenalee and Lavi were rather unable to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. In fact, he'd venture to say, that they both seemed scared. Maybe not of him exactly, but scared none the less.

He'd tried to discreetly weasel out whatever it was that had caused the newfound shiftiness in their eyes and added a pale pallor to their skin, but his efforts were in vain. He'd receive a few distant laughs for his trouble and had been casually waved away, the pair of them acting as if nothing was indeed the matter even though their attitudes said otherwise.

As the small group he'd recently accumulated began to dwindle and slowly pass him by, Allen found that a sense of anxiety and desperation he'd long since forgotten had begun to gnaw at his heart again, feeding his rapidly growing unease.

Having finally been blessed with the gift of friendship after so long spent in solitude, Allen was rather reluctant to concede defeat and withdraw into loneliness again. The small group of friends that he'd had the privilege to call his own were fast slipping through his fingers like grains of fine sand and nothing he did seem to help at all, he could only watch tiredly.

Overall, in the past few days, Allen's life had quickly continued to go further and further down the drain.

Only a few months ago he'd found himself make what had seemed to be at the time, unbreakable bonds and finally ready to put the skeletons in the closet to rest. Now, those bonds were fast unravelling and the skeletons weren't quite as dead as he has assumed.

A small sigh escaped his lips, blowing a wandering strand of white hair from his face as Allen lightly tapped his gloved finger against the smooth wood of his desk, staring idly at the wall in front of him. Problems were mounting at an alarming rate and nothing he did seemed to be able to ease the burden. He was starting to wonder why he even tried. Would it not perhaps be better to just give up? To go willingly with the NOAH?

The second the thought crossed his mind Allen felt himself shiver, biting his tongue hard in an attempt to keep from delving into unpleasant memories that were resurfacing and contain the rolling wave of nausea brought on by his grim musings.

_No, absolutely not_.

The sound of the dorm door opening startled Allen out of his thoughts and he glanced up to see Kanda scowling heavily as he leant his katana against the wall, allowing the door to swing heavily shut behind him and casting a light breeze throughout the room.

His face was surprisingly devoid of sweat considering – Allen assumed – that he'd just been training with Mugen, but the foul attitude that surrounded him was no different from when he'd left the room a few hours earlier. If anything, it seemed to have intensified in Allen's absence, until it was a swirling mist of darkened rage.

Without so much as looking over in Allen's direction, he strode towards is desk, sharply tugging at his hair as he went so it sat more fixatedly at the back of his head. As Allen watched, Kanda rustled around near the wall for a moment before withdrawing his bag, throwing it over his shoulder and marching back off towards the door.

"Kanda?" Allen called after him; eyebrows quirked in confusion as he watched Kanda sweep Mugen back up. His roommate gave a grunt. "Where are you going, exactly?"

He received a withering look for his question and the vague answer of: "Training."

After a moment pause Kanda added, "Won't be back tonight," and ducked out of the room, the door slamming shut behind his whirlwind visit. Allen could do naught but stare after him for a moment before allowing his head to thump back down against his desk.

He felt like shit.

…

It likely wasn't going to go away and time soon.

oOo_oOo_oOo

The dirt crunched unpleasantly beneath his sneakers, his lips turning into a disparaging grimace as Kanda tugged his jacket tighter around himself to ward off the chill that the damp weather seemed eager to seep into his bones.

It was nearing nine at night and Kanda was fast getting sick of the hours of travelling he'd been slugging through since he stormed out of the dorm room earlier in the afternoon, leaving a bewildered Allen behind him. It left an unfamiliar cloying sensation in his mouth when he recalled the hurt look in his roommate's eyes but Kanda was unwilling to delve into the reasons behind it.

He had to admit, however, that he felt slightly bad to be going behind Allen's back like this. Only a little though, and still in that kind of fuck-you-I'm-superior way.

"How much longer do we have to keep fucking walking?" Kanda groused loudly as he stumbled over a rock and slammed his shoulder into a nearby tree, sending a spiral of pain down his arm as he kicked angrily at the offending trunk. Lavi sent him an amused look over his shoulder as the redhead gingerly helped Lenalee step over a protruding root, his hand perhaps just a little too low on her waist to pass off as mere kindness.

"Not much longer Yu-chan," he said for what felt like the umpteenth time, "we should almost be there."

"So you told me a fucking hour ago. When that article said 'just out of town' I imagined it meant just that. Not several god damn miles away."

Kanda felt his mood was rather justified by this point. It had taken three hours on a bus to reach the obscure town in the middle of nowhere and a further two had been wasted stumbling blindly out of it and through the thick forest that surrounded it; all to chase up one vague article his self-proclaimed friends had found floating about the internet.

The reminder dredged up thoughts about the mysterious encounter Lavi and Lenalee had claimed to have afterwards, Lavi meekly whimpering that it had nearly fried his computer. Lenalee still seemed to be experiencing nightmares about the chilling warning the pair had received. Kanda was torn between being sceptical of how frightening they had claimed it had been and _frightened _by just how well this appeared to tie in with his conversation with Cross.

Speaking of the infuriatingly perplexing conversation with the half crazy man, Kanda had refrained from mentioning anything that had been said between the two of them to Allen; an outcome that clearly had the younger boy fuming.

Kanda was – in all honesty – just a little worried about how the British teen would react if he learnt that Kanda was fast pushing his way into the obscure past he was so desperate to hide. If there was one thing interactions with Allen had taught him, it was that his friend seemed to react in appallingly shocking ways when startled out of his comfort zone. He could all too clearly remember the excursion into the rain after Kanda had learnt of his deformities.

His last wish was to have another experience such as that. If Allen wasn't going to disclose anything to him, it was only fair that he took a proactive role in searching out the information himself; with Lenalee and Lavi, unfortunately, if he wished to actually be successful.

Kanda had more or less told them all of what Cross had told him, however reluctant he had been to do it. If they were going to be of any use to him, they needed the information as much as he did. That wasn't to say that Kanda had spilled all the secrets of Allen's he'd been hoarding.

Knowledge of just what Allen looked like under his clothes – take that how you will – remained solely Kanda's, amongst a variety of other titbits he had weaselled out through sheer persistence alone.

There was something about the slender boy that made Kanda wish to know him in ways that others didn't. Something in the interactions between the two of them that made Kanda want to take whatever precious little knowledge he had and cling tightly to it, unwilling to pass it onto another and allow another individual the same intimacy in Allen's life that Kanda himself had.

This train of thinking caused him to shudder at how _mushy _these past few months had made him, but he could nothing to stop them. Allen brought out the worst in him, making him several kinds of possessive he never knew he was. Kanda reluctantly had to admit that Allen Walker was a person who Kanda become bewilderingly attached to; he couldn't even imagine a life anymore where it was just himself and his trusted swords living out an annoyingly peaceful existence without terrifying figures lurking omnipresent in the background.

That was how much the Moyashi had infiltrated his life and while Kanda couldn't claim to be happy with it, he was beginning to learn that struggling against Allen's involvement in his life, trying to get him out of his head, was just wasting energy fighting a losing battle.

Kanda wasn't use to losing; he figured it was best in this situation to merely concede to not fight in order to avoid defeat.

Vaguely, Kanda had the odd feeling of being watched but when he whipped his head around, there was nobody there. Frowning, he reluctantly turned back to face North.

"Ah! Lavi, Kanda! I think I see something!"

Lenalee's startled cry jerked Kanda out of his musings and he looked up sharply to see the slender Asian girl pointing just past the last of the trees towards a blurred shape in the distance, the approaching night and the gathering fog making it difficult to discern any real details.

Frowning, Lavi took a step forward and studied the vague outline, resting one hand lightly on the shoulder of his female friend as he crooked his finger towards Kanda, beckoning the moody Japanese towards them. Kanda ambled forward with as much dignity as he could muster considering his shoulder was still aching a little from the jarring impact earlier.

"I think it's a building," Lavi observed quietly and the three of them exchanged a glance.

At last, after nearly five hours, they had found what they were looking for.

The trio rushed forward, slipping and sliding along the damp ground, backpacks bouncing against their shoulders as the pushed past low hanging branches. Finally, their less-than-appropriate trip out to the sticks to investigate what may be the lingering vestiges of Allen's past may be paying off.

As they approached, leaving the dense collection of greenery behind them in favour of a light smattering of trees, it quickly became apparent that the building was a burnt out crisp, once a sprawling, expansive monument, now nothing more than a decaying wreck, moss snaking over shattered cement and blackened wooden beams a storehouse for mould.

Scattered all throughout the site were small items that had barely survived the ultimate wreckage, damaged extensively through the fire, age and the dampening weather that pervaded the area. No more than litter now, rather than the prideful possessions they once were.

Lavi whistled lowly at they slowly walked through the wreckage, fingers ghosting lightly along charred chunks of building material, air heavy not just with the roiling mist, but with tension and apprehensive.

The fire had been all consuming, just as the article had claimed, and now Kanda could only stare in wonder around him as he tried to imagine what the crumbling walls and extensive rumble would have looked like in it's prime; a complete structure rather than a mere memory.

Something pushed lightly against Lenalee's boot as she took a hesitant step forward and slowly crouched down to retrieve what looked to be remanets of a note book, the edges charred and crumbling. Kanda took it from her and fanned it open, the ink on the paper smudged so it was nearly illegible. Finally he managed to find a few pages were the handwriting had not turned into blackened treks down the page and a small majority of the writing was visible, although some words were too damaged to accurately read.

_January 9__th_

_Moved to the wing. Things aren't used to. Took me for an and were with results. Met another my own age. seemed lonely. Wonder friends? _

Kanda frowned deeply, trying in vain to string the sentences into a cohesive structure. He skipped forward to the next readable segment.

_August 28__th_

_I keep seeing things in the mirror. Other normal. One of the younger out. She didn't come back. Allen got to use to it. _

Kanda's heart did a backflip. "Guys," he called out, voice dry. The others sent him a concerned look before scurrying over and peering over his shoulder. He felt them stiffen behind him. Lavi slowly leant past him to skip forward, nearing the end of the book.

_March 15__th_

_I'm going crazy. My and it all over. Allen's vanished. Things bad. The NOAH strange. Worried things will bad. Think that Allen's had something it. I think I might just kill myself. End all. Be rather than right? Maybe what Allen did? He strange. Kept saying things. _

Kanda turned the page only to discover there was no more beyond that point. Not just that there was no longer anything understandable, but all of the pages were blank. Like the writer had just up and disappeared. Like he had…

"You don't think," Lenalee said softly, voice shaking, "That he really did it, do you? Killed himself, I mean."

No one answered her.

"We know that Allen was here now," Lavi said after a moment's pause, "And that things weren't right…"

'Weren't right' seemed to Kanda like the understatement of the century. The three of them stood huddled together as the fog continued to roll in, the lingering cloud overhead giving off a low rumble. No words were exchanged as they scanned the building with a new feeling of dread, the whole area around them feeling that much more ominous – that much more _evil_ – from when they had first arrived.

"What _happened _here?" Lavi finally whispered, breaking the silence between them. "What the _hell _happened?"

Kanda took a few calming breaths as his gaze flickered from the stained wooden beams standing tall an erect against the darkened sky to the shattered cement sprawled brokenly around him. Despite the icy weather, he was feeling hot. He was beginning to develop a vague idea, a suspicion, about this place. About the things that happened here…

Cross's words flashed through his mind, and he found himself remembering the cryptic remarks about the NOAH and their activities. About the institutes they ran, about why they ran them, about the legality of their excursions.

"I think…" Kanda breathed out, grip tightening on the crumbling book as he was hit by a sudden realization, "I think I might know about what happened here…"

He couldn't believe he'd been so _blind_. That he hadn't pieced together the puzzle by now. That he'd let his ignorance shield him from the cruel realities surrounding Allen. That he allowed himself to sit back in ignorance while the one person he had ever managed to feel anything for beyond a feigned feeling of apathy stood by, offering him countless hint upon hints, waiting for him to finally come to understand the true nature of things he'd suffered.

"Kanda?" Lenalee said uncertainly, shaking his shoulder.

A faint prickling trailed up Kanda's neck, very much like the feeling of being watched from before, but he shoved his discomfort aside in favour of grasping on tightly to his sudden epiphany before it slipped away from him.

Finally, he gathered his nerves enough to voice it.

"The NOAH, I think they… I think they were dabbling in human experimentation."

It was crystal clear to him now. The nightmares that haunted Allen's in his sleep, his collection of scars, his uncertainty towards human kind, his fearful, suspicious nature the overwhelming fear of anything medical related.

It. All. Made. Sense.

Behind him he felt Lenalee and Lavi begin talking at once, frazzled voices drowned out by rumbling overhead as they clung tightly to him – disregarding their own safety – attempting to pry him for more details.

Before anybody could do anything, before they could react to Kanda's sudden exclamation, the sound of cracking twigs reached their ears and they jerked around to see a small duet standing up where the last of the trees gave way to the site of unimaginable horror.

Kanda didn't recognize either of them, but a small barely understandable sound from Lavi told him that his two companions might. Lenalee's grip on his already sore shoulder tightened again, sending new pain radiating downwards.

"Who the fuck are you?" Kanda called out loudly, taking an aggressive step forward and shaking off his protesting friends.

After a moments contemplation the pair descended and Kanda realized with a start while one of them was tall and finely dressed, outfit complete by a top hat, his companion was a young girl who couldn't have been much older than twelve, spiky hair breezing lightly in the wind as they skidded to a stop behind him, her school clothing incongruous to the setting.

She offered him a sweet, sweet smile that sent shivers down his spine.

They had golden eyes, Kanda noticed, and an aura that just oozed something sinister. Behind their forms he could make it the indistinct remnants of the building and, suddenly, it occurred to him just how well they fit in.

One more low rumble of thunder and the young girl spoke up, her voice sugary and high, a sing-song undertone to it.

"You're Yu right? Allen's new friend?"

Kanda didn't respond beyond sending her his best glare. Her smile widened.

"Allen's my friend too. We used to play together all the time… I haven't seen him in so long now…"

Lavi's hand appeared on Kanda's arm, attempting to tug him backwards, face stark white and gaze fixed and the tall stranger beside the young girl, his gem like eyes watching the redhead with amusement.

"_Kanda, back away. The one next to her is Tyki. We've meet before. We need to go. They're NOAH."_

Kanda remained where he was, fixing his gaze upon the young girl and ignoring his friend's pleas to leave. "Don't go near him," he snapped, "You leave him the fuck alone, got me?"

The girls smile dropped for a moment and Tyki let out a chuckle. "Got some bite this one," he observed lightly, "I think he'd make a good playmate for you Rhode."

After a second or so Rhode plastered the smile back on her face and took a step forward, her skirt bouncing lightly around her thin legs. "We'll, that's fine. If you don't want me to be Allen's friend, I can be yours."

A second later, and everything went to hell.

.

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**Most of you had already guessed this plot point by now, I'm sure, but doesn't it feel good to be finally getting somewhere? **

**Lots of love, Yuu-chi**


	27. Aftermath of Hell

**Chapter twenty-seven – Aftermath of Hell**

Allen's gloved fingers tapped restlessly against his arm, his eyes flickering to and fro with equal impatience, landing for a second or two on the illuminated surface of his clock before being viciously torn away to roam the room with a burgeoning sense of worry clawing desperately in the pits of his stomach.

It was late. Much too late for whatever it was Kanda was doing outside of the dorms. And with every minute that continued to pass him by, Allen was growing more and more concerned. The more time that mounted without Kanda tucked safely away in the room the harder it became for Allen to not simply grab his coat and stroll out to look for the man – which wouldn't be very wise considering his current precarious situation.

But…

Something was _wrong_. He could feel it right down to his core, sense it in the ways his bones chilled and his hands fisted unintentionally as if preparing for a surprise assault launched from behind. He could feel it in the way the darkness in the depths of his mind stirred, sending tremors of something unidentifiable radiating outwards. He could feel it in the way his breath quickened to an almost gasping pace, a bodily prediction of oncoming slaughter.

He could just _feel _it.

And it frightened him. Frightened him in a way that he had not been frightened since he was several years younger and dragged kicking and screaming into a steel tinted room, the acidic medicinal scent inspiring within him an unholy type of terror that shouldn't exist beyond the silver screen where horrors roamed unchecked and devoured curious high school children who ventured too far into that which shouldn't be explored.

Instead, the horrors that inspired this terror were of a more tangible form, manifesting in the sharp point of a needle or the smooth feel of pills being pressed forcibly into his hands. It was present in the nights spent sleepless and staring at the ceiling high above his thin cot and scratchy sheets, the unblemished white surface stretching like a blank canvas that led on in to an unending void.

Kanda didn't need protecting. Allen knew this better than anyone, having traded blows with his hot headed friend on multiple occasions. Kanda didn't need Allen to step forward and pull him free of danger; he was capable of protecting himself.

All the same… The fear wouldn't abate and Allen fast found himself pacing the room from his undue concern. Kanda was stubborn and unyielding and the NOAH just as much so and if by chance they were to clash, Allen's most precious person, would he….?

Allen shook his head, gritted his teeth and finally came to a decision. Snatching his coat from where it lay meekly on his bed, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him and walking off briskly to Lavi's room, sliding his arms hurriedly into his sleeves as he went.

Lavi might know where Kanda had gone. Even better, Kanda might actually _be _there. The elder man was in the habit of slinking off to Lavi's to spend the night in the event of a fight, argument or another failed attempt to extract information from Allen that ended in a sharp exchange of words.

He couldn't take all this waiting. He couldn't take this uncertainty and this fear. He couldn't take the way Kanda's refusal to share stabbed at his heart in a way that was more painful than any bodily wound. He just couldn't take it.

Suddenly, with a shocking clarity, Allen realized this was exactly what Kanda must feel every day he spent beside Allen's side, forever a watcher on the sideline and never privy to any information of worthy value. Never privy to what had left Allen so horribly scarred and arm disfigured demonically. Never privy to what it was that caused Allen to awake screaming, sending them both into a panic attack as Kanda sought out a way to deal with the terror that had Allen in his grip. Never privy to what inspired Allen to seek out a distance between himself and others, leaving him to wait with what he'd deny but what Allen knew to be impeccable patience.

In retrospect, Allen realized just how much Kanda's friendship with him must have been a burden. Just how much Kanda put up with and, even if he knew that it was the right thing to do, just how lonely it felt to be kept out of the important details.

So, why? Why did Kanda put up with him when it would surely be more beneficial for the elder man to end the tumulus relationship? Allen knew why it was that he clung so tightly to their bond, but could the same be said for Kanda?

Not in a million years would Allen himself wish to sever the connection that kept him tied to Kanda. The elder man was annoying and violent, downright insufferable at times… But in him Allen had found a kind of companionship that he hadn't thought was possible given who he was. Given _what _he was.

Kanda was to him, a most precious person who Allen would do anything to protect. It wasn't the same as it was with Lenalee and Lavi. Yes, he cared for them both deeply, immeasurably so, he would give his life an instant for them, but his feelings for Kanda stretched far beyond the depths of mere friendship; if he hadn't been certain of it before, he was now.

Kanda was… Kanda was… He was someone who Allen couldn't bear to lose. And, even though at this point he couldn't articulate well just what he meant to him, he knew that if ever he was given the chance of a normal life, Kanda would be the one he was most desperate to spend it with.

There was no other. There was simply no other.

It made him fearful to realize just how dependant he'd become on his roommate. To realize just how deep this current of emotion run and how quickly he was losing his ability to keep a reasonable grip on their relationship. Instead, he felt like his feelings were running away from him, quickening the developments between that at a pace that was almost dizzying and made him feel disorientated and unsure…

No, Allen shook his head, he was sure. Of one thing, at least.

That he needed to find Kanda. He needed to find him _now, _and all this pondering was only further delaying him.

Determination renewed, Allen took the final few steps to Lavi's door and rapped quickly on the smooth wood with his knuckles, shifting impatiently from foot to foot as he awaited an answered. When none came, he knocked again only to feel the door give under his touch. Evidently, the careless redhead had forgotten to pull his door closed properly.

"Lavi, are you there? Sorry for bothering you so late, but I was wondering if you'd seen Kanda?"

As the door slowly creaked open Allen became aware that the room was void of occupants, darkened considerably and lit only by the white light of the moon spilling in through the window, illuminating the empty bed and the desk on which a laptop stood partially opened; apparently its harebrained owner having forgotten to close it.

Frowning as the strange sense of worry returned in full force, Allen stepped into the room, curious of its vacant state. Where would Lavi have gone this late at night? Surely he wasn't helping Bookman down at the library given the late hour… Allen would wager everything he owned on the bet he was likely with Kanda, and Lenalee was probably accompanying them too.

Feeling lonely and twice as abandoned, he kicked sourly at the chair standing rigidly before the desk, finding no comfort in the clatter of cheap wood. The desk jostled lightly and startled the laptop back in to life, casting a faint glow outwards and drawing Allen's attention to it effectively.

Open on the screen was an article that had been copied onto a word document for easy access, the slender black letters standing out starkly against the pure white background. Curious, the British teen leant in close, pushing the laptop lid firmly open and leaning in closer to read.

_Fire engulfs all, _the caption read and immediately Allen felt his stomach drop so low he could have sworn it was swimming in his shoes.

How on earth had they found it? Were they going behind his fucking back to dig up information? Were the idiots? Allen had always thought his friends possessed some measure of brains, but apparently not! They didn't even realize what they were getting themselves into! Hadn't even stopped for a moment to think about it, to question why Allen was so desperate to keep everything buried, to keep his friends free of the weight of his past.

Cursing up a storm he tore his eyes away from the computer and stumbled out the door.

He could only hope his friends – who were completely moronic, by the way – had kept themselves free of trouble.

oOo_oOo_oOo

_I'm in trouble, _Kanda thought grimly as he panted for breath, eyes squeezed tightly shut and pressed his back firmly against the thick trunk of the tree of which he hid behind, feeling the rough texture of the bark slide up his bruised back and send a fresh wave of pain coursing through his injured figure..

Truth be told, he hadn't the slightest fucking clue of what was happening. He could remember the cruel glint in Rhode's eyes, the shrill childish pitch in her laugh and the light bounding steps she took as she approached him, but beyond that his recollection is vague and fuzzy, an explosion of colour and pain, flashes of running, of yelling, of loud noises and he can't honestly for the life of him recall if all of it really happened that fast or if he'd obtained a concussion that had sent his memories spiralling into a disarray.

A pent up gasp whistled from between his teeth and Kanda winced as his side throbbed painfully. Slowly – for he was wary of any sudden movements that might jostle the surround foliage and reveal his location – he snaked one hand down to his side to press against the marred flesh, a brilliant purple mark bloomed across the normally pale expanse and he had to wonder if he'd broken a rib or two.

He hadn't a clue where Lenalee and Lavi were, the three of them having split up after the unexpected attack. He could only hope that they had scrabbled to safety and hidden themselves as he himself had done once his head had stopped hurting enough to allow clear thought. He had faith that Lavi would protect the girl from harm so long as they didn't separate.

But _fuck_, he felt _useless _curled up at the roots of an aged tree like some wounded animal shaking and fearful after encountering an unexpected predator.

It had been his idea that they hike all the way out here. It had been his idea to brush away every warning Allen – and Cross – had shot his way about the NOAH and it had been his idea to brashly open his mouth and pick a fight with a teenage girl – which sounded fine in theory until said teenage girl handed you your ass on a silver platter.

Kanda took a deep breath and cautiously turned his head to peer around his cover, smelling the sharp spice of tree sap as his cheek rested lightly against the bark. It was dark, the evening having long stretched into the night, and although Kanda normally had brilliant night vision, it was nigh impossible to see anything with the far-reaching boughs of the tree sheltering the ground from the illuminating light of the moon.

It was silent around him and Kanda could detect no unwelcome presences but, all the same, he didn't dare chance getting to his feet and setting out in search of his comrades. His side ached, his wrist felt odd – although the intense pain that had endlessly tormented it earlier had abated – and his head was still pounding from a blow it had taken against the unforgiving ground.

He sat still for several more minutes, nursing his injuries in the silence and waiting until the knot in his gut loosened before getting to his feet as quietly as he could. Much to his annoyance he stumbled and nearly lost his footing as his ankle nearly buckled beneath him, swaying dizzily for a second before he felt confident enough to begin trekking through the surrounding trees.

This was crazy. This was fucking crazy. The NOAH was fucking crazy. Allen Walker was fucking crazy. And he, Yu Kanda, was fucking crazy for caring enough about Allen Walker – who was fucking crazy – to venture out into a war he was unprepared for. Fucking. Crazy.

The sound of dirt moving and grass springing beneath foot were the only sound he could hear all around him and Kanda was rather unsure whether that was a good or bad thing. With no noise seeping into the air he was unable to detect Lavi and Lenalee, but on the reverse, no noise also meant that the NOAH weren't slowly creeping up behind him ready to shoot him in the back and stand laughing over his rapidly cooling corpse.

Passing from beneath much of the tree cover, Kanda felt an indescribable sense of relief when the silver tinted light of the moon spilt free and cast his surroundings into the faintest glow, shadows looming large and vengeful around him.

He'd returned to the burnt out shell of the building where they'd all been standing before hell had broken lose in the form of Rhode. A splatter of blood – that Kanda identified as having come from the nasty gash on his head – coloured the dirt an off red and all around him the ground had been disfigured from cushioning the falls of bodies and taking whatever abuse it was that the NOAH had dealt it out to it.

Something glinted silver in the light and caught the youth's attention, drawing him nearer in uneven steps. Curious, Kanda slowly sank to his knees and ran his fingers along the ground, frowning when they brushed lightly against something small, hard and smooth. Plucking it from the ground he raised it to eye level and allowed the light of the moon to guide his exploration.

He blinked.

It was a bullet. Undoubtedly, a bullet.

Quickly, he pulled his mind back to the confusing events that had taken place and although they were still a mess of noise and colour he could recall, if only fuzzily through his weary mind, the sharp sound of what he could now – with the evidence in his palm – identify as coming from a gun.

The bullet vanished into his fist as Kanda went slack jawed. She had a gun. That fucking brat of a girl who couldn't have even been up to Kanda's chest and had approached him wearing a cheerful smile and private school outfit _had a fucking gun_.

More so than that. She'd _shot _at him. If it hadn't been enough that she was far more adept at close quarter fighting than Kanda's pride allowed him to admit – evident by his broken wrist – she had a firearm.

Suddenly, a wave of nausea so strong he could barely contain it swept through him and it took everything he had not to turn around and empty his stomach. His worry for Lenalee and Lavi remerged at twice its previous strength.

She had a _gun _and Kanda didn't know where Lenalee and Lavi were.

His breath was coming in short gasps now, side throbbing painfully and head equally as sore. He needed to get up and go. He needed to get out of the open. He needed to find that little brat with her too expensive clothing and sock her in the mouth, woman or not – _child _or not. And most of all, he needed to hope that the other guy – the one with gaudy hat and the threatening smile – didn't find him first.

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind then the loud sound of dirt crunching underfoot sounded from right behind him, signalling a rapid approach. Kanda leapt back to his feet in a second, whirling around as he reached out blindly in the near-darkness behind him, panic seeping into his senses as he felt his fingers close around the scruff of a shirt, fisting the fabric desperately as he pulled back his other hand in preparation to deliver and almighty punch.

_Got to get them before they get me. Got to get them before they get me. Got to get them before they get me. Got to – _

"Kanda! _Yu-chan_, wait! It's just me!"

The startled youth paused and blinked in surprise. "Lavi?"

"Yes! Fuck yes it's me!" A shaky exhale sounded. "Jesus Yu-chan. I thought you were going to slog me one before I could even get a word out."

Cautiously taking a step back, Kanda allowed himself to observe his supposed 'attacker' in the relief of the moon, seeing the all too familiar mop of red hair, Lenalee standing just behind him with one hand pressed against her shoulder where blood was seeping out from between her fingers and the other holding on tightly to Lavi's sleeve like it was a lifeline, face stark white and streaked with dirt.

"You're alright…" Kanda muttered, scratching his fingers nervously through his hair as he attempted to calm himself down, taking in a deep breath. His gaze flickered back to his hand where the bullet was hidden tightly in his fist. "Look at this," he muttered as he splayed his fingers open, holding out his palm towards Lavi.

Curious, the redhead leant forward and plucked the glinting piece of metal from Kanda's hand, raising it higher to get a clear view. Instantly his eyes widened and his posture stiffened. "Yu-chan… This…"

"Yeah," Kanda confirmed with a grimace, "It's a bullet."

Lenalee moaned and tightened her grip on Lavi's arm. "Let's go," she begged, "please, let's just go home. I've seen enough. I want to go back…" Her words faded off into sniffling as he rubbed her arm across her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying. When she regained her composure somewhat she murmured, "We're going now, right?"

Lavi took a deep breath before glancing over at Kanda, as if _he _would know what to do to get them out of this mess that their goddamn curiosity had landed them in. As if _he _was their leader and should be charged with leading them out of this godforsaken place.

For some reason this irked him. He had never claimed to have all the answers and had never claimed to be a leader. Swallowing his irritation in the face of danger he managed to bluntly say, "No shit we're leaving. They have a fucking _gun._"

A light breeze gusted by and ruffled the leaves of the surrounding trees, sending an ominous rustling sound throughout the clearing where the injured companions huddled next to the rubble, bleeding, beaten and scared, fast realizing they were far in over their head in this little endeavour.

It was silent for a moment before Lavi spoke.

"Allen's going to be so pissed at us…"

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen took in a deep breath and rubbed his hands together to create friction, hoping to syphon of some of the nervousness and fear that was circulating through his veins causing his heart to shudder and grow cold.

He was standing in front of an all too familiar cropping of trees, the darkness making the fear all that much more intense as a shiver coursed through his spine as he recalled the nightmares which these sturdy trunks and looming branches hid within their depths.

He was scared, terrified even. He could think of a million things he'd rather do than venture back into that forest. Never had he thought that he'd be standing here again; ready to walk back in of his free will. Sort of. It wasn't like he was going inside for a picnic, but rather to hunt down his wayward friends who couldn't understand something as simple as being asked to wait. To give him time.

_It's not really their fault either, _a voice whispered at the back of his head, _you weren't telling them anything. This was the only option open to them._

Allen took a deep breath and forced back the niggling voice of guilt and doubt; closing his eyes and gritting his teeth as he took a hesitant step forward, feeling the sharp switch from the paved road to the gritty dirt beneath his feet. He took another step, and then another.

He could do this. For his friends who were clueless and useless without him.

The first few minutes in the depths of the forest felt horrifying, chilling him to his very core, but the longer these minutes dragged on, the calmer Allen was able to become. After all, it wasn't the forests fault that its hidden expanse had been used to traumatize him.

Allen carefully observed his surroundings as he walked, desperately keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of his friends, any hints to their whereabouts. However, the forest had always guarded its secrets jealously, refusing to allow Allen the slightest insight as to where the curious trio had wondered off to.

He let out a frustrated sigh and was just about to embark in another direction when he heard the tell-tale crunching of leaves coming from the north. Quickly, he turned around, nearly losing his footing in the process as his shoes slipped on the carpet of leaves.

By the light of the moon he was able to see the foliage moving ahead of him. Allen narrowed his eyes and took a hesitant step forward just as the leaves parted and three figures stumbled into view, two of them supporting the other who was letting off a steady stream of inappropriate language.

Allen could have passed out from relief. He would recognize that rough tongue and foul speech anywhere. It was Kanda.

Allen took several eager steps forward, desperate to meet with his friends – whom were going to get quite the lecture about this later on. His hurried footsteps crunched loudly on the ground and instantly the heads of his friends snapped up and Allen caught the barest glimpse of their panic expressions before they started to backtrack, tripping over themselves as Lenalee and Lavi attempted to keep their hold on Kanda as the elder man began to slip.

"Wait! Wait! It's me! Where are you going?"

A pause. "Allen?"

The slight British boy nodded and took another hesitant step forward, confused at their wary reaction to his entrance. As his eyes adjusted to the soft light of the moon he was able to finally take a proper look at the trio and felt his heart freeze once again.

They looked bedraggled and worn, scrapes and bruises littering their skin. A nasty scab was peeking out from beneath Lavi's hair, oozing blood slowly as the skin around it swelled and turned a nasty shade of purple that promised a fast infection if not treated soon. Lenalee was sporting an impressive gash along her shoulder that although relatively short, looked fairly deep if the puckered red edges of the wound were anything to go by. However, Kanda by far looked the worst.

Draped between Lavi and Lenalee it seemed as though he'd given his ankle a nasty turn and – if the way his left arm was wrapped in Lavi's jacket was an indication of anything – it seemed highly likely his wrist had taken some damage as well. Much like Lavi, he too supported a brilliant bruise upon his forehead that has split from the swelling in the middle, although, unlike Lavi, it looked positively vicious, possibly contributing to the hazy look in his eyes as he tried to focus all of his attention on Allen.

For a minute, no one spoke, instead just stared blankly at one another.

Lavi was the first to break the silence after it had steadily stretched on to nearly a minute, tone morose and apologetic as murmured, "Allen, we're really, really sorry about this… But I think we fucked up."

**oOo_oOo_oOo**

**AN: As always, I'm sorry about the gaps between updates. **

**Thank you to ****Faceless Charmer**** for your encouraging messages which really helped me to finish this chapter when I was having doubts. **


	28. Victory for the wounded

**Chapter twenty-eight – Victory for the wounded**

Kanda had never liked hospitals. He didn't like the way they stank so tartly of antiseptic or the way that although they were great looming structures they were always deathly silent, like a sick person on their deathbeds. He didn't like the way that the nurses and doctors bustled by – always so busy – and he didn't like the way the patients sluggishly pulled themselves along the corridors, bony fingers wrapped resolutely along the wooden beams that ran along the wall, faces almost as desperate as they were miserable.

To be fair, Kanda had spent more than the recommended amount of time in hospitals himself, a frequent visitor almost to the point where the doctors in his hometown had known him by name. There was the time he'd fallen out of a tree and broke his arm, the time Daisya – his adoptive brother – nearly shattered his nose after a particularly vicious fistfight, the time he'd nearly severed his own foot while practising swordsmanship… Really, the list went on.

Regardless, his constant visits did nothing to disprove his hatred for hospitals, if anything it only served to further it. Now, sitting on the edge of a rickety hospital chair with bandages wrapped tightly around his ribs, his arm splinted and a liberal amount of smaller bandages plastered all over some of his less serious wounds, Kanda could feel the loathing from his childhood flaring anew.

"There you go," Sarah – the matronly like nurse who had been in charge of his patch-up – said soothingly as she smoothed out the edges of the final adjustment to his black and blue body, "I'd advice that you don't go falling down any more hills. This goes for all of you."

Sarah shot Lavi and Lenalee a patronizing glare before getting to her feet and bustling away from the little curtained off segment of the room that the four friends were sitting in, allowing the ugly green curtain to swing shut behind her as she left, permitting them the briefest glance of a dozen other curtained areas filled with dozens of other non-critical wounded.

Kanda sneered as the drape drifted back into place, less than appreciative of the meddlesome attitude of their attending nurse. Sarah had made it clear from the moment they came staggering in that she didn't believe their cock and bull story about a go-cart accident on a steep hill and she'd been less than pleased when none of them were able to tell her where this hill was located or why they were go-carting at three in the morning.

Thankfully, Allen had been there with his irrefutable charm and although Kanda was fairly certain that Sarah had not been completely fooled by his charismatic smile and smooth words, she'd at least backed off the subject. Apparently she'd considered whatever they'd been doing to be dangerous but not dangerous enough to dig deeply.

Ha.

Their total damage had been nasty but not permanent. Between them they had twenty stitches, one broken wrist bone, liberal amounts of gauze and possibly an entire roll of bandages. A recipe for a multitude of future scars Kanda was certain – and most possibly a very angry Allen Walker.

Unfortunately, Allen hadn't found it nearly as amusing.

The British teen had vanished about half an hour earlier – about the time Lavi's cheek was getting sewn up – and hadn't been sighted by the mangled crew since. Kanda had snidely suggested to his friends that the Moyashi may have finally decided to ditch their sorry asses but his sarcastic comment had been met with ill humour and mild alarm.

Overall, the three of them made up a rather miserable picture; sprawled out on uncomfortable chairs looking like men who had trudged back from the battle field after a particularly gruesome defeat. The look in Allen's eye once he'd been able to view their injuries in proper lighting hadn't helped and Kanda was suddenly much too aware that beneath long sleeves and white gloves, Allen had the scars of a battle all too similar in result to their own.

As if summoned by Kanda's morbid thoughts the draperies once again swung away to reveal Allen standing expressionlessly in front of their little corner, standing out in stark contest to the dark wall behind him.

It was rather apparent that he was still none too pleased and Kanda had to admit that deep down even he felt a twinge of unease at the silent treatment they'd been receiving for the past hour or so. Allen was not often silent and even less so when around Kanda when there was always an argument waiting to be sparked or a disagreement in need of settling.

Rather, his quiet handling of the situation was making Kanda more and more nervous. Allen's face was, however, a perfect mask and the irritable teen was unable to make out anything from his expression aside from the slow burning of something unidentifiable in his silver eyes.

Lavi was first to break the awkward atmosphere between them, offering up a fairly shaken grin as he gestured for Allen to take a seat. An invitation that was promptly ignored as Allen stood with his back facing the curtains and his expressionless face staring at his friends.

There was another awkward pause as Lavi searched for some way to play off the cold-shoulder he was receiving but was unable to dredge one up and Lenalee stared fixatedly at her feet like they held all the answers to their less than savoury situation. Kanda kept his eyes firmly fixed on Allen, nonplussed by the silence.

Finally, after the long seconds had stretched into a minute uncomfortably rife with heavy breathing and guilty looks, Allen spoke.

"What were you thinking?"

"Allen, it's not – ." Lavi hastily started to say,

"Or were you not thinking at all?"

"We were just – ." Lenalee cut in, voice trembling.

"After everything I've told you, what part of your plan seemed to you to be a good idea?" Allen's brow furrowed deeply as his steady and quiet voice brushed aside any attempts at explanation, eyes dark with a combination of worry and something unidentifiable. "Why? Why would you do something so stupid?"

"Allen," Lavi tried to butt in once more, scooting slightly forward on the sheer plastic surface of his chair so as to close the looming gap between himself and his younger friend, "We're sorry. We're really sorry – I said it before, I know we screwed up. But if you'd just hear us out for a minute –."

"– To what end?" Allen glared. "You're all sitting here in rags and bandages; I think the moment for being heard has passed."

Lavi looked physically pained by the harsh words but didn't attempt to explain himself again; Lenalee hadn't opened her mouth since her first weak attempt at speech and was now gnawing at her bottom lip, messy hair which had long since come loose of its customary piggytails hiding her expression from view.

Kanda merely continued his silent observation, scowling when Allen glanced over in his direction, their gazes meeting for an electrifying moment.

The tension filled exchanged buzzed with feelings of mutual accusation as Allen's cool silver eyes remained locked with Kanda's own fiery grey. It felt like all the world that the staring match was a means of reaffirming the impasse that they'd reached long ago, neither once willing to concede defeat and back down.

It was almost funny, really, how the pair of them could turn anything into a competition.

Allen finally tore his gaze away, sending an unidentifiable ripple through Kanda's stomach as a result. He gave his friends one last searching gaze before he turned sharply on his heel and strode quickly from the room, not quite storming out but not quite leaving in a manner that might exhibit forgiveness. As the curtain fluttered in his wake the trio heard the sound of his footsteps fading down the hall.

They sat still for what seemed like an eternity, nobody speaking, the atmosphere seemingly so thick with emotion that it felt like any attempt at speech would be greedily swallowed up by the air surrounding him.

_This is ridiculous, _Kanda thought as he gritted his teeth, staring at the scuffed tiles beneath his feet, _It's the Moyashi's fault. I don't have to apologise for anything. _

Except that for some completely incomprehensible reason, it felt like he did. It felt like _he _was the one in the wrong here – and fuck, imagine that?

The memory of Allen's expression back in the dark forest upon seeing their ragged, injured bodies flickered unbidden in his mind and suddenly, Kanda was deeply aware that for Allen, seeing his precious friends injured was probably as bad as being hurt himself. How often had the boy admitted that he'd had few if any experiences with friendship before he met them?

_Doesn't matter. It's his own stupid fault. _

Which, in all fairness it was, but they didn't real excuse Kanda's own behaviour.

The hot headed teen glanced up and did a quick scan of his companions.

Lavi was still staring at the closed curtains with a rather blank look on his face, as if he was deeply involved in thoughts so consuming he couldn't even muster the energy to look as though he was existing on the same plane of reality as everybody else. Lenalee had reverted into the same withdrawn state she devolved into whenever a situation became too confusing or intense to handle, clearly too far detached to make adequate judgement of the scenario.

The ball was definitely in Kanda's court so far as this decision went.

Letting out an irate sigh and cursing up a storm, Kanda got to his feet and followed the insufferable Moyashi out.

oOo_oOo_oOo

The hallway in which Allen had taken refuge was dimly lit, one of the florescent overhead lights flickering ominously every now and again, the thin rod of light encased behind the cheap plastic nearing the end of its life. Its partner was only in marginally better condition, meekly spilling out a brightness that was more of a dull orange than a sunlight yellow.

Eyes closed and head resting against the smooth plaster wall behind him, Allen had plenty of time to mull over his earlier explosion that had rendered his friends mute without so much as a chance to explain their betrayal. Simultaneously justified and a dick move, Allen could feel his gut churning with guilt.

In truth, he hadn't intended to rip into them so viciously. He'd planned to take an hour or so to calm down in the quiet of the outside night, allowing the pinpricks of light against the black sky to sooth the trembling that coursed through his limbs. Instead, his efforts to unwind merely resulted in initiating a dull throbbing in his head as he felt himself grow quickly fearful of the dark around him, worried, almost, that it was going to consume him completely – much like the dark being that lurked omnipresent in the back of his mind.

His head hurt, it really did. There was an ache behind his eyes that just wouldn't leave and he could feel a light sheen of sweat slowly gathering on his forehead as if the accumulated stress of the night's events was manifesting in physical symptoms.

_I should have given them a chance to explain… _

Allen grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, rubbing at his brow with the inside of his wrist as he tried to stop the quick offshoots of pain that was making it harder and harder not to just curl up into a ball and fall into a deep slumber.

He needed to stay awake. He needed to think. More than that, he needed to _decide_.

Finally, after months and months of friendship based only on the weakest of trust, the situation had reached its pivotal climax. It was now or never. There was no more hiding and no more denying, Allen had to face the problem he'd created for himself before Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda did something even stupider.

His stomach gave an unpleasant backflip.

Especially Kanda.

The elder teen was unimaginably rash and Allen didn't doubt that if he didn't provide him with answers soon, things would come to a head in the most unsavoury of ways. He was simply to headstrong to sit idly by and Allen had no doubt that Kanda was more than willing to put everything on the line for the simple reason of not being left in the dark.

A fond smile drifted lazily over his pained lips. Kanda was – always and forever – too much.

And Allen didn't know if he could take it if his friends – _Kanda, always Kanda _– Wound up permanently damaged or dead because of him.

The sharp clap of shoes on the worn tile floor alerted Allen to the rapid approach of another and he opened his tired eyes just in time to catch the briefest glance of long, black hair and pale skin before Kanda sat down heavily beside him, letting out what he no doubt considered a well-disguised hiss of pain as he lifted his sprained ankle into a more comfortable position.

For some infuriatingly elusive reason, Allen felt his face flood with blood and turn a remarkable shade of red as Kanda made himself comfortable beside him and even though the young British boy knew that it was completely unreasonable, Allen couldn't help the thought that Kanda had heard what he'd been thinking about him only a moment earlier.

Irritated, confused and still feeling guilty over his earlier scolding, he jerked his head away from Kanda so he was now looking down the empty corridor as opposed to facing his roommate who Allen could imagine was feeling six different variations of angry right now.

For a minute, the two of them fell into an uncomfortable silence. There had had been a lot of those tonight, Allen realized with a sense of twisted humour.

"Are you still mad at us?"

Allen flicked his gaze back in Kanda's direction, a little unsettled by his impassive expression. Quickly, he averted his gaze again and taking in a deep breath said, "Mad isn't exactly the word I'd use."

Silence. "Furious?"

Allen frowned deeply and judged his face sufficiently drained of blood before he turned back to face Kanda, looking into the perpetually annoyed looking gaze. "No, what I meant was I'm not angry… I wasn't to begin with… I was just…"

Exhibiting a level of perception not normally shown by the stubborn Japanese, Kanda quirked one eye and stated, "Worried."

Allen tried not to feel annoy that he was so easy to read and instead gave the briefest of nods. "What you did – all of you –it was beyond stupid. It was, well, not only was it an invasion of my privacy, it put all of your in danger," he threw a glance at the numerous injuries on Kanda's battered frame, "Although I'm sure you realize that now.

Kanda gave a deep scowl – _Ah, _thought Allen, _there's the Kanda I know _– and opened his mouth to tartly retort.

"If you weren't too busy being secretive and contradicting yourself, than we wouldn't have had to go and do something 'stupid' in the first place."

"Excuse me! I _told _you that as soon as I was ready, you'd be the first to know!"

"And in the mean fucking time, _you're _off doing equally stupid shit and risking your own ass dying."

"I never – you're just – I don't know what Cross told you, but you shouldn't go around –."

"AND while we're on the topic, don't you think it's fucking sad that I learnt more about you from talking to a complete stranger for five minutes as opposed to living with you for six months?"

Allen opened his mouth to shoot back a nasty response but after a moment of thinking, in which something flickered darkly in his eyes, he jammed it shut again, glaring angrily at Kanda who was all too happy to return the vicious stare. They passed a long moment like this, simply scowling at one another with such intensity that a passer-by may have mistaken it for a challenge of some sort.

Surprisingly, it was Kanda who averted his gaze first and in a much more passive voice resumed their conversation. "And what about Lenalee and Lavi? What have you told them?"

For perhaps the first time Allen became aware that he had, in fact, told the other two practically nothing in comparison to Kanda. He rushed to defend himself. "That's –."

"Do they even know about your arm? Your scars?"

"That's different," Allen blurted out before he was even aware of what he was saying. Kanda shot him a curiously annoyed look that somehow made Allen feel even more flustered. He fixated on a single point on the floor beneath his feet rather than meet the stare.

"_I_ know. How the fuck is it different?"

"Because…" Allen frowned and scrunched his eyes shut, wishing to be anywhere but here, in the dank hospital with his best friends injured in one room and the most bewildering, aggravating, utterly beautiful person in the whole of existence sitting beside him.

"It's different _because_ it's you."

Because it was always different with Kanda, because it always had been, because it always would be. Allen hadn't really thought it needed to be said, that he had to admit to it out loud and be held accountable. He hadn't _wanted _to.

Kanda had fallen silent beside him and Allen was in loath to look up and see his expression. He supposed that deep down underneath the false bravado and the attempts at normalcy, he was just a scared child, unable to face his fears.

They sat still like that for a moment longer before there was the sound of rustling fabrics and Allen felt the warm press of Kanda's hand resting on his own, the callouses from long hours spent training calming and familiar in the midst of everything else.

Allen took a steadying breath, staring at nothing and feeling the flow of blood in his cheeks as the warmth from the simple touch, the wordless message, radiated upwards from his hand and filled his entire being with a kind of belated acknowledgement which, after a moment, he realized he'd known all along anyway.

He was in love with Yu Kanda, and if he was in the mood for confessing things, he probably had been for a very long time. Longer, even, than pretty much everything else stable in his life.

With an absent-mindfulness that bored on disinterest, Allen wondered why this realization had to come now of all times, when everything in his life was teetering on the verge of destruction, when there was nothing he could really do about.

He was in love with Yu Kanda, and it was strange how nothing else seemed to really matter in comparison.

"Kanda?"

"Mhm?"

"Let's go back," Allen said softly, "Let's go back to Lenalee and Lavi and I'll tell you."

"Tell us what?"

Allen turned and shot him a smile that was perhaps the first truly genuine one Kanda had ever seen, the mask that had long since sheltered him from the harsh realities around him vanquished in light of some inner realization that Kanda himself couldn't even guess at.

"Everything. I'll tell you everything."

**oOo_oOo_oOo**

**A/N: I know that a lot you were hoping to see a confrontation between the NOAH and Allen within the forest, but I'm sorry to admit that it never in my schematics for this chapter and after much consideration, I decided to leave it as I planned rather than change my idea and risk a few inconsistencies later on in the story; my deepest apologies to those of you who had been really looking forward to this. **

**Secondly, if you're ever worried about the gaps between updates feel free to check my profile for news as to why it's been so long since the last post. If there is a legitimate reason, chances are I will have mentioned it. **

**Thank you as always for reading, and see you next chapter. **


	29. Before the war begins

**Chapter twenty-nine – Before the war begins **

The sharp chill of the hospital air set the small hairs on Kanda's arm on edge and sent an uncomfortable prickle spiralling down the back of his neck as he nursed the cool can of drink from the waiting room vending machine in his clammy hands, shifting a little restlessly on the vinyl couch that was such a bright shade of blue Kanda fancied he could feel the over-whelming cheek of it radiating upward from the seat of his jeans.

Since Allen had admitted to Kanda in the darkened hall far up the other end of the building that it was perhaps time that he confessed to everything he'd been keeping hidden for so long, they'd shifted down into the empty waiting area closer to where Lenalee and Lavi were sitting silent and waiting in the emergency room.

The silence between the four of them now as they waiting for Allen to explain was almost phenomenal and Kanda wished he could have enjoyed it more as he doubted it would happen again. However, his own nerves were screaming loudly in his ears as he stared distractedly out the picture window, watching as faint rays of pink began to stream through the blackened sky; bruising upon dark skin.

The drink in his hands felt cold against his sweaty palms and Kanda wasn't entirely sure why he'd brought it. He had no intention of drinking it, nor did he particularly want it. More than anything, he'd simply hated standing alone and nervous in the empty room while Allen was off fetching their friends, leaving Kanda with nothing but his thoughts.

Kanda wasn't used to that.

So he'd pulled a coin from his pocket and popped it in the garish machine, listening to the almost comforting whirl of mechanics and gears as the aging thing struggled to deliver him his can.

He'd pressed his forehead against the cold glass, taken deep and calming breaths, and wondered why, exactly, it was that he was wound into such a tight coil of tension.

_What exactly am I doing here? What do I hope to accomplish? What the fucking hell am I thinking? _

And Kanda who had always been vaguely rational and determined to do everything the way he'd wanted, never deviating from his own assigned path and never once glancing over his shoulder to consider alternatives, Kanda found that for all this, he was still unable to tear himself away from the intoxicating addiction that was the enigma of Allen Walker.

Couldn't, for the life of him, take himself away from the way his heart thudded painfully in his chest and his breath shortened with each unguarded smile and irritating quirk that promised him adventure like he'd never known before. Couldn't tear himself away from the thrill, even if it was hidden behind a thick coating of pain and agony that even he himself couldn't make sense of.

Kanda remembered looking Cross in the eye and delivering those very same vows only in fewer words.

Allen cleared his throat, a loud echoing sound in the emptiness of the room and suddenly Kanda's attention riveted backwards, fixating on the small, uncomfortable looking boy whose hands were so tightly clenched Kanda felt a brief flare of worry that Allen's fingers might snap clean off.

"I know I said some things… before, but I just, I'm not… I'm not mad or anything."

Lenalee and Lavi who had been sitting rigidly in their seats, all bruised skin and aching limbs, watching Allen as if their very life depended on it relaxed slightly, just a tad, at the gentle proclamation but the wrinkle twisting their brows didn't fade.

"We know," Lenalee said hesitantly. "What we did was stupid; and we're sorry."

"No." Allen shook his head darkly at that, white hair mussing in the light breeze created by the movement. "Don't be. I mean, yes it was stupid, but it was understandable too. You were worried about me and I wasn't helping." He offered a sheepish smile but it didn't meet his eyes, coloured so darkly from anxiety as they were. "It's my fault, I'm sorry."

"Allen," Lavi rasped, cleared his throat abruptly and tried again, "Allen, it's alright. We really shouldn't have put you in a position like this."

Kanda snorted into his drink and ignored the dark look Lenalee shot him for his trouble. "I'm not sorry," He said bluntly, "And I won't pretend to be."

"Yu-chan!"

"No, it's fine," Allen said airily. "It's Kanda. What more do you expect?"

"But…" Lenalee gnawed at her lower lip, looking distressingly from Kanda back to Allen.

"Really," Allen assured her. "We've just had this discussion, its fine."

They lapsed back into silence for a moment and Kanda was trying very hard to refrain from digging his elbow sharply in Lavi's side if it would stop him from looking at Kanda like he'd kicked a puppy. Not that Lenalee was much better; the looks she was sending him indicated that she perhaps thought he was the most heartless being to walk the face of the earth.

He wouldn't claim she was exactly wrong.

Allen fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment before taking a deep breath, stealing himself, before he barged on forwards. "As you probably know, I, uh, spent some time at that facility that you went to … visit…" His gaze flickered disapprovingly for a moment but he was back on track, not giving himself a chance to back out from this promise.

"When I was little, after Mana died, I didn't know what to do with myself. I remember sitting by his grave and wondering what was going to become of me. And then…" he trailed off for a second, swallowed deeply and fixated his silver gaze on the floor. "And then I met _him_."

"Him?" Lavi repeated, frowning deeply as he shuffled forward on his chair, wincing unpleasantly as his aches throbbed.

"The Millennium Earl."

_He fancies himself an Earl… _

Kanda's stomach may have been guilty of jumping just a little as Cross' words floated back to him, the infuriatingly casual lilt in his voice as he'd spoken closed sentences and riddles, driving Kanda insane.

"You know an Earl?" Lenalee asked, baffled. "Do we still even have those?"

Allen gave a shaken little laugh and linked his thin fingers together again, staring down at the creased white material of his gloves. "Not …exactly. That is to say, it was more of a self-appointed title. That man… He had little to do with nobility."

The listening trio exchanged worried glances at the bitter tone colouring Allen's words but remained silent all the same. This was the first time in their long acquaintance that Allen was opening up, sharing and lifting the burden that rested so heavily upon his shoulders; and they were willing to share it, now that he was letting them.

"The Earl, well… He took me in, told me he was a friend of Mana's; that he'd look after me. And I – being young and so _fucking _stupid – believed him."

Kanda winced at the harsh cuss that slid from Allen, fighting the irritating impulse to go over and rest a comforting hand on his shoulder. Kanda wasn't the comforting type, not really, and he wasn't sure, in this situation where Allen was finally – _finally_ – delving back into the horrors of his past, what he was supposed to do.

Luckily for him, Lenalee pulled herself upright and slowly made her way over to sit beside Allen, allowing one dainty hand to drift over to his knee, smiling unsurely up at him but keeping her words to herself.

An irrational feeling of anger flooded violently though Kanda with such force he almost jolted.

"It's, um… I went with him and, at first, it seemed alright; good even. They gave me my own room and everything, and there were a lot of other kids my age and I was mourning Mana, so I wasn't… I wasn't really paying attention; I didn't _care _what happened to me."

Lenalee look scandalized at this and opened her mouth – maybe to assure Allen of his worth, maybe to scold him for his recklessness – but seemed to think better of it at the last minute and jammed it closed again, her vibrant green eyes glittering in disapproval.

"I must have been there for about a week before things started to change. I was introduced to Rhode."

Lavi's visible eye widened almost comically. "As in the –."

"You met her earlier tonight, I believe," Allen cut tiredly over him and, chastened, Lavi closed his mouth once more. "You may have noticed that she tends to be… a little eerie."

Kanda does snort a little at this but it goes unnoticed in the moment of fixation.

Allen twisted his fingers together and flexed them almost absently in his lap as a means of distraction, clearly drifting away from the dreary hospital waiting room with the rattling vending machine standing lonesome in the corner. However, Kanda wasn't certain the place to which he drifted was better than the reality in which he sat.

"It was… The NOAH weren't who they claimed to be; not that they really claimed to be anyone – I was that out of it after Mana… Well, when they came to get me."

Even after all these years, he still couldn't talk about Mana's death.

"Rhode wouldn't let me be, she always wanted to 'play' whether I wanted to or not. She was attached but although to begin with it was seventy-two hour long rounds of monopoly played with a knife in the middle of the board, and then it was nails on my skin and arms twisted behind my back and deranged laughter when I spoke… And then I met the others, her 'family'."

"Family?" Lenalee echoed morbidly.

"In all but blood," Allen replied with a grim twitch of his lips. "About then I was starting to come out of my shell just enough to notice that things were not right at that institute; so many children spread across so many age groups and not a single ring of laughter in the halls, not ever. Everybody was so pale, so scared. Some of the children dressed in long coats even in the warmest weather and for a place so small and secluded, the rate of individuals suffering from deformities was astounding." Allen looked up and Kanda caught his eye. "Like me."

Lavi and Lenalee furrowed their brows and Kanda looked downwards. "Like you?" Echoed Lavi.

Allen grimaced and his fingers slid up from his knees, grasping loosely at the cotton of his left sleeve. "My arm it…" He trailed off and licked his lips. "Well, it hardly matters. But, what I'm getting at is that all was not well."

"We…" Lenalee trailed off and shifted a little in her seat, casting an uncertain glance at her assembled friends. Her fingers tugged lightly at the bandages wrapped tightly around her injured shoulder, an unintentional tell of her nervousness. She didn't seem to notice the way Allen looked like he'd just been punched in the gut as he tore his eyes away from her bandages. "When we were out at the forest, Kanda said… Well, it's more like he came up with a hypothesis."

Allen gave a weary smile and looked up to meet Kanda's eyes. "I bet he did."

Something spun like a web of electricity down Kanda's spine as he looked into Allen's age-old eyes, all trauma lurking at the edges and quiet acceptance at the forefront. The thought bloomed in his mind before he could stop it; _I'm going to protect you if it's the last thing I do_.

Because at the end of the day – as they sat here bloodied, broken and bruised – it was what Kanda had been trying to do all along.

Clearing his throat roughly, Kanda tossed Lenalee a glare and worked to keep his face straight under Allen's watchful gaze. "It's not a hypothesis," he grumbled, "more like a natural conclusion."

"Oh, look at Yu-chan using big words," Lavi teased and Allen kicked the leg of his chair for him.

"Go on, let me here what you've decided," he encouraged gently and Kanda's heart may have stuttered a little at the sheer trust in Allen's eyes because _fuck it all_; if that didn't make a man feel like the top of the world, he didn't know what did.

Shuffling awkwardly under all the attention, Kanda scowled up at the ceiling, took a deep breath and said with as much conviction as he could manage given the volatile nature of the statement, "the institute was experimenting on people; on _children_."

Somewhere far off from the tension that flooded the room, a clock ticked loudly into the silence and the vending machine Kanda had visited what felt like hours before rumbled discontentedly in the background. Casual white noise that preluded the destruction that Kanda felt like they were edging towards.

"Mhm," Allen murmured after a moment, and, all though Kanda was still examining the dirty tiles of the ceiling, he could hear the tell-tale creak of Allen's chair as he shifted. "Yes, that's certainly something to conclude."

"So," Lavi began nervously but Allen held up one gloved hand to silence him and the redhead obediently withdrew.

"The NOAH… They recruited the lonely, the damned and the desperate – and I was all of the above. People that wouldn't be missed, children who wouldn't struggle, children like me. And then, in that haunted building in the middle of that isolated forest, they showed us what it truly meant to be afraid. Everything and anything; they did it all. Experimental drugs, examining disfigurement, _causing _disfigurement, testing the limits of the body… It was far from pleasant, as you might deign to imagine."

Kanda tore his eyes from where they were aimed skyward and saw Allen smiling that smile; the one that was anything but happy, the one that drove Kanda mad because out of all of Allen's expressions, this was one the he hated the most. All bitter edges and sharp self-loathing, something beyond his mask of elegance that made Kanda feel like he'd been kicked in the gut.

Nobody seemed to know what to say and Allen remained quiet a minute, smiling that demented smile into the silence before he spoke again. "They took something of a liking to me, I'm afraid. I'm not certain why, it might have been because they knew something of Mana – my father, that is – but I soon became the favourite experiment. They pumped me full of so many experimental drugs that sometimes weeks could fly by and I wouldn't even notice. They had something of a plan for me and it didn't matter if I consented."

"Cross mentioned that," Kanda blurted before he could stop himself. "Before he whisked himself out that door like the fucking bastard he is, he mentioned it briefly."

Allen jerked up. "He did?" He asked sharply at the same time Lavi exclaimed; "You met Marian Cross?"

In one swift movement Allen turned his attention back onto Lavi. "You know about Cross?"

Lavi looked appropriately abashed for a second before he nervously redirected his attention to Kanda. "You never told us you met Cross! When did this happen?"

"No, wait," Allen demanded. "Let's go back a step. How do you know about Cross? I haven't really mentioned him before; he's maybe been bought up once or twice in passing."

"It's," Lenalee fumbled for words for a moment, "well, to be honest, we maybe-kind-of-might-have looked you up and, uh, done a bit of snooping."

Allen levelled an unimpressed look at her. "Lenalee, after tonight I more than believe you lot have done your fair share of snooping."

"We are sorry if that helps." Lenalee had the good grace to blush as if she was well aware that no; it didn't actually help.

"I'm not," Kanda declared bluntly, "and I never will be."

"I expect that of you, Kanda," Allen sighed. "You're never exactly satisfied with whatever I'm willing to share."

Irrationally, Kanda felt a surge of annoyance. "You don't share bullshit with me; I always happen to stumble across it because we share a room. Your arm, your pills, your nightmares; even Cross you only shared to get me to back the fuck off."

"Pills?" Lavi and Lenalee echoed in alarm and Allen waved off their question with an irritated flap of his hand.

"You really think that? That I only tell you things because I _have_ to?" There was a mix of hurt and accusation in his voice and Kanda felt his own annoyance filtering away at the genuinely bothered look on Allen's face. After a moment of staring he mutely shook his head. Allen let his breath out in a noisy gust before straightening up and looking Kanda dead in the eye.

"So – not that I ever doubted you were keeping secrets from _me_ – what was it exactly my Master told you?"

_Look out for the Fourteenth… _

Kanda gritted his teeth. "Nothing. Not really… just bits and pieces. Most of which you've already covered."

Because Kanda wouldn't, _couldn't, _share. Something about the way Cross had uttered it, calling back softly in the darkness as he flitted out of sight made it seem that it was made for Kanda's ears and his ears only.

Allen raised an eyebrow at him but otherwise did not pursue the query further. After a moment he let out a huff, ruffling his hair with one gloved hand. "And then my Master came – I must have been about twelve – and he took me away from that place. I don't remember much about the details; I was drugged, hurt and wishing I would just die already. By the time my memories begin to become cohesive, the building had already burnt down. Cross never did tell me the details, but I'm fairly certain he had a hand in putting it up for investigation; the fire was NOAH's doing, covering their tracks, I'm sure."

Allen looked thoughtful for a moment. "After that he took me on as something of an apprentice; I'm still of the opinion that may have been solely because he didn't like the ring of 'adoptive father' or 'foster father' or any such thing; much rather be called Master."

The room was quiet in the wake of Allen's tale. Nobody certain if he intended to continue speaking, nobody certain of what to say to a person who had just barred their whole soul, told their hideous, bloody past after so long of keeping it a secret.

In the end, it was Lenalee that broke the silence, scooting closer to Allen and wrapping her arms around his shoulder, burying her face in his neck. Blinking in surprise, one of Allen's hands automatically went up to rest in her hair. "Lenalee?" He prompted; surprisingly gentle for someone who had not five minutes ago declared he had been a subject for human experimentation.

"I'm sorry." Lenalee's voice was muffled but audible none-the-less. She tightened her grip on Allen's shoulders. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Lenalee, you have nothing to be sorry over," Allen smiled. "It would be a lie to say that _I'm _not; I'm sorry it happened and I'm sorry I kept it a secret for so long. All the same, nothing's going to change pretending it didn't happen or crying over it; it _did _happen, and I've got to learn to live with that."

Her grip tightened further still and this time a slight sob was heard. "I'm sorry, Allen. I'm _sorry_."

Kanda's jaw ticked quietly and he closed his eyes to the sound of Lenalee crying for their friend, to Lavi's own soft sniffles that he thought he was concealing so well, to the sound of Allen's soft mummers of comfort which was completely unfair; it should be them comforting _him_.

This was his life now; blood and bruises and crying in hospitals rooms of a past that wouldn't change and a future that was looking uncertain and looming dangerously close on the horizon. The possibility of losing friendships and the something more he had with Allen.

When did that happen? How did that happen? When was it, exactly, that he went from reading in the gloom and silence of his own room and polishing Mugen when he felt lonely to feeling physically sick at the possibility that a person – a friend, something more – might be lost to him.

Allen did this to him somehow, made him feel like he never had before and at the same time made it impossible for Kanda to wish for those days of simple solitude to return. Because Kanda would sooner go down fighting with blood on his face and a snarl on his lips than concede Allen to what the kid seemed to believe was his fate.

He didn't know why. He didn't know when. He didn't know how.

But, what he did know as he sat in the empty hospital waiting room with a drink warming in his hands and the large window behind him spilling in early morning light, the muffled cries of anguish from his friend echoing in his ears, was that he wouldn't let it go.

Not for anything.


	30. Last glimpse paradise

**Chapter thirty – Last glimpse paradise **

After much debate, they decided to catch the bus back to the school. Somebody – Lenalee, probably – had proposed calling Komui but it had been surprisingly Lavi to shoot down that suggestion.

"I don't know about anyone else," He'd said heavily, "But after tonight, I don't particularly feel like having this discussion again for the Headmaster."

Allen wasn't an idiot though. Lavi was doing it for him. And he was grateful.

Emotionally wrung out, aching and injured they'd shuffled onto the bus in silence, the bus driver looking understandably baffled – and perhaps a little bit suspicious – at their battered appearance, Lenalee's red-rimmed eyes and Kanda's bandage-wrapped wrist which he held awkwardly to his side – the sling Sarah had forced it none-too-gently in stuffed innocently in his back pocket.

It took several impatient minutes of Kanda shuffling about his swollen ankle – not broken – and keeping his wrist – broken – held close to his chest before the four of them managed to find a set of seats suitable for them.

There was a moment of panic when they realized they didn't have any money but before even Allen could open his mouth and deliver a sob-tale guaranteed to bring the most hardened of criminals to their knees, the driver threw the bus in gear and took off.

"I'm not going to leave four kids who look like they met the rear-end of my bus out in the streets at seven in the morning," He grouched at them. "I have children of my own."

They didn't question him.

The dull rocking of the aged buss and the stained scent of oil and gears was enough to mist Allen's mind and cause an indistinct haze to waft vaguely through it as he leant heavily on Kanda's side – his good one, not the one coloured an alarming array of purple, black and blue.

He was tired and emotionally drained. Reliving his past had taken a lot out of him – more than he'd thought he'd had. He expected to feel heavier or lighter or even just a little bit pleased, but instead he felt nothing. He was just numb. He wasn't sure whether this was because he was so tired and weighted down by the worry his friends had put him through or if he was genuinely going to be impassive about this. He hadn't slept in going on thirty-something hours and he was really far too out of it to be pondering stuff like this.

Vaguely, through eyes thick with sleep, he peered up at Kanda through the tilting rays of yellow that were streaming in the bus window in a dim flood of light.

It was a little bit strange, but after his epiphany, Allen had expected something to change. For the way he saw Kanda to evolve into something different, if even just a little. Instead, it all remained surprisingly normal. He wasn't encompassed in a spray of silver light or infinitely more beautiful than before. He was still the same old Kanda who wore a scowl and spat harsh words like it was nothing.

Beside him, as if sensing his gaze, Kanda shifted and looked down at Allen but – Allen noted – didn't shove him away from the way he leant on him. "What?" He snapped irritably.

"Mhm. Nothing."

"Then stop staring at me like a retard."

Allen chuckled softly at this and ignored Kanda's perplexed expression as he turned to gaze along the rows of seats that lined the bus. He was exhausted, tired and worried. He thought he was entitled to act however he wished even if that might be completely crazy.

They rumbled down the road cheerfully as the sun brightened in the morning sky and Allen watched dazedly as the fluttering shapes of buildings darted by outside the window and vaguely, at the back of his mind, Allen felt faintly offended that it seemed so cheerful outside after the incidents of the previous night. It was an affront to everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, a spit in the face to Allen's declaration only an hour or so before. To Allen's realization about Kanda. To everything he stood for.

Allen only realized he was starting to daze off when a sharp elbow to his side brought him rocketing back to reality. Turning hazily he realized Kanda was looking at him with a faint frown between his eyebrows. "Oi Moyashi, we're here."

And so they were. Allen blinked and struggled out of the seat, being excessively careful not to knock Kanda as he went. He briefly considered offering Kanda a hand as he stood in aisle and watched him fight to ease free with the same fluidity Allen had – failing with his twisted ankle, broken wrist and bruised body. Perhaps sensing Allen's intentions Kanda snapped his head up and glared, finally wiggling out and giving Allen a definitive shove with his good hand. "Move it," he snapped and Allen didn't hesitate to obey.

Passing the bus driver on the way out, Allen gave him a short nod and dismounted the bus stairs to wait for his friend to gather before the bus hurtled away and the quartet was collected and able to shuffle inch by painful inch past the school gates.

It must have only been somewhere in the neighbourhood of seven or eight in the morning for the grounds were empty; students bundled up in bed to enjoy the burgeoning weekend and teachers off doing whatever it was teachers did when they were on their own time.

Somehow it was silently agreed that talking was over with – for now, at least. They were filthy, pained and tired. Allen didn't know how much longer he'd be able to stay on his feet at this rate and Lavi looked like the knock he'd taken to the head might have set in motion a particularly nasty headache in place of the concussion he'd narrowly missed out on. Lenalee didn't look too much better.

Lenalee left them in the foyer giving all of them careful but tights hugs before she left, mindful of injuries and the like, and trotted off in the direction of the girls rooms. Lavi followed suit a few minutes later as he stepped off the first landing which led to his room, waving over his shoulder but not grinning.

It took Allen and Kanda significantly more time than they would have liked to reach their own room; Kanda's ankle still a little swollen and shaky, not quite up to taking his full weight on the intimidating climb. Allen helped him along as best as he could and would be infinitely grateful Kanda hadn't shoved him away when he'd snuck in close and tossed the elder man's arm around his shoulder and wrapped his own firmly around his waist.

It was a shame to have Kanda both so close and docile and not be able to full appreciate it, but as Allen hauled the two of them to their room, he figured he had a few more pressing things to worry about.

After fumbling for the room key for a good few minutes – there had been an alarming second before Allen's fingers had closed over it where he'd started to worry they'd managed to lose both of them in the excitement – they piled into their room. Kanda sat heavily down on the nearest chair and the most undignified sigh escaped him as he took the pressure off his injured foot.

"You good?" Allen asked as he hovered uncertainly over him for a moment, unwilling to leave him quite yet if Kanda was so openly relieved about something as simple as sitting down.

"I'm fine beansprout," he grunted. "Go take a shower or whatever it is you want to do. I'm just… going to sit a while."

Allen shot him one last dubious look but complied none-the-less, gathering up a fresh change of clothes and a towel before sweeping into the bathroom with the last remnants of his energy.

He didn't bother with the lock.

The water helped clear his head somewhat from the indistinct haze that had been flittering throughout since first morning light and eased the tension in his joints.

So that was it then? That was all it had taken?

The others had listened to him without once interrupting or scoffing or any of the other horrid things he was sure would happen. They didn't see him any differently, weren't treating him like he'd break, weren't rushing to end their friendship for fear of their own safety.

Allen actually felt horrible for having doubted them.

And then there was the other fear; the fear of having to relive all that over again. To remember all the horrible things that had happened to him under the care of the NOAH. The pain, the experiments, the fear and – the worst of them all – the never ending loneliness. Of being so completely and utterly alone.

It had been there – all of that – when he talked about it, but with Lenalee and her careful touches and the burning feel of Kanda's gaze, it had been there somewhere distant, like he was looking at and feeling things that had happened to another person entirely an age ago.

Maybe they had. The years that had passed were long and Allen wasn't the same scared child that had sat in the corners and stared listlessly at walls.

Allen stepped out of the shower, dressed, looked into the mirror and saw nothing other than a skinny, white haired boy with shoulders that weren't as hunched as they were before, like a weight had been lifted.

Allen tried a smile and found that while he looked tired and worried and still horribly grim… it didn't hurt nearly as much.

Allen left his gloves by the sink and hurried out of the bathroom.

The lights in the main room were off when he stepped into the gloom and the blinds had been pulled so tightly shut that if it wasn't for the small blade of light that spilt from between the shafts, he would have had trouble believing it wasn't dark out at all.

Kanda was already curled up in his bed and that and the fact that he'd left his clothes carelessly on the floor as he'd changed let Allen see just how truly tired and worn out Kanda was. The man normally immaculate and neat and hated the prospect of undue sleep, of napping when there was light out. But it had been a long night and many things had happened and Allen couldn't say he was all that surprised.

Carefully, he crept forward across the room. Kanda wasn't yet asleep, he could tell, but with everything so calm and peaceful Allen didn't want to risk disturbing the tranquil atmosphere with noise or the like.

He stopped just by the side of Kanda's bed and, after a moment's hesitation in which he thought of many unnecessary things, slid in beside him.

Kanda shuffled over without any hesitation what-so-ever.

They lay like that a moment, side by side on their backs staring at the ceiling in darkness, before Kanda's hand found his under the covers – Allen's left one, horribly scarred and blackened and ugly.

His first reaction was to flinch away – he didn't _want _to because this was Kanda and Allen always wanted Kanda close to him even if it wasn't in the same way the man wanted _him_ – but Kanda tightened his grip and Allen stilled.

After a moment in which Allen's heart beat loudly in his ears – _ba-thump, ba-thump _– Kanda's grip slackened just a bit and slowly, very slowly, he drew their joined hands out from beneath the covers to rest on top of the blankets. With soft fingers, Kanda traced the wrinkles on Allen's hand, his arm, all of it. It was unnerving and all kinds of risky but Allen stayed still anyway because this wasn't about any of that; this was about trust and yeah, okay, maybe something else a little deeper too.

A few careful minutes passed before Kanda's hand glided back down to rest just on top of Allen's hand, his fingers closing in between the gaps in his knuckles.

Allen felt bafflingly breathless.

"_Hey_," Kanda said into the dark.

"_Yeah_?" Allen replied.

"_You're going to be okay_."

And Allen had seen death and decay, he'd _felt _it. He'd clung to burning poles to test his endurance and been pumped full of six different drugs all at once to see how they'd mix. Allen had lost everyone who had ever given a damn about him and some – like his birth parents – who apparently never cared at all. He'd cried and screamed and sometimes lashed out at the wrong people because he _hurt _and sometimes he couldn't help but think _'this isn't fair' _or _'I just don't care anymore'_. Allen had nearly died, _hoped _to die and given up living. He took pills because something hurt and when those pills made something _else _hurt, well, he had pills for that too.

Allen had seen and done and heard so many different things in his short few years of existence that at times his brain didn't even know what to do with it.

But somehow, through all that, he didn't think he'd ever heard something quite so beautiful as what Kanda has just said.

Yeah. He could be okay. He didn't know how to do that, or what that even really meant, but he thought he might like to try it, even if just for once.

If Kanda said he could be okay, Allen thought he might just manage.

"_Yeah_," Allen whispered back. _ "I'm going to be okay."_

oOo_oOo_oOo

_It was something of a pandemonium in the mansion._

_Everybody seemed to be talking all at once and all about a dozen different things, the candles spread out across the unfeasibly long dining table kept flickering as the wax dripped and the wicks shortened, shuddering shadows flitting across the full room._

_It was loud and it was both dark and bright at once and it was almost enough to give one a headache. _

_The Earl sat in the corner with his knitting and patiently waited for it all to stop. _

_It took a few minutes but eventually the talking reached something of a lull as the others seemed to realize the Earl was waiting. After a second, he set down his knitting and leant forward in his rocking chair to get a proper look at the assembled. _

"_My dear children, bickering won't accomplish anything," he scolded and Jasdero and Debitto actually had the good grace to look appropriately abashed (they had been amongst the loudest voices at the table)._

"_Thank you," Tkyi snapped, sounding both grateful to the Earl and annoyed at his siblings._

_The Earl gave him an indulgent smile. "Now, now Tyki. I'm not saying I don't understand why the others are upset, all I'm saying is all this noise isn't going to get us anywhere." It was silent for a minute. "But I do have to ask my pet, how is it that you let them get away?"_

_Personally, Tyki found it unfair that he was the only one getting chewed out for this. Rhode had been there too. She was the favourite, he supposed (even if The Earl said he didn't play favourites, because everyone knew he did). _

"_I didn't mean to," he answered as steadily as he could. "It won't happen again."_

"_See that it doesn't." The Earl smiled although there was nothing remotely comforting about the smile. Chilling, maybe. _

_Dismissing Tyki (and Rhode's) screw-up with thankfully less fuss than Tyki had anticipated, the Earl turned to full address the complete crowd. _

"_Children, I know it's been an uncomfortably long time for all of you to get this far, but we're nearly there. You won't have to stay idle for much longer."_

"_Does this mean we get to bring Allen in?" Rhode asked eagerly as she rocked forward in her chair and Tyki had to place a hand in front of her to steady her if she overbalanced in her excitement – he knew it'd somehow manage to be his fault if Rhode hurt herself. That was just how the day was going. _

_The Earl chuckled fondly. "Not quite my dear. We're not bringing in Allen."_

"_Who then?" Skin frowned. _

_Tyki would never completely adjust to seeing that terrifying grin. _

"_But my children, who else? The fourteenth!"_


	31. And into darkness they fall

**Chapter Thirty-one – And into darkness they fall**

In the days following the collection of events which had climaxed with a trip to the hospital and confessions Allen had never really been prepared to part with, everything was a little bit quiet.

Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda spent a lot of time in bed or otherwise sitting down to take the weight of their injuries and Allen was quickly discovering that the trio were reluctant to let him out of their sight for even an instance. It was both terribly amusing – in a fond sort of way, because they _cared _– and at the same time tremendously exasperating. For goodness sakes, Allen couldn't even make the short trip to a bathroom without someone offering to accompany him – he wasn't sure if they seemed to think the NOAH might be hiding in his drain or if they just assumed he'd sneak out the window and go gallivanting off on some ill-fated adventure to his doom.

Allen had perfectly healthy self-preservation instincts, thank you very much, and he'd like to cite his continued survival up to this very point as evidence. It wasn't that Allen went out deliberately seeking trouble – Allen chose to ignore that one occasion where he'd literarily flaunted himself in the park as bait to try and drag a NOAH in for a conversation or two – but more like trouble sought him out like a persistent stalker.

On day two of their return, Komui stopped by and he and Allen had a brief very vague chat where Allen got the general impression that the headmaster knew about everything that had happened without Komui actually ever saying as much. The conversation was short but mostly had the underlying tones of '_Be careful, don't do anything stupid and I'm keeping watch on you'_.

The next day Allen noticed the teachers paying extra special attention to him and that campus security had increased at the gate.

While it's all very annoying Allen put up with the increased security detail mostly to keep everyone happy and because it didn't really seem worth it to kick up a fuss. He figured his friends following him around and a few extra beef-cakes weren't really enough to stop the NOAH if they really want him, but so long as everybody else felt safe, he's content to let things be.

If there's one anomaly, however, in these new developments, it would have to be Kanda himself.

Not that Allen really should have expected anything else given the pride Kanda seems to take in just being contrary to prove a point.

While Lavi and Lenalee insisted on escorting him to and from wherever it was he was like he was an A-list celebrity, Kanda was content to let Allen wander off down the hall on his own providing he didn't stray too far. This last part was never outwardly said but Allen _knew _Kanda – he knew how to interpret the tightening of his mouth when Allen was gone longer than half an hour, knew that the wrinkle in his brow and downward pull of his mouth meant he didn't fancy Allen vanishing off to the opposite end of the school with nary a word otherwise.

It was all terribly endearing and almost managed to brighten the considerable gloom of impending doom and demise. Not that Allen would tell Kanda as much, because fact is Kanda would still rend him limb from limb if Allen let on that he found anything that Kanda did anything less than completely manly.

The four of them got some odd looks from their schoolmates over the course of the following week, but Allen thought it might have more to do with the bandages and bruises than Lavi's theory that they're all NOAH spies looking to get Allen alone for a minute and desecrate his honour.

He's not even really sure what that means, but he has the vague notion that Lavi seems to think Tyki is some kind of child-devouring paedophile.

To be honest, it wasn't like Allen had much desire to go out anyway. Sometimes he got a bit stifled by the overwhelming presence and the constant feeling of being watched, of being shut away in his room all day. Before he'd met his friends, it would have been an uncomfortable reminder of the institute, of being locked away and watched day in and day out. It might have even triggered another fit, prone to them as he disgustingly was.

Now however, it was annoying but nothing more. Just the regular kind of annoyance that a teenage boy had for his perfectly normal teenage friends in the middle of a perfectly normal teenage school.

It was an odd thought and it made Allen restless sometimes – although he'd never tell the others – that he seemed to be so close to a normal life that he hadn't even thought to yearn for all those years ago; first lying in a gutter waiting to die and then lying in a bleached white room _hoping _to die.

"Go fish."

Lavi slapped his hand on the deck of cards and drew one away with a sour expression and Allen blinked fuzzily down at the cards in his hand and shuffled uncomfortably on the ground, relieved that his friends hadn't noticed his momentary lapse in concentration considering their hyper vigilance in all-things-Allen these days.

"This is stupid," Kanda grumbled from where he was sprawled out by his bed, polishing Mugen. "Can't you go play shitty card games in your own room or something?"

"Now Yu-chan," Lavi reprimanded, "you and I both know your room gets better light."

"It's called a light switch you stupid rabbit."

Lenalee gently set her hand on Lavi's thigh as he opened his mouth to retort and gave him a stern look. He scrunched up his nose and turned to face Allen. "Got any twos?"

Kanda let out an impatient huff and got to his feet, slinging Mugen over his back.

"Where are you going?" Allen asked as he manoeuvred his cards out of reach of Lavi's impatient, grasping hands. He'd been stuck in the room playing games like old-maid and go fish all afternoon – games Lavi seemed to be under the impression Allen couldn't cheat at – and truth be told, he was getting sick of it.

His muscles were tight from disuse and his limbs sluggish from being cooped up inside for so long. Not to mention the sheer boredom of letting Lavi and Lenalee win game after game to keep them happy. Wherever Kanda was going seemed like the place to be right now – far away from Lenalee and Lavi and right up close to Kanda.

"Where do you think?" He snapped. "I'm going to go train. If I hear somebody so 'go fish' one more time somebody will be scrubbing blood out of the drapes."

"I'll come with you," Allen said hurriedly and dropped his cards to the floor, ignoring the way Lavi let out an outraged screech when he saw how obviously stacked Allen's hand had been.

Allen half expected Kanda to put up some kind of fight about wanting space or not wanting to be weighed down by useless beansprouts, but, surprisingly he just propped the door open with his foot and looked at Allen expectantly like if he didn't get a move on he might just shank him for the hell of it.

"We'll come collect you later for dinner," Lenalee said calmly as she swept the cards into a pile and elbowed Lavi hard in the ribs when it looked like the redhead might get up and follow them, looking vaguely panicked about letting Allen out of his sight.

Allen quashed down the fond feeling of annoyance. _Honestly, this must be what it feels like to have a mother_.

Except that wasn't a line of thought Allen was prepared to go down; now or ever.

He tugged on his coat and followed Kanda out the door and down the stairs, walking close enough that their hands could brush if Allen stepped just an inch nearer.

After the whole episode the night they'd come back, things had been … odd between them. Not a bad odd, just odd. Like every time they were alone there was static buzzing in the air and Allen felt strangely off-balance. Not nervous, really – he could never be truly nervous around Kanda, he thought – but like his body was expecting the unexpected.

It gave Allen the strangest feeling in his stomach and he hadn't dared mention it to Lenalee or Lavi because just thinking about it made him feel like a teenage girl with her first crush and Allen was a freaking man, god dammnit, and if Kanda point blank refused to talk about things like feelings and emotions, Allen was going to match him stride by stride until the man cracked.

Out of the corner of his eye Kanda stumbled on the stairs, straightening up lightning fast and trying to act like it never happened. Allen resisted a small smile and wondered if he might not do something completely brazen like take his hand when they went to bed tonight, just to see the same flash of shock in his eyes.

Confidence, Allen pondered as they strode out of the building, was a funny thing.

"_Fuck!_"

Allen jumped and spun around. "What? What?"

"I don't have the fucking key," Kanda snapped and ran an annoyed hand through his hair. "I must have left it back in the room."

Allen was half torn between annoyance – Jesus Christ, when Kanda had cursed like that he thought the NOAH were bearing down on them guns blazing – and sympathy. Kanda might be healing quite quickly, all things considered, but his ankle was still giving him pain and the stairs were still an enemy to be conquered. Allen knew that having just climbed down the blasted things, Kanda certainly wouldn't be able to do a repeat two-way trip – something even Kanda must know.

"I'll run up and get it," Allen offered, but the words were barely out of his mouth when Kanda was shaking his head.

"Don't be a moron. Lavi and Lenalee will shoot me if they think I let you go up there alone." He ran his hand through his hair again and gritted his teeth. "Just… stay here. I'll go over to the stupid Headmaster's office and borrow another one, it's only over there." He jerked his head around the corner.

Allen frowned reluctantly. "I could come with you."

"My god Moyashi, it'll take me two seconds. If Komui sees you, he's going to want to stop and fucking talk or make some obnoxious comments. Wait here, don't move."

Before Allen could protest again, Kanda was jogging off around the corner and Allen was standing all alone with only the intimidating security guards standing a few meters away by the school gate to keep him company.

Grimacing, he leant against the wall and wondered if he oughtn't have just convinced Kanda to let him pick the lock again and save them both the trouble.

OoO_oOo_oOo

Kanda couldn't believe he'd been fucking moronic enough to forget the bloody key. He supposed in between the endless repetitions of 'do you have any fours?' and 'no, go fish' his patience had just snapped and he'd wanted out of there as fast as possible.

This new 'Lavi and Lenalee being around all the time' thing was starting to grate on him. It wasn't like he didn't understand. They wanted to protect Allen and that was okay in his books, but Christ, did they have something against leaving them alone just for two seconds because –

Because it wasn't like Kanda _missed _having alone time with the little shit or anything, but he would have liked the chance to talk, properly talk, about all the crap that they kind of needed to talk about, no matter how much the idea of having girly 'let's talk about our feelings' time made him shiver.

It felt a little like they'd finally starting crossing that bridge that they knew they'd get to one day, only they weren't quite there yet, they were both starting at opposite ends and for some reason, they just couldn't meet in the middle yet. Kanda wasn't sure if he wanted to fix that or not. He wasn't sure if he was ready for what that meeting in the middle actually meant; what things it would change.

At the same time he just wanted to fuck it all and take those last few steps and find out.

He rounded the corner and winced as his ankle curled beneath him, slamming his delightfully sore shoulder into a solid brick wall.

Cursing, Kanda bent down to touch his ankle and felt the hot, swollen skin beneath his fingers, inflamed from the turn it had taken in the ditch. Just great. The Sprout wasn't going to let Kanda off lightly for this after insisting he go on his own.

There was the faint sound of rustling and Kanda saw another pair of shoes enter his field of vision. Smooth and black, attached to perfectly ironed black pant legs.

His heart froze for all of a second before he was straightening up, hand reaching around to grab at Mugen, his injured shoulder getting in the way, his broken wrist screaming in agony.

_Sonova bitch. _

There was a rush of black in his field of his vision, and then darkness.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda had been gone far too long for Allen's comfort.

When Kanda has said two minutes, he meant two minutes. Komui's office was literally around the corner and it wasn't like Kanda had any qualms about storming out on the man should he try and engage him in conversation.

Allen chanced a glimpse at the guards by the gate and looked down at this watch.

It had been ten minutes. Ten minutes instead of two and Kanda still wasn't back.

This was ridiculous. They were wasting daylight and it was only about an hour before his escort showed up to take them down to dinner. Allen wasn't going to waste time loitering around because Kanda was just too stubborn to admit that he might need help and his ankle wasn't quite as healed as he chose to believed.

Allen looked at his watch.

Twelve minutes.

Squaring his shoulders, Allen waited a second for the guards at the gate to focus somewhere else – not that they would stop him, but he could imagine the bitching he'd get if they mentioned to Komui he'd walked off into an unsurveyed area without company – and strode off in the direction of Komui's office.

He'd get Kanda from whatever ditch he'd fallen in, drag him back towards training building, dig a piece of wire out of his pocket and pick the bloody lock. If it was going to take this long to get a damn key, they didn't need it. Not when it cut into the time they could be spending training, alone for a change.

He turned the corner.

There was a flash of gold eyes and smiling white teeth and before Allen could even react, before he could even realize what was happening, the sharp tip of a needle sank into the crook of his elbow.

Distantly, Allen thought he heard someone laughing in his head as his vision swam in alarming shades of purple and red. He had the vague sensation of being roughly tossed about. Before the shades or red and purple turned completely black, he thought he saw something lying on the ground.

A gleam of shattered silver blade and a spray of black hair on green grass.

_Kanda_, Allen thought and then succumbed to blackness.

oOo_oOo_oOo

**A/N: As some of you know, I have recently moved away from my hometown to live on my own and started my first year of University. This isn't a perfectly valid reason for my absence, I know, seeing as how I know plenty of people manage to balance real life and internet with little trouble, but I warned you all thirty-odd chapters ago that I am certainly not one of these people, and for that I apologize. **

**Thank you all so much for encouraging me with messages and reviews and I really wish I could be a better author for you considering all the support you give me – and all I give you is a chapter or so a year. **

**I've mentioned this before, but if you're ever worried about my inactivity, jump on my profile and see if I've posted a reason. If something major is happening to prevent me updating, I generally will have. **

**Or better yet! Leave me a question in a review or send me a message! You're always free to message me about anything or everything, whether it's about story, fandom or just wanting to chat. Don't feel shy, I love to talk to you all. **

**Thanks again and see you next chapter! **

**(hopefully without a six month gap this time, yes)**

**Lots of love, Yuu-chi**


	32. To lead the charge

**Chapter thirty-two – To lead the charge**

Allen awoke to a fuzzy haze and a pounding in his head.

His eyelids were heavier than he could remember, and opening them was a considerable feat of strength. They fluttered once, twice, and a third time before he was able to keep them open.

He was in a room of some sort. All light beige walls and white tiles that were so clean the shine from them made him squint and caused his head to protest loudly – a kind of eerie shrieking noise in his ear like he could hear the gears of his mind whirling at half-capacity.

_I don't know this place_, he thought vaguely, _I don't know_…

He tried moving – just a twitch of his wrists – and felt something cool and smooth restrict against his skin. He turned his head slightly – blinking back the explosion of blue and red that followed the aborted movement – and caught a glimpse of silver cuffs tight around slender wrists and interlocking chain weaving through iron bars at the head of his bed.

_Handcuffs_, his mind supplied helpfully, _those are handcuffs_.

Allen had the faint idea that he was meant to be alarmed about this; that he should be worried and concerned and maybe cry a little, but for the life of him he couldn't remember why.

Footsteps echoed loudly and there was a creaking sound like badly oiled hinges. Allen tried to lift his head but found it made him too dizzy and instead lowered it slowly on to the blissfully soft mattress beneath him.

"How are you doing, Allen?" Somebody asked; a vaguely familiar voice that he couldn't place.

"I don't feel well," he said, only to find his tongue fuzzy and far too heavy. His words came out a garbled mess and Allen frowned, because that didn't sound at all like what he was trying to say.

"Ah, the sedatives wearing off. You're a bit disorientated. Not to worry though, I can fix that."

_No,_ Allen thought suddenly with such a spark of clarity that for a brief instance the world righted itself. _No, I don't want this_.

Smooth fingers gripped his arm and jerked it painfully so that it rested at an odd angle as the cuffs around his wrist resisted.

From where he laid, Allen could see a brilliant red mark in the crook of his exposed elbow – a needle puncture point.

_Remember_, he thought fiercely, _just try to remember_.

There had been green and silver and brick buildings swimming above him. Black clothing and gold eyes, fingers hard around his wrist. The sickening feeling of an injection.

Kanda sprawled out on the ground, not moving.

_Kanda_… Allen thought. He had the feeling that the word – the name? – should have evoked some reaction in him, should have made him feel or do something, but he couldn't connect it in his mind.

There was a sharp pain and Allen blinked to see a needle sinking into his elbow, another red dot beside the first.

"There we go," the voice said, "You just go back to sleep now."

_No, _Allen thought.

"Okay," he murmured and his vision swam white, then black, and he retreated back into darkness.

oOo_oOo_oOo

Kanda had the strangest notion that the world was made up entirely of red.

It was strange because he knew for a fact it wasn't. There were blues and greens and white hair that fell above thin shoulders, silver eyes rimmed with dark bruises – knots of pink scar tissue on a small, battered torso .

But red was all he could see.

(Like Allen's arm, all alarmingly grotesque twists of hardened flesh that looked like blood).

He'd been hovering on the border of consciousness for a while now. Sometimes, voices slipped through like trickles of water flowing through cracks in a stone, and other times he was able to force his eyes open for just a second, only to be greeted with an explosion of red that coloured everything around him like blood.

_This is fucking ridiculous_, he thought as he heard a sound like chair-legs scrapping on a floor and voices echoing back to him, _this is fucking ridiculous, I need to wake up_.

_Why_? His mind asked in returned. _Why do you need to wake up? It's so nice and quiet here, just sleep a little longer_.

Kanda wanted to. The darkness was so nice and relaxing and empty – nothing to hurt his head. His brief attempts to wake up had all been met with loud noises and bright flares of crimson that hurt to look at.

_Just stay a little longer_…

But no, that wasn't right. Something was off.

His mind was at peace in the dark, but his body felt too cold, like it was missing something it was so used to during these explorations into sleep. It was like he was lying all alone in the middle of the artic, and it made his stomach squirm.

Ah, Allen wasn't here.

He was so used to falling asleep with Allen curled up at his side – a space between them, usually – but still close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body, the whisper of his breathing. Sometimes, when Allen had his nightmares, he would squirm and frown like somebody was pressing a gun to his head.

When that happened, Kanda would take a deep breath and skirt just a bit closer to run his fingers along his forehead, pushing strands of hair off sweaty skin and praying to dear god Allen didn't wake up because there was no way he'd ever be able to live this down if he did.

And then Allen would stop squirming and his brow would unwrinkle and the soft noises that had been escaping his lips would fall into silence. When this happened Kanda knew it was okay to move away now, to put that space back between himself and the sprout. But he never did, not right away. He continue touching Allen's forehead until the tension in his own shoulders relaxed and he was sure there would be no more nightmares tonight.

Sometimes, when the nightmares were worse than most and it took a good while to calm Allen down, Kanda would fall asleep with one hand tangled in his hair and the other interlocked with Allen's own fingers.

_Allen_.

And just like that, Kanda bolted awake, sitting up so fast that a gasp ripped from his stomach and his vision twisted in that alarming shade of red that it had been. Beside him there was a yelp and a curse and then hands were at his back easing him forward.

Something wet fell off his forehead and landed softly in his lap. When he was able to look down at it, Kanda saw the fussy outlines of a damp washcloth that must have been folded calmingly over his brow.

"Yu-chan! Are you are alright? Thank god you're up!"

The annoyingly familiar voice jerked him closer to coherence and Kanda gasped, "_Allen_? _Where's Allen_?"

Silence met his question and Kanda looked upwards from the bed to see Lavi standing beside him, face tight and drawn, a strange ash pale that was immensely out of character compared to his usual cheerful complexion.

Kanda's heart thudded loudly in his chest and without pause he swung his legs up over the edge of the bed he was lying on, ignoring the twinge of his ankle that protested painfully, and lurched unsteadily to his feet. The floor seemed to ripple beneath him in time with a flicker in his vision, and Kanda listed dangerously to the left. When Lavi yelped and reached out to steady him, Kanda latched firmly onto his wrists. "Tell me where Allen is," he growled dangerously.

"Well, Kanda," came a voice from the doorway, "we were kind of hoping you could tell us…"

Komui stood just out of the threshold of what Kanda now recognized as the medical building of the school. His hair was tied low at the back of his neck as if he'd been doing something that required utmost attention and his eyes were more alert than Kanda had ever seen them. Just behind him, somebody else lingered.

Kanda squinted for a moment, unable to quite make out who it was with the way they leant easily on the wall just behind Komui, his vision not yet a hundred percent back to its miraculous 20/20 superiority.

"What happened?" Kanda rasped and even he couldn't recognize the dangerous edge to his voice, but he approved of it immensely. Lavi's hand resting on his shoulder tightened. "There was… I don't… I was attacked by that bastard with the top hat."

"Tyki Mikk," said a bored voice from behind Komui and Kanda froze. "I didn't think they'd be quite so bold to sneak into the school like idiots."

Komui took a step back and Marian Cross stepped forward from where he'd been standing behind him, nonchalantly smoking a cigarette as if he wasn't standing in a sick room or his protégé was missing.

Beside Kanda Lavi spluttered noisily but Kanda just narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, distantly aware of Lavi's hand tight on his shoulder and his exclamations that seemed to be sticking in his throat rather than pouring out in mindless babble.

"You knew this would happen," Kanda accused, scrunching his hand into a fist by his side to stop them trembling from sheer desire to wrap them around Marian Cross's throat. "You knew this would fucking happen and you didn't do shit about it you piece of –."

"_Kanda_," Komui snapped, stepping forward back in front of Cross and taking Kanda's arm in a tightly furled grip. For some reason Kanda felt his teeth clam shut because for once, he didn't want to flippantly disobey the Headmaster and his words sensed this, sensed this and jammed up tight in his throat to stop any other hurtful phrases from pouring through blood spotted lips, skin blotched with red from where he'd been instantly chewing to stop the panic springing back.

Cross didn't even seem to care about the dramatic teenager in front of him and instead just blew out one more lungful of gusting white smoke, stubbing out the butt on the doorframe beside him before adjusting his hairs so it swung behind his shoulders and turning to look at Kanda with casual disdain.

"I warned you, boy, that you didn't know what you were getting into."

"I don't –."

"But you didn't listen," Cross talked over Kanda's aborted attempt at speech. "You didn't listen and now you've gone and complicated everything."

"Are you saying it's my fault?" Kanda felt red hot outrage boiling inside of him and it was everything he could do not to tear everyone in the room to shreds.

Cross narrowed his eye. "There was a plan in place, believe it not. We were dealing with this. And then you thought you could take on a NOAH by yourself not once – but twice."

Kanda didn't even know how Cross knew about the forest when they hadn't even told Komui, but he did think it highly unfair to accuse him of picking a fight with a NOAH when all he'd done – all he'd fucking done – was to leave the constant surveillance for all of a minute to get a key.

"It's not my fault," he hissed_._

"_it's not my fault_," Cross repeated with a mocking sneer. "Stop behaving like an unbeautiful child and own up to your mistakes like a man. Only a child searches for excuses for something that had already been done. Stop crying and do something about it."

He turned and swooped out from the room in a flash of black, gold and red. Distantly, Kanda saw a metallic flash among the curls of his hair and realized belatedly it was Timcanpy – the same metallic flash that had been with Cross that day when they'd first met. It kind of explained why Cross was aware of so much.

"Marian! _Marian_!" Komui turned to call out into the corridor where Cross had dramatically swept out only to turn around with a frustrated expression on his face, running one hand tiredly through his hair.

"Ignore him Kanda; he might not look like it but he does care for Allen, he's just pushing the blame for this on you." It was hard to be convinced when Komui looked so uncertain himself. "I don't condone the pair of you sneaking off like that, but you're teenage boys and we should have taken that into consideration. Don't worry; we'll find Allen. You two – and Lenalee – will stay here with the guards. We can fix this. We won't let anything happen to him; it's not like before."

"But it is though." Komui blinked and Kanda startled and the two of them both turned to see Lavi standing dangerously still with a decidedly blank look on his face. He hadn't spoken – not beyond mindless babbling – since Cross had come into the room and Kanda had all but forgotten he was there. "They have half a dozen NOAH _and _Allen; and what do we have? Three teenagers, a teacher and a mad genius. I'm not an idiot, you know, I'm almost a mad genius myself." Lavi tapped at his head with a sardonic smile. "But I don't have to be one to know the odds aren't in our favour. Can we even count on Cross? Is there anybody else we can turn to? Don't promise things you can't be sure about Headmaster, don't go giving people false hope like that."

Kanda didn't quite know how Komui managed to look so composed when Kanda was sure he himself was looking at Lavi had just sprouted a second head an announced his intention to pursue a career in botany.

"What would you suppose I do then, Lavi?" Komui asked softly. "There is more to this than you know."

"I know there is more to this than I know." Lavi winced a little at the sullen way that sounded. "But you're not understanding what I'm trying to say." Lavi took a deep breath, ran jittery fingers through red hair. "Kanda and I – Lenalee too – we _know _Allen. You can't just go expecting us to stand still and stay in the dark; we can _help_. You just need to let us."

Komui was silent a moment looking between the two of them with a strained expression. Kanda hurried to arrange his face into something that less resembled an axe murder.

"You're, both of you, it's…" Komui closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know you care for Allen, but this isn't playing at being heroes; this is real danger, real life-or-death things. You can't just - ."

"Lavi's said it already," Kanda cut in, "But I'll say it again; we're not idiots. We know exactly what this is; _and we don't fucking care_. If you won't let us help you, we'll find a way to help ourselves and then shit will just get messy." Kanda narrowed his eyes. "I don't care who I have to destroy, but I'm going after Allen and you're either with me or you're against me; make your choice_._"

For a moment Komui looked at him like he was looking at a stranger; like he couldn't quite remember when it was Kanda had grown up enough to become the kind of person that would risk his own life for someone else's, no matter how dear they were to him.

"Okay," he said after a moment where there was nothing but three sets of uneven breathing. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking skywards like he was seeking answers.

"Okay," he said again. "I'm with you."

oOo_oOo_oOo

Allen was having the strangest dream.

_He was standing the middle of an absently empty room; he couldn't see things like walls or floors – it was far too dark for that – but somehow, a beautiful door loomed before him, all swirling lines and carved intricateness. _

_Beside him was a chair – a beautiful old antique thing – but Allen knew he mustn't sit in it. It wasn't his. _

_It was a strange thought, and distantly somewhere far off Allen recognized this as a dream, but in the now – in the strange room with the door and the chair – it didn't seem to matter. _

_It was deathly silent and Allen couldn't even hear his own breathing, nor his footsteps as he slowly pottered closer to the door, skimming his fingers over the smooth markings. They felt just as velvety soft as he thought they would, and on an absent level he realized he wasn't wearing his gloves, but it didn't seem to matter. _

_Beneath his fingers the door rattled slightly and Allen pulled back in surprise. _

_Somebody was trying the handle on the opposite side; the silver swoop of the metal going up and down in a slowly repetitive motion._

No_, he thought suddenly and stepped back to the door just as he heard the slight creak of it beginning to open. He threw himself bodily against it and it slammed shut, his quick fingers darting out to feel along the wood he found felt the chink of a lock._

_The door clicked behind him and the handles movements turned into aborted shakes as the lock prevented it from turning. _

_The person behind him tried once, twice, three times, before it stopped altogether._

_Allen let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. _

_Behind him, somebody laughed. A low, drawn out chilling noise that caused the wood to vibrate against his back._

"_Oh, Allen," Neah said. "This door isn't going to keep me out forever." _

_Allen's head hurt, so vicious and sudden like it hadn't in so long. He fell down to his knees and his fingers darted up to clutch at his temple like it would easier the feeling of ice splintering deep inside his skull._

_Behind him, the door handle began to twist again; letting loose small clicks every time the lock stopped it going any further. It coincided with the thumping in his head and Allen couldn't – he just couldn't anything. _

"_Allen, Allen, Allen." _

_His name sounded foreign in his ears and Allen had never felt so much pain in his life._

"_Allen, I'll see you soon…." _

_The clicking stopped and the room fell into silence._

_Allen opened his eyes and looked up. The door looked so much older than it had mere seconds ago; rust creeping up open the metal lattice and the lock looked damaged and dull, like it was so close to giving in._

_Allen swallowed, closed his eyes again and wished it all away. _


	33. And when that lock breaks

**Chapter three – And when that lock breaks**

Consciousness was a lot like sand sifting through fingertips; small grains shifting downwards in a hazy drizzle until Allen couldn't tell what he was dreaming – _hallucinating _– and what was the reality.

Footsteps that pounded out in tandem with the knocking on the ornate door, voices calling his name in a distant echo that spiralled around his head until it became a nonsensical string of vowels, sweat on his face and the palms of his gloveless hands dirty from pressing against rust and decay of aging metal and rotted wood.

"_Allen_," _Neah whispered as he hunched forward in front of the door; back flat against the damp surface and fingers shaking desperately as they tightened over his ears, as if the noise was something that travelled in sound waves and not misfiring synapses in his brain._

"Not real," Allen muttered as his eyes flickered open, catching the briefest glances of white and blue before they rolled back in his head. He shook something terrible. "You're not real."

"_I'm exactly as real as you are," Neah answered, voice a smooth line that seemed to seep through the wood between them. "You're just born of flesh and blood and me of memories and drugs. The only thing different between the two of us, Allen, is that you have this body and I do not." _

_Allen whimpered and pressed his forehead into his knees as Neah tried the handle again. This time, the clicking was softer, like the lock was mellowing beneath his careful touch. Allen tried not to think about what would happen when the lock went the same way as his mind. _

"_But I can fix that, you see, don't you? This body can be _ours _– you're right, Allen. In that respect I'm not like you. I can share, you see? I don't need it all the time. Well, not right now. I'm sure we can come to an arrangement." _

Allen was only distantly aware of shooting up like he'd been shocked, of splitting pain as he dry retched over the side of his mattress. His body might be seizing in a cold room in the middle of god knows where, but Allen himself – his mind and his brain and all the things that counted – were alone in a room with a grand throne, a failing door and the soft whispers of his ever growing fear.

"_It's okay, Allen. You can have your time. I'm in no rush, I can be patient." _

And even through the wood and metal and the shirt on his back, Allen could have sworn he'd felt fingers down his spine.

OoO_oOo_oOo

Planning wasn't what Kanda had thought he'd be doing when he'd confronted Komui. He'd been thinking of blood and violence and of storming through the streets until he found the ones who'd taken Allen – of ripping the NOAH limb from broken limb, of finding something sharp and deadly – but not nearly as beautiful as Mugen, because his baby was shattered shards lying on his bed and when this ordeal was over Kanda was probably going to have to think harder about how that affected him. In the meantime though, it was being hunched over a desk in Komui's office crossing grids off a map with a thick marker while Lavi and Komui talked in hushed voices about smart-people things and Lenalee cycled through surveillance footage at the computer.

(her eyes were red rimmed and her face ashen-pale; it went to show how bad their current situation was that Komui wasn't soothing gentle hands over her shoulders until the shaking in her hands stopped and her fingers no longer chattered loudly against the mouse as she scrolled through street after street.)

This wasn't Kanda's forte. He didn't do grid searches and planning and calling in favours. He did violence and pain and threats. His fingers tightened against the marker and he vehemently dug it into the map as he drew another thick red cross on the paper with a shrill squeak that sounded loudly in the room.

"Oh my god Kanda, can we not deal with your repressed man issues for one minute here?" Lavi burst out as Kanda squeaked another cross – probably a little louder than necessary – against the map.

"What was that?" He growled, throwing the marker down and turning sharply to face him. He was tired and he was angry and he was so, so sick of just doing fuck all. His blood was boiling thick and vapid beneath his skin and he just needed an outlet – he _needed _for Allen to be here because it was the stupid fucking beansprout that talked him down from the highpoints of his temper. It was Allen that called him out on his bullshit when he needed him to and soothed him gently even when Kanda pretended he found it disgusting.

"You know exactly what I said – or are you deaf as well as dumb?"

Kanda's fingers curled into a vicious fist and he was stepping forward in an angry stride before he was really aware of it.

"Stop it!" Lenalee cried, pushing herself out of her chair and catching Kanda's arm to drag him back a step. "This is no time to be fighting!"

"Tell that to the fucking rabbit," Kanda growled as Lavi downright sneered at him and snapped in reply; "I'll 'stop it' if you'd just take the stick out of your ass for two seconds and think of Allen!"

"I am thinking of Allen!" Kanda roared – because he was done, the worry and fear and anger and hatred swarming through his blood right now was too much, too much and he just _couldn't_. "Don't you think I've been fucking thinking of him every god damn day since he stormed into our fucking school with his secrets and his shitty nightmares and his fucking – his fucking _smile _and every fucking thing else? And now he's _out there _and we're in _here_ and anything could be fucking happening and he could be fucking dead or gone and I never got to tell him how fucking mad he drove me? What a useless piece of shit he is?" He kicked the leg of the desk because all these emotions that were flowing through him with no outlet, nowhere to go, and they were going to kill him, he was sure and god fucking damn it – that was _not_ tightness in his face, no fucking prickling in his eyes from the sheer frustration of it all – because Kanda had never felt anything but anger and impatience and vague annoyance before Allen and now he felt so much he could hardly breathe. "Fuck!" He shouted as he kicked the desk again so loudly he heard the splinter of wood. "FUCK!"

The room fell to silence except for the rapid in-and-out of Kanda's breathing and the soft hum of the computer pouring through camera footage. It wasn't enough. The words and the shouting weren't enough. Kanda couldn't just stand here when Allen was gone and alone and waiting for him because he was a useless wimp who couldn't do anything right and Kanda was _afraid _– he was afraid for the first time he could remember. Because Kanda had never allowed himself to care about something enough to be afraid of losing it and then Allen had happened and now Kanda was screwed six fucking ways to Sunday because he couldn't fathom how cold his bed was going to be without him.

He'd gotten attached and he didn't even know it. And not just like with Lavi and Lenalee – emotional compromises Kanda had made because he'd been alone too long to push them away; he'd always known he wasn't meant for solitude somewhere deep down, it'd just been that solitude had sought him out. His friendship with them was like that which he had with his brothers; infallible because he knew it'd always be there no matter how mad they drove each other.

Allen though, Allen was the thing Kanda had never thought he'd be allowed to have. He wasn't happiness or love – because they were both too fucked up for things as simple as that – but he was a body in his bed at night, somebody who saw him at his worst and bitched at him throughout, somebody to have and to hold and however else that fucking nonsense went. Allen was his _normal. _Even with the drugs and the dreams and the conspiracy, Allen was his one chance at this thing he'd heard so much about but never thought could touch him.

And he was fucking gone and Kanda couldn't save him.

(it wasn't enough.)

Through the haze of panic and anger Kanda saw Lavi take a careful step towards him and he instantly stepped backward. It wasn't a retreat, Kanda didn't fucking retreat, but he didn't know what else it could be; just that he didn't want Lavi to touch him. He didn't fucking want _anyone_ to touch him. He just wanted – he wanted to be alone, to get his breathing under control, to stop the tremors skittering down his arms like live wires. "_Don't fucking touch me_," He growled and he could barely recognize the harsh scrape of voice.

"Kanda," Komui said softly somewhere off to his side. "Kanda, I need you to calm down for a minute."

There was the feeling of fingers on his hand and Kanda recoiled like he was six and hiding from the visitors at the orphanage because he didn't need things like _friends _or _family_.

"_I said don't touch me_."

"Kanda, I think you're having a panic attack." Komui's words registered somewhere in the hazy fog of distance in Kanda's head. "Kanda, I need you to just take a deep breath and sit down."

_Panic attack, _he thought, thought and remembered Allen's shivering convulsions, his flights into the rain and his panicked thrashing. He remembered holding him to the bed so he didn't hurt himself and the taste of blood in his mouth when Allen clipped him on the chin.

He took a deep breath, and then another and when a pair of hands steered him towards a chair, he let them.

It took a few moments but when the anger and fear and drenching worry that was slowly saturating his mind and driving him mad dissipated enough, he realized Lenalee was kneeling in front of him running gentle fingers along his arm while her other hand held tightly to his own. Lavi wasn't touching him but was crouched beside Lenalee with a worried pinch between his eyes.

"Fuck you," Kanda said and the pinch between his eyes loosened and he knew they were both forgiven.

"Hey," Lenalee said with a soft smile and a gentle squeeze of his hand. "Welcome back. I guess we're all a bit useless with Allen, hey?"

"Definitely," Lavi said and eased himself back to his feet with a press of his hand against Kanda's knee. Kanda – who had recently exploded at his friends like they'd personally taken Allen from him – magnanimously didn't say anything about it. His smile eased out a bit at the edges and the faint spark of humour that had returned to his eyes darkened again as he looked back down at Kanda. "Yu-chan… What you just told us – okay, screamed at us like a banshee – I think you should probably tell Allen, okay? I know you're kind of emotionally repressed but Allen… Allen is a good thing; and whether you believe it or not, I think it's about time you deserved your good thing."

Kanda thought about saying _'fuck you'_ again, he thought about getting to his feet and stalking back to where Komui was lurking in the corner with an oddly serious look in his eyes as he stared at them, a phone pressed loosely between his shoulder and his ear, cord sagging over his arm in knotted twists. He thought about a dozen things before realizing with a start this was a _moment_. Kanda had never recognized a moment before – he was too angry, too tired, too disillusioned to recognize the signs – but with the shouting and the fighting and Lavi looking down at him like the frustration on Kanda's face was painful for him, he knew it was.

"You find him for me," he said instead, "and I'll tell him."

Lavi's face blanked in surprise for a moment but Kanda just looked at him to let him know he was serious. And then Lavi smiled – a tired wan thing, but a smile – and said: "of course I'll find him for you, Yu-chan. Never doubt me."

And then Komui hung up the phone. "That was Marian," he said and Kanda's blood froze. "He's found the NOAH's hide-out."

oOo_oOo_oOo

_Allen felt the lock on his door break._


End file.
